This is SO not happening!
by Black Kitten's Dream
Summary: Schuldig is send on a mission against his will. A certain Weiss member too. Will they survive the mission... or better will they survive each other? Yaoi
1. Default Chapter

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! #waves shyly#

Schu to Yohji: #bored# Who's that?

Black Kitten: #bounces# Oh, I'm new. I haven't written a fanfiction until now. This is my first.

Schu: #yawns#

Black Kitten: Er... And English's not my first language.

Schu: Hey, this could be fun. #grins#

Black Kitten: #looks confused# Why? I think the readers out there are very tolerant.

Weiss & Schwarz: BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Schu: She's funny! #smirks#

Farfie: Yeah, I like naive people, too. They're easy to catch. #polishes knife#

Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# And… I want to dedicate the story to Ayan. You are the best! #waves like a loony#

Schu: I think I'm getting ill. #stucks finger in mouth and makes retching noises#

Black Kitten: Pardon?

Schu: Face it. This was just slimy. Have you no shame?

Black Kitten: #evil look#

Schu: ... That's scary.

Black Kitten: You think that's scary? Just wait and see. I have sooo many ideas. You will be my main character in countless angst fics, nc-30 rated torture fics, not to forget the DEATHFICS.

Schu: #squeaks#

Yohji: Did I mention that I really like you, my cute little black kitty cat?

Weiss & Schwarz except Schu: #cheer in agreement#

Schu: Cowards! We are eight and she's alone!

All: #shudder and take one step away from Schu#

Schu: But... she doesn't even own us!

Nagi: Poor Schu. He never knows when it's time to just give up and to cover in fear.

All & Black Kitten minus Schu: #nod#

Black Kitten: So, minna-san. Enjoy the first part of hopefully many others while I'm taming SchuSchu. #cracks whip and drags away a screeching Schu#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. Terrible grammar and spelling mistakes because German's still my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Basta.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts _… /_telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 1

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was shocked.

He sat motionlessly at the kitchen table, unable to do anything but stare at the empty chair opposite of him. His mind was overloaded with what Crawford had asked him to do. No, not _asked_. There were no 'Please' or 'Would you be so nice' or 'Maybe by any chance could you'. No 'Take your time and think about it, I know it's not a normal request'

No, Crawford had ordered.

And for the first time in his short adult life Schuldig was stunned into silence.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Nagi entered the kitchen as if he didn't know about Schuldig's dilemma; his smile hardly covered by his hand. After all, he didn't know about this mission at all. Nope, it was pure coincidence that he had overheard the conversation between the two older assassins - carefully hidden behind the corner – and now, it was awfully hard not to giggle in the other's presence. Cautiously, the boy spied out off the corner of his eye at the older man as he passed him on his walk to the freezer.

And it was just as Nagi had thought.

No, it was _much_ better.

Schuldig looked as if he has frozen during the attempt of making a mild protest. His mouth was slightly open, and his right hand hung in mid air.

Nagi tried to maintain his stoic look and not to break into a grin. His eyes were still on Schuldig as he opened the freezer, blindly grabbed the first item he could reach, and turned around again to stroll back to the exit. Distracted as he was, he opened the can he just had grabbed. The following noises of '_pop'_ and hissing made by the carbonic acid escaping the can let him freeze in his motions. They sounded in the silence of the kitchen loud enough that they could wake up a dead man. Well, maybe a dead man, but apparently not Schuldig. The redhead didn't move one inch during this process or gave any indication that he was even aware of his presence.

Nagi sighed in relief and continued on his way out of the kitchen. He didn't want to talk or even argue with the older man about his mission. He just wanted to have some fun and burn this kodak moment into his brain. Schuldig was speechless, and this was something the boy had never witnessed before. Therefore, Nagi dared to observe Schuldig more openly.

_His eyes must be dry like the Sahara_ _by now. He didn't even blink once. This can't be healthy_. Nagi thought in amusement, pressing his lips tightly together in an attempt to suppress the giggle which was about to crawl up his throat.

_Should I dare to snap my fingers in front of Schu's face? Or maybe poke him on his nose? Twist said nose? Paint it red and call him Rudolph from now on? Oh Kami-sama, I bow to you that I could live long enough to witness this_. _I can't wait telling Omi--_ "AHHHHHHH!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

A thump and a cry of pain brought Schuldig out of his dreamlike state. He blinked a few times to focus his eyes, and looked confused down at Nagi who was lying like a helpless bug on his back on the floor... with a can in his hand and covered in liquid.

_What the…? Has Nagi just run straight into the wall?_ Schuldig stared surprised at the boy, and then the smell of beer hit him. Wide-eyed, he looked at the wet spots on the boy's shirt and pants and at the beer can in his hand. _Götter, was the boy DRUNK? _

Countless emotions crossed Schuldig's face as he tried to make sense of the totally unexpected sight of a drunken Nagi, who for his part lay rigidly on the floor, staring up at him as if he was a monster the boy accidentally had woken up from its eternal sleep.

_And what's with this dear-in-the-headlights-look?_

Schuldig came to the conclusion that Nagi must be scared about his reaction. The boy knew their leader disliked such unprofessional behaviour, even Schuldig himself couldn't party all day long and this was sad enough. And the boy's age didn't help in this case, either.

_Okay, I just caught him drunk, and not to forget that he DID run into the wall. Therefore, he has every right to look like Bambi. But I will be cool about it like a big brother. Yo, 'bro! ... On the second thought, this is our chibi and it's just too wrong and it ends now. Basta._

"Chibi, it looks as if you have a problem. A very BIG problem. I know that we are not a model family, with all the murders and manipulations of politicians and our plan to rule the world, but this aside." Schuldig looked strictly into Nagi's owlish eyes before he continued in a warm and brotherly tone.

"Alcohol is NOT the answer. We ARE family and YOUR problems are OUR problems, too. You can talk to me anytime, heck, you can even talk to Brad. He isn't such a cold fish as one may think, but you know that already. I know you highly respect him as our leader, love him like a father. Look, you don't have to worry about his reaction. He's very patient, and open-minded, and ... I mean... he is... Brad is..."

And then, Schuldig remembered his last minutes with Crawford.

"Oh. Mein. Gott."

.-. .-. (flashback) .-. .-.

Crawford sat at the other end of the table and looked calmly back at Schuldig as if the world was still in its normal rotation and wasn't just about to turn direction to create an alternative dimension.

_What the fuck?_ Schuldig couldn't believe what orders Brad just had given him. They were professional assassins, deadly high ranging killers, and this was unacceptable. What was Crawford thinking? Was he out of his mind?

A suspicion rose in Schuldig. _Could it be that Brad's on drugs? Maybe Farfie had been bored again and this time Brad was his victim of choice. _Schuldig smiled at the memory of the last "funny day" four weeks ago. Farfarello had manipulated Nagi's computer signal for incoming mails, and just during a conversation between the team members in the boy's room a message came in.

The result had been a very animated female voice purring '_Yeah! Fuck me harder! Take me, Tiiigerrr! Ohh! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh', _an eye-rolling Crawford, a hysterically laughing Schuldig, an innocently whistling Farfarello, and a fifteen year old boy who was about to faint in utter shame and pure horror. It had taken the youth only ten seconds to remove the mail-voice from his computer, but almost one week to fully recover from the shock. And it took another week for Crawford to convince Nagi that, yes, he was aware of the fact that the boy wasn't such a pervert.

But this had been real fun. Crawford's order to Schuldig was the opposite.

Schuldig tried to look into Brad's pupils whether they are in their normal condition but the damn glasses reflected the kitchen lamp's light. He sighed and shook his head. No way was Farfarello madman enough or suicidal, he knew better than to involve their leader in his 'funny days'.

_Perhaps fever?_ Leaning across the table, Schuldig put his hand on the other man's forehead. A slightly raised eyebrow and an amused glitter in Brad's eyes were the only reaction he got.

_Darn. No fever._ Schuldig was at the point that he huffed in annoyance as he sat back on his chair. It could have been so simple! Put Brad into his bed with a hot water bottle, cover him with three sheets, let him suck on the thermometer for five minutes, give Nagi further orders for babysitting the man, and then he could go out clubbing all night long. But nooo, not a chance. And really, why should it be so easy?

Right now, Schuldig could hear the goddess of fortune cackling at him. Double darn.

Suddenly, another thought hit him. _Mind control?_ _Another telepath?_ _Esset? _He narrowed his eyes in anger and quickly scanned the era. Nothing.

Triple darn.

By now, Schuldig was a little in despair.

_What could it be? Think, Schuldig, think! He is... Brad is... Argh! Think surreal! He... hit... his... HEAD!... No, too surreal. No first of April. Check. Not that Brad would EVER make a prank in his life... The visions are making his brain mushy? Hey, that's it! He is 28, he has the visions for almost 20 years. There MUST be some damage. Bingo!_

Schuldig was pleased with himself. Fondly, he looked at Crawford and raised his hand to make his point. "Brad, I'm sorry, but I think you are about to go to la-la-land. The visions of yours--"

"Give it up, Schu." Crawford sighed and shook his head.

"Demo--"

"Don't. You have no saying in this." Crawford stood up.

"But--"

"Just follow my orders and everyone will be happy." Crawford left.

"Aber…"

.-. .-. (end flashback) .-. .-.

And therefore it was that Schuldig sat there with a blank look on his face, with his hand in midair, and a mild protest on his lips. And Nagi like a drunken bug on the kitchen floor.

And then Schuldig snapped and screamed like a banshee. "I absolutely and totally refuse! Do you hear me, Brad Crawford? NOOO WAAAY!"

At the same time on the other side of Tokyo in the mission room in the basement of a certain flower shop... "SHI-NEEE!"

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Götter (germ.) gods

Oh. Mein. Gott. (germ.) Oh. My. God.

demo (jap.) / aber (germ.) but

shi-ne (jap.) die

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schu: You made me an idiot in this fic!

Black Kitten: ... And?

Farfie: I do 'funny days'?

Black Kitten: Of course, my cutie. You are not an insane, cackling, knife licking lunatic to me. You are clever and sooo funny. #cough#

Nagi: You made me look like a drunk… BUT you paired me up with Omi! I love you!

Black Kitten: My pleasure, cutie.

Yohji: #looks confused# Where was I?

Black Kitten: Er… Oh my, you've got beautiful hair!

Yohji: #blushes and looks shyly#

Black Kitten: Such a cutie.

Ken: Look! I've got a new ball!

Black Kitten: Aw, and so colourful! Have fun, cutie. #pets Ken's head#

Schu: Why is everyone a cutie and I'm an idiot?

Black Kitten: #looks surprised# I thought I've tamed you.

Aya: I have a main role in this fic?

Black Kitten: Yup! And I will pair you up with #beep#!

Aya: Who's beep?

Schu: Idiot.

Aya: #glares#

Schu: #glares back#

Black Kitten: Now, now, children. Let's behave and be nice to each other. You both have still a very long way #cough# together #cough#. And now show the readers what you have learnt in the last minutes. #snaps fingers#

Schu & Aya: #hypnotised# Please, minna-san, review, because this would make Black Kitten very happy.

Brad: #shakes head and walks away mumbling# And I wanted to rule _THIS_ world?

Black Kitten: #looks at Brad's retreating form# Hm, nice #beep#.


	2. Part 2

Black Kitten: #covered in a mess of foul-smelling tomatoes and eggs#

Schu: #nasal# Dadsss disssgusssdingk.

Black Kitten: Do us all a favour… and remove that _idiotic_ clothespin from your nose.

Schu (without it): It's still disgusting... Saaay, I take it from your terrible perfume that the readers didn't like your story. #smirk#

Black Kitten: #clean again and remotes last dust particles# Nope. Sorry to say but THEY LIKED IT!

Schu: What! They liked me as an IDIOT?

Black Kitten: Yup. #acts totally disinterested and inspects her fingernails# There're seven reviews. See for yourself if you don't believe me.

Schu: I don't… This can't… #walks away in search of said reviews#

Black Kitten: #waits a few seconds and then bounces the rest of Schwarz and Weiss like a loony# I've got REVIEWS! I've got SEVEN REVIEWS! Gaaawd… I love you… I love you… I love you… I lo-- #sees returning Schu and stops#

Schu: #in shock to each of Weiss and Schwarz# … There were reviews… There were reviews… There were re--

Brad: #knocks Schu over the head# Act like an idiot and she will write you as an idiot.

Schu: #wails# But the tomatoes and eggs!

Black Kitten: #cringes and mumbles# Erm, those were my other internet friends. They didn't like my statement to Ayan in my intro, about best internet friend and so.

Schu: BWAHAHAHAHA! There IS justice!

Black Kitten: I see… You are _not_ sad about my misery?

Schu: … No?

Black Kitten: Okaaay, on to the story. #evil smirk#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Well, I want to apologise for this part. I've transcribed it three times and I find it terrible. Sorry, don't be too harsh on me. The next one will be better, I promise. And then there's terrible OOCness… and famous last words.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 2

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The day after...

Omi sat in front of his computer and stared at his boyfriend's message. Nagi must have been very upset at the time of writing it because the writing itself wasn't his style. The sentences were too long and commas didn't show up much. He had changed from one topic to another, only to return to the first one four lines later. It was confusing, to put it mildly. He knew Nagi was waiting for his reply, but Omi had no idea what he should write back.

He understood that Nagi has run into a wall because Mastermind had looked funny after receiving a mission order from Oracle. And that Nagi's not only totally mortified about this accident; he also got a swollen cheek and a bruised eye from it. And furthermore, Omi was just a little bit confused about the names Nagi had added in the following sentences. He recognised Mastermind and Oracle by their codenames, but the others were foreign to him.

A certain Schu thinks that Nagi was drunk at this time. A person named Crawford will be furious about it, and now his young lover fears the reaction and perhaps even consequences he will receive from a man called Brad. And when Nagi ran out of the kitchen in embarrassment, he collided with a Farfie.

Omi scratched his head. Maybe his koi has been so distressed that he had let out personal names of his team members; contrary to their secret-relationship-agreement. And this Farfie may be an interesting person, but Omi couldn't put him in as one of Schwarz. Or is he, by any chance, the one who makes the pranks on his team members?

Omi put his head on his left hand and reread the sentences which amazed him the most.

'_... and then Farfie dragged me into his cell and told me to smoke weed! Can you believe this? Because, he said, weed is healthier than alcohol because alcohol kills brain cells and dead brain cells are worse than a simple lung cancer because there is a chemo therapy for cancer but not for brain-dead idiots and if I ever thought about freezing myself and wake up in a hundred years I would be in for a disappointment because our refrigerator isn't good enough for it--'_

A knock on the door and Yohji's voice broke his concentration.

"Oi! Get down, Omi! Birman's here!"

"Hai!" Omi shut the message and decided that he would be able to answer Nagi's letter after a cup of fresh coffee. Now he had to face his own family, and this wasn't easy, either. After Birman's order to Aya the evening before and his vehement disagreeing, the Weiss household was not a cheerful one.

When Omi entered the kitchen, he instantly knew he should have stayed in his room, answering Nagi's message without hesitation. What greeted his "Ohayo!" to the others around the table was deafening silence.

Omi got his coffee and slowly sat down. Carefully glancing, he tried to check the current situation. There was a glaring contest between Birman, Ken, and Aya. All of them with folded arms over their chest. Yohji was the exception; the amusement was written all over his face and he was playing with his wire cheerfully. And the –_zip-_ noise of the deadly watch didn't really help to ease the mood, either.

The atmosphere was icy and Omi didn't like it. They are a team, so they should act like one and discuss their differences without being so immature. It seemed the whole situation was stuck, and Omi decided he should make the first move to bring them back on a verbal level.

"Guys, let us discuss our differences about Aya's discomf--"

"Omi's right. I don't understand you, Aya! If there is a chance to eliminate an evil criminal _I_ would take the mission order _without_ any questions!"

"Ken-kun! I never said that Aya-kun should--"

"And why don't _you_ just take the mission, Hidaka?"

_-zip-_

"Ha! Now _I _am the redhead of Weiss! A miracle has happened!"

"Don't act stupider as you are! You could dye your hair!"

_-zip_ _zip-_ "You know, Aya, there _is_ the problem--"

"Shut up, Kudou!"

"Don't you shut up _my_ Yohji!"

"... with the pubic hair." –_zip-_

"Aya-kun, Ken-kun, please, calm down. We should discu--"

"Why isn't Kudou the one for this mission? No one of us has as much experience in the sex department as him! He would be _perfect_!"

"Are you saying that _my_ Yohji is a _slut_?"

"I don't know. He is _your_ boyfriend, Hidaka. But from your idiotic grinning every morning I guess that his skills are--"

_-zip_ _zip zip zip-_

"_Guuuuuuuuuuuys!_"

"You're just jealous of Yohji and me! This is _so_ _sad_, Aya. You and your non-existing sex life!"

"Perverts!"

"Frigid!"

_-ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip-_

"STOP THIS RIGHT NOW! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! Siberian, Abyssinian, sit down, both of you!"

"But he--"

"I said SIT DOWN, Siberian! Balinese, stop this ridiculous noise and put away your wire. And YOU, Abyssinian, will take the mission order WITHOUT any further discussions! IS THAT CLEAR?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya stared like the rest of Weiss at the red faced Birman, slowly closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to calm down. He had promised himself this morning that he would discuss this without losing his temper. And now, all of it went wrong. He had insulted Ken and Yohji instead of making a good point for his reasons for turning down the mission. He wasn't prude, but this order was just too much, and Birman acted as if he had no choice. Perhaps this fact disturbed him the most.

Opening his eyes again, Aya looked first at Ken and then at Yohji. "I said things I shouldn't have. It isn't really my place to judge your lives. Gomen nasai."

Ken nodded his head to show that he accepted the peace offer, but his angry look was still there. Yohji just watched him carefully as if he was waiting for the great point.

Satisfied, Aya turned to Birman and looked sternly into her eyes.

"However, I will not _prostitute_ myself."

"I said _eliminate_ the target, not _sleep_ with him!" Birman shot back.

"Oh, let me refresh your memories," Aya hissed angrily, stood up, took a stance with his hands on his hips, and began to imitate her voice in a manner only a man with a normally deep voice could produce. The result was... scary.

"Go _undercover_ into the _well guarded_ domicile of the target, who has 'Surprise!' a taste for young male redheads, _charm_ him as one of his _playthings_, and _then_ eliminate him."

Now, all of them were staring at him, speechless about his performance. Aya ignored his gawking team members and bent over the table towards Birman. "And what, oh great Birman, did I get wrong about the order?"

First, the young woman had looked baffled at the parody of her own person. Now, her face was twisted in anger. Slowly, she reached into her bag and took out a cell phone. She dialled, waited a few seconds, and then spoke in a grave voice to the unknown person on the other line.

"The _stupid_ red deer bells by midnight... No _mercy_ for the _squirrel_... Over and out."

Aya blinked at her cryptic message and watched irritated as she closed the phone with a flick of her hand.

"Abyssinian," Birman regarded him icily. "Your mission starts NOW."

Aya could only stare at her and then, after a few seconds, narrowed his eyes, raised the head, and folded his arms.

"Make me."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"... The squirrel is dancing around the nut... Hmmm... Over and Out." The leader of Schwarz disconnected the phone line and made eye contact with Berserker.

Farfarello knew instantly that the mission had started because the code had been his own idea. The young Irishman nodded once, turned his eye back to the youngest team member and continued to watch him in amusement. He had had a great time yesterday, thanks to the boy. Nagi had been so shocked after the wall and beer incident that Farfarello could easily manipulate him for one of his pranks. He had needed only five minutes to talk the boy into total confusion, and it had been fun to watch the young one's eyes getting bigger and bigger while he gave the boy a _serious_ advice. Well, now, sitting at the kitchen table, Nagi looked utterly exhausted as if he had had a totally sleepless night. Aw, poor thing.

In the meantime, Crawford observed the remaining two members of the Schwarz household thoughtfully. Nagi and Schuldig hadn't moved one ear during his telephone call. They didn't show any interest in their surroundings. The boy seemed to be in deep thoughts and was poking at his breakfast unenthusiastically. Schuldig just stared at his full plate with tired eyes, absent-mindedly biting his lips.

Crawford kicked Farfarello under the table to catch his attention and pointed with his head at Nagi while throwing the young Irishman a look that said: _Don't you think you went too far with him?_

Farfarello just grinned back in reply and pointed with his head at the depressed looking German: _Heh, look who's speaking._

A sudden bang startled both assassins out off their silent conversation.

Nagi stood, both hands firmly planted on the table, and glared at Farfarello. "I hate you, just that you know it!"

Farfarello widened his eye innocently and put his right hand on his chest as if to say: Who? Me?

"It's _your_ fault that I wrote this stupid letter to Om--... my boy--... koi... ARGH!" Nagi threw his arms in the air, sat down again, covered his face with his hands, and started to whimper. "He will think I'm an _idiot_!"

Suddenly, Schuldig snapped out of his thoughts, jumped up from his chair, and declared vehemently "And I'm not a whore!"

In the following silence Nagi gaped, Crawford blinked, and Farfarello chocked on his coffee.

Ignoring their reactions, Schuldig narrowed his eyes at his leader. "I will _not_ go on a mission that contains a _certain_ secret nightclub for _certain_ people with _certain_ taste. And I give a shit about the target and his _certain_ taste for redheads. Send another one!"

"And who would you send on this mission if you were in my position, hm?" Crawford asked the young man calmly.

Frowning, Schuldig eyed his team members. There was an innocent teenager. Well, maybe not so innocent anymore but still a teenager. A funny berserker with psychotic tendencies, and a leader with 'seme' tattooed on his forehead. Not many choices, it certainly didn't look good for him.

Schuldig held his head high when he informed Crawford about his final decision.

"No."

Crawford arched one eye brow. "No?"

Schuldig shook his head.

Crawford stood up.

Nagi looked nervously and Farfarello cheered.

Schuldig took one step back, hesitated, and then folded his arms self-confidently.

"Make me."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford had shown sympathy for the desperate young man and had ended Schuldig's misery by dragging him with Farfarello's help into the car to drive him to his destination; to the well hidden nightclub in the woods outside of Tokyo.

The drive was quiet apart from German curses and later begging. Farfarello was sitting on Schuldig's lap and had his fun pushing the German back into his seat every time he tried to flee. On the last mile, Schuldig couldn't fight anymore and gave in into his fate. He sat defeated on the backseat with gloomy eyes and gnawed on his lower lip. Farfarello was petting his head from time to time in comfort and smiled amused as he watched the unhappy man. _Schu, you have no idea what's awaiting you._

Surprisingly, Crawford seemed to be troubled as he watched Schuldig many times carefully over the driving mirror. He had been greatly amused about Schuldig's paranoia, and the young German had been almost cute in his attempts to talk him out of this mission. But now, Crawford wasn't so sure about it anymore. Maybe he should inform Schuldig about those _certain_ details.

When they finally arrived, Crawford wanted to calm the young man's nerves by telling him more about the mission, but Schuldig didn't seem to hear him; he even looked blankly through him while Crawford tried to explain the situation.

"I'm sorry, Schu. But you have to believe me, it isn't _that_ bad. I would never--" Crawford wasn't able to continue due to the fact that he was being rudely pushed away by a short, high screeching and feminine looking man who started to mince around the German.

"Oh my god! Where did you find such a _beauty_? Those _eyes_! And those _hair_! What a _creature_! So _exotic_! He is _perrrfect_!"

The two Schwarz assassins could only watch in stunned silence as the gnome dragged a traumatised Schuldig into the house, screeching the entire way about beauty and hair until a closed iron door shut out the voice mercifully.

They stood there for five minutes and stared at the point where their team member and the thing had vanished. Slowly, Farfarello turned amazed to Crawford.

"Did you know about...?"

"No."

They got into the car without daring to look at each other, and drove back home in absolute silence.

After two miles a car approached them from the other direction. Farfarello looked disinterested at the passengers as the car passed them. What he saw was an angry looking Siberian as the driver, behind him appeared a laughing Balinese who was sitting on the lap of a furious Abyssinian.

Farfarello smirked and shut his eye.

It looks as if Weiss are having fun, too.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: #comes out of the love-torture-Schu-chamber with tousled hair and scratches on her face# Oi... that was... _phweeeee._

Aya: #looks suspicious at chamber# Hn?

Black Kitten: Oh, that's just my lo--... tort--... chamber.

Aya: Lo-tort-chamber? #enters to investigate#

Black Kitten: Weee! Now I have two bishies in there! #runs after Aya#

Yohji: Oi! Black Kitten! Wait!

Black Kitten: #stops in her tracks#

Yohji: Have you seen Aya? I can't find him.

Black Kitten: #points to chamber#

Yohji: #enters#

Black Kitten: #amazed to the readers# Can you _believe_ this? They are _assassins_! #giggles and hops like Little Red Riding Hood after the trapped bishies#

Farfie: Hey, Kitty-Cat. What's up?

Black Kitten: # stops again and turns to Farfie with a huge smile# Oh, my, this is going to be a wild session. #louder# Just my lo-tort-chamber over there.

Farfie: #points to the door next to it# Can't be more fun than _my_ chamber. Dark Schneider is waiting.

Black Kitten: OO #runs excited into Farfie's chamber#

Farfie: #smirks to readers# Can you believe this? She is the _authoress_! #cackles and hops like... #cough# Little Red Riding Hood #cough#... after said authoress#

Omi, Nagi, & Brad: #cheer# Go, Farfie! Go!

Behind door no. 1: #censored#

Behind door no. 2: #censored# #censored# #censored# #censored# #censored# #censored# #censored#

3 hours later…

Black Kitten: #comes rumpled out again# Whew, reviews. #waves **Pandora.81**# Hi! You have no idea how I acted as I received the first review…

Brad: #mumbles# Image a monkey with rabies on LSD and trust me, that's _nothing_ compared to her.

Black Kitten: ... and that it was from you made me sooo happy! I just love your fics!

Schu: Oh, was this the reader who called me cute and titled me with '–chan'? I love her!

Brad: #whispers to Black Kitten# I take it he didn't really _read_ the reviews.

Black Kitten: #whispers back# Either that or he has an acute case of repression.

Aya: #dryly# He's just an idiot.

Schu: Oi! Why you are all so mean to… wait… #wolfish grinning at Black Kitten# Did you just make the _same_ mistake with Pandora.81 as with Ayan? BWAHAHA! The other authors won't like it! You will be covered in stinking eggs and tomatoes forever!

Black Kitten: **Mariya-chan**, **Chi-chan**, I would LIKE to tell you about ALL those HORRIBLE things that will happen to carrot-head over there. I have many, MANY ideas for our SchuSchu. #evil look at Schu#

Schu: … Meep?

Black Kitten: And **Thiliaen**, I like this pairing too, but I can change it #glare to Schu# ANYTIME to Takatori x Schu.

Schu: MEEP!

Black Kitten: **Xellas**, about my pen name, one day I see Schwarz as little black kittens who are dreaming their adventures. The other day I see myself as Schwarz's little kitten who's dreaming all their adventures. The next day... hm... what an interesting idea for a new story...

Schu: #shudders# First, she's all philosophy, and now she has new ideas. #whispers to **Ihni**# You have no idea how right you are. She is sooo mean... to me... and she should burn Burn BURN!

Black Kitten: #babbles on# ... but, dear **Xellas**, I didn't get your comment about my name and "Alice in Wonderland". #scratches head# Was there a dreaming black kitten?

Schu: #scolds in German# HA! Trottel! Armleuchter! Kulturbanause! (Ha! Idiot! Twit/Dope! Philistine!)

Yohji: #amazed# He IS an idiot!

Aya: #bored# And what's new?

Schu: Hinterwäldlerin mit einem IQ von einem Plastiksackerl!… (Yokel/Hick who's got an IQ of a little plastic bag!)

Brad: Schu! Stop it! #to **Chi-chan**# She's from Austria. #back to Schu# She can understa--!

Black Kitten: #eyes bulging and face deep red# WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Schu: … Oh Kami-sama… I forgot.

Weiss & Schwarz minus Schu: #run for their life#

Black Kitten: Now we're alone, only the two of us. Isn't this NICE?

Schu: #gulp#

Black Kitten: It's almost as nice as the review I've got from **Skrya**, who was sooo kind to tell me that my typos are easily forgiven.

Schu: #mumbles# I get it.

Black Kitten: Because I'm NOT a NATIVE speaker.

Schu: I GOT IT!

Black Kitten: #looks sternly at Schu# What are you waiting for? You know where the love... torture... erm … chamber is? Avanti!

Schu: #walks to chamber in resignation#

Black Kitten: #evil grin to the readers# And he calls himself Mastermind. He is sooo easily to manipulate. BWAHAHAHAHA! Wait for me SchuSchu! I'm _coooomiiiing_!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.


	3. Part 3

Black Kitten: #weeps#

Farfie: #sharpens knife# What's wrong?

Black Kitten: #sniff# One reviewer didn't like my intros and endings. #sniff#

Farfie: #stops sharpening# Who?

Black Kitten: #points at Ohayou#

Farfie: #drags Ohayou to the lo-tort-chamber no. 2#

Black Kitten: #blinks#… Erm… poor thing. Anyways, he/she should have just waited for this chapter, because… #totally happy#… I've got sooo many reviews! Thank you all! And therefore, I can't answer all those lovely reviewers in my personal style anymore because that would make the length of an own fic. Hm, interesting idea.

Schu: You're just too friendly for this world.

Black Kitten: #looks suspiciously at Schu then nods# Riiight. So, I want to thank and hug and give Schu and Aya plushies to **Chi-chan** (Danke! The screeching gnome? #looks down# Poor thing. #smirks#) **Thiliaen** (omg…Breathe! BREATHE!) **Pandora.81** (Wai! Really? S. 2! #totally happy#) **KyraEnsui** (Sorry, today only Farfie's lo-tort. #points above and shudders#) **Cookie6** (#points down# Thank you and I hope u like this chappie too!) **Xellas** (I'm really a dope/twit, am I? #sniff#) **Mariya-Chan** (Danke! #cuddles#) **chahiya** (#amazed# Thanks!) **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar** (Hey! Let go of MY SchuSchu!... Okay, let's share. XD) **silvertears** (Oh, you already have plushies? #thinks#… Do you want a key to my lo-tort-chamber instead of my plushies?)

Schu: You finished?

Black Kitten: No, because look! You can stick the plushies in this way and then they're making #censored#! Isn't this great?

Schu: #stares at plushies# … And what's with **Ohayou**?

Black Kitten: Oh, I would like to thank and give plushies to him/her for his/her constructive criticism, but he/she is occupied. #screams coming out of Farfi's chamber# Well, maybe later.

Schu: I see, but why are the other reviewers looking so angry and holding up signs? #reads signs: _We_ _want keys too!… I have already plushies! Give me the key!... No! Give it to me, or else! _and looks eyebrow-raising back at Black Kitten# Real smooth.

Black Kitten: #gulp# Oh my… I will… think about something. #holds key to her chest and runs away in panic#

Reviewers: #stampede after authoress#

Schu: #smirks# One point for me. On to the story.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Well, and then there's this and that and terrible OOCness. And humour, yeah, I think there's humour in it. And about the ending, it's really not as bad as someone may think. It's still humour. #nods#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah"… _thoughts… /telepath/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 3

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Two hours later, Schuldig had a déjà-vu.

He was shocked again.

After the little she-man had dragged him into the estate and the huge iron door had shut him out from the outside world, Schuldig knew that Crawford and all those other evil, EVIL men around the world had won.

The little man had dragged him through a labyrinth of corridors to a changing room where two other men were already waiting for them eagerly. The little man had screeched an order, and the two men had screeched back in response. When the gnome finally had left, the two men had started to clap their hands excitedly and Schuldig had decided that it would be far better for him to just stay in his traumatic state. He had shut himself down and had experienced the next two hours as if they were nothing but dream.

And now, two hours later, he stood motionlessly in front of the mirror, unable to do anything but stare open-mouthed at his reflection. The only thought he could mange was _Crawford, you are SO dead_.

Schuldig had fantasized in his panic about cuffs, chains, whips, needles, and hot wax. An ordinary S&M club for ordinary people. But never in his life had he thought of this.

Now, there was a collar around his neck, but that wasn't really so bad. It was a smooth one, with a nice, shiny, green coloured precious stone in the middle. It matched his eyes perfectly, and it looked definitely good on him. Thus, there was no protest coming from Schuldig's side.

The clothes weren't so bad, either. There was a short, sleeveless jacket which ended a palm above his bellybutton. Though there were no buttons, it only showed parts of his chest. The trousers were in the same material as the jacket, soft and silken, and the thin material hung low on his hips and floated down his legs in a pleasant way. And the leather slippers were really comfortable. All in all, he looked surprisingly decent, and this was certainly an agreeable surprise for him. It didn't match his panic about the perversions he had thought would await him behind the walls of the old temple the target had occupied for his spare-time activities. No, not at all.

But, if Schuldig would spread his legs, he could see a fleecy orange coloured cat tail hanging from his rump-bone down to his ankles. The tail went through the trousers and was fixed on his underwear.

Well, this was quite different from his expectations about a _certain_ taste of the target. So, it could have been worse, couldn't it?

It was.

Because, what really triggered Schuldig's second shock in only one day was on his head.

Two fluffy, orange coloured cat ears.

And they were not only stuck up on his head.

They were also welded together with his hair.

And could only be removed by cutting out.

And this means holes.

And Schuldig whished back the cuffs and chains and needles and Crawford covered in hot wax.

_Brad, you are sooo dead._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Miles away, Crawford sneezed like a loony.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig tugged on his cat ears. He just couldn't believe it. _Gott, this is ridiculous. I look like an overly grown cat!_

He was startled out of his shock when the little man from before rushed wailing to him to wave away his probing hands from the cat ears. Thanks to the size, his head only got to Schuldig's chest, so the man had to stretch to reach the offending hands. Schuldig watched him bewildered. _Wow, he really looks like a gnome._

"Don't _touch_ them! You will _ruin_ the whole work! Ah, you look _great_, Neko-chan!"

Schuldig blinked. _Neko-chan?_ _This is too much!_

"Look you little… What happened to your eye?" Schuldig let go of the cat ears, and stared at the colourful era of the man's swollen left eye. He knew the man hadn't had a black eye two hours ago.

"Oh, dear, you have no idea!" the man started to wail in pure misery, "I've got a new delivery shortly after your arriving, and he is sooo mean! A _brute_! I only touched him _once _and now look at me! It's awful! I'm _disfigured_!"

Schuldig's lips widened into a grin. He already liked this new arrival.

"But I will make _sure_ that this _monster_ will _never_ have a chance against _you_!"

Puzzled, Schuldig interrupted his speech. "What do you mean?"

The little man looked back in slight confusion. "Don't you know? You have a competitor! Kurogawa-sama likes to choose, and I can proudly say that I even managed to find two beauties in such a short time."

_A competitor?_ Schuldig was fuming. Nobody will get into his way to eliminate his target. Irritated by the news, he grabbed the babbling man by the shoulders and shoved him out of the room.

"Show me this guy. I want to see my rival with my own eyes." _Oh, and then I will twist his mind so that he thinks he really is a cat. _Schuldig sniggered in anticipation. He could already see his rival hissing and scratching at the target, and then cleaning his imaginary fur.

However, when they walked through the corridors, Schuldig learnt that he wasn't the only 'animal'. The young men which passed their way had similar outfits, but instead of other cats they passed a mouse, a horse, a peacock, and… _A cow?_ Schuldig looked down at the young man in amazement_. With an udder? _He gazed at the passing cow-guy with some sympathy, and came to the decision that maybe it wasn't so bad that he was the cat.

The anticipation to meet his counterpart grew and Schuldig started to smirk in excitement. _Let's see what an animal my rival is._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya stared in shock at his reflection in the mirror. He just couldn't believe it. This was not acceptable. It was absurd, ridiculous, and just humiliating.

_Birman, I swear, if I ever get my hands on you, you're dead! You hear me? DEAD!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"God bless you." Miles away, Crawford passed Birman a handkerchief.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Just when Aya reached up to tug in utter disbelief on his little fluffy bunny ears, a loud voice startled him out of his furious thoughts.

"HAHAHAHA!"

Angry, he whirled around, ready to murder the person who had the nerve to laugh at his misery… and stared wide-eyed at the man who was leaning against the doorframe, pointing at him while laughing hysterically for all it was worth.

"Schwarz!" Aya hissed and took a fighting stance.

"HAHAHA!… Wei--… We--… HAHAHAHA!" Schuldig held his stomach and slipped down the wall, unable to make a normal sentence.

Aya's mind was racing in search of a strategy to fight against one of his archenemies. Frantically, he searched the room for useable weapons.

"HAHAHA!"... /_Take the brush!_/... "HAHAHA!" Tears were running down Schuldig's face as he imagined Aya as a bunny assassin, armed with a hairbrush and throwing little cotton balls at him.

"Stay out of my mind, Schwarz!" Aya snarled furiously. _How dare this man mocking me? And what is Mastermind doing now?_ Perplexed, he stared down at Schuldig who was already on the floor and started to crawl on all fours towards him, still shaking from laughter.

"Oh, you know each other?" the little man chirped in false delight as he watched his crawling Neko-chan curiously. _Who are those creeps? Now I've got a brute who apparently hears voices in his head, and a hysterically laughing... madman? Kurogawa will not be pleased!_

Schuldig crawled the last meters, got up on his knees beside the Weiss member, and began to nudge Aya's bunny tail up and down cheerfully.

Aya gaped at the sniggering assassin before he hastily stepped out of the German's reach. "What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind? Prepare yourself!"

Wiping away his tears, Schuldig stood up and smirked provocatively back. "And for _what_ should I prepare myself, hm?"

"To di--!" Aya trailed off and eyed the third person in the room. And the third person looked back at him, clearly waiting for his answer. Aya frowned. _Kisama!_ _I can't kill Mastermind. Not in front of a witness._ He watched as the little man sighed and then seemed to have an idea. The man began to rub his hands together.

"Well, I think we should introduce ourselves. My _lovely_ name is Akio. For _you_, my beauties, it's Akio_-chan._"

"Oh, of _course, w_here are my manners," Schuldig replied with a scandalized look. "_My_ name is Schuldig. And for _you_, my little gno--… guy, it's _Master._"

Akio blinked. _Master?_ _Was this just an invitation for sex, or was it an insult?_ Slowly and a little unsure, Akio turned to the other redhead to get his name.

Aya's eyes narrowed. He would never give away his own name!

_/In this case, maybe we should call you snuggle bunny./_

"WHAT?"

_/Or honey bunny?/_

"Don't you dare call me honey bunny!"

Akio stared at the brute in amazement. _I've got a loony!_ Absent-mindedly, he tried to continue the conversation. "Oh, honey bunny, what a lovely nickname."

Hissing, Aya whirled with a killing glance to Akio. "You little bug! If you call me _one_ more time with this ridiculous name, I will crush you under my sole!"

_/Maybe--/_

"NO! My name is Aya! Do you hear me? Fujimiya AYA!"

Schuldig stared amazed at Aya while the younger man stared back at him in utter shock.

"Lovely… really… Such a nice name." Akio's eyes darted between the both men. _Oh Kami-sama, what should I do? Kurogawa is going to kill me!_ "I… must go! I will ask Kurogawa-sama if he's ready for... you two." _OhgodOhgodOhgodOhgod!_

Schuldig watched as Akio dashed out of the room with a frantic look on his face before he turned back to Aya. "He really is a little bug, you know? Gott, don't look at me like this. I already knew your name, _Ran_."

_Even Ran?_ _How did Mastermind--?_

Schuldig managed to look surprised_. /Oh my god! Could it be… Gasp! TELEPATHY?/_

_Argh! Arrogant bastard! But why did he--?_

"Duh, I can, at any time, erase my presence from his mind."

Aya didn't know if he should explode in anger or in shame. Schuldig had manipulated him like a puppet on the strings, and he had fallen into the telepath's trap without a second thought. And now, he not only had given away his name to the enemy, but also in front of a witness!

Schuldig smirked and waved off. "No, really, you did the most of the job."

_Great, and now he's mocking me again._ _But why is Schuldig--?_

"Hey, that one's a good question…" Schuldig trailed off thoughtfully. Crawford would have warned him if there was any danger for him on this mission. So, what was Weiss doing here at all? Puzzled by the situation, Schuldig focused his power and searched through Aya's mind but didn't get far because he found something utterly interesting.

In the meantime, Aya was about to strangle the telepath with his bare hands. "Could you, at least, let me _finish_ my thoughts? And what are you doing now? Hey! You cannot space out while I'm talking to you!"

Schuldig focused again on the outside world and gaped at Aya until the Weiss member lost his patience. "What!"

"You're still a _virgin_?"

"NANI?"

"I cannot believe it." Astonished, Schuldig shook his head. "How is this possible? I mean, look at you. I wouldn't throw such a sexy… bunny… out of my bed."

"…" Aya was at a loss of words because his brain decided to shut down in humiliation.

"A VIRGIN?" Akio stood gawking in the doorway, gripping the doorframe for balance. _This can't be happening. Now I've got a crazy, brutal VIRGIN! It's getting worse and worse by any minute! Kurogawa will not only kill me, he will torture me to death!_

The two assassins turned to the source of the hysterical outburst. Schuldig just nodded in response, apparently still in a daze. Aya closed his eyes and counted up to ten. Now he was calm again and could handle the situation. However, when he opened his eyes again he could still see Akio gawking at him as if he was a curiosity.

"Stop looking at me as if I'm a freak!" Aya shouted, his good intentions completely forgotten.

_/You know, Aya, a virgin at twenty?/_

"Stay out of my mind, you German bastard!"

_/Autsch./_

Gritting his teeth, Aya turned back to Akio. He would show this man once and for all who really was a freak here. Self-assured, he pointed at Mastermind.

"He's a _telepath_."

It was so silent in the room that one could hear the noises from the mating dance of a lonely cricket in the endless dessert of Nairobi.

"He is a… _right."_ Akio knew he should just shut his mouth. Never irritate a lunatic, an old wisdom says. And he would stick to it.

"But… Schuldig, show him!" Aya ordered furiously, but the German just looked back at him in silent wonder. Whimpering, Aya buried his face in his hands. _I did it again! I'm acting like a complete idiot! What's wrong with me? _

"_Of course_ he's a telepath!" Akio chirped in despair. _It's now or never. Please, Kami-sama, I beg you, let me succeed!_

"And now it's time for our… _telepath_ and the luna--… _bunny_ to meet our Kurogama-sama!"

At the target's name, both assassins automatically got into mission mode. They really had the same target, the same mission. They narrowed their eyes and watched each other carefully. Who would make the first move?

"Er… So, it's _time_!" Akio cheered falsely while watching them nervously. "Okay, I will go first… I'm _going_ now!… Well, just… follow me." _OhgodOhgodOhgod._ _Please, let me survive this. _Akio rushed out of the room.

The two men eyed each other for a few more seconds, and then Schuldig took his chance and sprinted after Akio. He only got a few meters before a sharp tug pulled him back.

Behind him stood Aya, holding his cat tail firmly in one hand. "You will _not_ interfere with _my_ mission, Schuldig."

Irritated, Schuldig pulled back his tail. "_Your_ mission? Ha! Just try it!"

"Oh, we will see who's the right one for this," Aya spat.

"Of course, my little bunny _virgin,_" Schuldig spat back.

They walked after Akio; nudging and pushing each other the whole way.

Akio turned and observed the two bickering men walking behind him. He had a plan. No, in fact he had two plans. And one of them will turn out well and will save his life. When they finally arrived in front of the door to Kurogawa's room, Akio took a deep breath. _Okay, time for plan no. 1._

"Now, let's meet Kurogawa-sama." Akio laid his hand on the door handle, waited a little for better dramatic, and then played out his first joker. "By the way, Kurogawa-sama's nickname is… Inkei Kyodai."

And Akio waited for a response. And waited. And waited. And then turned around to the bunny and the cat.

Both young men were goggling at him with eyes as big as saucers.

"WAS?" "NANI?"

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Autsch (ger.) Ouch

Inkei Kyodai (jap.) huge cock (#looks at rating# Phew, it's already R)

Was (ger.)/Nani (jap.) What

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: #holds plushies and knocks on Farfie's chamber# Are you both finished in there?

**Ohayou** & Farfie: #at the same time# YES/NO!

Black Kitten: … Okay… I will leave **Ohayou's** plushies by the door. Have fun, you two. #walks away head shaking # Young people nowadays, tsk.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.


	4. Part 4

Black Kitten: I had a writer block... I HAD A WRITER BLOCK!

Schu: After _THREE_ chapters? #rofl#

Black Kitten: It wasn't my fault! I was being _forced_ to write a lemon for a b-day and that got me _totally_ confused!

Schu: Someone _forced_ you? You _know_ that this person's reading the intro, too? #evil grin#

Black Kitten: #gulp#... Er… Did I already mention that I'm progressing? I put the answers for the reviews at the end of the chapter! Therefore, my intros aren't this long anymore! #proud#

Schu: #bored# We're already at line no. 8.

Black Kitten: But--!

Schu: Ten.

Black Kitten: I--!

Schu: Twelve.

Black Kitten: #runs crying away#

Schu: Score! #smirks# On to the story.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live... Well, again terrible OOCness… Character death (three guesses) ... and #dun dun dun# a kiss!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts… /telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 4

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Akio watched the bunny and the cat full of hope. On the outside, he showed pure understanding for their _sad_ situation. Inside, he was cheering about his fool-proved plan. He just knew they weren't professionals; he would bet his mother's left leg on it. And the chances that they would now retreat were big, thanks to his made-up nickname of Kurogawa. Akio congratulated himself. He was a genius!

Schuldig and Aya were only a few steps away from their target. Speechless, they stood side by side, facing the closed door; each of them in their own little world.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Inkei_ _Kyodai_… _What perverted persons call themselves Huge Cock?!_

Aya was biting the inside of his cheek as he stared like his Schwarz counterpart at the closed door. Kurogawa's perverted nickname hadn't really eased his misery about this mission. But he knew, the earlier he finished this, the faster he was back to his so-called normal life as a flower selling assassin.

The idea that he could work together with Mastermind was tempting. The odds were high that the Schwarz member had more experience in facing and handling perverts than Aya himself.

Carefully, he glanced out of the corner of his eye at the other redhead. Though Schuldig had a puzzled look on his face and was nipping thoughtfully on his lower lip, he didn't seem to be in shock anymore.

A motion caught Aya's eyes. Schuldig was still holding his cat tail after he had snatched it back from him again. And now, the German was gripping the orange furry tail with his left hand while absently stroking it slowly through his right one. Aya eyed the gesture closer.

_He's stroking it as if he's... Oi... _

Stunned, Aya snapped his head back and stared at the door as if it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen. He knew he was blushing heavily and prayed that Schuldig hadn't caught this special thought. Aya suffered through five agonizingly long seconds before he could finally sigh in relief. Schuldig was apparently in his own little world; his unconsciously ongoing handling of the cat tail was the best proof for it.

With increasing heartbeat, Aya peeked shyly back at Schuldig's hands. _That really looks as if he's... Oh Kami-sama._

Despite the heat on his face and the alarming speed of his heart, Aya took a deep breath and straightened up in determination. He was the leader of Weiss; he won't let himself distract with such uncalled thoughts about an enemy. It was time to get a grip on the situation again. And surely, Schuldig was already thinking the whole time about a strategy to kill the target without touching him.

Aware of Akio's presence, Aya tried to focus his thoughts to communicate with Schuldig in the telepath's way.

_/Schuldig. Can you hear me?/_

Five seconds later, Aya really felt like a loony, because the mind reader didn't react to his mental approach at all. The German was so deeply in thoughts that he didn't even missed one of those strokes. Tearing his eyes away from the distracting gesture, Aya clenched his teeth and concentrated again. He didn't like to be ignored, so this time his thought came a little louder and with more force.

_/HEY!/_

The mental shout let Schuldig freeze in his motion and snapped him out of his musings rather abruptly. Dazed and confused, he blinked frowning at Aya. _/I'm not deaf, you know? In fact, I'm very sensitive./_

Rolling his eyes, Aya waved vaguely in the direction of the target to avoid getting Akio's unwanted attention. _/Did you come to a result already, Mastermind?/_

_/Hm? No. I've tried every possibilities but I can't think of something that would fit in completely. It's still a miracle to me./_

_/A miracle? I would rather say it's utterly disturbing./_

_/Yes, that too. It's just that I can't figure out why someone like you would bring himself into such a situation by his own free will./_

_/Oh, I can tell you that it wasn't my own free will. They forced me into this./_

_/What! You are joking!/_

_/No, it's true! Bombay_ _was the only one who showed sympathy for me!/_

_/... That's not cruel, it's inhuman!/_

_/Yes, it is. And I think we should bring this ridiculous situation to an end. Let's make it together./_

_/... You are asking me?/_

_/Why not? I have reached the point where I would do everything; even asking the enemy./_

_/Wow./_

_/Che, yes, and I wished it was already over. So, how will we do it?/_

_/Aya, I'm honoured, but you shouldn't rush it like this. That's not good./_

_/Why?/_

_/It's understandable that you are... desperate. And I would love to help you out of your misery, but we should take it slow in the beginning./_

_/…/_

_/You have already waited so long anyway./_

_/…/_

_/After all, it should be something special./_

_/What. Are. You. Talking. About?/_

_/About you and me and your first time./_

_/Are you crazy? I was talking about the mission!/_

_/... The whole time?/_

_/OF COURSE!/_

_/... Oops./_

_Oops?_

"OOPS?" Aya repeated loudly in incredulity. "Have you lost your _mind_, Schuldig?" And then, Aya threw back his head, arms spread widely. "Oh tell me, Kami-sama! Is this a bad joke? Have you cursed that mission by sending this idiot to me?"

_/Aya, stop! The witness!... Hey! I'm not an idiot!/_

"Witness..." Hissing in rage, Aya glared at Akio with murder in his eyes before whirling around and beating against the wall in frustration.

"Nnnnnggggggg. Kami-sama, let me out of this, please, please, please."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Akio was not dumb. He had listened carefully to every word the crazy bunny-brute had spoken and watched him closely as he was beating his fists repeatedly against the wall while begging to someone only he could hear. And furthermore, Akio was good in arithmetic and he could combine. And the result topped it all, because Mission plus Witness plus Kami-sama could only mean one thing. The bunny was a crazy neo-religious cult follower on a holy mission. A mission involving Kurogawa.

Thoughtfully, Akio rubbed his chin. Maybe this wasn't so bad anymore. Could it be that this was a wink from destiny? An evil glimmer came into his eyes. It certainly looked as if it was the ideal time to move his position a little higher. Nobody would suspect him. There were two perfect perpetrators, and one of them even a complete loony who was now whirling around, snarling something about "_Will make it alone!"_ and was reaching for the door handle to enter the yakuza's room--

"NOOOOOOOO!" Akio shouted on the top of his lungs. "You can't go in there!"

"And why the hell not?" Aya yelled back in rage. He was losing his patience rapidly and was on the edge to strangle everyone who had the nerve to hinder him any further.

_/You look like a psychotic bunny right now, Aya./_

_/Shut up, Schuldig./_

_/Calm down. It was a misunderstanding. I couldn't have known that we weren't musing over the same thing./_

_/I don't understand you! We're on a MISSION_ _involving a PERVERT and you are thinking about... ME!/_

_/Gott, Aya. He may be an Inkei Kyodai but you are a VIRGIN! Three guesses what's more interesting for me. And you could have been a little bit exacter in your questions, you know?/_

_/What? Now it's my fault?/_

_/You were blushing when you started the conversation with me! Just like now!/_

_/… That's because you're a HENTAI! Me sleeping with you, that's... absurd!/_

_/Yeah? Not good enough for you? And I was starting to think of you being cute. HA!/_

_/Don't call me cute!/_

_/Fine by me, UGLY. I'm beginning to understand why you're still a virgin./_

_/That's so immature of you, Schwarz./_

_/Oh, look who's speaking. And before I forget, WEISS, we're enemies again. No mercy for you!/_

Aya looked eyebrow rising at Schuldig who was folding his arms demonstratively to make his point clear. _That sounded as if Schuldig's insulted!_

_/Ha! You wish!/_

_He is! _Aya was totally satisfied about the turn around of the event. _And now, I mustn't make the mistake and think in Schuldig's presence about the cat-tail-incident. God forbid, if he ever--_

_/What cat-tail-incident?/_

_Darn!_ Scolding himself for this unnecessary slip, Aya showed Schuldig demonstratively the cold shoulder to make his point in ignoring him by concentrating his glare back at Akio.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Akio had watched both young men in fascination and had been utterly absorbed by their animated mimics and gestures. It really seemed as if they had a silent conversation, which apparently ended in a dispute. All in all, it had looked like a pantomimic play of a married couple.

_Maybe they are from the same mental asylum?_ Tilting his head to the side, Akio observed the new situation. Right now, the cat looked insulted and was glaring at the bunny, and the bunny was pointedly ignoring the cat while glaring at him.

Absent-mindedly, Akio fingered his black eye. It was time to put an end to this madness. What he needed were only a few minutes. Mind made up, he glowered back at the glaring brute resolutely.

"Well, only _one_ of you can go into the room. That's a… _very_ old rule of the house."

Akio's willpower wavered a little at the not entirely human growl from the crazy bunny. However, he would take this perfect chance to get rid of those loonies, and then he could climb up the ladder as the only master of the estate. Brave, he continued.

"Play for it, toss for it. I don't care. But no fight! I don't want the guards involved." _Not yet_, he added silently. "And whoever is the winner will wait 'til I'm back again. This is an _ORDER_, understood?"

Akio threw a serious look at the two redheads, before running away like a weasel to get his ticket to a very long and absolutely fantastic life.

"Idiot." Schuldig shook his head, dismissing the man's existence from his mind the second he vanished around a corner, and turned back to Aya to show him his best smirk. "So, you think I'm childish? Let's toss for it."

Aya narrowed his eyes in annoyance. He knew he had drawn too much attention at himself already. At this rate, he would have to kill a dozen innocent witnesses before the mission has ended successfully. He couldn't ignore the bug's order to play for it by just storming into the target's room to finally eliminate him. So he would play those childish games with Schuldig, would win without a doubt, wait for the return of the annoying bug, and then carry out this dreadful mission once and for all. Confident of victory, Aya smirked provocatively back at Schuldig.

"Hn. Let's toss."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford had had a scary vision.

So he drove back home as fast as he could from his oh-so-secret meeting with Birman, hurried into the living room, snatched the first thing he could reach, sat down across from Farfarello, put the chess on the table between them, built it up, and draw the first pawn. If he played it real good, then he could occupy Berserker for the next few hours.

Farfarello was sprawled comfortably on the couch, watching Crawford's frantic movements disinterestedly. Only the leader's hopeful face let him react to this pitiful attempt. Lazily, he threw one glance at the board, yawed, and said in his most unexcited voice

"Checkmate in thirteen draws."

Smirking, Farfarello observed the crumpled clairvoyant mercilessly. "By the way, Brad, that was a _pathetic_ attempt."

Oracle's defeat was supported by a young boy's high-pitched scream.

"NO! NOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya stared bewildered at his palm. He had lost. Schuldig's scissors had cut his paper. Mastermind had stroke again.

Dazed, he watched as Akio ran past him carrying a full champagne glass, opened the door to Kurogawa's room, and vanished in there; only to look bewildered back at his traitorous hand.

Why? Why did he always fall into the German's trap?

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Akio was angry. He had known Neko-chan would be the winner, but couldn't the man wait ONE minute before throwing himself at Kurogawa? To avoid any danger to his plan, Akio hurried as fast as he could past the dazed looking bunny, who was still standing in the corridor, to the cat who was already in Kurogawa's room. Carefully balancing the glass of champagne to not spill any drop of the precious liquid, he got ahead of the cat, holding his breath on the last few meters. Impatiently, Akio pressed the glass into Kurogawa's hand.

"Drink!" he nasalized, "And your libido will be blossoming the whole night long!"

On his walk out of the room, he glared nastily at the foreign looking young man who was representing the cat. _In a few minutes we will see who's calling whom master!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig had made the most out of his triumph by pointing cheerfully at Aya while shouting "LOOOSER!"

After thanking an invisible audience by waving and bowing, he threw his hair over his shoulder in an arrogant act and walked pleased with himself into the target's room. Finally standing a few meters in front of the target, he instantly whished he had lost the silly game. When Akio rushed out of the room again, Schuldig thought that this was a great idea and decided to follow him. He walked right back to Aya.

Facing the younger man, Schuldig put on his most remorseful face and spoke in his best ashamed voice.

"Aya, I cheated. Because... When you wrap the paper around the scissors, the scissors can't cut the paper anymore. Therefore, the paper wins. Kurogawa was yours from the very beginning. Gomen nasai."

Aya just snorted in reply. He couldn't deny that there was a certain logic - which could revolutionize the whole game, by the way - but Schuldig couldn't fool him any longer. So he grabbed the cat tail without further ado and pulled the loudly protesting German with him into the target's room. Two meters after crossing the threshold, they stopped again.

"He is …"

"Yeah."

"He... _stinks_."

"Yup."

"He--"

A loud belch interrupted Aya's disbelief roughly. What followed the disgusting noise let both men shudder in pure horror.

"_Kissssss_ _meeeee."_

Shocked beyond words about the target's demand, Aya could wrap his mind only around one word; and that he did. He let go of the tail, turned around, laced his fingers through the silken mass of orange hair, and pulled the face to his own.

And then their lips met.

He was kissing Schuldig.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

When Aya's lips covered his, Schuldig couldn't believe what was happening. He was surprised for a few seconds before he returned it fervently. There was a short battle of dominance, spiced with passion, and the kiss turned into a soft one once again.

When Aya's lips slowly drew back again, the only thing Schuldig could do was to sigh softly and to touch his own lips in wonder. Aya had kissed him. There was no mistake. And coming from a virgin it had been incredible.

The young Weiss leader stepped back and regarded him with a cute blush on his cheeks. Schuldig sighed again, this time deeper. Maybe he would get another one?

"Schuldig," Aya started softly, amazed about his own action.

"Hm?" Dreamily, Schuldig smiled back.

The heart-warming conversation was interrupted by a shriek which penetrated the closed door and sounded suspiciously like Akio.

"_MURDERER!"_

Both assassins blinked at each other in confusion. At the same time, Schuldig turned wide-eyed to the door while Aya looked with the same expression in the opposite direction.

"We haven't even started yet and they have _already_ a murder?"

"Schuldig! Kurogawa!"

"Who?"

"The _target_! He's DEAD!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: Reviews! #claps excited and reads reviews# **Ohayou.** #blinks confused# Oh dear, I have the feeling you got it all _wrong_! I love your reviews just like the others and I didn't see your comment as a _flame_. Didn't you like my plushies? #sniff#... I would _NEVER _let Farfie drag someone into his chamber for torturing! That wasn't _torture_, it was Farfie's LOVEMAKING! Was it really that horrible for you?

Brad: #looks sternly# Kitten, did you forget your daily I-shall-not-repress-my-own-Farfie's-lo-tort-chamber-experience therapy again? It starts in ten minutes.

Black Kitten: #amazed# Really? I had a lo-tort-experience with Farfie?

Brad: #massages temple# Yes, two chapters ago.

Black Kitten: Wow... Okay! #hops cheerfully to therapy#

Farfie: #shakes his head# Is nobody out there who can satisfy an Irish psycho without making a fuss about it? #reads reviews# Hard to imagine Aya in a bunny outfit? #snorts#... _Farfie... Daisuki_? ... #cackles insanely and drags **KyraEnsui** enthusiastically into chamber# Maybe this one won't break!

Brad: I've the feeling he mistakes them for toys.

Aya: #shrugs and reads reviews# **Chi-chan.** Oh, you are SO right. I'm really poor! Hug you back! ... #blinks# Loosing my virginity? With _SCHULDIG_? #glares and reads next review# **Koji-chan.** I'm your fav? #shyly# Arigato! …Yes! Finally someone who understands my high morals to stay a virgin!

Schu: #mumbles# But not for long.

Aya: I heard you, you… hentai!

Schu: Yeah, yeah. #rolls eyes and takes reviews out of Aya's hands# **Cookie6.** #sniggers# Great nickname, ne? If I would have to give my love tool a name, it would be _Enormou--_

Omi: #holds hands over Nagi's ears# Schuldig! Think of the pure hearted innocent!

Schu: #looks confused around# Where?

Yohji: #grabs reviews# Let me see… **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar.** #blinks# Schu-kitty and... _Ran-bunny_? BWAHAHAHAHA!

Schu & Aya: WHAT? #jumping around Yohji and trying to snatch reviews back#

Brad: Children, behave! #takes reviews# **Xellas.** Oh, that's nice. I'm not certain that I can agree with you… but I will tell Black Kitten that she is not a dope… When she returns from her therapy.

Ken: #puppy eyes# I want to read reviews, too!

Brad: #looks doubtfully at Ken# Okay.

Ken: Yeah! #reads# OH! Look! **Thiliaen** is sick!

Schu: #reads over Ken shoulders# Idiot. She's saying that she likes that sick humour of Black Kitten. Evil golf club man? What evil golf club man?

Brad: Schu, your therapy starts in twenty minutes.

Ken: #pulls at Crawford's sleeve# What's this with you and Birman?

Brad: ... Nothing. #twitches with eye and snatches reviews from Ken# **Hiei449.** I've the bad feeling that Black Kitten will continue mercilessly.

Schu: #pulls at Crawford's other sleeve# Braaad? What therapy?

Brad: #twitches with both eyes#… **Cieraco** **Sheys.** Oh, really? You think this is all Kami-sama's fault? NO! It's Black Kitten's! She lets us all suffer! Plays with us! Torments us! And… this… this... _AGONY_! #screams and throws reviews away#

Nagi: #looks causally at left and right and takes rumpled reviews# **Yami** **Aibou.** #giggles# I also can't wait for it how they will master their adventure… #blushes#… and love-life… #images and blushes more#… #faints#

Omi: NO! _Nagi-boo_! NOOOO! #throws himself over Nagi#

Black Kitten: #returns from her therapy# Hey, minna-san! I'm back again! #looks at scene#… OH! Group-hugging! #clings also to Brad#

Farfie: #comes crumpled out of chamber#… #steps over laughing Yohji#… #ignores glaring Aya#… #pokes at Nagi#… #sees Ken, Schu & Black Kitten hanging on a hysterically crying Brad#… #turns head shaking around and walks back to chamber# And they call _me_ a psycho.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.


	5. Part 5

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! I'm SO sorry for the late update but my hardware dissolved itself. #holds up destroyed hard disk#

Schu: And that kept you off from uploading for a _whole_ month?

Black Kitten: Er… A lightning should strike me if I tell you a lie! #flash... strike... fries... carbonizes#

Schu: #turns on ventilator and blows ashes away# On to the story!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts … /telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 5

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"He's DEAD!" Perplex, Aya gesticulated at the deceased target while Schuldig quickly locked the door and frowned back at him.

"Are you sure, Aya? Have you checked for any vital signs?"

"Are you kidding? I won't go near him. He smells unbearable."

Schuldig couldn't help but smirk at the statement. "Let me get this straight. Your targets must smell like roses or you won't go near them? Maybe I should give you a long stick so that you can poke him. You know, to test his reflexes."

"You are impossible, Schuldig," Aya shot back. "He's your target, too. Why don't you just go and check him?"

Rolling his eyes at the Weiss leader's almost childish behaviour, Schuldig answered him in a bored voice. "Okay. He's dead."

"_Nani_? You didn't go near him! You didn't even _look_ at him!"

"Am I crazy? He doesn't only look like a warty jellyfish, he stinks like one!" Shivers ran down Schuldig's back at the mere thought of touching the corpse. Shaking himself in disgust, he ignored Aya's puzzled look about his comparison and continued.

"You can take me by my word, Aya. No brainwaves, therefore he's dead. Telepathy can be very practical. No. It IS very practical. In fact, all I have to do is…" Schuldig trailed off uncertainly when he caught the murderous look the Weiss assassin was giving him.

Aya's eyes were narrowed in realization of what the telepath just had confessed, and his voice was very, very low. Dangerously low, so to speak.

"Are you saying that you would have let me examine this _disgusting_ man even though you already _knew_ that he is _dead_?"

Schuldig blinked a few times, surprised about the accusation coming out of the blue. Normally, he would stick to the truth and would tell Aya straight away that he had checked the victim's brainwaves _after_ his refusal to go near him. But this would mean he would shove Aya his unprofessional behaviour right under his nose. Not a good draw at the moment, regarding the younger man's bad mood. And furthermore, the Weiss assassin didn't seem as if he would believe him at all; glaring accusingly at him with folded arms over his chest.

All in all, Schuldig had the funny feeling that he was being confronted by his angry wife, and he just knew, every answer coming from him would be the wrong one. It was a trap, nothing more.

He didn't really know why he bothered so much, they were still enemies. And he wasn't really depended on the Weiss member; after all he was the telepath here and didn't need any help from an ordinary, non-gifted man. But the kiss had been so nice, and the chances that he would get another one were higher when he didn't anger Aya any further.

Thinking about the kiss, Schuldig gulped hard at this somewhat awkward situation, and then cleared his throat carefully. It was now or never.

"Um... I did it just to be sure that he isn't faking it."

Aya's eyes narrowed further. "The lack of _brainwaves_?"

Schuldig grabbed his cat tail and started to tug nervously at its tip. "Um... Yes."

When Aya caught Schuldig's handling, his eyes widened for a moment before they turned into slits again. Angry, he pointed at the cat tail in Schuldig's hand and hissed furiously.

"Do you really think you can distract me with _this_? I'm not that easy!"

_Huh? _Schuldig looked dumbfounded at Aya, then at his tail, and back at Aya again who, in the meantime, had turned to the target. Confronted with the stiff back Schuldig got curious. This was the second time Aya had made a comment about his cat tail. Maybe he should take his time and scan the other man's mind thoroughly. Who knows what's hidden behind those violet eyes.

_Maybe little Aya has a fetish? _Schuldig grinned in delight at the thought. _Hm, maybe I should play more often with my tail, just to see his reaction. Oh, this could be fun!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya had turned abruptly to the dead target to hide his blush from Schuldig. It was ridiculous of him to react so strongly. He didn't know why his mind mixed the handling of the tail with the handling of a certain body part. Why couldn't Schuldig be the bunny? Then he wouldn't be able to play with his bunny tail and distract him so easily. Okay, perhaps the Schwarz member would play with it, Aya wouldn't put it past him, but it wouldn't be _that_ erotically.

Lost in thoughts, Aya couldn't see Schuldig's eyes widening behind his back when another thought struck him. Did Schuldig already know about his embarrassing thoughts of him and the cat tail, and was now just playing dirty to wind himself out of his own uncomfortable situation? However, for the sake of the mission he had to ignore this delicate problem. He had to concentrate fully on the problem at hand without further distractions.

Huffing in frustration, Aya eyed the dead target.

"Okay, he's dead. But why?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig had heard Aya's thoughts about him and his cat tail with rising amazement, and was now grinning from ear to ear in cheerful anticipation. He hadn't been playing dirty before, but this could be changed easily. Unable to resist the temptation, he quickly bit a few times on his lower lip to stimulate the blood circulation in them and stepped beside the Weiss leader. Leaning forward to catch Aya's full attention, he began to tap with the end of his tail teasingly against his flushed lips. Thoughtfully, he stared at the corpse in fake wonder.

"Maybe he had a heart attack while watching our _kiss_?"

Schuldig sniggered inwardly when Aya's eyes went wide at the sight cat-tail-on-flushed-lips-of-a-half-open-mouth. Licking a few times seductively over his bottom lip as if he was considering this thought seriously, Schuldig continued in his best bed room voice.

"No, Liebling, you're right. The kiss wasn't so bad, but-- AHHH!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford had had only seconds to prepare himself before Nagi came stomping down the stairs to the living room, screaming Farfarello's name like a war cry on his way down. Well, Crawford had made it in time, thank Goodness, and now, he sat there holding up a newspaper like a shield to block out the sight of the grinning Irishman and of a very angry Japanese teenager who was blocking the only escape route out of the living room.

Crawford didn't dare to clear his throat like he would always do while reading, he just held the newspaper higher to hide himself from his remaining two team members. The last thing he needed was to get involved in their dispute.

It was silent in the room. The only noise was from Crawford himself, slowly turning the pages from time to time to hold up the credibility. He had even reduced his breathing to a very slow rhythm to draw any attention away from him. His eyes were fixed on an article which didn't make much sense anymore. Not after staring at it for at least twenty agonizingly long seconds. Well, it seemed as if it was time to blink again and to turn the next page.

"You can stop pretending to read, Brad," Nagi hissed from his place by the door.

Crawford reacted fast. He got instinctively into the survivor-mode of a very small animal. He didn't have any scent glands, so he took his chance of survival by freezing into stillness to confuse his attacker.

"Don't let your bad mood out on our _innocent_ leader," Farfarello chided the youngest team member with a smirk on his lips.

Crawford could have strangled the young Irishman for this comment. He so didn't need to be involved in this.

Tapping with his knife against one cheek, Farfarello continued cheerfully; never letting the glaring youngster out of his eye. "Look, Nagi. You cannot kill me with thoughts like 'Die! Die! Die!'. You aren't Schu, you know?"

"You lunatic!" Nagi screeched lividly, and a pawn of the chess game which was still sitting on the table flew like a bullet only nano millimetres past the Irishman's left ear.

"You don't say," came Farfarello's drawled reply, completely unfazed by the boy's fury and his pawn weapon, and he reached up to rub his itching ear lazily while looking demonstratively bored at the absolute sensational discovery of the state of his mind.

Nagi growled and continued with barely suppressed rage. "What the hell is that on my nose, huh?"

Okay, this was just _unfair_. Their calmest and politest team member of their little family was not only yelling and cursing; now he was even referring to something Crawford couldn't see behind his paper shield. The Schwarz leader gripped the newspaper harder. He knew he shouldn't, but he was only human despite all the rumours about his personality. Carefully, he peered over the paper to look at the tip of Nagi's nose. Blinking, he eyed the red spot with black dots on it.

Crawford knew from his vision that mayhem and chaos would destroy his beloved living room, and that Berserker was involved in this, but what the fuck was _that_?

"It's a ladybug, silly," Farfarello stated dryly and more than a little insulted. "A blind man could see it."

Crawford whirled around to him and shouted in unison with Nagi "Are you CRAZY?"

Rolling his eyes at the amount of stupid questions directed at him, Farfarello sat up and tilted his head with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Well, let me think about it for a moment. Yes, I am. Oh, and by the way, you were so cute when I made it, Nagi. Sleeping like a baby, scrunching your nose every time I touched it with the tip of the felt pen."

Smiling, the Irishman stood slowly up from the couch and regarded the boy mockingly. "Say, Nagi-chan, did you know that you _slobber_ in your sleep?"

In the time of mayhem and chaos that followed, Crawford sat there in total defeat. The second time in only a couple of minutes, mind you. And from time to time avoiding a piece of his beloved living room that was flying around thanks to Nagi's power, Crawford watched helplessly the process of pure destruction, Berserker's dodging in form of a mocking dance, and listened to his insane laughter and teasingly '_Catch me! Catch me!' _while Nagi was snarling in blind rage.

Suppressing an unmanly whimper, Crawford covered his face with his hands and whished he could switch with Schuldig _right now_.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"You... beat me."

Stunned, Schuldig touched his bruised lips in incredulity. He was only slowly recovering from his shock while he stared at the young Weiss leader who was currently inspecting his sore hand. Schuldig couldn't believe what Aya had done out of the blue, but suddenly, furious thoughts coming from the younger man hit him like a cold wave.

_The kiss was not so bad! How dare he! Bastard!_

Wide-eyed, Schuldig tried to calm the irritated man. "Aya... Kätzchen... _Häschen_… I was joking!"

Schuldig winced at the daggers Aya's eyes were shooting at him in reply, and when the Weiss assassin spoke again his voice was beyond icy.

"You need another punch?"

Scrambling to his feet, Schuldig glared accusingly back. "First you kiss me and now you're about to beat the crap out of me. What's wrong with you?"

"Stop whining. The kiss was nothing more than a sacrifice in order to hold up my cover. Don't interpret it for more, _Schwarz_."

"A WHAT?" Schuldig snapped his mouth shut and balled his fists. He would not lower himself into shouting... any further. So, Aya was in denial now. What a surprise. Smirking, he stepped in front of the younger man and demonstratively nudged the tip of Aya's nose.

"Oh, be careful, my little wooden friend. I'm standing right in front of you. Any more lies and I'm afraid I'll be forced to suck on your nose."

Aya blinked confused back, more baffled about the German's speech than the finger gently tapping against his nose. Did the man just threaten him by _sucking_ on his _nose_?

Schuldig caught his thoughts and stopped the nudging at once. With the fingertip still on Aya's nose, he looked dumbfounded back. "You _do_ know Pinocchio, don't you?"

Shaking his head in negation, Aya stepped out of the telepath's reach. Maybe he should hold up a safety distance from now on. Just to be sure. Who knows what weird and perverted ideas the German still has?

"Wooden guy? Long nose when lying? Little annoying duck?" Schuldig counted on desperately. He didn't want Aya thinking of him as a pervert. Or, god forbid, a nut-case.

In the short silence that followed their cultural exchange, they could hear muffled voices and shouts coming through the locked door, followed by a loud bang and a rattling of the door handle. Instantly, both assassins froze up and stared at each other in realization of what they had _completely_ forgotten the entire time. Akio, and his men.

Frowning, Schuldig inspected the lock and the massive but old door critically. He knew it wouldn't hold any longer, not with a couple of men trying to break through it from the outside. Aya took a quick look around the room for an escape route while Schuldig was eyeing the door. The result was not good. No windows and only one door decorated with a rattling door handle. The room was nothing more than a private and very discrete pleasure chamber. Calmly, Aya turned back to Schuldig.

"We're trapped."

"I know, Aya."

"Do you have any weapons with you?"

"Are you joking? Oh, wait! I _totally_ forgot the battle axe hidden in my a--"

"Punch?"

Schuldig growled back in annoyance. Abyssinian was cute, but no fun with his mood swings. Ignoring the urgency of their dangerous situation, he stepped to the commode near the targets heart-formed bed, snatched the first object he could reach, and threw it at Aya who caught it in a knee-jerk reaction. Satisfied, Schuldig nodded to the object in the younger man's hand.

"Now, my dear Abyssinian, you have a weapon worthy to replace your katana."

Aya stared in shock at the huge, more than ten inches long black dildo in his hand, before throwing it loudly shrieking away. "Oh gods... That's _disgusting_... Oh gods... I _held_ it... Oh gods..."

Baffled, Schuldig watched Aya's hysterical attempts to rub his hands clean on the bunny tail and his thin trousers. And then the words finally hit him. Slowly, he looked down at his own hands.

"Ewww!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Omi was on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Since Ken and Yohji had come home from escorting Aya to his mission, they were at it like rabbits. Shamelessly, they had occupied every possible place of their home for their lovemaking. Omi had managed to run into them three times, so far, and never in his life will he be able to remove the picture burnt deep into his mind of Ken pounding Yohji up the stairs. And after that, he had taken cover in his own room and had turned up the music loud enough to cover every moaning coming through the thin walls.

However, now, approximately one hour after the last traumatic incident, the pressure on his bladder couldn't be ignored anymore. Whimpering and stepping from one foot to the other in order to hold back nature's call, Omi listened for any treacherous noises that would tell him where they were on it right now. Surprisingly, no moaning could be heard, and so he worked up the courage to open the door to the corridor. Nobody was there.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Omi rushed down the corridor to the toilet door, threw it open, screamed, and wetted himself.

Yohji - sitting naked on Ken's lap who for his part was sitting on the toilet seat - put a hand on his sweat covered chest.

"Gods, Omi, you've scared me to death. Couldn't you at least _knock_ before you step into... Omi?... OMI!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"I will... never... forgive you," Aya panted exhausted while throwing glares at Schuldig. Shuddering in disgust at the very thought of coming near the dildo-thing again, he shoved the terribly heavy commode with the German's help in front of the door.

"And what good... is a telepath... when he cannot... kill the enemies... with his gift... Mastermind... That's a laugh…"

Shoving the last few inches, Schuldig let go of the commode and snapped angrily back. "_Excuse me_, my katana swinging friend, for not being a killing machine. At least I could count them! And I'm so sorry that I'm not a perpedo mobile and can't burn out thirty-one, I repeat for the _astonished_ audience, THIRTY-ONE brains in a row!"

Rolling his eyes, Aya dismissed the German's explanation with a wave of his hand. "And what do you think we should do now? Trapped like this and you of no use?"

"Oh, you're a leader, Abyssinian of Weiss. I'm merely a simple-minded commoner, humbled by your _majestic _presence."

Aya lowered his head to press his forehead against the surface of the commode. He could feel a headache coming up, and this bickering was getting them nowhere.

"Your orders, mein Führer?"

Maybe he should take the German as his gun shield.

_/Grrrrr./_

Sighing, Aya straightened up again and threw a glance around the room. The house was an old temple, and they were in a room with no windows and only one door. Therefore, somewhere in this room must be a secret--

"I would say there's a secret door somewhere."

Startled, Aya turned back to Schuldig who was pointing a finger at him triumphantly. "Ha! Some leader you are! The commoner must tell you the simplest things!"

"But… That was _my_ idea! You read my mind!"

"Me? Can't be! Or did you forget that I'm of _NO USE_?"

Aya cringed slightly at the insulted tone of the telepath. Maybe he had been a little bit too rough before, but for the other to make a fuss about it now was not helpful in their situation. Glancing at Schuldig, Aya tried to make a peace offer by continuing in a softer voice. "Stop acting like a four-year old and help me search for it... Please."

Schuldig humph-ed and watched sceptically as Aya turned around and began to knock conscientiously and methodically at the wall in search for a hidden door. Sighing loudly to show how much he had to endure at the moment, the Schwarz member turned to the opposite wall and started to search for it on his own.

Three minutes later, both assassins were carefully stomping on the floor in search of a trapdoor.

Two minutes later, they were jumping around in slight panic.

"This can't be... There must be... Somewhere..."

"Scheiße... Shit... Merde... Shit... Scheiße..."

Two noises let Schuldig freeze in his cursing and jumping. A loud cracking one, coming from the door and announcing the approaching success of their enemies to break through it, and a startled yelp from Aya.

Pitiful moaning was coming from a hole in the floor. Schuldig rushed to it. Kneeling down, he peered down into the darkness.

"Aya? Kätzchen? You still alive?"

"Baka. Have you ever heard a dead man moaning?"

"Well, yes. A dead body can produce an amazing amount of--"

"Shut up. I think I've found it."

"No shit, Sherlock." Schuldig sniggered and stood up. "Step aside, Aya. I'm coming down."

"Wha-- _NOOO_!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Oh gods... I think my spine's broken!" Schuldig whimpered in pain.

"You idiot! Get off!" Aya shoved angrily at the man who was lying on top of him. "I SO hope you have broken some bones, you _stupid_ German. Jumping without warning! You're crazy!"

"How should I know that there isn't much room! You could have said something!... Hm, I think I like that position."

Aya stilled his shoving at once to take in their position. Schuldig was facing him. The long orange hair tickled his nose and the warm breath tortured the inside of his _very_ sensitive ear. Not to mention the lower part of Schuldig that was pressing through the thin material of their trousers against his own groin. Aya's heartbeat increased and a treacherous warm feeling rose in his lower belly. He panicked.

"Off! Off! Off!"

Shifting and shoving, Aya managed to turn their position upside down. He scrambled on top of Schuldig, kneeled, and reached for the trap door only to shut it at the same time loud noises and victorious shouts sounded through the target's room.

Darkness surrounded them.

"Off! Off! Off!" Schuldig yelped in pain when Aya's bony knees drilled themselves into his stomach, and he shoved them away as far as the narrow space would allow. Lying on his back with Aya sitting on his lap, Schuldig listened carefully to the footsteps and muffled voices above them. After a few minutes he was sure that the enemy didn't know about the hidden trapdoor, and he spoke again in a low voice.

"Okay, Aya, let's face it. We're buried alive."

"No," Aya whispered back, "We are not buried alive. There's a tunnel on the right side. I can feel it." And he scrambled off to take the lead, leaving Schuldig to get up on his own knees and to follow him.

The tunnel was narrow and hardly high enough to crawl comfortably. Schuldig had a hard time, banging his head a few times against the ceiling. His shoulders brushed with each move against the stony wall and his knees hurt because of the hard ground. After a few minutes of silent crawling, his voice sounded through the darkness.

"Jesus, I _SO_ do not want to know what insects and spider thingies are creeping arou--Hmmmphhh!"

Startled, Schuldig blinked, trying to work out that he had his face firmly pressed against Abyssinian's butt. And if he wasn't totally wrong, then it must be real that the tip of his nose was pressing against a certain virginal part of Aya.

Oh oh.

First, Aya was so in shock that he didn't move one inch. And then, the whole embarrassment of the situation hit him. Scrambling a few metres away, he turned his head and yelled.

"Hentai! You... HENTAI!"

"Hey! You stopped without warning!"

"… We're trading. You are taking the lead!"

"Aw, does little Aya fear little spiders?"

"Urusai!"

Snickering, Schuldig crawled forward the narrow corridor and started to press himself past the humiliated man.

And he pressed.

And winded.

And twisted.

And bended.

And...

"I think we are stuck."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

translation:

Liebling (germ.) darling

Kätzchen (germ.) kitten

Häschen (germ.) bunny

mein Führer (germ.) my leader

Scheiße (germ.) Merde (franz.) Shit

baka (jap.) idiot

hentai (jap.) pervert

Urusai (jap.) Shut up

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten & Farfarello & Crawford: #scared shitless and clinging to each other#

Schu: Ooookay, I so do not want to know what's wrong with them.

Ken: #claps hands# Reviews! Oh, **KyraEnsui**. It's nice to know that you don't break, Farfie will be _really_ happy about this. Oh, I'm one of your favourites? #shyly# Thanks. But, you see, I think that _everyone_ in this universe is a toy for the _Great Master Plan._

Schu: #annoyed# Cut that crap, Kenken. Philosophy and you don't mix. … **WingofShinigami.** Yup, she updated and now I'm stuck with Aya #giggles# …**Jiyuu.** #smirks# Black Kitten needed only ONE month!... **Gabrielle174.** Oi, Farfie, I think you have a fan out there.

Farfie: #babbles gibberish and huddles deeper in the corner# … Dead body… Psychopath… Fuck… _Mommmmyyyyyy_!

Schu: Er… **Pandora.81--**

Black Kitten: _Scaaaaaaarrrrrryyyyyyy_!

Schu: Huh?

Black Kitten: Pandora knew what I was going to write! That's creepy!

Schu: Oh, please, as if your story line's that demanding.

Black Kitten: #blinks# It isn't?

Schu: #rolls eyes# See, Pandora, you may have been overtired but Black Kitten is _always_ insane.

Black Kitten: #smacks Schu over head# Pandora smacked her muse and I can smack you. Now, I'm feeling better again. … **Koji-chan.** Hm, sorry, but Schu had his nose already in Aya's butt. #cackles#… **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar.** Oh, come on. Wake up! What will you do when Aya and Schu are #beep# when you already faint at them kissing?

Schu: #big eyes# Aya and I are going to beep?

Aya: #even bigger eyes# BEEP?

Black Kitten: Hush! Don't tell the readers my story line!

Schu: #sighs# Gods, how often must I tell you. They're _not_ dumb.

Ken: #nods#… **Kyra2.** #nods again# Oh, it's true that killing the target through someone else is rude, but I think it doesn't really matter… for the target ... I mean… He _is_ dead and so… Therefore… What I want to say is…

Schu: Gods, spare me!... **Yami** **Kaosu--**

Brad: #dazed# Birman… me and… Birman…

Schu: #sniggers# Brad together with Birman? Like in a het relationship? Yami, how did you manage do get _this_ idea? #breaks down laughing #

Black Kitten: #sniggers# Funny image. **cattley.** HINTERWÄLTLER? #laughs# Peinlich, peinlich. Ehrlich, keine Ahnung wo ich da gerade geistig war.

Schu: Aaaalso, wenn mich jemand nach der Meinung fragen würde, dann--

Ken: #confused# What are they talking about?

Black Kitten: Ruhe in den hinteren Reihen. Also, liebe (oder lieber) cattley, danke noch mal für den Hinweis! Hoffe dir gefällt die Geschichte weiterhin!

Brad: This is getting too confusing. I'll take over. **sheero.** Yes, it's really strange that Aya is the bunny and Schuldig the cat, but it's also a _very_ strange story… Oh… OH…

Black Kitten: What? WHAT? #reads#… update… god… #amazed# Oh my god. I'm a god!

Brad: Too late. #hangs head#

Schu: And you are calling yourself an oracle. Shame on you. … **Baka-Ryu.** Dark comedy? Hmph. Ryu, I think you are interpreting too much into this sto--

Black Kitten: Oh yes! Dark comedy, it is! Love and torture! But I don't know why everybody fears the lo-tort-chamber. It's _really_ cosy in there.

Schu: #shudders#

Black Kitten: **Angel Hoshi 1.** Oi, an angel wrote me. Now I'm a god with an angel!

Schu: #bangs head against wall# By all the gods in heaven and hell, let this come to an end already!

Black Kitten: #evil look to Schu# Angel Hoshi, I'm SO sorry, but Schu is in for his next lo-tort-chamber exercise. But you should see him in there, he's _really_ kawaii. And I think _all_ of the bishies are cute … in one way or another. #cough# … **lantisluver7.** You squeaked? #giggles# Sometimes, I have those funny impulses, too … er… Do you know you wrote that you love me? #blushes and giggles like a lunatic# Now I'm a _beloved_ _god_ with an _angel _and my _own _chamber!

Schu: #looks defeated# What did I do in my former life to deserve this? You don't have to show me the way to the chamber. I will wait in there. Crying.

Black Kitten: What are you waiting for? Shoo! #to the reviewers# Thank you all for your great reviews! I had so much fun reading them! Luv you for them. Until next time!


	6. Part 6

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! First of all, I'd like to apologize for the long wait. I'm really sorry about it.

Schu: And what's your excuse this time?

Black Kitten: Oh, there was Advent, mulled wine, Christmas, mulled wine, New Year's Eve, mulled wine, ski vacation, mulled wine, mulled wine, and, er, mulled wine.

Schu: #rolls eyes# That's your only excuse? Pity.

Black Kitten: #blushes# And in the meantime, I was busy drawing stick-figure sex scenes of Aya, Schu, and Yohji.

Schu: OO #takes ten steps away#

Black Kitten: But it was just so much fun making those pictures! Really! I even made S&M scenes!... Er... On to the story.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings for this chapter: I did this chapter in a rush so please don't throw stones at me for it. And there's something like cuddling… or so.

"blah blah" … _thoughts… /telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 6

A sharp intake of breath broke the silence of the darkness, followed by noises of rustling. The air was getting warmer around the two moving bodies and was steadily filled with heavy breathing. A whimper sounded through the blackness of the tunnel which spiralled itself into loud moaning only to be ended by a shuttering sigh.

Silence reigned once more.

"Are you finally comfortable enough, Schuldig?"

"Hm? Yes, I am."

Schuldig was in heaven. Sighing softly, he snuggled closer to Aya and pressed his face deeper into the younger man's neck. The skin was so soft and warm, and the scent of Aya was something he could inhale the whole day long. He took another deep breath in order to fill his lungs with this almost beguiling aroma. Oh yes, this was heaven.

"Stop sniffling!"

"I'm not sniffling, Aya. I'm _breathing_."

"It… tickles."

"Gott, you are one unromantic fellow."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya was in hell. He had just found out that he had more erogenous zones than he had ever thought of, and Schuldig was attacking one of them mercilessly. The German's breath washed warmly over the _very_ sensitive skin of his neck, and each breath was pure torture. And the feeling of the warm body firmly pressed against his back like a lover's embrace wasn't helping either. Not to forget the teasingly stroking fingers of the hand almost casually planted on his left hip.

It was pure agony, and Aya didn't know how to react, despite the fact that he couldn't react at all. There wasn't much space, pushed into immobility like he was, lying on his right side with his front against the stony wall. The only thing he could do was to try to hold back the shivers that threatened to run up and down his body with every new breath Schuldig let loose. And to ignore the warm body behind him. And the slowly wandering fingers. And the treacherous feeling that was slowly spreading through his... groin.

Aya's eyes widened in realization. _Oh Kami-sama, please, no! I'm reacting! This can't be! _But Kami-sama was deaf to his fanatically pleading, and then Schuldig did the terrible thing of moving again, pushed him and his slowly but constantly raising manhood further against the wall. Aya's raw nerve snapped.

"I knew it! You are just rubbing yourself on me!"

"I refuse to comment this abstruse accusation, Aya."

"Fine, then could you be so nice and tell me your problem?"

Schuldig blinked in confusion. Apparently, Aya was in denial of the whole situation and it looked as if the younger man's nerves weren't the strongest at the moment. To avoid further complications, it would be the best to be patient with the obviously jumpy young Weiss leader.

"Aya, it hasn't changed in the last minutes. It's really simple. We are stuck."

"Schuldig, this is _not_ the right time to make jokes. Kurogawa's men could find the hidden trap door by any minute!"

Schuldig snorted in reply. "Aya, if I would make a joke then it would be like 'Two snails are tramping on a train track. Say's the first: "Be careful! A train's coming!" Say's the other one: "Where?" _crack_ "There!" _crack'_."

Silence, until Schuldig spoke again. "Okay, maybe this one wasn't so funny."

Aya gritted his teeth, screwed his eyes shut, and took a deep breath. Stuck. That's a laugh. Did Schuldig really believe he would buy such a plain lie? Aya knew that the Schwarz member was trying to make use of the situation to grope him in his defenceless position. Aya was sure of it. Maybe it would be the best in this ridiculous situation to be patient with the Schwarz member and to just play along with this obvious act. For now. But after this, God help the man!

Opening his eyes again even though he couldn't see anything in the darkness, Aya spoke in his calmest voice. "Look, this _can't_ be, Schuldig. There was enough space for crawling, thus there must be enough for trading places. That's called logic"

Aya was cute, sometimes, but right now Schuldig had the urge to smack him over the head for his scepticism.

"Well, Aya, does your logic count in big pointy stones?"

Aya frowned into the darkness. "What pointy stones?"

"Oh, I don't know, but I think it's one of those evil ones, because it's _drilling_ itself _cruelly _into my _tender_ back."

"… As if I would believe such a poor excuse! You're just a pervert!"

"That's so childish of you-- Aahh! Aya! Stop it! That _hurts_!"

Freezing, Aya stopped his squirming and checked the current situation while partly listening to Schuldig's painful moaning.

And he came to a result.

And he didn't like it, at all.

Because it scared him to death.

Schuldig was right.

They were stuck.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Moshi, moshi konnichi wa. May I speak to--"

"No."

"… Ano, I--"

"No."

"Demo--"

"I will not repeat myself anymore, Bombay."

"... ORACLE?"

#beep beep beep beep beep#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Aya, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel."

"Don't be so overdramatic. We're in this position for merely a few minutes."

"Blöder Hammel."

"What does Blöder Hammel mean?"

"... It's German for _thank you_."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"... Because you brought me back from my little death experience?"

"So ka."

Schuldig released the breath he had been holding and sighed in relief. He thanked all the gods in heaven and hell that Aya was lost in thoughts; answering and questioning him with a soft voice in such a distracted manner. God help him if Aya ever finds out that he had just insulted him in German.

The pain from Aya's previous shifting was totally forgotten by now and Schuldig smiled into Aya's neck, aware of the younger man's discomfort about their situation. It wasn't that he didn't have enough space to move his head, groin, or legs, but he would rather bite off his tongue first than tell Aya about this little secret. Tracing the younger man's hip with his fingers, he whispered dreamingly into the neck.

"You know what, Aya? Maybe in a hundred years they will find our bones, embracing each other."

"..."

"Like lovers."

"..."

"We will be famous."

"..."

"Aya?"

"…"

Schuldig frowned. Okay, maybe Aya wasn't very eager to hold a conversation with him right now, but why was the Weiss assassin shivering in the same rhythm as his breathing? And maybe it was just his imagination, but Aya's skin was getting warmer and warmer with every minute. Strange. Very strange. Still stroking Aya's hip and thigh through the thin trousers, Schuldig started an experiment.

He breathed.

Aya shivered.

He blew.

Aya trembled.

He licked.

Aya panicked.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Farfarello took a deadly stance, ready to strike like a viper towards his target. His eye was gleaming in pure madness and bloodlust as he licked his favourite knife slowly, almost sensually, and his voice was a low mocking whisper.

"Here, kitty-kitty, come, come."

If Farfarello had had eyes in the back of his head he would have seen Crawford's broad grin.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Omi was so desperately sucking on his third Popsicle that he couldn't even savour the taste of his favourite strawberry flavour anymore. It seemed impossible to reach his beloved Nagi; not over the internet line, nor over the cell phone. And on top of everything, Oracle now knew about their secret relationship. There was no doubt about it.

And Omi couldn't do anything to help his young lover against the fury of the deadly force the Schwarz leader was representing. All he had wanted at the moment he had made that cursed call had been his boyfriend's small shoulder to cry and to lean on after the terrible toilet incident. And now, all of it had ended in a disaster.

#Ding Dong#

The doorbell pulled him out of his musing. Sucking harder to calm his damaged nerves, Omi went to the door, and with his lips firmly wrapped around the sweet stick he reached for the doorknob and opened it.

And screamed.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

First, Schuldig screeched. Then he screamed on the top of his lungs while Aya expanded his panic into wild trashing. The pointy stone stabbed like a huge butcher knife into Schuldig's shoulder, and he was sure that he already has got a hole of the size of the Mount Everest in his back. It was a cruel, muscle and bone crunching pain which spread through his back like a conflagration, destroying every nerve in its path.

It was terrible.

It was horrible.

It was suddenly over.

Aya had managed to wriggle himself free and came to a scrambling halt a few meters away. He had panicked, and had ended the ongoing assault on his libido the only way he was capable of in this very moment; with brute force. Panting, he listened to Schuldig's pitiful moaning.

"My back... Oh gods... My back..."

Aya wrinkled his forehead. Wasn't Mastermind overdoing it a little?

"You can stop acting, Schuldig."

A heartbreaking whimper answered him from behind. Aya bit his lower lip in concern. There was a chance that Schuldig's been hurt by his harsh reaction. Carefully crawling backwards the tunnel toward the moaning man, Aya groped his way through the darkness until he felt silken long strands of hair under his hand.

"Schu? You alright?"

"My back... I have a fucking _hole_ in my back!... Oh Gods, it _hurts._"

Instantly, Aya was plagued by pangs of conscience and he started to gently stroke Schuldig's hair to calm him down. It hadn't been in his intention to injure the other man, and now, thanks to his harsh reaction, the situation wasn't looking very good for them. Not that the whole mission had been any better before, but if Schuldig really was badly injured their chances to escape were now rather slim.

"Schu, I'm really sorry. Please, tell me, what can I do?"

The whimpering stopped abruptly and was replaced by a hopeful voice.

"Kiss and make it better?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Farfarello stood in front of the open door; Bombay's scream still ringing in his ears.

Crawford stepped grinning past him, patting him on his way into the foyer good natured on the shoulder. "Well done, Farfarello."

Nagi followed their leader, giggling hysterically like a little girl.

Birman rushed past him, shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

And Farfarello himself was in shock. He couldn't believe what had happened to him. Slowly blinking, he tried to mentally grasp the last minute. He had had the perfect stance, the perfect madman mimic to give every Weiss member who would open the door a heart attack.

But something went wrong. Very wrong.

Because Bombay had thrown a Popsicle at him.

After sprinkling him in saliva.

And this was the most disgusting experience ever.

And from judging Crawford's grin, their leader had known the whole time this would happen to him.

Farfarello's golden eye narrowed and he pulled back his scarred lips, baring his teeth like a feral animal.

Oh, Brad and Bombay would pay dearly for what they did.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji was sitting at the kitchen table pressing an ice bag against his swollen cheek, and Ken was stroking lovingly through his hair to show him his whole sympathy about their rudely interrupted coitus, when a hysterical Omi interrupted them again.

Tilting his head, Yohji observed their youngest team member who was standing in the kitchen entrance, frantically waving his arms.

"Berserker!"

Fascinated, Yohji watched the spittle flew.

"Ew, Omi, that's _disgusting_."

Oh, Ken's voice of reason. But he had a point there.

After Omi's little outburst in the toilet room, Yohji wasn't so sure anymore about their chibi. Maybe Omi had a little nervous breakdown? Yohji concentrated on Omi's mouth. Maybe he would even start foaming out of it. This certainly looked much more than a simple breakdown.

"But… Berserker!"

Yohji rolled his eyes. "Come on, Omi. You don't have to act like one and spread spittle just to show us that you're disagreeing with our _healthy_ love-life."

Blinking in confusion, Omi reached up to his mouth, and blushed deeply. Cursing the three popsicles and the high sugar level in them that had promoted the spitting production, he wiped his mouth dry and swallowed a few times.

"Oracle!"

Shaking his head, Omi tried to correct Yohji. "No. Not _Oracle_. Don't you listen? It's _Berserker_!"

"No, Balinese is right. Good evening, gentlemen."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was speechless.

"Come on, Schuldig. It's time to move on."

"…"

"... I'm sorry, okay?"

"…"

"Just… take it like a man."

Take it like a man! After how Aya had treated him! Schuldig stared blankly into the darkness, pondering the question of what he had done to deserve such cruel treatment. He had only asked for a little kiss to make it better. And how had Aya reacted?

(flashback)

"Oh, poor baby, where does it hurt? Here?"

"Ouch."

"Or _there_?"

"OUCH!"

"Oh, maybe it's… _THERE_?"

"AHHHHH!"

(end flashback)

Schuldig could still feel Aya's heartlessly stabbing fingers on his sore back. How can someone so beautiful be so cruel? It was a miracle, really.

Suddenly, his head was carefully lifted and placed into Aya's lap. And a soft hand touched his cheek.

"Schu, I'm really sorry. I will tend your wound when we are finally out of the tunnel. I promise."

Schuldig melted and snuggled deeper into Aya's lap. The hand was alternately stroking his cheek and hair, and this was a very nice feeling compared to his hurting back. Sighing, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle touch. Seriously, he could get used to it. Maybe they could stay in this position for a while. Just he and Ran without further distractions. Yes, this was heaven.

"Schu!"

"Hm?"

"I can see a light! It must be the end of the tunnel!"

_Darn_. Schuldig balled his fists. _Why now?_

"Not now, Aya."

"But we can finally escape!"

"Just… give me a minute, okay?"

"Why?"

"Wounded man there, Aya."

"Funny. You're awfully calm about the fact that I've found the exit."

"_You_? Excuse me, but _I_ was the one who found out about this little fact!"

"You _knew_ the whole time and didn't say anything?"

"_What_? Of course I did! It isn't my fault that you were distracted, shivering every time I breathed!"

#CLANCK#

Loud moaning sounded through the darkness.

Followed by a pitiful whimper.

"… My head… Oh gods… My head…"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Blöder Hammel (germ.) Stupid wether... or something like that #cough#. It's German swearing.)

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: #bows deeply and bangs her head in shame on the floor in front of each reviewer#

Schu: What's she doing now?

Brad: It seems she's apologizing to every reviewer because of her late update.

Schu: Ouch. That must hurt. #smirks#

Brad: Jep. #gives out reviews to the others# Let's begin. **Hiei449**, thanks for your review. But you don't have to pity Schu and Aya. They've first to survive the forest.

Schu: #big eyes# Did you have a vision?

Brad: #grunts# No. It's rather obvious that your life in the forest will not be a funny one.

Ken: Oh, I've got **KyraEnsui**! Dear KyraEnsui, rabbits are _amazing_ creatures. They may be lazy but when they are at it, boy, you wouldn't believe me. They are _so_ _fast_!

Schu: #blinks# Ken, are you peeping on _rabbits_?... **Pandora.81,** AAAH! Quick, hide the review before Black Kitten can read it! Pandora gives her terrible tips how to handle ones muse!

Nagi: #singsong# Schu is afraid! Schu is afraid!

Farfarello: #cackles#… Liebe **cattley,** Oh, thanks. I will be particularly relentless, er, I mean _funny_ to Omi and Brad… Spittle… Ew…

Black Kitten: #interrupts her head banging# Oh, cattley, you certainly are _not_ strange. Once, I was drinking Red Bull and suddenly I had to laugh out loud. I covered my screen and keyboard with the sticky liquid. _That_ was a mess. Er, I'm off apologizing again. #returns to head banging while reading **Pandora.81's **instruction how to handle muses#

Schu: #shakes head# Strange people. #reads on#… **Angel Hoshi1,** You want to _spank_ me?

Black Kitten: #returns again, first bumps appear on her forehead# Angel Hoshi, I'm really humbled by your question to help you write a story, but you see, it's really hard work and rather time expensive, particularly if one is not a native speaker of the English language like myself. And I've little time because there're all the other stories I'm working on (in German), and then there's mulled wine and not to forget line-figure sex scene drawings.

Brad: Blah, blah. And so she continues… **Yami** **Kaosu**, This isn't OOC, this is OOOOOOOOC. Oh well, but you gave the two ladies special ideas. #looks at Birman and Manx#

Birman and Manx: #censored#

Brad: Er, okay, they're busy right now, but they ordered me to invite you to their wedding. However, #looks sternly# you don't have to pair me off with someone, Yami. I need no one.

Nagi: #singsong# Brad is a virgin! Brad is a virgin!

Brad: #blushes deeply#

Farfarello: #gets teary eyes# Oh, Yami, it was horrible! Omi spat at me!

Omi: #rolls eyes# Get over it. What are you? Ten years old?

Farfarello: Oh you little… Oh, a shiny new knife! Thanks, Yami! #jumps her#

Brad: #shakes head#… Dear **Kyra2**, thanks for loving me. That's nice. I have a #cough# big #cough# fan-club, but your declaration of love to me is… #sniff#… But it was the most humiliating experience in my life, hiding like a scared animal. HA! I SO do not hide myself! From nobody!

Nagi: #singsong# Brad is afrai-- #wack#

Brad: #gives fan back to Sanzo# Where was I? Ah, yes. But I had my revenge! I knew the _whole_ time that Omi would react like a Lama! Isn't this great, Kyra? BWAHAHA!

Schu: Wow, you don't fear Berserker's revenge?

Brad: OO … Oh. My. God.

Schu: Hm, who's next… **Tysoyo** **Kalli.** #reads#… #nods#… #nods#… #nods#… NO! The tunnel was not an interesting experiment! I got _hurt_! Look! #turns and shows Tysoyo Kalli tiny little bruise on his back#

Aya: Let me see. #takes magnifying glass#

Schu: #growls#

Black Kitten: #forehead deformed with bumps# I need a break… **Cieraco,** Oh, I hope you're well and this chapter wasn't too silly for you. But I must tell you that I'm immune to… puppy… eyes… #melts away#

Aya: #sniggers# Immune, my ass. Oops, I didn't just say this bad, bad word… **Koji-chan,** Oh, I remember her. She's this brave advocate of my virginity. #reads on# NANI? You're looking forward when Schu and I do the #beep# thingie?

Schu: YEAH! #makes happy dance#

Aya: Oh, just you wait. It will be #spoiler# for you!

Schu: OO

Black Kitten: #jumps up and down hysterically# **annakas**, Oh dear, you reviewed EVERY chapter! #wipes away tears# That's so great, I can't say how much I loved them! And I really liked how you pointed out certain parts of the chapters. But, you see, about the compromising position in the tunnel, I would never ever let the two make love in a dark, dirty, narrow, bugs and spider infested, bats flying--

Brad: Bats? Stop jumping. First banging, now shaking. Poor brain of yours.

Black Kitten: #sticks tongue out#… **Skeren** **Dreamera.** Wow, I'm one of only a few? #amazed#… You are right. It's a miracle but they do fit perfectly. Both are stubborn redheads. One icy and one as hot as the sun. Put them together and you have--

Ken: Steam?

Black Kitten: #glares# Baka. #looks chibi-like at Skeren Dreamera# Am I forgiven for my late update? Please? Pwwweeeaaase?

Brad: #snorts# After this lousy chapter? Keep dreaming.

Black Kitten: Grrrr… **Jiyuu.** Sorry, I am awfully late with my update and they still didn't get it on. #sniff# I'm a terrible, terrible person… #sees **yaoi-engel** sobbing# Oh gods, I can't see people cry… And my update took forever _again_! I'm worthless! #hugs Jiyuu and yaoi-engel and breaks down crying#

Schu: Oi. Group crying. I'm off.

Black Kitten: Heartless #beep#!… **gamegirl28.** #sniff# You liked it? Really?

Schu: She did. But does she still like it after this chapter?

Black Kitten: OO... You're so mean! #runs crying away#

Schu: #smirks# Ah, life is great.

Black Kitten: #comes running back# Spoiler for the next chapter. It's lemon time! Until then, minna-san! Bye!


	7. Part 7

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! I just found out that I'm at chapter 7 and the time length of my story hasn't even embraced 24 hours. Folks, I'm amazed. I think this is one of those endless stories which describe 2 days in over 100 pages. #sweat drop#

Schu: #yawns loudly and inspects his fingernails#

Black Kitten: Oookay. Here is something to wake you up. This chapter includes the promised lemon.

Schu: OO

Black Kitten: Yes, it's true. At first, I thought about making a funny lemon but in the end I decided against it. Why? It's quite simple. I had this sudden urge to make something serious. And furthermore, the story is already silly enough and more of it would make it kitschy.

Schu: #snorts# I'm really sorry to tell you this, but--

Black Kitten: Then don't do it. So, I want to apologise to everyone who is now disappointed. And if you, my dear readers, don't like my choice of serious lemon, or don't like lemons at all, please skip the part marked with /XXX/ and continue with the creatures of the night... or so.

Schu: #amazed# There're people out there who don't like lemons?

Black Kitten: Of course! Not everyone is such a hentai like me... I mean like _you_.

Schu: _Of course_. #smirks knowingly#

Black Kitten: Erm. About the spice of the lemon, I tried to make it R-conform. It was _really_ hard, and I hope it's decent enough to pass ffnet's censorship.

Schu: #shakes dramatically Black Kitten's hand# It was _really_ nice to meet you! Bye bye!

Black Kitten: #growls and hits Schu over the head# Baka. So, have fun, minna-san! Oh, before I forget. **Yami** **Kaosu,** I'm amazed that you figured it out!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings for this chapter: We've reached the #cough# R-rated #cough# part of the story. It's citrus time!

"blah blah"... _thoughts... /telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 7

Cursing the entire time on his crawling way out of the tunnel, Schuldig glared daggers at Aya's backside in front of him. As if it wasn't enough that he has got a damaged back, now he even has a swelling bump on his head for good measure. And all of it thanks to Aya's entirely incomprehensible and utterly brutal reactions.

Finally reaching the outside, he decided that he had had enough of this abuse and simply sat down in protest with folded arms over his chest. Narrowing his eyes in irritation, Schuldig tried to shoot laser rays into the back of the younger man's head to catch his attention.

And what did Aya? Aya had the nerve to ignore him completely. He didn't even look _once_ at him while busily scanning the forest for enemies. As if they had no other problems; he was hurt! Annoyed by Aya's lack of concern about him, Schuldig changed his fruitless tactic and started with a low whimper to show how much he was suffering. He got louder and louder until he had Aya's full attention.

"Hush, Schuldig! I can't concentrate when you are so loud!" And Aya continued to looked everywhere but him.

Schuldig couldn't deny that he was a little shocked about the heartless response. Completely taken aback, he watched as Aya nodded once, 'hn-ed', and expanded his search deeper into the forest until Schuldig lost sight of him. He stared a few minutes at the spot where the young Weiss leader had vanished until the unbelievable couldn't be denied anymore. Cheerily chirping birds were the only noises which greeted him, and they confirmed that he was in fact alone.

Forsaken.

Abandoned.

Dumped.

Aya wasn't coming back.

Unfolding his arms, Schuldig looked frowning down and began to pick on blades of grass. He knew that he hadn't been very rational in his hope for a little comfort from Aya, and he hadn't really expected much. Enemies don't hug each other when they are hurt. And his so-called injuries weren't that bad, either. They had hurt for the moment he had received them, but for an assassin like himself it was nothing. More like a gnat bite, if anything.

So it wasn't the physical part that nagged at him and produced this silly little sting in his heart. What really hurt was seeing Aya acting so coldly after all they went through together. Really, at least, Aya could have said good-bye to him.

Schuldig sighed deeply. Maybe he should just curl up a little and pity himself before he started his escape through the forest on his own. And he would forget about it. There was nothing to mourn when there wasn't anything else apart from his silly fantasies.

But damn it hurt.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya slipped through the forest soundlessly, cautiously checking his surroundings for any signs of the enemy's presence. It seemed that this part of the woods was clear, nothing to worry about at the moment. Satisfied, he finished the circle and returned to the small clearing by the tunnel, where he paused in amazement at the picture that greeted him. His lips curved up into a smile, and slowly, he walked up to Schuldig, watching the other assassin in fascination. It was a rare look into Mastermind's personality; a rare and utterly surprising one.

Schuldig sat there apparently unaware of his approaching and was absently plucking blades of grass. He looked tired from the trip through the tunnel. His long orange mane was a little unruly and parts of spider webs were hanging down from it.

And, Kami-sama, didn't he look cute with his cat-ears sticking out of it? Like a poor, abandoned kitten.

Frowning at the strange comparison, Aya's smile vanished quickly as he was finally standing at the German's side. He realized that Schuldig didn't look tired. In fact, Mastermind had a heartbreakingly sad look on his face and was softly sighing from time to time.

"Schu?"

Schuldig, seemingly startled by his voice, raised his head and round eyes met his. "_Aya_?"

Puzzled, Aya observed the astonished look on his face. The young German looked as if he couldn't believe that he was standing in front of him. Had Schuldig thought he would just leave him there? All by himself? Alone? After all they went through? _Together_?

"Baka," Aya chided him softly, and a strange warm feeling spread through his heart. The great and invincible Mastermind had been sad because of him. Kawaii!

Suddenly, Schuldig couldn't look into his eyes anymore, and with a slight blush on his cheeks he quickly changed his facial features into a nonchalant one. Clearing his throat and gazing off into the woods, he waved his hand as if he was fighting off annoying imaginary flies. "You see... My back... And head... That's all."

Utterly amused about Mastermind's attempt to overplay the fact that he had caught him off guard, Aya decided to help the poor, little, lost, and now stuttering kitten and to give him back his dignity.

"Ah, of course it still must hurt. Please, take off your jacket so I can tend the wound."

He crouched down behind the suddenly very stiff Schwarz member, ready to play along with the German's version. He would do his duty and would inspect the injury. Not that he really believed that Schuldig was badly injured, but there was a chance that the damage was bigger than expected. Schuldig certainly had been very vocal about it in the tunnel.

But Schuldig's response to his kind offer was the total opposite; instead of lifting the jacket he tried to stand up. And he would have succeeded if Aya's strong hands hadn't been there, firmly planted on his shoulders, pressing him mercilessly back into his sitting position.

Frowning at the other man's silly reaction, Aya resolutely took the initiative and made short process of the suddenly frantically squirming man. He was a little irritated by Mastermind's strange, childish behaviour, and so he ordered him in a firm voice to just hold still and pulled the jacket over the wriggling German's head without further ado.

Both of them stopped their movements at the same moment.

Blinking, Aya stared at the wound, and then pressed his hand quickly over his mouth to cover any traitorous noises which could be identified as laughter. The injury looked painful, but it was far from the hole Schuldig had moaned about so heartbreakingly the tunnel. The wound was nothing more than a large bruise with a few scratches on it. For an assassin it should be nothing. Well, now Aya knew why Schuldig had so desperately tried to hinder him in his examination. To make a fuss about a bruise was ridiculous, and all the whining and whimpering looked now very silly.

All in all, Aya's good-natured attempt to play along had backfired terribly, and now Schuldig was again confronted with a very embarrassing situation. And if his interpretation of the rigid form in front of him was correct, the young German was already waiting for a merciless teasing from him. Without doubt, this was _the_ chance for Aya to laugh his ass off and to wound Mastermind's ego into the next century. It would be the perfect revenge after all the teasing he had received at the hands of the Schwarz member.

But he couldn't. Not after seeing Schuldig so sadly tucking on grass.

Staring at the bruise, Aya realized that he had gotten them into a very tricky situation. Thanks to him, Schuldig's assassin-pride was in acute danger. Not that there were any witnesses around, it was simply a question of honour from one assassin to another. Very complex, such assassin-relationships.

Lightly tracing the bruise with the tip of his forefinger, Aya offered Schuldig an option to get out of this mess without losing his reputation.

"That bru--… painful wound must really hurt." _Argh, bad move!_ Aya cursed himself stupid when Schuldig grew even stiffer. He tugged the shirt back into its former state and tried it again, but this time with a little bit more tactfulness. Gently plucking spider webs out of the orange hair, Aya continued in a soft voice.

"My, my, aren't we a mess?"

Bingo! Schuldig relaxed immediately and Aya could hear him breathing out the air he had been holding. The tension vanished at once.

Schuldig stood up and stretched causally. "Oh, it's nothing, really. I've had worse that that, you know?" And he walked into the forest as if nothing had happened only a minute ago. After a few steps, Schuldig paused to throw a bored look over his shoulder.

"What are you waiting for? Come on."

The play was over. It was a complete success.

Grinning from ear to ear, Aya followed him into the woods. He walked up to Schuldig and they continued their escape route silently side by side. Glancing at the Schwarz member from the corner of his eye, he tried to sum up what he had learnt about his enemy over the last hours.

Behind the cold, smirking facade was a rich facet of laughter and playfulness, and sometimes pouts and sulks. And sadness. And not to forget his obvious love for teasing. And Schuldig was a hentai, definitely. Maybe not as much as Kurogawa, but still a hentai. Who seemed to like to rub himself on other people... and cuddle... but still, he was just a pervert. Yes, maybe a really perverted pervert. Who knows?

"_Mine_ is _bigger_ than _yours_."

_Nani?_ Aya jerked to a halt and stared bewildered at Schuldig who smirked back at him without stopping in his walk. Oh, he knew it! Hentai! But what in the world had Schuldig ridden to make penis comparisons all of a sudden? Aya was about to throw a harsh answer at him, his manhood pride was deeply insulted after all, when his eyes fell on the German's provocatively swinging backside.

Oh... OH!

Hardly suppressing a grin, Aya took the challenge and followed Schuldig quickly. Walking again side by side, he began to proudly defend his own size.

"Yes, Schuldig, but mine is _thicker_."

"Yeah, thick but _short_."

"It isn't the _length_ that counts."

"Do tell."

"... Mine is fluffier than yours!"

"Ha! Who needs a fluffy _stump tail_ when he can have a _real_ _long_ _elegant_ one."

"... ARGH!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

After Schwarz's more or less dramatic entry, Birman had the doubtful honour to inform Weiss about Kritiker's decision and Schwarz's agreement to make a truce. She ushered the two groups into the living room, escorted by loud protests coming from Yohji and Ken. Schwarz immediately took the big four-seated couch; leaving Weiss crowded with rigid backs and folded arms opposite of them on the much smaller one.

Now, there was a glaring contest between Crawford versus Yohji, and Farfarello versus Ken. They looked like two packs of wolves, staring at each other as if they were trying to force their personally chosen prey down by sheer will. Alpha-male's behaviour on its highest level.

Rolling her eyes in annoyance about this typical male attitude, Birman decided that it would be the best to busy herself with a fresh cup of coffee and vanished into the kitchen; gladly leaving behind the wall of icy silence. It was now up to them to start getting along.

While each of both participating pairs were absorbed with glaring at their personal opponent, the two youngest team members tried to communicate with each other without drawing attention at themselves. Omi wasn't interested in the other Schwarz members. He was occupied with staring at his boyfriend's colourful nose. Wrinkling his brows in confusion about the red dot with black spots on it, he silently mouthed his question to Nagi.

_What's this?_

Nagi blushed at Omi's critical observation of his well-being. He had so much to tell him about all the cruel humiliations he had to endure. He wished he had Schu's telepathy, but due to the fact that he wasn't gifted with it he was reduced to simple pantomime. Holding eye-contact with Omi, he pressed himself back into the couch to get out of his team members angle, tapped his nose once, and slowly tilted his head in Farfarello's direction who was sitting beside him to show Omi who was to blame for it.

"Something wrong with your nose, Prodigy?"

Omi's and Nagi's eyes widened at once and both boys shrank back into their seats. Nagi further than his boyfriend because of the amount of eyes suddenly directed at him. Omi was the only one who stared dumbfoundedly at Oracle. How did the Schwarz leader manage to see Nagi behind his Berserker-shield while still holding eye contact with Yohji? Creepy.

The four older men released their frowning at Nagi and returned to their precious pastime; the Glaring Contest. Or more precisely, Ken and Yohji were still glaring at their chosen opponent, Schwarz was another story. Crawford returned Yohji's glare with a smug one, while Farfarello oddly seemed to be pissed at Ken.

Ken for his part was scowling back at Berserker, completely unimpressed and fuming about the whole situation thrown at them out of the blue. _A truce, what a joke! Maybe we should even work together! Ha!_ _Not in this life! Never!_ Ken decided that Berserker could throw him murderous looks as long as he wanted, he would not lose his ground to that maniac.

Suddenly, Berserker narrowed his eye and hissed into the silence.

"You _knew_ it."

_Nani?_ _Where did this come from? _Blinking, Ken looked baffled back at Berserker. Just when he was about to demand an explanation from the madman, Oracle who was still smugly smirking at the angry looking Yohji also spoke up.

"Payback is a _bitch_."

_This sounded as if Oracle has private issues with Yohji!_ Ken turned surprised to his boyfriend who was answering Oracle's smug look with a thoughtful one. _What has happened between the two men?_ Ken thought, stunned about the unexpected discovery. _Yohji has never told me about this!_

"How _dare_ you."

Totally confused about another one of Berserker's strange accusations at him, Ken looked again bewildered back to the madman while Oracle continued with an icy voice at Yohji.

"Nobody destroys _my_ living-room."

_What? When has Yohji destroyed Oracle's living-room?_

"You will pay for that. I _swear_." Berserker again.

Ken's eyes widened at the threat directed at him; astonished listening to all the ridiculous accusations thrown at him and Yohji. _Why isn't Yohji saying something?_ Ken was about to open his mouth to finally defend themselves when Oracle interrupted him again. What followed was a bombardment of accusations and threats from Berserker and Oracle at Yohji and him, so fast that Ken became dizzy listening to them.

"_Nobody_ can fool an Oracle."

"Oh, just wait and _see_."

"Hn. You would be the _first_."

"You can already start to cower in _fear_."

"Ha. I dare you to do it."

"Bastard."

"I double dare you."

"Cretin."

"I triple dare you."

"Son of a--"

Ken had had enough. Nobody insulted him or his beloved Yohji. So he jumped up and shouted his frustration about the ongoing accusations, threats and insults against him and his boyfriend at the two Schwarz members.

"What the hell is wrong with you two? Cut it out! Leave us alone!"

And he succeeded, somehow, because it was actually silent for a moment. But in exchange for this little victory Ken got more attention than he had been wishing for. He wasn't really surprised about the irritated looks Schwarz were giving him, but why were Yohji and Omi looking at him as if he had done something incredibly stupid?

"Siberian," Oracle interrupted his bewildered thoughts with slightly raised eyebrows. "I take it from your not entirely subtle effort to join in our conversation that you have something to say in this, and I want to add _personal_ matter between Berserker and me?"

"Cute. Little kitten wants to play, too?" Berserker licked his lips in a feral manner while staring at Ken as if he was a _very_ tasty prey.

"Ano... Boku wa..." Meekly sitting down again, Ken blushed furiously. Goddess, this was embarrassing. Maybe he could turn back the time. Or crawl into a hole. Or vanish. Or all three of it. And why had Yohji known that the accusations and threats weren't directed at them? It hadn't been _that_ obvious!

Birman, watching the whole scene from her spot at the kitchen door, shook her head in frustration. She had no idea what had driven Ken to interrupt a clearly private discussion between the two Schwarz members, but it wasn't in her hands anymore. And for that she was thankful. But they were still her boys, and so she decided to help them out by pushing them into the right direction.

"Guys, maybe you should start to introduce yourselves. Or will you call each other by your codenames for the rest of your lives?"

What she received for her effort were two Weiss-snorts, two Schwarz-smirks, and two very childish I-know-something-you-don't-know grins from the teenagers. Narrowing her eyes in annoyance about the disinterest shown at her good-will, Birman turned to the exit. She would leave them alone so that they could bite off each others heads, but not after getting her revenge. And she delivered it with her most cheerful voice directed at the boys from Weiss.

"Oops, I _almost_ forgot. From now on, Schwarz is living here, too. Have fun, children."

Three voices shouted as one.

"WHAT?" "NO!" "I'M TAKING NAGI!"

Four pair of eyes and a single one turned to Omi who instantly went rigid. _Oh Kami-sama, please, I didn't just say this out loud! Please, no, no, n--_

"Could you please repeat this for me?"

_Nooooo! _

"Um, I... Look, Yohji... We have only four bedrooms. Therefore, we have to share them. And you can't demand that Nagi should share a room with one of you. Ken and you are both adults, and Nagi is a _teenager._ I'm _horrified_ about such immorality. Shame on you, Yohji!"

Looking scandalized at Yohji, Omi grinned inwardly and silently congratulated himself. It was brilliant. Nobody can say something against _this_ argument.

"Who said that one of us will be sharing a room with one of Schwarz?"

"And why are you calling Prodigy Nagi?"

"Interesting Question, Siberian."

"Yes, you little spit spitting Lama. Tell us."

Omi sat paralyzed, trying to bring the interrogation like questions into an order when a small voice spoke up.

"But Omi doesn't know my name, really."

The silence was as long as it took four and a half pair of eyes to turn surprised to the owner of said voice.

"What the... Prodigy knows Omi's _name_?"

"I don't understand... Yohji, calm down!"

"Hn. That was unexpected, even for me the Oracle."

"HA! I can't believe it! That was even stupider than that nonsense from the Lama. What's your name then, genius? Rumpelstiltskin?"

"Stop making fun of Nagi!" Omi shouted and was instantly supported by his lover who was glaring daggers at Berserker.

"Omi is NOT a Lama!"

"Yohji," Ken's hesitant voice drifted through the room. "Why is Berserker calling Omi a Lama?"

"... I have no idea, Ken."

"_Lama!_ _Lama!_"

"Farfarello, your behaviour's ridiculous."

"You have something to say, _Brad_?"

"MY KOI IS NOT A LAMA!"

Silence.

"_Koi_? What the... Omi, what the hell--"

"Please, tell me Prodigy is talking about the fish. Please. Please. Plea--"

"Ken, that's just stupid."

"Oh, _pardon_ _me_ for being so stupid, Yohji. I'm trying to clasp my mind around the fact that Prodigy is calling _our_ innocent Omi his BOYFRIEND!"

"Gods, Ken, do your really think Omi's still a virgin? He's eighteen, for Christ's sake! Who in the world is still a virgin at _eighteen_?"

"Ano, Aya is older than I and--"

"Omi had already SEX?"

"Ken... Love, sometimes you amaze me."

"So? Do I? Then let me tell you one thing, _my dear_ _Yohji, _about something sooo amazing that you will have _weeks_ to realize what it means. I'll give you a hint. You can start giving Little Yohji the hand, because from now on you're sleeping ALONE!"

Yohji gaped after his outraged boyfriend as Ken stomped out of the room and banged shut every door on his way through the house. What the _hell_? What had he _done_?

"Come on, Nagi-kun. We should leave the _grown-ups_ alone."

Speechless, Yohji looked after the two teenagers who were leaving the room, demonstratively holding each other hands. What the... _hell_?

"Troubles with your boyfriend, Balinese?"

Yohji turned slowly to Oracle who seemed to be utterly amused about his personal disaster. Next to the smirking Schwarz leader sat Berserker who made a thoughtful face. Regarding him with a pensive look, Schwarz's madman stood up.

"Personally, I really like Hidaka's idea. You know what I mean, ne, Brad? Think of me when you're all alone, lying in the terribly cold bed with only a thin sheet to warm up your body. Oh, and I haven't forgotten your little dare from before. So, don't let the boogieman scare you. Sweet dreams, _darling_."

Yohji's jaw hung low as he watched how the shockingly sane acting Berserker lazily strolled out of the living-room, leaving behind a gawking Schwarz leader whose face was gradually turning white.

Wha--... _Berserker _and _Oracle_?

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig and Aya had a relaxing, silent walk through the woods, and both enjoyed it immensely after all that had happened in the past hours. Coming to a hill, they decided to take a break and prepare for the upcoming night.

Sitting down on the surprisingly comfortable ground, Aya inspected their hiding-place on the top of the hill. They were surrounded by a few larger rocks, it was a perfect place to overview the woods and to be hidden from the enemy's eyes at the same time.

A cool breeze started up and let little goose bumps appear on his skin. The thin material of his trousers and the sleeveless open jacket didn't really help to hold the natural heat of his body. Gingerly rubbing his arms, Aya glanced over to the other assassin. Wasn't Mastermind cold as well?

Schuldig sat a few metres from him with his upper body leaned backwards supported by his outstretched arms. His head was tilted back, and his eyes were turned up to the slowly darkening sky. The German was occupied at the moment, therefore Aya dared to observe him more openly.

The Schwarz member was looking peacefully, even a little dreamy as he watched the slow but constant change of the evening sky. His fine and handsome features reflected his calmness. To Aya, he looked younger than ever before. The long orange hair was flowing like a cascade of shiny silken strands down his back, and his neck was curved back gracefully. Aya could make out the fine lines of the muscles of Schuldig's slender but surely powerful arms, and the smooth chest rose and fell in a calm manner.

Aya's eyes travelled down to the flat belly where he rushed with slightly pink cheeks over the groin to slow down again by the legs. Graceful and slender like the rest of the body. Schuldig was indeed a handsome person. Rubbing his arms, Aya glanced at the groin. There was one little secret that he hadn't discovered yet. Was Schuldig really a natural orange-red one?

"Aya?"

Aya's eyes shot up. Blushing scarlet at the thought of being caught while peeping on the older man, he fastened his eyes in a shy reaction on the fine drawn lips, pink, almost red. And they looked very velvet and kissable... Horrified, Aya stared at Schuldig's bottom lip. _Oh Kami-sama, am I crazy? What if Schuldig is reading my mind?_

"Are you cold, Aya?"

Surprised, Aya met the German's friendly look. Could it be that the telepath wasn't scanning his mind? Not entirely convinced, Aya nodded cautiously in reply and watched as Schuldig gracefully stood up, went to him, and settled down again. And then, two arms embraced him from behind to pull him back towards a warm body. Aya stiffened automatically.

"Relax, Aya. It's just sharing body heat, nothing more."

Biting his lips, he thought about the calmly spoken words. Schuldig's arms were wrapped around him in a loose manner, not really threatening. And Schuldig was right. The air was getting colder, and sharing body heat wasn't an irrational thought. But what really eased his mind was the fact that the Schwarz member's groin and attached properties were separated from his own bottom through the bunny tail. No danger for him to get further embarrassed.

Comforted by this reassuring detail, Aya closed his eyes, relaxed, and leaned into the source of warmness. He had to admit that it was a very comfy feeling, resting like this in Schuldig's arms. The German's heartbeat was a slow and steady one and calmed him even further down. And with the silence came the thoughts, and Aya began to muse about the last hours.

He had come to like Mastermind, was enjoying his presence with a surprising easiness by now. And he had to admit that he had done him wrong, accusing him the whole time of being a pervert. The young man had never really tried something immoral.

Aya himself was the one who had those erotic images about cat tails. He had even kissed the German in Kurogawa's room. And all those other awkward situations had been due to circumstances. He had misinterpreted them totally and had simply overreacted. It wouldn't really surprise him if Schuldig thought of him as a nervous breakdown on two legs.

Maybe Yohji had been right and he should finally get laid. He hadn't really had the time with all the missions, and he hadn't even dared to waste one thought on it before he hadn't succeeded in killing Takatori and saving his sister. But now, all of it was lying in the past. Aya-chan was safe, and the monster that had once destroyed their life was dead.

So, how would it be to experience the famous little death with someone else? Could he really give up so much of his control and lay it into another one's hands? It should be someone with experience. Not as much as Yohji, more of the serious kind. A romantic one wouldn't be bad. And he should be gentle. Like Schuldig had said, the first time should be something special.

Speaking of Schuldig, how would it be to make love to him? Would Schuldig be gentle, or would the German just throw him down onto the ground to ravish him until he was screaming himself hoarsely in the inferno of pure... animal... lust...

_GAH!_ Aya shook is head. He was more like a sex-hormone on two legs at the moment. He knew Schuldig wasn't interested in him, so he should just stop daydreaming about it. Sighing at his ridiculous thoughts, Aya nestled deeper into the arms and continued to watch the late afternoon sky.

It was very peaceful.

Until Schuldig shifted and the arms took in a new position. Now, the right hand lay on Aya's belly while the other one was placed on his left thigh.

With slightly quickening heartbeat, Aya glanced from the corner of his eye warily at Schuldig. The German still had this calm day-dreaming expression on his face and there wasn't any trademark smirk. No signs to get alerted about. Inwardly shaking his head about his jumpiness, Aya decided that there was no harm done with the new position. He relaxed again while smiling in annoyance at his paranoia. Snuggling even closer into the body behind him, he returned to watch the sky.

Aya was focusing on one particularly beautiful cloud when slender fingers started to move and began to lightly stroke his belly. He could feel the forefinger slowly drawing invisible lines on his skin, and the tip of the finger was gradually but constantly getting closer and closer to his bellybutton.

Widening his eyes in realization of what was happening, Aya's heartbeat sped up again and a light shiver ran through his body. The finger changed its direction to circle his bellybutton until it was tracing the outline of it. Closing his eyes, Aya tried to control his body reaction to the teasing touch. He knew that Schuldig wasn't really aware of his doing, and to react harshly to it would be an act of a hysteric man.

However, Aya had a real problem. He wasn't in denial, not anymore. He had to admit that Schuldig was handsome, and the thought of sleeping with him wasn't so absurd anymore. So he wasn't really rejecting the touch. It was an arousing one, which was teasing a certain body part of his slowly into awakening and the warm feeling already spread through his groin.

Aya was in a terrible situation. His hormones were getting wild while Schuldig was sitting behind him, completely unaware of what was happening. And the thin trouser couldn't cover up the slow raising of his erection. Schuldig would see it by any minute!

Suddenly, the hand finally came to a rest right under his bellybutton. Aya sighed silently in gratitude.

Until the palm began to rub.

Aya's heart started to hammer in his chest and panic rose in him. He didn't know what he should do. The only thing he was aware of at the moment was that he was getting harder and harder and...

Schuldig leaned forward. His warm breath washed over the outside of his ear and Aya's toes curled up in reflex to the teasing of this erogenous zone of his. He could feel Schuldig tightening his arms further, and at the same time, the young German started to whisper melodiously into his ear.

"Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

/XXX/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was laughing softly when Aya pushed him down to straddle him. "You read my mind! The _whole_ time!"

Sparkling green eyes greeted him from below. "I'm sorry, Aya... No. I'm certainly _not_ sorry."

"Oh, you..." Aya threw up his arms in resignation and sat back on Schuldig's lap. And immediately froze up. He could feel something under his bottom. Something hard. And long. And very hot.

Schuldig smiled up at him, placed his hands on Aya's face, and pulled him down. His voice was as soft as the look in his eyes.

"Come here, Aya."

When their lips met, both men shut their eyes. It was a tender exploring of the other one's lips, nothing harsh or wild about it. Fingers laced through Aya's hair, stroke over it, pressed him gently into the kiss. A tongue tracing over his bottom lip let him shiver in anticipation. Opening his mouth to the teasing, he met Schuldig half on the way with his own one. He encircled it, battled with it a little before pushing his way into the other man's mouth.

Deepening the kiss, Aya explored the hot and wet cavity. Schuldig's soft sighs filled him. Hands brushed over his shoulders down to the small of his back, stopped and rested there, almost as if they were unsure about their rights to go further down.

Aya's arousal hardened at this small gesture. Schuldig was approaching him as if he was a scared animal that would bolt with any wrong move. The young German was visibly holding back his own desire, suppressing the dominant part of his by acting quite passively toward the young man above him. Mastermind, the embodiment of power and control was giving the lead into Aya's hands to receive his entire trust.

Shivering at this symbolic act of submission, Aya parted from Schuldig's mouth and stared down at him with lust filled eyes.

"Do you realize that you have woken up the beast, Schuldig?"

"The beast, huh?" Gasping slightly from the kiss, Schuldig cupped Aya's face gently with one hand. Following the cheekbone with his thumb, he trailed down to the shiny moisten lips.

"Aya, I know it's your first time. I won't deny that it's going to be a little painful, but please, trust me. I will make it perfect for you. I swear."

Aya's eyes got a strange glimmer. Licking his lips in anticipation, he tilted his head into Schuldig's tender touch. "I know you won't hurt me."

The removing of their clothes was as arousing as the kiss. They explored each other leisurely, touching and stroking while lips left wet lines on hot skin. Other positions took over until Aya was lying on his back. Schuldig kissed his way down the chest, licked over sensitive nipples and played them with his lips and teeth teasingly into erection, driving moans from Aya's throat.

Hands were caressing his long orange hair as he travelled further down to the groin, to the source of heat that was awaiting him. Taking it in, he was feeling and tasting the texture and flavour of Aya's arousal with his tongue and mouth, savouring every bitter-sweet drop of his essence.

Aya moaned loudly and bit hard on his lower lip at the sensation of the hot and wet mouth on him. It was fantastic. Every nerve of his body seemed to be stimulated by this. His nipples were hard and sensitive to Schuldig's touch, and he could feel the tightening of the muscles in his inner thighs. Pure lust spread through his body and focused with growing intensity on his groin, and it left him shivering helplessly through the little waves.

Whimpering, Aya fisted the long hair and drove himself deeper into the hot cavity. And Schuldig opened himself. He took him further in and intensified the pressure even more with his throat, letting him feel for the first time the overwhelming bliss of being pleasured by another man.

Aya shuddered violently at the feeling of the tight and hot throat surrounding him. Never in his life had he felt something so incredible. The throat muscles held him in a strong grip, and every time Schuldig swallowed they contracted around his hard flesh. They were manipulating him mercilessly, and Aya knew he couldn't hold back any longer.

Gasping, he broke the intense contact and pulled himself out. He drew Schuldig up and kissed him eagerly, tasting himself in the other man's mouth. Letting go of the swollen lips, he stared fervently into green eyes, silently asking the other man for his cooperation. And he got it in form of a small nod.

Excited, Aya turned their position and pushed Schuldig down on his back. Returning the favour he had been receiving, he concentrated on the groin and began to lick the swollen flesh in a slow and sensual manner, catching little drops of the bitter nectar with his tongue before wrapping his lips firmly around the shaft.

Closing his eyes, Aya gave all his attention to the proudly erected member. Massaging it, kneading it with his lips and tongue, he drew low moans from Schuldig that got louder and louder, confirming the success of his doing.

Aya stopped to wet his middle-finger with his salvia, hardly aware of Schuldig's protest whimper at the sudden loss of heat and dampness. Letting his hand drop between smooth thighs, he felt his way to the hidden entry. Carefully entering the tight ring, he watched green eyes widening in surprise and shivered excited at the shocked intake of breath. Satisfied about the reaction, Aya licked his lips and leaned down again to take Schuldig's evidence of lust into his mouth once more.

He knew he had found the prostate in the depths of Schuldig's tight channel when the young German cried out, desperately trying to find words of protest between pants and deep moans.

"Gods... Aya... _No_... "

Aya ignored his pleading and focused passionately on the two sensitive parts. Entering another finger, he massaged the bundle of nerves while devouring the pulsing hard flesh with his mouth. The moment he felt Schuldig reaching his climax, he withdrew from the glistering shaft but continued his assault on the spot deep within the older man.

Schuldig was helpless to the ongoing stimulation. His eyes flew open when the muscles in his groin contracted almost painfully. Overwhelmed by the intensity of the approaching orgasm, he threw back his head with a harsh cry and arched his back. Clawing his fingers into the ground he screamed, exploded helplessly and let the powerful climax take over his mind and body.

Fascinated, Aya watched Schuldig's intense orgasm, took in the uncontrolled shudder of the body, and listened to the harsh shout when the German released himself.

Schuldig's eyes fluttered close when Aya withdraw the fingers from his body, leaving him heavily panting on the ground. His body seemed to vibrate and his mind was in a tumult. Dazed, he tried to understand what had happened, how Aya could have succeeded so perfectly and easily in taking his breath away. He felt light-headed, and his skin was hot and flushed. Fingers were stroking over his damp forehead, a sign that Aya gave him time to ride off the strong waves of pleasure.

Aya shifted and turned Schuldig to the side until he was holding the heavily breathing man in a comforting embrace from behind. Sending kisses on slightly parted lips, he coated his fingers with the evidence of their passion and gathered the precious warm liquid on Schuldig's belly with his palm. Covering his own still pulsing manhood with it, he soothingly kissed Schuldig's shoulder and neck up to the ear. Freeing it from silken orange hair, Aya hoarsely whispered

"I love you."

before he entered him in one smooth thrust.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

/XXX/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

In the meantime, the creatures of the night prepared themselves for their nightly activities.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"... The beast, huh?"

Schuldig's exhausted voice drifted through the night. Absent-mindedly playing with strands of Aya's fine hair, he watched the appearance of the first stars on the sky.

Aya lifted his head from his place on the German's chest and smiled amused down at him. "I _did_ warn you, didn't I?"

Yes, Aya had warned him. But never in his life would he have imaged that shy virgin-Aya would simply change the roles and take over the seme part. _Never_. Not the young man who was currently resting so peacefully in his arms. Sighing in defeat, Schuldig admitted what he couldn't deny.

"Yes, you did. But I--"

"And you told me you won't hurt me."

"... Yes, but I thought that--"

"And that it would be wonderful for me. You were right, Schu. It didn't hurt and it _was_ wonderful."

Silence.

Aya brushed fondly a few strands out of Schuldig's tired looking face. When their lips met in a warm kiss, Schuldig winced a little in pain.

"Does it still hurt, Schu? Then I will kiss it and make it better." Leaning down to Schuldig's shoulder, Aya kissed the visible proof of their passion; his bite mark.

Schuldig closed his eyes when Aya's lips touched the stinging mark. His passionate lover had bit him hard while exploding deep inside him. It had hurt like hell, but gods, at the same time it had been so erotic that his second climax had been as intense as the first one.

A shiver ran through him as he thought of the consequences of this almost feral act. Marked by Abyssinian. Owned by Abyssinian? There was something Aya had said during their... lovemaking. Schuldig felt a bit insecure to ask about it, so he bit his lips to calm his nerves and voiced it cautiously.

"Aya, I have this funny feeling in my stomach. I think I love you."

A strong wave of affection toward his new found lover washed over Aya. Schuldig had spoken out loud what he had so deeply wished for, that the young German would share and return his feelings. Sighing happily, Aya answered him in all honesty.

"Ai shiteru, Schu."

After declaring their love so tenderly to each other, they snuggled up again into a warm embrace. Remembering Schuldig's words in the tunnel, Aya tried to express his happiness and gratefulness in the German's own native language. And when he spoke those words, he did it from the bottom of his heart.

"Blöder Hammel."

An accidentally past flying night owl was the only witness of Schuldig's comically widened eyes.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Translations:

Koi (jap.) Boy- or girlfriend, but the word also stands for a special fish / a Japanese fancy carp

Boku wa (jap.) Ich

Ai shiteru (jap.) I love you.

Blöder Hammel (germ.) Stupid mutton (German swearing) Don't get the joke? Reread chapter 6.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: #sings# Love is in the air, everywhere I look around!

Weiss & Schwarz minus Aya and Schu: #death glare at authoress#

Black Kitten: #gulps#... Guys? It wasn't _that_ bad.

Yohji: #glares some more and counts down# You made fun of Ken, Omi, Nagi, Brad, and... You destroyed my love life!

Black Kitten: Ano... But Schu and Aya got their own in exchange! Ne, Schu?

Schu: #shell-shocked# Aya... did... me... Aya... did... ME!

Aya: #high-five's himself# YAAAAAY!

Black Kitten: Erm... #fumbles with paper#... **Hiei4449.** #whispers# _Saaave_ _meee! _#louder# Thanks for your review! And you're so right. Poor Omi, poor, pooooor abused little Omichi #glances at Omi#

Omi: #busy with Nagi#

Black Kitten: #breaths a sigh of relief# Thank goodness, they're occupied... **RuByMoOn17. **#nods# Oh, yes. We _all_ love them dearly. Even if they don't believe us.

Yohji: #glare#

Black Kitten: **Angel Hoshi.** I'll give you an advice, Angel. After you've stopped playing with the bishounen in your story... run for your life!

Ken: #annoyed# Don't be such a drama queen. We haven't even started yet to get our revenge on you.

Black Kitten: Oh. Erm... **Yami** **Kaosu!** It really took me by surprise that one of my readers had actually figured out the seme/uke symbolism in my story! Congratulations! If I were a fairy, I would reward you with three free fishes... no… wishes... or was it dishes? #totally confused#

Ken: Oh gods, now she's getting really crazy. Mutters something about symbolisms in her story.

Brad: Is she talking to the reader who desperately wants to pair me up and take away my precious virginity?

Farfie: #smirks# But darling, I've already popped your cherry!

Brad: OO ... WHAT?

Farfie: #winks at Yami Kaosu# See, I'm already plotting, my dear.

Black Kitten: Hush, all of you! Don't give away my story line! Next review. **Koji-chan**. #blushes and squirms# Oh my, did you like it? I hope the lemon part wasn't too serious for you. Gomen ne if you are disappointed because you have been waiting for a funny one. And please, I beg you, don't tell Aya what Blöder Hammel means in English... or Japanese. He will not only take his revenge on Schu, but on me, too!

Yohji: #sarcastic# Oh, _now_ we are getting cold feet? Aya! There's something you should knooooow!

Aya: #ignores everything and everybody and makes an insane happy dance around the still shell-shocked Schu#

Black Kitten: Ha! Aya's too lucky to listen to you! #sticks tongue at Yohji#... **gamegirl28**. YES! #shouts at Weiss and Schwarz# I'M YOUR GODDESS YOU UNGRATEFUL MINIONS AND YOU SHOULD WORSHIP ME!

Weiss & Schwarz: #gawking at Black Kitten and then break down in hysterical laughter#

Black Kitten: Mou. It didn't work. Why?... Oh. I see. I forgot the FRYING PAN!

Weiss and Schwarz: # stop their hysterical laughter immediately and continue with whatever they have done before… glaring, fuming, brooding, making-out, being shell-shocked, and something that looks like... dancing#

Black Kitten: #cheers# Ha! Fear me!... **Pandora.81**. #falls to her knees and begs shamelessly# Please, don't tell Aya about the Blöder Hammel! _Pleeeeaaaase_! I _beg_ you!... The muses can really sign up for a new authoress? Don't tell me there's even something like a muse union? #glances at Schu#. Maybe I _should_ have given him the seme part. Or some lube. Schu? Honey? Does it still hurt?

Schu: … did... me… Aya… did… me…

Black Kitten: Oh my. **Bloodrose** **'Valentine' Foxxstar**. #thinks hard about Foxxstar's idea# Hm, yes, it _could_ work. Hitting Aya could solve my problem with one stroke... literally. #snickers#. And then I'm hugging Schu and everything's groovy again.

Aya: #stops dancing out of the blue# I forgot to ask. What does Blöder Hammel mean?

Black Kitten: OO... #turns her back at Aya and whispers her review reply to **A Glass of Water**. Thank you for your review! You see, in my dictionary, mutton stands for the meat of this animal, so I took wether (the zoo. name) instead of mutton. But I'm willing to learn so I put mutton to the translation sector...

Farfarello: #points smirking at Black Kitten# Oi, everybody! She is talking to a glass of water!

Schwarz & Weiss: #throwing meaningful looks at each other and mutter# I knew it!.. I can't believe it!... Nobody who writes such a story can be sane!. We should lock our rooms at night!... Someone should call the mental home!... Aya... did… me…

Black Kitten: Gods, you're all so childish… #snickers#... Glass of Water... #cough#. **KyraEnsui**. #grin#. Did Aya a good job in torturing Schu a little more? Schu certainly was a little shocked about his uke status. In the middle of the woods. Without any lube. BWAHAHAHA!

Schu: #whimpers miserably#

Aya: #sighs blissfully in memory#

Black Kitten: See, _everybody_ is happy.

Schu: #wails pitifully#

Black Kitten: ... Or so. **Skeren** **Dreamera**. Thanks for reviewing! But they weren't in the bedroom when Schwarz appeared. Argh. I should have thought of something like that. And I would never hunt someone down! I only stuck them into my lo-tort-chamber #cackles#. But I must admit that I'm a total Weiss Kreuz fan at the moment and due to the fact that I've little time for reading all those stories about them, I don't change to another fandom, sorry. But I really hope that you get many, many reviews, because now I know how hard it is to write a story.

Ken: #mutters# And how hard it is to read such stupid stories like yours.

Black Kitten: #teary eyes# That was mean. #shrugs# **annakas**. Hi! Did you get enough with this part? Aya beeped Schu! Our tense and jumpy Aya took over the lead, and Schu completely lost his precious control. Crazy little world we are living in. #giggles#

Aya: #dreamy eyes and sighs from time to time#

Black Kitten: **sapphire-wolf**. OH GODS! I totally forgot to update on MMorg. Argh, I'm horrible. Thanks for mentioning it. And thanks for liking the story! I'd never have thought that there are so many Aya/Schu lovers out there. Hope you enjoyed this part, too. I gave it my entire attention and energy and spirit. #cough#

Ken: #angry# Don't forget the part where you made _fun_ of me.

Black Kitten: Hmm, funny, can't remember. **Zanzahra**. Danke! Honestly, I tried my best to hold up the humour on the same level as in the previous chapters. But it was a little harder to do so, especially after the more or less serious lemon part. I'm babbling. Sorry. **yaoi-angel**. #grins# Was there enough yaoi for a little angel? Hope you had as much fun reading it as I had while writing it.

Aya: I _loved_ it!

Black Kitten: I know you did, cutie. Trust me, we ALL know it by now.

Aya: What do you mean?

Schu: Aya, didn't you notice? The readers were peeping on us the whole time.

Aya: OO

Black Kitten: #gulps# Erm. I will now run for my life. Until the next chapter, minna-san. _AAAAHHHH!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.


	8. Part 8

Black Kitten & Schu: #both moved to tears#

Brad: I don't want to know.

Black Kitten: **Gamegirl28** gave me the Giant Frying Pan of Doom and Pain! Look! #sniff# It even has a red bow around the handle!

Schu: And I've got a photo from **Hope**. And it shows _me_. And I'm sooo beautiful!

Brad: Oh Gods, now we have a narcist and a crazy authoress with a weapon. #shudders# I give up. Onto the story.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language. Hm, there's a late warning; Black Kitten likes to mislead her readers. XD

"blah blah" … _thoughts… /telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 8

It was a beautiful dawn. The air was fresh and clear. The raising sun was slowly lightening up the rest of the night sky and painted the few clouds in a soft pink. Rays of golden lights shimmered through the woods, bathing the area in a gentle morning light. Little birds shook out their tiny wings and started to chirp their delightful songs; a lovely greeting to the freshly awaken morning. It was peaceful and heart-warming. It was wonderful. It was...

pure mocking for Schuldig.

He was stiff from sleeping on the wooden ground. His back still hurt, he had a bump on his head, and a throbbing pain in his temple thanks to a terrible headache. The morning light was too bright and burnt his eyes, and his right shoulder was bruised and very tender from Aya's passionate bite. He had a few scratches from surprisingly sharp fingernails that itched awfully, and his butt... Now, let's just say he was a little sore in certain regions.

And as if this shouldn't be enough, he had the incredible luck to step on a not so small and pretty nasty pointy stone only a few minutes ago and was now limping.

Hallelujah!

And Aya?

The young Weiss assassin had taken over the lead and was now cheerfully walking in front of him, happy with the whole world and completely unaware of Schuldig's misery. Every time their eyes met, Aya graced him with a beautiful smile on his lips and his violet eyes were shining of joy and love. He was like the sunshine himself... or a really happy bunny, with those small fluffy ears sticking out of his hair.

Aya was downright adorable, and every time he threw Schuldig one of his love-filled looks, the young German's stomach was filled with little butterflies. So, despite his soreness and slowly upcoming grumpiness, Schuldig also was very happy. And therefore didn't complain and smiled bravely back; though all he wanted right now was a warm chamomile hip bath to soothe at least a certain pain in certain regions.

Now, to sum it up, while Aya was acting like a love stuck teenager, Schuldig felt more like an eighty year old with advanced rheumatoid arthritis. And this got him into a terrible situation.

The last thing he wanted right now was to let his lover see the real condition he was in. He was a Schwarz assassin, for crying out loud. He was the cool, always smirking, everything knowing and nothing-can-bother-me Mastermind. Daredevil was his second name.

So, Schuldig didn't want to appear like a whimpering, whining little brat in front of Aya. Not again. The embarrassing episode about the bruise on his back in the clearing the evening before was still very vivid in his mind, and he just knew that this would already haunt him for the rest of his life. It was undeniable one of those degrading experiences where your lover will still roar with laughter about it after _eons_ while your own face will cramp up into a parody of a smile even though all you want is to cry in humiliation.

Therefore, Schuldig had to defend his pride and hard-earned image. And there was this very strong urge to show his masculinity after his absolute unforeseen uke status from last night. And to succeed in this task he had to improvise a little.

Aya turned to him - Schuldig showed him his broadest grin and walked fleet-footed. Aya turned away - Schuldig's face fell and he limped. Simple... or so he thought. They had played this for at least half a dozen times by now, and it was getting harder and harder for him. The last time, he had even shouted _Cheese!_ in his mind to make his grin especially effective.

It was ridiculous, really.

Sighing and gently rubbing his temple to ease the throbbing pain, Schuldig continued to limp after Aya, carefully watching him for any treacherous moves to react in time. Could it really get any worse for him? Yes, it could, and in fact it already was.

He still had to enlighten Aya about the Blöder Hammel... _misinterpretation_ and he had absolute no idea how to act without risking Abyssinian's wrath. In addition to this difficult problem he was also suffering from an acute nicotine withdrawal, was terribly thirsty, and his last so-called meal had been about twenty-four hours ago; before Crawford had made short process and had driven him to this idiotic mission. If he had known that this would end in a complete disaster, he wouldn't have shoved the food on his plate from one side to the other. No, he would have licked the plate clean and eaten the fridge empty while smoking as much cigarettes as possible.

And now, he had the terrible yearning to suck on something, his mouth felt like a piece of cotton wool, and his empty stomach was rumbling like an uncontrolled wild beast. The noise was getting quite loud and Aya should have heard it by now, but the younger man didn't react to it at all. Aya was apparently still walking on air, and Schuldig felt pretty proud about it that he was the one responsible for it. But there was also this teeny-weeny chance that Aya was just ignoring it tactfully. Or Aya had gotten deaf over the night, who knows.

Slightly confused, Schuldig took a better look at the Weiss leader's condition. He didn't know about Aya's last meal, but he knew that his lover had nothing to eat at the target's mansion, so Aya had at least twenty hours without any food or fluids. But the Weiss assassin didn't seem to be the slightest affected by it, happily floating on an imaginary cloud straight forward towards… Come to think of it, they were in the middle of nowhere without any signs which direction or way they should take back to Tokyo.

_Where the hell is Aya going? _Schuldig furrowed his brow. Okay, there were many questions that plagued him right now, and it was time to get some answers. Mentally putting them into order considering their importance and urgency, Schuldig rushed at Aya's side to start with the one that puzzled him the most.

"Aya?"

"Hai, Schu?"

"Where did you learn to pleasure a man?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"NANI?" Aya was so startled by Schuldig's question that he almost tripped. Horrified, he stared doe-eyed at the young German.

"Oh, come on, Aya. Don't make this shocked face on me. It's sort of weird. From Cute-Little-Virgin-Aya to Grrr-Let-Me-Ravish-You-Silly-Tiger in only… what? Minutes?"

Blushing, Aya speed up in his walk. There was this tiny chance that if he didn't respond, Schu would drop it. What he received for his optimism was his first lesson about one of his lover's many streaks; persistence. Schuldig even jumped in front of him and stretched out his arms to hinder him in his walk… or escape, depending on the point of view.

Aya stopped, slightly irritated, and folded his arms in a defensive reaction. Ignoring the warm feeling on his cheeks, he glanced at the young German who laid his hands on his hips and raised one eyebrow in an I-am-waiting manner. Without doubt, Schu was determined to find it out.

So be it. He had _nothing_ to hide. Carefully blanking his mind for any possible telepathic intruders, Aya smiled in self assurance and answered in a steady voice.

"Bmnks."

"... _Bmnks_?"

"Hai. Bmnks."

"… Oh."

Aya nodded satisfied, gave Schuldig a little peck on his cheek, and stepped around him to continue in his cheerful walk with a smile on his lips. He had given an answer without humiliating himself. And now, Schu couldn't ask any further questions about his cryptic reply without giving away that he had absolute no idea of what it had meant. Men's pride was such a wonderful thing to play with.

Pleased, Aya sighed happily and took in a deep breath to fill his lungs with the wonderful, clear and fresh morning air when Schuldig's innocent coloured but paradoxically at the same time highly aroused voice appeared near his ear.

"Bmnks with _pictures_?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford had an awful morning.

He sat tired beyond words at the kitchen table with his head supported by his hands and pondered for the umpteen times about the question why the hell he hadn't just told Farfarello about the forthcoming spitting event.

At the time Crawford had had the vision of Bombay's not entirely intended spittle attack, he had thought of it as his own perfect revenge for the destroyed living-room. But now, he wasn't so sure anymore, because the price he was paying for such an innocent fun seemed too high at the moment.

He had had a complete sleepless night, always on the brink to jump in case Berserker decided to take his revenge on him. Crawford knew that he could just book a suit in a first class hotel in the centre of Tokyo, even take a whole floor on the top of the hotel with strategic well posted security. Not that Berserker would have any problems with some guards; Crawford wasn't _that_ unrealistic. Well, he would avoid the problem to some extent, and the extra large bed in the suit would have been more comfortable than the hard sofa in the chilly living-room of the Weiss home.

The simple fact that this would appear as the act of a coward helped Crawford in his decision to stay and face Farfarello like a real man. He would never degrade himself and show the young Irishman how much his threats really bothered him. However, Crawford wasn't very eager to wake up in the morning with a drawn beard on his face, either. Thus, consequently, all he had to do was to devise a well thought-out plan.

He was the leader of Schwarz, a deadly assassin, and a strategist to the core. And he wasn't called Oracle for nothing. So he had decided to prevent any possible attacks from Berserker by simply staying awake, and had built his faith on visions that would warn him about upcoming degrading events. But there weren't any visions, not a single one. And this made him _very_ nervous.

There were three possibilities. Firstly, Farfarello had finally acknowledged that he was due to his leader status taboo for any pranks... Okay, he had just found out that he actually had a sense of humour, or rather a grim sense of humour regarding the situation. Secondly, his gift was failing him, but that would be a first. And last but not least, the Irishman was just waiting for the right time.

Crawford voted for the last possibility, because he just _knew_ that Farfarello had been there the whole night, patiently waiting in some dark corner for him to fall asleep. He hadn't seen him with his own eyes, but he had felt the piercing look from the younger man, watching him like a panther its prey. And sometime in the early morning when the soft light of the dawn had started to lit the room, Farfarello had silently retreated, had simply vanished to take his chance some other time.

And now, Crawford sat there at 6 a.m. after already twenty-six hours without any sleep, wearily rubbing his eyes and staring down at his eighth cup of strong coffee. Sighing deeply, he rested his elbows on the table and burrowed his face in his hands.

What a fool he had been to believe that he could beat Farfarello in his own game.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yawning, Yohji shuffled into the kitchen, eyes red-shot. He ignored the Schwarz leader and helped himself with a cup of coffee before he sat down at the table. Regarding his opponent with raised eyebrows, Yohji drawled in an amused tone.

"Slept tight, Schwarz?"

Crawford, still pressing his face into his hands, spread his fingers to glare back. "I would have, but some idiot, let's call him Balinese to simplify matters, decided to make a fool out of himself by knocking the whole night at his boyfriend's door, begging like a whimpering little henpecked husband."

Blushing, Yohji snapped back over the brim of his cup. "At least _I_ had the courage and tried to make a peace attempt to calm down my boyfriend."

"I have no idea of what you're talking about, Kudou."

"Don't play dumb on me. It wasn't to miss that you have a little love spat of your own, oh great leader of Schwarz. Tell me, was it terribly cold and lonely without Berserker's _cuddling_?"

"I can assure you that Farfarello--"

"Oh, and just that you know it, you wannabe Oracle. Your crazy boyfriend spent the _whole_ _night_ with _my_ KenKen!"

"As I was about to say, Farfarello is--"

"And I can tell you that the squeaking of the coil springs was rather rhythmical!"

"Farfarello. Is. ... _WHAT_?" Shocked beyond words, Crawford stared speechlessly at Yohji. Farfarello had spent the whole time in Hidaka's room while he had been waiting for his strike like a paranoid little child for a monster to jump out of the closet? This _must_ be a joke.

"Ohayou!" Cheerfully greeting, a smug looking Farfarello entered the kitchen followed by a grumpy Ken who threw fairly impressive death-glares at Yohji and Crawford.

Crawford ignored Hidaka in order to glare daggers at Farfarello. Oh, that little Irish bastard will pay for his sleepless night!

Unimpressed and aware of the bystander, Farfarello blinked innocently back; his smirk carefully hidden behind a mug of coffee. All went according to his plan. Not really surprising, he was a master, after all. _And this is just the beginning, Brad. Just the beginning._

Narrowing his eyes, Crawford choose to drop this problem for the moment to clear up another one and turned back to Yohji to continue with his speech from before.

"Kudou. As I was about to say, Berserker is--"

"AAAAHHHH!"

Both men blinked at each other. That sounded like--

"AAAAHHHH!"

And that just sounded like--

"FARFARELLO! I WILL MURDER YOU!"

"MY HAIR... OH GODS... WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?"

Farfarello clicked satisfied with his tongue. Two flies down, one especially amusing one to go. Holding his cup in a mock salute, he smiled sweetly down at the last remaining fly, namely Crawford.

Crawford returned Berserker's mocking with baffled fascination. How the hell had Farfarello managed to prank the youngest of Weiss and Schwarz when he had been the whole night in Hidaka's room? Puzzled by the whole situation, Crawford watched with an unpleasant feeling when Farfarello's saccharine features changed in seconds into a cruel feral one. The golden eye narrowed and stared down at him like a viper on a helpless little mouse. It spoke of mercilessness and endless suffering for the leader of Schwarz.

Suddenly extremely tired, Crawford closed his eyes and pressed his face back into his palms.

Oh gods, and he even had the nerve to _triple_ dare Farfarello.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya's cheeks were glowing and he knew that he must look like a boiled lobster. So he had a few books about gay topics, so what? And there were pictures in them, but that was _nothing_ to be embarrassed about. He was a healthy young man, for heaven's sake! However, to overplay the little discomfort he felt nonetheless, Aya rolled his eyes and smacked the German playfully over the head.

"Schu no baka... Hentai."

_Kawaii!_ Schuldig thought enchanted. _Aya's_ _so shy that he refers to porn magazines as books!_

Delighted, Schuldig mentally ticking off the first mystery on his long list of puzzles, and self-confidently got straight ahead to the next matter of urgency. Stopping Aya in his walk, Schuldig cupped the Weiss leader's head in his hands and pulled him forward until their foreheads connected. Trying hard not to destroy his seriousness by crossing his eyes, Schuldig looked deep into the violet eyes.

"Aya, there's a... misunderstanding we have to straighten out."

"Hai?"

"Aya, I love you."

"... Hai?"

"But I'm _not_ the uke."

"… No?" Aya blinked slowly back into the green pools. Was Schu trying to hypnotize him?

"Yes. I mean no. However, I just want to clarify that uke is a big no-no for me because I'm a natural born seme."

"… Oh, I see... So I'm a natural born uke."

Schuldig wanted to embrace the world in joy, so relieved was he about how fast they had come to an understanding. Happy about the smooth success he placed an affectionate kiss on Aya's lips.

"Yes. You're my beloved, cute, little, beautiful and wonderful let's-say-it-together _uke_ kitten."

Aya tilted his head to the side and made a thoughtful face, nodded once, smiled happily, and planted a tender kiss back on Schuldig's lips. Cupping the handsome face in his hands, he looked lovingly deep into the emerald eyes before he answered in a gentle voice.

"Dream on."

"…? Okay, look, Aya. It's a fact that I'm without discussion the manlier man in our-- _Outch_!... You brute!… Aya?... Oi!... WAIT!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya stomped angrily through the woods, leaving behind a moaning Schuldig with a bruised ankle. Oh, he should have kicked him twice for his arrogance! Bastard! Idiot! Camel! How dare he compare him to a domicile housewife! He was the leader of Weiss! He was no ones uke! He was manlier than this longhaired idiot would ever become!

"Pardon? The length of my hair has _nothing_ to do with--"

Snarling, Aya turned around. "It's girlish!"

Aya knew at once that he shouldn't have said such a rash thing when Schuldig abruptly haltered in his steps and his posture changed into a defensive one. What followed was a low and somehow offended mumble.

"And this from someone who calls himself by his sister's name."

About to defend his chosen name, Aya opened his mouth just to close it again without making a furious reply. Schuldig was right. He was acting ridiculous. Shaking his head at his own foolishness and cursing his terribly short temper, Aya stepped up to his now quite taken aback looking lover and began to gently stroke through the long silken mane.

"Gomen nasai, Schu. It's gorgeous, don't you ever cut it. I'm just... a bit angry because you didn't like my lovemaking."

"What? No! It was perfect!"

"But you're complaining about it."

"I'm not complaining, Aya. It's just... You see… It was… I never… Götter, ist das peinlich."

Amused, Aya watched Schuldig's squirming and smiled benignly at the blush that slowly covered his cheeks. It seemed hard for the telepath to find the right words, stammering like this. He even used German words to express himself. Kawaii!

While Aya was patiently waiting for the explanation, he began to think about their problem. He couldn't really understand how Schuldig could demand the seme status in their relationship when the young German himself had been acting like a personified uke the night before. There was no mistake about it after all the moaning and shivering, the huskily shouted words of passion Schuldig had made during their lovemaking. The erotically slow withering like he had been in fever. The sharp intake of breath and the stunned look on Schuldig's handsome face as Aya had pushed himself deep into the hot and oh so... tight... channel...

Aya's eyes widened in realisation and his yaw hung low.

"You were a VIRGIN?!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig stomped angrily through the woods, leaving behind a hysterically sniggering Aya. Tactless little… doofus! Aya could really stop laughing his ass off by now. What was so funny anyway? So he had lost his uke virginity… to a virgin… he had tried to seduce. Gods, would the embarrassments never end for him?

"Schu… Come on… It's really funny."

"Ha! Tell that to my sore backside!"

"You're hurt? Why didn't you tell me!"

"… Oh, forget it!" Great, now he was back to whining little brat status. With his stupid luck, Aya would check him and will find nothing. Again. Now he was sure that he had been cursed. Maybe he had stepped on some old hag's warty toes in his former life?

"Please, stop." Aya grabbed his arm and turned him around. "I'm sorry I laughed, Schu. This time I would kiss it and make it better, but... I'm not ready for something like _this_ if you _know_ what I _mean_... To be honest, I don't think I will _ever_ be ready for..." Trailing off, Aya blinked in confusion at this weird train of thoughts. Trying to ignore Schuldig's widened eyes, he continued quickly.

"Schu, you've made such efforts and handled me so carefully to make it beautiful for me, and for that I love you even more. And I understand that we're equal in our dominance, so let's make a compromise. We will take turns."

"... Oh, okay. So does this mean that-- _mmmph_." Schuldig's question was gently interrupted by a kiss. Moaning, he closed his eyes and let himself drawn into heaven by wonderfully skilled lips until a loud grumble emerged from the depths of his stomach.

Both men stilled at the same time; one slightly blushing in embarrassment, the other one with a grateful expression on his face.

"You're hungry, Schu."

"Yes, but answer me first. Does--"

"So am I."

"... this mean that--"

"Then we should find something to eat."

"... you're--"

"Maybe some fruits."

"_UKE NEXT TIME?_"

"Or berries."

"AYA!"

"Or mushrooms."

"ARGH!"

"Oh, I think I'll search for something down there."

"Oi!"

"Till later, Schu."

"OI!"

"..."

"_OI!"_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Muttering silent curses, Schuldig crawled on all fours in search for some edible mushrooms. Great, now he was reduced to berry like some stone age woman while Big Macho Aya was hunting small animals. The injustice was _unbelievable._

Someone nudged his backside.

"Not now, Aya."

And went down the crack between his buttocks.

"Aya, I said NO."

And nudged there rather demanding a few times. Schuldig swatted irritated with his right hand backwards to make his point clear.

"Go away, Aya. I'm certainly _not_ in the mood."

"Schu? With whom are you talki--... Oh Kami-sama."

Schuldig stilled immediately in his movements. Something was wrong, _very_ _wrong_, because Aya's voice had come from ahead and this little fact didn't really comply with the stronger getting pushes against his backside. This was just too illogical. Bewildered, he lifted his head. Okay, Aya was standing a few metres in front of him; wide-eyed by the way. So, who the hell was nudging him from behind?

_Oh god_.

"Schu."

_OH GOD._

"Don't. Move."

_OH GOD. OH GOD. OH GOD. OH GOD._

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

translation:

Gomen nasai (jap.) I'm sorry.

Kawaii (jap.) cute

Ohayou (jap.) Good morning.

Gott (germ.) God

Götter, ist das peinlich. (germ.) Gods, that's embarrassing.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Farfie: #cackles# Oh, I think I really like me in this chapter.

Brad: #speechless#

Omi & Nagi: #shocked#

Ken: #bitches# I didn't even have a speaking part.

Yohji: #scandalized# I acted like a henpecked husband? That's SO unrealistic!

Aya: #stunned# We're taking turns?

Schu: #rubs aching butt# Thank god.

Black Kitten: Erm… #acts terribly busy and deaf#… **Hope.** Thank you again for your e-mail and the picture of Schuldig! I showed it to Schu and now he doesn't give it back anymore. I swear, sometimes I could--

Schu: #chants# Sooo beautiful… I'm SO beautiful!

Black Kitten: Okay, I can't really say something against that. Hope, I really tried it but I couldn't open your hp. #sniff#

Aya: #smirks# Maybe you pushed the wrong button?

Black Kitten: #glares# I'm not THAT dumb … **KyraEnsui.** Hi! Was this enough Schu-torture for you? #grin# Oh, but you didn't like him as uke? Gomen ne, but it was just too perfect so I had to add it to Schu's torment. Think of it, I really have neglect Aya's.

Aya: #evil look# You wouldn't dare. I've suffered enough.

Black Kitten: Oh dear, I'm really sorry but you _all_ will suffer until the end of the story... with a few exceptions.

Weiss & Schwarz: #tumult# Who is it?... Me?... Take me!... No! Me!

Black Kitten: #holds up Giant Frying Pan of Doom and Pain# Hush. That's for me to tell in the next chapters. And now I want to thank **gamegirl28** for her wonderful present. #cuddles pan# I swear I will never take this pan out of my hands!

Aya: #mutters# Couldn't gamegirl just give her a pat on the shoulder? #sighs# Thank Kami-sama, I'm not defenceless. #cuddles katana#

Black Kitten: Oh, gamegirl, you have no idea how terribly nervous I was about the lemon. I really feared that it was too heavy for the rules.

Schu: #glares# Pardon me? It was!

Black Kitten: #deaf#... **RuByMoOn17.** #giggles# Don't we all love lemons? Sorry, the bishies will be so busy that there won't be any lemons until the last chapter. I hope you'll stay anyway.

Schu: #double glare# I hope I'll be seme next time.

Black Kitten: #whistles innocently#... **Yami** **Kaosu.** Yup, you were so right about the seme/uke of Aya and Schu. I actually beamed all over the face that someone had read between the lines and figured it out. But you see, about Brad and Farfie--

Brad: #shrieks#

Black Kitten: #amazed# Wow, I never had thought Brad can get _this_ high. Er, Yami, I want to give you an advice. I _really_ love to mislead my readers. #winks#

Aya: #snorts# I think the readers know this by now.

Black Kitten: #frowns# Really now?

Aya: #rolls eyes#… **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar.** YAY for lemon! And I was seme! #snatches Foxxstar and starts to waltz# I'm so _happy_ _happy_ _happy!_

Black Kitten: #mumbles# Yes, but not for long. You can't stay uke virgin forever.

Aya: #stops dancing# OO

Schu: #smirks# Yeah, you little… doofus. I'll #beep# you! … #blinks#… That's weird, there's a beep when I'm saying #beep#… What the #beep#?… #_BEEP_#!

Black Kitten: Oh my, I wonder how long it will take him to figure out that I won't allow cursing.

Schu: #BEEEEEP#!

Black Kitten: Well, I think he's occupied for the next hours. Foxxstar, I'm ashamed of myself that I reviewed your story so late. But I didn't know you're that fast with your updates… Or am I just slow with mine?

Aya: #grunts# That's--

Black Kitten: Beside the point. HA! I was faster than you! #sticks tongue out at Aya#… **Angel Hoshi1.** The bishies are busy? #reads#… oo … 00 … OO … Oh gods, now I have a vivid image in my mind… #fans herself#… and it won't go away.

Aya: #reads# I would never… Oh Kami-sama… #blushes#… **NerveRacking.** You think that's amazing? Let me tell you something. I'm trying to escape from this crazy story for EIGHT chapters! And for some odd reasons I CAN'T! _That's_ amazing.

Black Kitten: Gods, you're really a Drama Queen. NerveRacking, that you're addicted is the greatest praise for me. Thank you! And believe me, I'm amazed that I'm able to hold the readers interest for so long. And even in English! _That's_ amazing.

Schu: Oh yeah, that's really #beep# amazing… #beep#… #BEEP#… #BEEEEEEEEP#.

Black Kitten: Okay, I take it all back. _Schu_ is the only one who's amazing… with his persistence… **Luel.** #giggles# Yep, my story is full of double jokes… or so I like to think #cough#. But I don't think I can image them as French Maid Aya and Dom Schu… OO …Oh gods… It works! #drools#

Ken: Ew, wipe it away! That's just… ew!

Black Kitten: Wow, Ken, your vocabulary's increasing… **Zanzahra.** Danke! You have no idea how hard it was to make the lemon R-conform. It was my second lemon and the first one was rather… um… Let's say there was a certain sex practice and NC-17 is _not_ the correct rating for it. #blushes#

Aya: #traumatized# Oh. My. God. I remember.

Black Kitten: Honey, you liked it, so don't go all shocked over it now… **Little Wicked Minx.** Wow, you read the _whole_ story in one go? And even the intros and endings? _That's_ amazing. But maybe you really have lost it after this. #sniggers# No, seriously, that's a huge praise for me and my work. And Aya as seme was the logical thing for me to surprise the readers. #grin# And I SO hope that the story isn't totally senseless, because I'm working very hard on the plot. #cough#

Aya: #smirks# Plot? What Plot?

Schu: #excited# There's a PWP? Where?

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes# Ha, ha, very funny. You can see me dying of laughter… **Koji-chan.** XD… _Little Yohji._ I wonder why Yohji hadn't vehemently protested against this nickname of his love tool. #giggles#… Brad and Farfie, now, that's a very special couple. #grins knowingly# I love clever Farfie. There're just too little stories about him as the sane one. Sad but true. Well, my story lives from unexpected situations as long as my imagination won't burn out. I've news for you. #looks for eavesdropper and whispers back# Aya's going to be the #spoiler# in the last chapter! #louder# Great, ne? But please don't tell it around. It should be a surprise for the other readers.

Aya: #annoyed# As if the readers haven't figured it out already.

Black Kitten: #glares# ... **The Same**… **Glass of Water.** #blinks confused# You've reviewed before? I don't know what to say without embarrassing myself #coughs and changes topic very fast# Oh, yes, you're so right! #nods madly# German's a bitch to learn! I had my own problems with it during my school time… Oh, silly me. I'm German speaking so that would have been English… Oh my… #changes topic very fast again and chuckles# I'm also very anxious about how the rest of Schwarz and Weiss will react to Aya's and Schu's relationship… Wait a sec… I'm the authoress I should know. Oh gods… #frantically change of tropic#… Brad and Farfie… #sweat drop#… You see… Oh god… I can't give away the story line… #breaks down and cries hysterically#

Aya: #hugs Glass of Water# You really managed to shut her up! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Black Kitten: Oh, you little… #glares daggers at Aya#... **wingks.** Thanks for reviewing. I love your story and I hope there will be many more chapters. And please involve Farfie! He would be _perfect_ for your story.

Aya: #raises eyebrow# Quit babbling to yourself. It seems that wingks stopped reading the story some chapters before.

Black Kitten: #evil glare# I swear when it's your uke time I will forget about the lube.

Aya: OO… You wouldn't… You can't be _that_ cruel!

Black Kitten: Oh, honey, you have _no_ idea. #waves with Giant Frying Pan of Doom and Pain#… **annakas.** It's great that you've enjoyed the last chapter too, especially the lemon part. It's really funny to play with the bishies. Well, I never had thought that I would have so many ideas when I started the story. There're already more chapters than I had planed for. To be honest, I started with only three of four ideas in my mind. It's amazing that I even got this far.

Schuldig: And the winner in the 'That's amazing!' contest is... #dramatic pause#… Black Kitten!

Weiss & Schwarz: #give standing ovation#

Black Kitten: You're all _sooo_ funny. Cheer as long as you can.

Weiss & Schwarz: #shocked into silence#

Black Kitten: XD... Ah, it's _great_ to have the last word. So, minna-san, until next time! Byebye!

Schu: #BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP#!


	9. Part 9

Black Kitten: #waves cheerily# Hi, minna-san! First of all, I want to thank you all for the great reviews! Arigatou! And I'm totally happy because **makusime** made two pictures about this story! I still can't believe it but it's true. And I find them totally cute. She put the Schu/Aya pencil drawing on her homepage, so take a look at it! You can find the link to her page on my Personal Profile page.

Schu: Don't you dare be so calm and talk about some-- ... #blinks#... I'm really cute on them...#blinks again and shakes head# ARGH! I wanna know who's nudging me from behind!

Black Kitten: Mah, so eager. Okay. Enjoy, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: Hm, let's see... Not as much action as in the previous chapters and I think we've reached 9 out of 10 on the OOC scale. #hides#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /telepathy/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 9

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Don't move, Schu."

Schuldig immediately froze up in his motions at Aya's anxious whisper. Still on all fours, he stared up at his lover. He didn't like what he saw, not at all. The young Weiss leader's facial expression spoke of shock and of fear. Whatever was behind him nudged at his bottoms again, and something heavy fell on the small of his back. Jerking in surprise at the sudden weight, Schuldig stared pleadingly up into violet eyes.

/Aya?/

/Hai, Schu?/

/What's behind me?/

"…"

/Aya?/

"…"

/_Oh gods!_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

After the screams about murder and hair had died off, silence reigned once more in the Weiss household. And although three out of four assassins were bursting with curiosity of what had happened to Omi and Nagi, they all remained where they were.

Yawning, Yohji observed the others. Crawford still had his face buried into his hands, while a grinning Farfarello sat Indian-style on the worktop of the cupboard, sipping from his coffee. Ken seemed unsure, alternately changing between confusion about the two high-pitched screams, the urge to go and investigate their cause, or to just stay and carry on with his glares at Crawford and him.

The strange and completely atypical behaviour of the two Schwarz assassins puzzled Yohji, but he was too tired at the moment to question it. Even the lack of Mastermind's presence since Schwarz had appeared at their threshold didn't really bother him. Perhaps the telepath was still out, dancing in some wild and expensive only-for-members-club while he was stuck with this madness. Poor bastard didn't know what he was missing.

Frowning at the sarcasm which was already colouring his thoughts, Yohji directed his look back at his lover. Speaking of madness, he had no idea why Ken was so angry with him since the evening before, and he was more than a little irritated about his lover's behaviour. Instead of talking about it, Ken had totally ignored him and had even preferred Berserker's company over his own during the whole night. And now, they were even standing close to each other as if they were best buddies, while Yohji himself was gifted with glares. Yohji knew that he shouldn't be jealous, but there was still the mystery of the squeaking bedsprings, and until this wasn't solved the whole thing looked very suspicious to him.

So, if there was someone who had a right to be angry, then it should be Yohji himself. Ken had no right to act like a sullen teenager, and his glares and silent treatment were starting to annoy him. Well, two could play this game.

Throwing Ken an angry look to show him how terribly thrilled he was about this truly stupid behaviour, Yohji got up, strolled out to the front door, snatched the already delivered morning paper and walked back into the kitchen. Lazily sitting down at the table once again, he leisurely opened the paper and began to read the first article, ignoring the rest of the little group demonstratively.

He knew that someone had to make the first move to break the silence of this strange gathering, or between Ken and himself, but he wasn't some kindergarten worker and he was definitely too mature for such childish games.

Thus, the first one to strike up a conversation would certainly _not_ be him.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

A shiver ran through Schuldig's stiff body when Aya didn't respond to his question but started to bit his lower lip with a frantic look on his face. The situation must be very bad if a skilled and deadly assassin like Abyssinian refused to tell him the truth. _Very_ bad. But he couldn't remain like this forever. Whatever was behind him was now resting with its forelegs on his lower back, and the weight was heavy enough that it slowly but surely threatened to press him down to the ground.

/Schu, can you manipulate an animal with your mind?/

Trying hard to hold the balance, Schuldig blinked up through his orange bangs in slight irritation.

/I've never tried it before, Aya, and I'll be damned if this is going to be my first time. No, thank you. I'm not _that_ crazy. Just tell me already./

/I will, but... Don't panic, okay?/

/Yeah, yeah./ Schuldig rolled his eyes. He wasn't _that_ helpless. He still was an assassin with extraordinary abilities. If Aya would just spill the beans about what the hell was using him as its personal look-out, he would finally be able to think of a fitting plan.

/Don't take it so easy, Schu. I'm serious. Don't. Panic./

/I promise. Satisfied, _mom_?/

The stern look from Aya showed clearly that he didn't agree with the easiness Schuldig was approaching the current situation. Violet eyes warned him one last time to remember the well-meant advice before the young Weiss leader answered him in a calm voice.

/Okay, Schu. It's a panda./

"A PANDA?"

The weight on his back disappeared instantly at his loud voice. Surprised, Schuldig turned his head to see the animal with his own eyes. And really, there it was, with its fur all black and white. The panda grunted and shook its head before settling down on its backside. Grunting anew, it looked with its black saucer eyes back at the telepath.

Throwing Aya a sourly look, Schuldig shook his head and turned on all fours fully around to get a better look at the animal. He couldn't believe that Aya had made such a drama about a _panda_, which was apparently trying to communicate with him through grunts and cute little twitches of its nose. Schuldig's lips drew up into a smile as he watched the little bear.

Wasn't the panda just cute with those black dots around its eyes, sitting there like an overly grown teddy bear?

Schuldig couldn't see Aya's horrified expression when he reached out to touch the silken looking fur of the cuddly little bear, but his soft uttered words would never be forgotten.

"Kawaii."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Ha! Guys, you wouldn't believe this. A panda escaped from Tokyo Zoo last night and is now roaming freely through the woods!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Time seemed to stand still as the panda slowly drew back its lips to bare its teeth and Schuldig grew stiff in his movements with his outstretched arm only inches away from the animal's fur.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"There's even a search party with a helicopter out there, but so far they have no clue where it went."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"AAAAHHHH!" Schuldig screamed on the top of his lungs as the not-so-cute-anymore panda threw itself without any warning at him, growling and snarling like a rabid beast.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Gods, don't look at me like that. That's _funny_, guys!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"SCHU!" Aya screamed horrified when the young German went down under a ball of black and white fur.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Come on, guys. Just think of all those brainless, naive walkers out there who really think that pandas are _cute_ _little_ _teddy bears_!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Still screaming in terror, Schuldig lashed out wildly to avoid the sharp teeth and nails while Aya frantically threw stones and sticks at the outraged animal.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji was laughing so hard at the image panda versus empty-headed walker that tears were running down his cheeks.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The fight was merciless.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

When Yohji came down from his hearty laughter he was instantly confronted with an icy glare from Ken. Oracle hadn't moved one inch, ignoring him and his story completely. All in all, Berserker seemed to be the only one who was also highly amused at the thought of such stupid and arrogant people, if Yohji interpreted the chuckling of the madman correctly. Wow. He had managed to amuse a psychopath. Great.

Annoyed at the poor reaction he got for his effort to loosen up the others with some cheeriness - and at the same time scolding himself stupid that he had done it contrary to his intention he had made only minutes ago - Yohji wiped off the rest of his tears and concentrated once more on his morning paper. Focusing on the next article, he mumbled angrily under his breath into the silence of the room.

"Gods, you people have no sense of humour."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"RUN!" Aya grabbed the screaming Schwarz member, dragged him away from the outraged panda, and both dashed away through the woods.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ken stared down at his reading lover. He had finally given up his glares at Crawford -- who apparently has fallen asleep with his face still buried into his hands -- and instead had concentrated them on Yohji.

He couldn't believe the nerves of Yohji, first joking over some idiotic panda escape and now showing him the cold shoulder. Irritated about his lover's behaviour, Ken turned away to refill his cup with coffee. When he went back to his former place beside Berserker, his look fell on the young Irishman.

The golden eye of Farfarello spoke volumes and Ken didn't need loudly spoken words to translate it correctly.

_See? I told you so._

Sighing, Ken took his place beside the Schwarz member, leaned back against the cupboard, and glanced into his mug thoughtfully.

He had been so angry after his quarrel with Yohji that the moment Berserker had stepped into his room, the first instinct was to throw him out; with or without his bugnuks. The insanity of such an action was undeniable; no one who's right in their mind would attack Berserker without any weapons. But Ken hadn't really cared about such profanities like survival instincts at that moment, so he had just snatched the first item he could reach and was about to throw the strawberry flavoured lube at the madman when something unexpected happened.

Berserker, regarding him with a calm and understanding look, had simply held up his hands in a peace offer. And while the white haired man had locked the door, he had started to talk to him in a comforting voice.

And Ken had listened.

What followed had turned his point of view about the Schwarz member upside down, and Ken would never forget the surprisingly sane and intelligent expression on the scarred face. And he had learned in the following hours that Berserker was anything but a madman.

They had spent the most part of the night together comfortably sitting on the bed. Farfarello had been very sympathetic and had kindly offered him his support. And the young Irishman had warned him that Yohji would first make a half-hearted attempt to apologize, and then he would simply wait until Ken had cooled off like a suffering man burdened with a hysterical wife on PMS.

Never in his life had Ken thought that Berserker has a better insight on his lover's personality than he himself. Well, Farfarello had been right. Yohji hadn't even apologized _once_ for his behaviour after he had treated him like an idiot in front of the others the night before. Yohji had just knocked a few times at the closed door and had sounded like he didn't know why Ken was so angry with him.

And Ken would have opened the door to let him in, if Farfarello hadn't calmly pointed out with soft-spoken words that he shouldn't give in so easily. That if Balinese was really earnest in his intention, Ken would see that a few minutes of knocking and half-hearted begging were certainly not enough for what Yohji had done to him. How much he had hurt Ken's feelings and pride, how degrading it must have been for Ken to be humiliated in such a hideous way. Not to forget in front of the enemy.

Therefore, as Farfarello had said so logically, Yohji should at least apologize to him in front of the same people which had witnessed the degrading. And if Yohji really loved him, Ken shouldn't need to point it out to him that this was the only way to end their dispute. Besides, this would be the perfect test for their relationship. And if Ken was going soft on Yohji now, he would be the dork in their relationship for the rest of his life. And Farfarello was only jumping up and down on the bed so that the noises of the squeaking bedsprings could drown out their private conversation.

Ken had been a little dizzy at the end of Farfarello's speech. It had been difficult to concentrate on it and follow the jumping Schwarz member with his eyes at the same time. Therefore, it was more or less the part about the love-test and the dork that got him thinking, and so the door remained locked.

And now he was waiting. Patiently. And glaring. Because Yohji was reading the newspaper as if nothing was wrong. But in spite of Farfarello's doubts, Ken was confident that his lover wouldn't need much longer to see the light. And then they would be happy again with a wonderful, new awakened and strengthened relationship.

Thank Kami-sama that he had such a wise and intelligent man like Farfarello by his side to help him and Yohji through this hard time.

And it was clear as daylight that he was definitely _not_ the dork.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Utterly amazed, Farfarello glanced out of the corner of his eye at Siberian.

_What a dork._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya and Schuldig sprinted through the woods until they could be sure that they were safe. Stumbling on the last metres, they arrived at a small lake.

Exhausted, Aya fell down on his knees at the lakeside and put his head and arms alternatively under the cool water surface until his heartbeat was normal again and he was out of danger to suffer a heart attack. He took a few sips and savoured every drop of the wonderful tasting liquid, grateful that he was finally able to quench his thirst. Satisfied, Aya shook out his wet hair and sat back on his heels. Enjoying the heavenly feeling created by the cool water running from his wet hair down over his heated back, he turned around to observe the new place until his eyes fell on his lover.

Schuldig was pacing up and down the lakeside like a tiger in its cage. He looked dishevelled. The left cat ear was detached from his head, dangled from the orange hair and swung with every step. His eyes were wide and unfocused and his lips moved slowly with hushed uttered words.

"This is ridiculous… absurd… I'm going nuts…"

Aya quickly got up, alarmed at the young German's behaviour. Schuldig looked as if he was in shock and this was the last thing they needed right now. Stepping into his lover's path, Aya put his hands on Schuldig's shoulders to stop him in his frantic walk.

"Calm down, Schu. It's over."

The Schwarz member's lips kept on moving a few times before his eyes finally focused on him. Blinking like he was waking up from a deep sleep, Schuldig stared at him with a lost expression on his face. And then his emerald eyes widened and a soft sound escaped from his lips.

"Oh gods, Aya, what have I _done_."

Already confused about the words and the regret in his lover's voice, Aya was a little startled as Schuldig even took his hands to hold them tenderly. Taking a deep breath, the Schwarz assassin looked at him with heartbreakingly sad eyes.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Aya. Oh gods, this is terrible. And even if I know that you will hate me for this for the rest of your life, I beg you, I love you so much, please, promise me you won't hate me after this."

Aya blinked a few times, more than a little confused about the somewhat illogical speech. Carefully watching Schuldig but curious of what would follow, Aya slowly nodded once to signal him to continue. He wasn't really prepared for what came next.

"Aya, love, this isn't real. None of it."

"… Come again?"

After biting down on his lower lip once, Schuldig answered him in an ashamed voice.

"I know it's hard to believe but I can explain. Look, my desire for you must go so deep that my subconscious weaved this hidden longing through my dream, and due to my telepathy I linked our minds together and here we are. Voilà! ... Of course I did it _completely_ unconsciously, mind you."

Fascinated, Aya stared back. "Schu, are you trying to tell me that we're _dreaming _right now?"

Schuldig tightened the hold around his hands and looked pleadingly back at him. "Yes, I'm afraid so. But before you do something harsh like slaughter me the next time we meet again, please remember that I really love you with my whole heart. And remember the wonderful time we had together. Think of our lovemaking, when you're awake again... Even though it was only a dream... But it was a beautiful one... Well, I hope it was beautiful for you, too."

"Schu..." Aya screwed his eyes shut for a moment to concentrate on keeping a straight face. It would do no good to simply burst out in laughter. Schuldig was apparently in some kind of shock. But Aya knew that his lover was an intelligent man, thus the best way to approach him in this delicate situation would be simple logic. And there was still enough time to tease him mercilessly about it later. However, despite his good intentions, Aya couldn't completely suppress the amused glitter in his eyes and the twitch of the corner of his lips as he met again his lover's grief stricken look.

"Schu, do you have any proof for your theory?"

Schuldig regarded him with a puzzled look. "I don't know, Aya, but maybe the word _panda_ rings some bells?"

"I'm sure this is just coincidence."

"Here in this area?"

"Hai."

One elegant, orange coloured eyebrow rose up and green eyes looked back at him as if he was the one who had his troubles with reality right now.

"Aya, it attacked me."

"I know, Schu, but it's over now."

"No, you don't understand. It _attacked_ me."

"It's wildlife, Schu. It's what wild animals do when they're feeling threatened."

"NO! A goddamn _bear_ attacked me and I've hardly got any scratches on me! That's not _normal_!"

"Schu, I really hate to say this but it was actually not more than a pup. A small bear with small teeth and small claws."

Aya knew instantly that he shouldn't have demonstrated the size of the animal with his forefinger and thumb when Schuldig got a suspicious gleam in his eyes.

"Are you making fun of me, Aya?"

"..." At this point, it was getting quite hard to hold up a sincere expression. Pressing his jaws tightly together to prevent a grin, Aya looked innocently back at Schuldig who changed his stance and put his hands on the hips.

"Oookay, Aya. How about this? You bunny, I kitten?"

"Costumes. And I admit that I'm very fond of your cat tail. Oh, and those fluffy ears look _very_ cute on you."

Aya reached up to the detached cat ear and tried to put it back on its former place. Letting go, it fell back into its dangling form again. Enraptured, Aya stared at Schuldig's appearance. One orange fluffy ear pointed up to the sky while the other one stuck out to the side. Thank Kami-sama the young German had no mirror at hand. Aya didn't want to know how Schuldig would react to his utterly cute appearance in his current condition. Clearing his throat, Aya continued with a more serious voice.

"Although, it seems that we need some glue to repair your left one."

"..."

"Was this all?"

"… I was uke even though I'm _always_ the seme. Ha! Try this!"

"Oh. Okay. You win."

Now he had really overdone it. Schuldig narrowed his eyes at the all-too prompt approval and folded his arms over the chest.

"And why is that so all of a sudden, huh?"

"Oh, that's simple. When this is all but a dream, then it's your never lying subconscious that begs to be the bottom in our relationship." Aya leaned forward, plastered a kiss on Schuldig's lips, and added smiling, "Have I already mentioned that I love you, Schu?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig stared open mouthed at Aya's broad grin and his in amusement dancing eyes. He couldn't believe that his theory had been brutally picked to pieces by ordinary psychoanalyse. A guttural noise escaped from his mouth as he turned his eyes heavenwards, threw back his head, and yelled out in anger.

"Are you finally happy, you goddamn bastard? You think that's funny?"

"Schu?"

Ignoring his lover's stunned voice, Schuldig closed his hands into fists and raised the right one up in a threatening gesture.

"You want something from me then come down so I can throttle you!"

"SCHU!"

Schuldig didn't believe in creatures like gods or in religions at all, but whoever was responsible for what had happened to him in the last twenty-four hours would pay dearly for it. Furiously, he began to pick up stones and throw them up into the sky with each word he yelled out in rage.

"Bastard!... Asshole!... Bitch!... Screw you!... Eat this!... Fuuuk youu—AH!"

One minute, Schuldig was throwing stones in the same tact as he was shouting out his misery. The next one, he was lying flat on his back in the shallow water of the lake and blinked up at the blue sky. Slowly, Aya's face came into his view until Schuldig was directly looking into worried coloured eyes.

"Daijobu ka, Schu?"

"... _Ouch._"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ken sighed dramatically and loudly enough into Yohji's direction to show him how much he was suffering thanks to his lover's stupid stubborn behaviour, and he got ready to take another sip from his coffee when something strange caught his eyes. A small wave broke through the surface of the hot liquid and went from one side of the cup to the other where it ebbed away again. Baffled, Ken watched as a new wave formed itself, followed by another one, and a fourth one. And then he could feel a light tremble under his feet.

The tremble suddenly increased in its size to the degree where dishes rattled loudly and moved on their own a few inches until they threatened to fall down from the cupboard and shelves.

"Earthquake!"

Shouting his warning at the others, Ken instinctively dashed under the door frame to take cover at the safest spot in the house.

Yohji's reaction to the obviously dangerous situation was something he was going to deny vehemently in future conversations, because it was almost nonexistent and for well-trained assassin-reflexes utterly mortifying. Wide-eyed, he remained petrified with horror on his seat.

Farfarello just snorted snidely and continued to nip from his mug, carefully holding it in both hands to avoid any spilling of his precious morning liquid.

Crawford didn't even lift his head at the stronger getting waves. He simply tilted his head to the side to support it with the left hand and waved with the other one slowly in reassurance. When he spoke, his eyes remained closed, and he sounded like a very tired man who finally had accepted his defeat after a century long battle.

"That's just Nagi."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Kneeling over his lover, Aya stroke the orange bangs out of Schuldig's face before he sat back on the young German's lap. Schuldig lay still, gazing up at him through half-open eyes.

"You know, Aya, you could have just told me that I'm hysterical."

"Aa, I know, but I had the choice to slap you or to throw you into the water. Well, the last one sounded more like fun."

"... I hate you."

"I love you, too."

Aya bent down until their lips met in a soft kiss. He sighed silently at the velvet and warm feeling, and they played with each other through the dance of lips and tongues. Contended, Aya parted and laced his fingers through the long strands of hair. When he stroke through the silken mass, Schuldig finally smiled again and closed his eyes at the nice and pleasant feeling. After a few minutes, the young Schwarz member sighed and turned his head further into his lover's touch.

"I swear there's someone above who's cracking up over my misery."

"Hm, maybe."

"You must think I'm a complete wimp, losing my nerves so easily."

Playing with the orange hair, Aya watched the relaxed features of his lover. "I can assure you I know first handed that Mastermind is anything but a wimp. In fact, I love you even more because of it, Schu. It shows me that you're human just like me, even with your creepy telepathy." Aya paused and looked thoughtfully down. "Can you really connect dreams together?"

"... Let's say I was a little distracted when the theory was born, okay?"

Aya grinned at the pleading voice of Schuldig while he was absently twirling an orange strand around his forefinger. He was about to tease him further about it when another thought struck him.

"Why didn't you just read my mind instead of asking me about the species of the animal?"

Schuldig opened his eyes to throw him a scandalized look. "Who do you think I am? A bastard? We're lovers now, not enemies. I would _never_ read your mind without your permission. It would be a betrayal of trust, and you're without discussion too precious to me for something like that."

"Oh. So, you would never sneak into my mind without asking me first?"

"Never!"

Grinning, Aya watched the deeply offended look on Schuldig's face. He knew this had been nothing more than a white lie from the German to avoid further embarrassments, because he remembered clearly the few times where Schuldig actually _had_ spied into his mind since they had decided to be lovers. But he wouldn't question him about it now. Firstly, Schuldig was still a little distressed after what had happened to him, and it wouldn't be very fair to question him about it in his condition. Secondly, it was always wise to be in possession of a wild card, and Aya was looking forward to the time where he would be able to use it.

"Aya, why is that smirk on your face? What's on your mind?"

"Aw, Schu wanna know and aren't allowed to read my mind. Poor little thing."

"… Okay, on the second thought, I'm a horrible and crazy bastard and therefore will make an exception--"

Aya sealed Schuldig's lips with his own to interrupt the half-hearted threat. Oh, how he loved to tease the German. Maybe it had been the amount of strange happenings during the last hours which had broken his cold façade and had drawn out his playfulness, but Schuldig was without doubt the main part of it. Enjoying the taste of his lover, Aya deepened the kiss until he felt the other man squirming underneath him.

"Something's wrong, Schu?"

Schuldig stopped in his shifting and made a face. "I think the effect of the endorphins is wearing off."

"Gomen ne, Schu. I totally forgot that you're sore."

"Could you _please_ formulate it a little more sensitively, Aya? I'm not _sore_, I'm… injured."

Aya tilted his head to the side. He knew he had to be careful. If he had learned one thing in the past hours about his lover's character, then it was about his masculinity and the taboo to make fun of it. But it was just too tempting.

"Of course you're _injured_, my _strong_ and _brave_ warrior, defeated on the field of lust, stripped from his innocence and offered to the merciless and oh-so evil Goddess of Forever Destroyed Virginity."

"Oh you little… Just wait until it's your turn. Maybe there won't be any lube, either."

"Who said next time is your turn? You don't really want to start counting, do you? Shouldn't we stay flexible? Where's the fun in making statistics? And what's next? Some nursery rhyme? You can't be _that_ unromantic."

"Gods, I've created a monster."

"Hai."

Completely satisfied, Aya made himself comfortable on his lover's outstretched body and returned to his favourite past-time. Playfully nibbling on Schuldig's lower lip, he enjoyed the sensation that spread through his body and took hold of his heart. It was a warm and wonderful feeling and confirmed his love for the young man underneath him. And Schuldig greeted him with a body part that slowly came to life due to his touches and the pressure of his groin against it. Aroused about his lover's desire for him, Aya's own member started to react and they began a slow but intense rhythm to increase the pressure on each other.

Schuldig moaned against his lips and deepened the kiss. Eager hands cupped his buttocks and gently kneaded the cheeks, driving his groin and erection further against Schuldig's. Shivering at the new sensation, Aya felt the teasing touch of the fingers travelling down over his skin to the crack of his butt until they reached the hidden entrance. Aya held his breath and stilled at the touch of the fingertip on the centre of his opening. The digit remained on the outside while Schuldig was watching him through half-lidded eyes.

Gulping, Aya blinked down into the lust filled eyes. He knew Schuldig wouldn't force it, it was his decision alone. And maybe it was really time to finally lose his virginity. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he captured the slightly swollen lips with his own to answer his lover through body language. Lifting his butt up in an unmistakable signal, he invited the finger in.

Schuldig was so aroused by his gesture that he almost bruised his lips with a demanding kiss. Aya was grateful about the distraction and met him half-way. Their tongues started to battle for dominance and their groins grinded against each other in a wild rhythm.

Aya was whimpering at the sensations that floated through his body when something strange attracted his attention. Absently, he carried on with the kiss while he followed the fuzzy object with his eyes until the realisation hit him of what was swimming only inches away from his lover's head.

Excited, Aya shouted out his discovery just at the moment Schuldig's finger entered him.

"FIFF!"

Schuldig jerked his head and finger away and coughed a few times before regarding him with a startled look.

"Gods, Aya, I love you, but that was just _cross_. Do you really have to scream into my mouth like that?"

"It's a fish, Schu! It's _food_! Come on, we have to catch it!"

"_Now_? You _can't_ be serious. I know you're a little scared at the thought of losing your virginity, but that's just... childish… Aya?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was shocked. Aya simply got up, totally ignoring him, and crawled as fast as he could after the swimming object. Stunned, he followed Aya's trail through the water with his eyes, watched him as he crawled with hectic movements on all fours through the liquid only to put his hands under the surface in completely fruitless attempts to catch some creature of the water world. Speechless that Aya had chosen a slimy fish over him, Schuldig lowered his head back into the water and stared up at the sky.

It was sheer instinct as he reached down to his erection to satisfy the urgent need for release Aya had so cruelly refused to give him, and he even managed one stroke before Aya's tender voice brought him back into reality.

"Schu! What the _hell_ are you _doing_? Stop this at once and help me already!"

Slowly, Schuldig released his painfully throbbing member and stared blankly up into the sky with only one single thought in his dazed mind.

_This is SO not happening._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: #climbs down from cloud and looks around cautiously# Has Schu finished to throw stones at me?

Schu: #still stretched out in water, blankly starring up to the sky#

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes# How dramatic. Reviews!... **schu-chan.** Oh, danke, danke. Aber ich finde, dass du deine Muttersprache niemals vergessen solltest. Ich erschaudere jedes Mal wenn ich Schwarzenegger oder Strohnach zuhöre. Ehrlich, können die nicht wenigstens den Kaugummi aus dem Mund nehmen bevor sie es wieder mal mit Deutsch versuchen? #zwinkert# Nah, nimm mich nicht so ernst. Seitdem ich englische Geschichten lese kann es hie und da passieren, dass mir ein Wort in Englisch einfällt aber partout nicht in Deutsch. Und ich LEBE in Österreich. Wegen deinem Freund Neji... #flüstert# Ich glaube Neji ist ein Junge, weil du es dreimal in deinem Kommi mit ‚er' und ‚ihn' erwähnt hast. #grins#

Brad: #looks at reviews and adjusts glasses# … **gamegirl28.** #glares# I want to tell you that since that blasted pan, there's no freedom of opinion, no freedom of speech, no freedom at all for us! She's driving us crazy! And at the time she wrote the lemon, she actually took Schu and Aya and arranged them just to see which positions she should take! She's totally nuts!

Aya: #shudders# Oh, yes, that was freaky. I felt like a mannequin in a sex shop. She's insane!

Black Kitten: Hey! I'm right here beside you and can hear _everything_! And I'm not nuts! #pouts#... **RuByMoOn17.** Glad you liked it. And for me, Aya and Schu are always cute when they're together.

Aya: I think you're confusing OOC with cute. We're ice cold killers! Deadly assassins! Hunters of the night which are denying the beasts their tomorrow!

Schwarz & Weiss: #blinks#

Black Kitten: Er, _of course_ you are, Aya. #cough#… **Yami** **Kaosu.** #bows deeply# Gomen nasai, you're so great with your regular reviews (I really love them, it's like having a conversation) and I really don't know why I'm stuck with the monthly update routine. Perhaps I'm just too lazy--... I mean BUSY.

Brad: #stares horror-stricken at sign BRAD NEEDS SEX#

Black Kitten: XD. Oh, yeah, that's a problem I should take care of. And Ra only knows how because I've no idea! #blinks# Anyway, Farfie plays it cool. And now, even Ken's involved in his revenge. Poor Brad and Yohji.

Ken: #confused# Am I?

Black Kitten: #whistles innocently#… Yami, about Schu's uke virginity, I couldn't mislead you on this (and I've the feeling it gets harder for me #sniff#), but most of the readers were surprised about it. And I've the feeling that Aya will be very creative to avoid being uke. Poor little thing doesn't know what he's missing.

Aya: #snorts# Like you would now how it is to be a _male_ uke, you crazy woman.

Schwarz & Weiss: #giggle#

Black Kitten: Um... Wow, never saw it this way... **Zanzahra.** Danke für das Lob! I think many readers had their fun with Schu being a virgin. Who wouldn't? #grins# And don't call yourself dumb because you didn't see it coming. That's my job to surprise the readers, after all. Hope you had fun with this chapter, too!

Schu: #glares up from his position in the water# I certainly don't find it funny! Could you please explain to me how the hell I can get rid of my... _butt_ _problem_?

Black Kitten: Oh Gods, you're twenty-two years old. If you don't now this by now then nobody can help you. #blushes#… **Kain-chan.** I chose this name over NerveRacking to answer you because I find it really cute. But that's nothing new; I told you this in the e-mail already. And for me, Farfarello's a genius nobody should underestimate. And Brad just had made the mistake to have a little fun at the expense of Farfie. Now with Ken involved, let's see how this little game will end. #winks#

Ken: #angry# Could someone please explain to me why the hell everybody think that I'm involved?

Schwarz & Weiss: #throw looks at each other# He _really_ is a dork.

Black Kitten: Now, now, don't pick on my KenKen. He's just an innocent victim. #grins#… **annakas.** Oi, Brad, there's someone who actually feels sorry for you!

Brad: #still stares completely shocked at Yami's sign: BRAD NEEDS SEX#

Black Kitten: Er... Annakas, it's so nice that you feel sorry for Brad, but... it isn't over yet. I mean, he really should've known better than to triple dare _Farfie_. #shakes head#... Ah, and Yohji and Ken are so blissfully ignorant, it's almost cute.

Yohji: #glares# I'm no pawn! For no one!

Black Kitten: #smirks# See what I mean, anakas? #winks#... **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar.** Waaah, I know that I'm terribly slow with my updates. And I want to apologize about my terribly late reviews. I swear, every time I was on ffnet I've looked for your story. #nods# I know that's not often, but I can't help it. Sorry. Oh, Aya's without doubt a cutie, especially when he's scared of being uke. But that's going to change and I'm already looking forward to this.

Aya: #suspicious# What are you two talking about?

Black Kitten: Oh, nothing, darling. _Really_. XD… **Koji-chan.** I'm SO sorry for the late update. #hangs head in shame# I feel so bad about it. Maybe this chapter could make up for it? #puppy eyes# I even tortured Schu until he lost his nerves!...#blinks#... I hope he hasn't suffered some permanent damages from it.

Schu: #still in water staring blankly up into the sky#

Black Kitten: OO... Erm... **Miss Reika.** Oh! I thought I've lost you some chapters ago! Great that you're still there! #hugs#

Aya: Have these people nothing else to do than to read about our humiliations?

Black Kitten: Nope. #smirk#... **Red-Planet31.** I'm glad you're enjoying the story and that I even managed to make you happy with it. In fact, I prefer happy people to grumpy ones. #throws meaningful look at Aya#

Aya: #rolls eyes#

Black Kitten: **makusime. **#hugs# I'm still beaming all over my face! Thank you again for your wonderful pictures! By the way, your new hp looks great and the pic of Schu with wings is kawaii! I hope you aren't disappointed after this chapter. The good thing is it can't get sillier than this... #makes thoughtful face#... Or could it?

Aya: #falls to his knees and raises hands# Kami-sama, I beg you. Show mercy and protect us against evil things like... her!

Black Kitten: So dramatic! Tsk, Tsk… **Gunning** **Angel.** Waaah! Another authoress who loves that pairing! #waves SchuxRanxSchu banner# Ran and Schu are a _perfect_ couple. It can only be topped with a threesome involving Yohji. Or Brad. Or Farfie. Or Ken. Or... No. #shakes head# Certainly NOT with the chibis. #shudders# They're just too young for my taste. And what surprises me to no end is that the part with the popsicle-incident is so popular. It was only a few lines long and I thought it was rather poor written. Fascinating. Oh, and Farfie only suffered for a few seconds, but the others are going to have a looong way to go until he's satisfied.

Farfie: #sits in a corner with madly glimmering eye and mumbles insanely while drawing a map of actions titled: My Revenge#

Black Kitten: #blinks# Oi, now he's even scaring _me_ off... Thanks for your praise, Gunning Angel. I'm happy when I can amuse people with my… let's call it totally-OOC-sense of humour.

Schwarz & Weiss: #angry looks# We want our reputation back!

Black Kitten: OO… BWAHAHA! _Reputation_! You're sooo _funny_!

Schwarz & Weiss: #death glares#

Black Kitten: #wipes off tears of laughter and gets serious again# So, minna-san, I hope this chapter wasn't too silly for you. Until next time. Ja ne!


	10. Part 10

Black Kitten: Hi! I just found out that fanfictionet changed a few things concerning the uploading of documents. I had to format chapters new #glares# and I hope you aren't too confused about it. Now to the good news. I tried to draw a chibi-Schu and **makusime** posted it on her homepage! I'm sooo happy!

Schu: _That_ should be _me_?

Black Kitten: #pouts# Makusime said she likes it and finds you cute on it, even if you're a little… colourless.

Schu: BWAHAHAHA!

Black Kitten: #glares# Moron. Hm, to whoever's still curious about how I draw a chibi-Schu, the link to makusime's homepage and the pictures is still on my Personal Site. But be warned, my chibi-Schu is something you have never seen before. #hides#... And now, enjoy, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings for this chapter: Poor little Nagi-chan, poor Bradley-poo, poor Aya-bunny, poor KenKen, poor... I think you got it by now. Oh, and there's my own theory why Schu's eye colours are often described as green although they're actually blue in the anime. #sweat drop#

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /telepathy/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 10

Life is short, and for some creatures even shorter. And one of these unfortunate creatures was the current target of one deadly assassin, and the brutality of this merciless act broke cruelly through the otherwise quiet and peaceful area that surrounded the lake.

"Come here, you... stupid... fish... Schu!... Help me!... Take the left side!... No! The right one!... _K'so_... For God's sake... Almost!... _Temeee_... Got it!... Yes! Yes! Yesss!... NOOO!... _God damnit_... SCHUUU!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The quake lasted approximately ten seconds, but for the four assassins in the kitchen it was not less than half an eternity.

When the tremble ebbed away, deafening silence followed and laid itself like a foreboding over the men. And for a few moments it felt like a merciful break before the apocalypse would finally erupt in all its force to destroy everything in its path, until the birds broke through the spell by cheerfully chirping and announced with excitement that the danger was over.

Yohji and Ken breathed a sigh of relief. And though they acted on with their cool behaviour on the outside - their spat wasn't forgotten just because of an earth quake - they spied on each other with short looks to check for any damage the other lover could have had endured by the dangerous experience. Thankfully, no one got hurt.

Satisfied over the well-being of his boyfriend, Yohji reached out to take his mug to replace the spilled liquid when the realization about his reaction to the earth quake struck him like a lightening. Stunned, he stilled in his motion.

He had reacted like a scared rabbit instead of keeping cool and relaxed about it, and this clashed terribly with the attitude he displayed normally. And now, his beloved image of the laidbacked and relaxed Balinese was in jeopardy, and all the little warning bells started to ring like crazy in Yohji's slightly shocked mind.

Well, who could've had witnessed this little faux pas?

He was sure that Ken had been so distracted with saving his own life that he hadn't noticed it. But what about Schwarz? It would be utterly mortifying for him if they had witnessed it, and there was only one possibility to solve this nasty problem. It was time for a good old Kudou-investigation.

Taking in a casual position by leaning back in his seat, Yohji raised his arms over his head and began to stretch lazily. Carefully, he glanced through half-lidded eyes at the leader of Schwarz. Crawford sat unchanged at the table, head propped up on his left hand, eyes still closed. Good, Oracle hadn't witnessed it. Yohji was utterly relieved that the leader of Schwarz was totally unaware about his awkward situation. Now to Berserker.

Carefully to not attract any attention, Yohji stretched his arms a little wider and slowly turned to the other Schwarz member who was still sitting on the work-top, though, he was sure that the chances that the completely impulse driven madman with the funny high-pitched war-cry actually had the _brains_ to notice the faux pas with his crazy little mind were rather... slim... _Oh shit_.

One golden eye stared derisively down at him and the broad smirk on the scarred face was unmistakable.

Horrified, Yohji stared back into the mocking golden eye until he felt his pride bristle and a strong wave of irritation washed over him. Not only had the madman the nerve to form a friendship with _his_ Ken - and who knows what else they had done behind the closed door - Berserker was now also sneering at him openly.

Yohji's eyes narrowed in anger when the smirk on the scarred face grew even larger until it threatened to split it in half.

Oh, no, this little freak will _not_ interfere, not anymore.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Still standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Ken inspected the surprisingly little damage the quake had left in its way. Beside the spilled coffee on the table, only a few cups, dishes, and other kitchen items lay on the floor, and for some miracle nothing was broken.

Now it was time to clean up the mess, but after throwing one look at the others, Ken was sure that they wouldn't be a great help in this task. Not with an apparently deeply sleeping Crawford, and certainly not with Yohji who was glaring at Farfarello as if the Schwarz member had been the cause of the tremble.

Leaning against the doorframe, Ken observed his boyfriend critically. What the hell was wrong with him? Normally, Yohji was a very convivial companion without any prejudices and had no problems with starting new friendships. And even if Farfarello was Schwarz and distrust was not only advisable but also very healthy, he had proven over the night that he wasn't the insane killer as they had thought of him.

Ken made a face. Yohji should just talk to Farfarello instead of glaring like a stubborn donkey. Well, maybe it was time for Yohji and himself to talk privately about why the older man was acting so strangely and irrational since Schwarz had entered their home. Maybe then Yohji would finally see that Farfarello hasn't been doing anything to deserve such treatments, at least not in the last couple of hours, and that it definitely wasn't in the Irishman's power to produce an _earthquake_.

And for whoever thought otherwise, it was high time to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya sat dripping wet from the wild chase through the water on the lakeside and looked a little unsure at his prize in front of him. His high about the successful hunt had already vanished into thin air and the hard fact of reality had finally caught up with him. Aya hadn't really expected a shout of joy from his lover about his successful chase, but he wished he would be confronted with emotions he could actually deal with, like anger or, at least, a mortally offended reaction. But not with the silence Schuldig treated him. Carefully, Aya lifted his eyes and glanced through his bangs at the too silent Schwarz member in front of him.

The young German sat with his knees pulled up against his chest, staring blankly at the deceased creature between them. Slowly, as if he feared to scare away the fish with all-too fast movements, Schuldig took a small branch and poked the lifeless form a few times. He withdrew again with a barely noticeable sigh and wrapped his arms around his legs with his chin resting on the knees.

And blank emerald eyes continued to stare at the fish and the silence went on.

Aya couldn't stand it anymore and chose to explain why he had chased after the fish instead of making love.

"Schu, I didn't run away from you, honestly."

Emerald eyes lifted, and this time the blank stare was directed at him. Ignoring the upcoming unpleasant feeling, Aya continued, convinced that Schuldig would understand the rationality of it and accept it like any other normal grown-up would do.

"Schu, I swear this has nothing to do with me being uke. I reacted completely instinctively. And if you would just look at it like it is in its logical complexity, then you would see that it's in the nature of the man to hunt when he is hungry and..." Aya trailed off when the blank look turned into an accusing one. Shifting a little and clearing his throat, he tried it again.

"I think I remember that I even read some other time that this instinct even stands above reproduction. Fascinating, isn't it? Not that there would be any chance for us to reproduce ourselves... With both of us being males... But that's good, ne? I mean, who of us would get pregnant and would take over the mother role? Not that you wouldn't look kawaii with a child in your arms. And with those long hairs of yours..."

The accusing eyes narrowed, and now, Aya was not only confronted with silence but also with a more than angry look. Nervously, he tucked some strands of hair behind his ear when something odd caught his eyes. Surprised, Aya leaned slightly forward and stared into his lover's eyes.

Schuldig's green eyes were speckled blue?

And it could be a hallucination, but it definitely looked as if the blue dots were increasing in their amount and were slowly taking over the green ones. Fascinated and distracted by this discovery, Aya continued in a slow voice.

"Schu, about my escape... I mean _hunt_... I just want to say that... Do you _know_ that your eyes are turning _blue_?"

Without doubt Schuldig was aware of it, because he remained completely unaffected by this sensational discovery, if Aya interpreted the glare correctly. Feeling a little desperate about his lover's refusal to talk to him, Aya laughed softly and kept on talking light-hearted to overplay the German's killing glance.

"So, it's good that we're human males and not... snails, ne? Otherwise, we would be hermaphrodites and we... would impregnate each other. There would be hundreds of little baby... snails... And the sex would be all slimy... and... That would be a... mess."

_Am I crazy_? Aya was shocked beyond words and completely aghast about his speech. He knew that he wasn't the king of small-talk, but what for the world had ridden him to compare their sex-life with that of _snails_? Forcing a smile onto his lips, he watched helplessly as his lover's features changed from angry into an utterly unbelieving one, and back again into the murderous glare.

And when Schuldig's dangerously narrowed eyes even turned into slits, Aya gulped and looked back at the fish between them, desperately thinking of a way to calm the young German. Maybe he could distract him with some endearments. According to Yohji, females are very receptive to it. And Schuldig was indeed a sensitive person, so why shouldn't it work for him, too? So, all he had to do was--

The top of a small branch pushed into his visual field and nudged the fish a few centimetres in his direction. What followed turned his stomach into a tight knot.

"Eat."

Shocked, Aya stared at the fish for a few seconds before he answered in a very small voice. "But... it's _raw_."

"Do tell."

Aya cringed at the deadpan reply. "Schu, I--"

"Think of it as sashimi." (1)

Horrified, he watched as a small fly made its way straight onto the fish where it landed near the open eye. He was happy that Schuldig was talking to him again, but he couldn't believe that he would be so cruel to demand such a thing. There must be another way to--

"Eat it or be uke for the rest of your life."

Aya stared at the small fly with wide open eyes and watched numbly as it started to suck enthusiastically around the fish's eye with its tiny trunk. And suddenly, the whole stress and pressure of the previous hours washed over him like a big wave and left him drained, very tired, and very dazed.

When Aya slowly reached out to take the fish, his mind was muzzy. And when he directed the lifeless creature inclusive the stubbornly remaining fly to his mouth, he did it in a state of trance, and only one word echoed through his otherwise empty mind like a mantra intensified by the rhythm of an imaginary prayer wheel.

_Uke... Uke... Uke... Uke..._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford wasn't asleep, contrary to the speculations of the others and his own urgent need to give his mind and body some rest. With his eyes closed, he calmly thought about the current situation and came to the conclusion that he's had enough of all the spats and childish quarrels. He was determined to bring some order into the chaos.

Nagi's earthquake-like reaction to whatever had happened to him or Tsukiyono was enough warning to put an end to it before any real damage would be done. And after some consideration, he came to a decision he should have made long time before this had started to slip out off his hands.

Abyssinian, the young leader of Weiss, was absent. So, naturally it was his right to take over the leadership of Kritiker's assassin group. It was time to show them his authority and to demand the necessary respect he deserved from Weiss and his own colleagues. Firmly planting his hands on the table, he stood up in one smooth motion and cleared his throat loudly to draw the others attention at him.

Balinese regarded him with a short and utterly annoyed look before turning his glare back at Berserker. Farfarello's reaction wasn't any better, he simply choose to ignore him totally.

Frowning at the disrespect, Brad turned to the last remaining member in the kitchen to glare some respect into him when a strange light behind Hidaka caught his attention. Crawford only needed three seconds to figure out the cause and meaning of the light and quickly stepped back until his back hit the wall painfully. His harsh spoken words broke clearly through the silence.

"Oh crap."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ken was gazing thoughtfully at Yohji when goose bumps started to appear on his arms and the fine hair rose up. Distracted, he started to rub his arms until the very Crawford-unlike swearword brought him out of his musings. His eyes darted to the normally very collected Schwarz leader.

Crawford was standing open-mouthed and stared unbelievingly in his direction. Frowning at the strange behaviour of the Schwarz leader, Ken continued to rub his arms a few times absently when an appreciative whistle came from Farfarello's direction.

Berserker was looking at him like he was the living incarnation of jack-in-the-box; his scarred face a mixture of surprise and utter admiration. But what got him finally thinking that something could be very wrong was his own boyfriend. Goggling in his direction, Yohji's words were far from being comforting.

"Fuck."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"I don't believe it. You would have really eaten the fish?"

Schuldig was staring at Aya with laughing eyes, fascinated about what his lover would have done if he hadn't prevented it. He had reacted in time and had snapped the fish out off Aya's hand to throw it back into the sea where it belonged, and where a merciful goddess could grant it with a second chance. (2)

And now, the Weiss assassin sat blushing before him, eyes hidden behind his crimson bangs. When Schuldig reached up and stroke the hair out off Aya's face to take a better look at him, deeply ashamed eyes peered back.

"I would have, wouldn't I?"

The soft-spoken words showed him how perplex Aya was about his own action. Schuldig watched carefully as Aya started to rub over his face with both hands, and noticed the tired look and the slow movements of the Weiss leader. There was no denying that both of them needed some downtime, and the desire for this disastrous mission to finally come to an end was stronger than ever before.

Schuldig knew it wouldn't be fair to tease Aya about it when he himself hadn't been in a better condition after the panda incident. Therefore, he decided to let the subject drop and simply pulled his lover into his arms in a comforting gesture. It was a nice and peaceful feeling after the nerve-racking events, and Schuldig sighed softly to show how pleasant it was for him. When he reached up to gently stroke through the fine crimson hair, Aya snuggled further into his embrace and snatched a few long orange strands to play with them.

"Schu, about your eye colour... Green _and_ blue?"

"It's a reaction I get when I'm... very angry."

"Your emotional life is mirrored in your eyes like... with a barometer?"

"Hm? Yes, something like that."

"Practical." Smiling, Aya looked amused up at him. "Are there any other surprises I should know about?"

"Nope. That's all." Grinning, Schuldig leaned down to Aya's ear and added in a husky and very promising voice, "For _now_. But wait until you lie under me, trembling and mewling like a newborn kitten, ready to be taken, begging me to get fu--"

A sharp elbow in his ribs was the painful response he got from his lover for his erotic promise. Wincing, Schuldig shifted a little to the side to avert further sanctions against him, and when he felt that Aya was completely relaxed again he placed a tender kiss on the younger man's temple.

"Tell me, Aya, are you really that afraid of being bottom?"

"No. Not when you're riding me."

Aya's attempt to overplay his embarrassment by joking was rather cute and Schuldig preferred this anytime to the snappy or harsh reactions the younger assassin normally displayed. Tightening the embrace to show Aya how much he was in love with him, Schuldig pressed his face into the neck to nuzzle him affectionately. After a few silent minutes where both enjoyed the tenderness, Aya sighed, wrapped the orange hair around his hand, and demanded with a tug his attention.

"I'm hungry, Schu."

"I'm hungry, too, Aya. The moment we're back home I'll make you the best ramen you have ever eaten."

"Home. That sounds nice. Say, Schu, what's Schwarz like?"

Schuldig hm-ed and made a thoughtful face. "Lets see. We're... freaky, reckless bastards. Cold-blooded. Heartless. Ruthless. Merciless. We are... almost God-like. Yes, God-like sounds good. Oh, and we were _this_ close to conquer the world and for me to make you my will-less sex-slave ready to fulfil every wi-- Ouch! Don't tug on my hair so strong. That _hurts_."

"Then you should try it with some seriousness." Aya smiled benignly up at him and tugged again to remind him that he was in charge right now. "Estet has fallen and Schwarz is official dead to the world. Precisely, we're not enemies anymore and I want to know what family comes with the bride."

"The bride, huh? You don't give up, do you? Let's wait and see who's going to wear the dress at our wedding after I've screwed you senseless-- AHHH! Let go of my hair!"

"No sidetracking, Schu. We were talking about your family."

"Oh, no. _You_ were the one who simply averted my question about your quite evident and almost on panic bordering fear of being uk_eee_-- OW! You're still brutal, you know that? Okay, okay! I give up. Back to my family."

Schuldig sighed in defeat while Aya settled back against him again and continued to stroke with his fingers through the orange strands.

"Okay, let's begin with Brad Crawford the Oracle. You know about his visions, through them he has the ultimate power to control the future. He's always a few steps ahead, _nothing_ can surprise or unsettle him. He's invincible with his gift. And he's an incredible strategist and a rationalist to the core. His flawlessness is almost frightening. He's a perfectionist and very professional. Short, he's the _perfect_ leader. You wouldn't find a better one even if you search the entire universe... Yes, Aya, you're a great leader, too. And would you be so nice and let go of my hair? Thank you."

Aya was all teeth as he smiled up at him and Schuldig could clearly see the annoyance in his eyes about his apparently too enthusiastic characterization of the Schwarz leader. He made a mental note to not adore Brad's competencies in Aya's present in future talks. He didn't want to run the risk of having a bald head before he was turning twenty-three.

"Well, let's drop Brad in order to save my precious hair and go straight to Berserker. That would be Jei, although he goes by the name of Dante's Inferno Farfarello... Er, forget it. It's not that important. Hm, Farfie's hard to describe. He's very intelligent… Don't _snort_, Aya. It's true! The biggest mistake you can make is to let yourself be fooled by his madman appearance and to underestimate his intelligence. I wouldn't want him as my enemy, not for all in the world. But as long as you can keep him interested and his funny side occupied, you're on the save side. Oh, and I really, really love him--... Like a brother!... _LIKE A BROTHER_!"

Schuldig quickly snapped his hair out of the cruel hand and threw it back over the shoulder out off Aya's reach. "Gods, at least let me finish my sentences before you rip out my hair. Didn't know you're _that_ jealous."

He wouldn't believe it if he didn't see it with his own eyes. Abyssinian actually managed to look angelic and at the same time fluttered his lashes at him flirtatiously. It looked somewhat ridiculous. Suppressing a growl at Aya's more than unsuccessful innocent act, Schuldig smacked him over the head playfully and threw a stern look at his now openly grinning lover.

"You're enjoining this to no end, aren't you? Okay, last member. And I hope you're _not_ accusing me of being a paedophile right now because Nagi is _fifteen_, and I'm definitely not into little kids. Fine. Nagi's our youngest member, as you know. Cute little kid. Very intelligent, has already skipped two classes. He's completely loyal and never talks back. He's far from being a rebellious teenager, if anything he's quite reserved. Never screams, never yells, doesn't bitch or even swear. He's always polite."

Aya made a disbelieving face as if he couldn't believe the existence of such a glorious teenager.

"Always? Not even _once_?"

Schuldig shook his head.

"You know those pictures where little bunnies are nibbling on little carrots they're holding in their tiny paws and they're looking back at you with their huge trusty-hearted saucer-eyes? _That's_ Nagi."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"YOU FUCKIN' SON OF A BITCH!"

Nagi was fuming, literally boiling with rage as he stood in the doorway to the kitchen. His power was raging through his veins like an uncontrolled feral beast that threatened to pour itself out to slash at everything that stood in its way. It had manifested itself into lurid blue and orange flames that were wildly dancing around his body as if they had a life on their own, and they clashed terribly with his red gleaming eyes.

The young telekinetic hadn't felt such a fury since Tot's death and he could barely restrain his power. He was on the brink to just unleash it and destroy everything in a gruesome eruption and he knew, one word, only one _teeny-weeny_ word and he would explode into a--

"_Beagle_? Why do you have _Beagle _written on your forehead, Prodigy?"

There was a moment of deafening silence before something terribly spiky cruelly stabbed into Nagi's right temple and blinding light flashed through his mind, leaving him sightless for a few seconds. He almost missed the two sharp intakes of breath and one amused grunt, but when the fog finally cleared and the loud rush in his ears vanished again he could clearly hear the frantic shouts.

"Are you _crazy_, Ken?"

"Silence your fucking boyfriend, Balinese, or I'll _shoot_ him on the spot!"

"_Woo-hoo_! Way to go, Kenny-boy!"

Gritting his teeth, Nagi managed to ignore Siberian and his stupid, stupid question and stepped alarmingly slow past the now very silent and sheepishly looking Weiss member towards the in excitement grinning Irishman; flames still lashing around him. When Nagi spoke again, his voice couldn't be described other than a low animal snarl.

"You… _asshole_. You… _son of a_ _bitch_."

Fixating Berserker with his eerie red gleaming eyes, Nagi came to a stop in the middle of the kitchen and lifted his right hand. The meaning of this gesture was unmistakeable for the other assassins, the young telekinetic was about to use his gift. And they reacted immediately.

Crawford drew out his gun. Yohji jumped up from the chair, deadly wire in his hands. Farfarello quickly got his hidden knife out of his boot, and Ken… Well, Ken just stood there and watched the whole scene with wide open eyes, trying to understand what was going on.

All in all, they were more or less determined to defend themselves and were ready to fight for their lives when Nagi activated his power with a small but quick motion of his hand.

For a short moment the tension in the kitchen was unbearable. Until a high and terrific piercing shriek sounded through the house and got louder and louder until a screeching Omi flew with frightening speed and frantically waving arms past a gaping Siberian into the kitchen where he stopped abruptly in his flight to remain floating in the air at Nagi's side.

Four jaws hung low.

The flames got up one more time as Nagi pointed accusingly at his floating and in fear whimpering boyfriend and yelled like a banshee.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY OMIIIEEE--… E _EEE_?… EEE?… Eee?… e. e. e."

The flames collapsed instantly and Omi fell ungracefully with a scream down to the floor where he remained moaning. Startled, Nagi reached up and touched his throat. He tried to speak again, but instead of his normal, boyish voice a sound came out that sounded awfully like the squeaking of a rubber duck.

Dropping his arm in stunned amazement, Nagi became aware of the whole extend. He had overstrained his vocal cords and now had no voice anymore. And there was no German telepath around to help him out. What he actually had was a painted ladybug on his nose, _Beagle_ written on his forehead, and a green boyfriend on the floor. And a pitiless Berserker who was well known for his mercilessness.

Falling to his knees, Nagi screamed out in agony about the outrageous injustice that was called his life.

"EEEEEEE!" (3)

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Farfarello loved Nagi like a brother, and a long time ago he had sworn to himself that he would never make too much fun of him when the young boy would experience the glorious time called puberty. Puberty alone could be traumatic, with all the nasty concomitants like zits, change of voice, or sudden erections. So he had fixed a limit for teasing the boy during this nasty period.

But the picture of Nagi breaking his voice in such a dramatic moment was too much.

Farfarello was laughing so hysterically that tears were running down his face. His body bended forward due to the constant and strong contractions of his abdominal muscles, and he fell helplessly from the worktop down to the floor. Farfarello couldn't feel any pain, but he knew he had to stop or he would piss himself laughing. Lying on the back with tightly shut eye, he bit on the lower lip and tried to concentrate until only a few giggles were bubbling up his throat.

Taking in a deep breath, he relaxed and turned his head to sound out the situation. Nagi was the picture of pure misery, his revenge on the boy had been a complete success. He was glad he hadn't overdone it in order to satisfy his desire for revenge. The actual idea had been to write 'BITCH' on the sleeping boy's forehead, but after the 'B' and 'I' and a short fit of morality, he had realized that this would be too drastical and had changed it last-minute into 'BEAGLE'. Nagi could thank him later for this good deed.

Ah, and Tsukiyono! Farfarello had to admit that he had been shocked for about three seconds when the youngest Weiss member had come flying into the kitchen. Bombay's appearance had surpassed his expectation by far. It had been his intention to screw with the boy's hair as he had replaced the shampoo with the hair tinting lotion he had found in the bathroom, but never in his life had he thought about the possibility that the lotion would not only colour Omi's hair, but also the places where it had run down, like the face or the hands he had used to wash his hair with. And all of it was now shining in lime-green.

Closing his eye, Farfarello folded his arms behind his head and simply waited for the fun to continue. And he didn't have to wait long.

"Omi? Why are you green? You look like a huge watermelon."

Ah, Kenny-boy. You can count on him anytime.

"Are you telling me that I'm _fat_?"

Hm, to hear the always calm Tsukiyono growling was interesting.

"Nani? No! I just could have said that you're looking like a... Martian, or... a frog!"

Oh, yes, you have to love this boy.

"Thanks a lot, Ken, for your heart-warming sympathy about my ridiculous state by making fun of it!"

Yep, a snarling Tsukiyono was interesting, too.

"I didn't mean it like that, Omi! I just wanted to--"

"Ohayoo, minna...san..." (4)

Oh great God of war and destruction, life was _great_.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

(1) Sashimi is with plain raw fish. Sushi is with rice.

(2) I once found a cricket on the bottom of my boyfriend's swimming pool. Soft-hearted as I was (and still am), I rescued it by fishing it out of the water, and to my utter surprise it started to move again after a few minutes (the length of time is optional). The story is totally nice until it gets to the part where I noticed that it had a damaged leg. Actually, the leg was missing most of the lower parts. And this was the point where I started to think if my action really had been merciful or if the cricket hadn't been luckier deep down in the water... Gomen ne, little cricket. _#sweat drop#_

(3) Translation of Nagi's desperate cry: "NOOOOOO!"

(4) Confused? Sorry, but the mystery of whoever was walking blissfully ignorant into the chaos will be solved in the next chapter. I had to stop at this point or I would've never finished this chapter.

Schu: #snorts# You'll never finish this story at this rate.

Black Kitten: #cringes# But… there're others who aren't faster than me. For example… #points at **Gunning Angel**#

Schu: Ah, I remember. We were on this island, it was raining and Aya was sooo cute. #dreamy eyes#

Black Kitten: Gomen nasai, Gunning Angel, but I had to distract SchuSchu. #hugs# You've no idea how unsure I was whether the panda incident would be too much. But in hindsight with all the OOC going on, I think it was the right decision. And this time it was Aya who had to suffer, but that's only fair after he had abandoned poor Schu and left him alone with his #cough# not so small problem. But what's with Travel to Paradise? There're only a few SchuxAya stories out there so I'm waiting for an update! Have mercy with a poor fangirl who's addicted to our beloved carrot-head.

Schu: #rambles on#… and then Aya cried and I held him in my strong arms… and we kissed… and we … #frowns# Wait a sec, we didn't even _kiss_ in this chapter.

Aya: Yes, and she almost made me eat a _raw_ fish!

Black Kitten: Come on, Aya, you're Japanese! You love raw fish!

Aya: #shudders# But the fly... oh Gods... the _fly_...

Black Kitten: That was... extra protein. #cough#... **Zanzahra.** Mah, danke! Regarding your quote 'I've created a monster', for me, Aya is full of suppressed emotions but once they're coming to the surface... Oh la la! #giggles#... Say, why don't you just write a story? I already have a great idea for you regarding the pairing. It's _completely_ unusual. You'll _never_ guess it. It's … AyaxSchu!

Schu: Now she's raving crazy. What's so sensational about it?

Black Kitten: #grins# You would be uke in it. Through the _whole_ story!

Schu: OO

Aya: #huge smile#

Black Kitten: **Skeren** **Dreamera. **#hugs# Thank you! I visualized the panda incident and thought of it as completely cute so I had to write it down. And I love to torture Schu until his devil-may-care facade's breaking. About Farfie, for now it seems that he's pulling the strings and is getting his revenge. Nagi and Omi are already down. Brad still has to suffer. And Ken and Yohji, oh my, what can I say. They just make the wonderful experience to get to know Berserker in all his glory. Oh, and I've got a scanner and even try to make pictures of Schu once in a while but my drawings are... #breaks down and cries bitterly#

Farfie: #cackles# I've seen them and if I wouldn't be so sane I would say those hurt God enormously.

Black Kitten: Erm, let's change to something more pleasurable than my drawings. OH MY GOD! I totally forgot to review your story! That's so embarrassing because I like it. Please forgive me. #deeply ashamed# I love how you write Schu and Duo and I whished you would pair them up. Maybe there's a chance? #puppy eyes# Believe me they would be perfect for each other. And to see Duo's darker side instead of the fun making jester is always refreshing. Argh, I should write the review instead of babbling about it.

Schu: Duo? Oh, yes. That would be nice for a change.

Aya: Pardon me? You... cheater! You would leave me for... _him_? #points at Duo#

Duo: #confused# What happened? Where am I? Heero?... HEEEEEROOOOO!

Black Kitten: Oh my, maybe a threesome could solve this problem.

Wufei: #sits crying in a corner# Nobody loves _meeee_!

Black Kitten: OO... I would say from now on that's... Skeren Dreamera's problem. #hides#... **Hope500.** Hoooopie! #cuddles# Oh my, your review was... #huge smile#... Let's say I had a hard time to decipher your German... and it was FUN! No, really, I love you for this. I once read a story which was translated from English into German through Babelfish. Gods, I had SO much fun reading the story. It was even funnier than the humour in the original English script, and that says a lot.

Schu: It's a first, but I have to agree with her that Babelfish is an evil, _evil_ tool. Hands off, minna-san!

Black Kitten: Hope, about your question concerning Nagi's earthquake-like power eruption... gawd, what a sentence #sweatdrops#... I think you got your answer in this chapter.

Nagi: EEEEEE!

Black Kitten: Hush, it's over and everything's alright. Poor little bishie. Hope will comfort you, ne, Hope?

Nagi: Sniff. #runs into Hope's arms#

Black Kitten: Mah, sooo _cute_... **Gamegirl28.** The Evil Wand of Make-Everyone-Else-Do-What-I-Command?... YAAAAAY!

Weiss & Schwarz: AAAAAH!

Black Kitten: #excited# Is it a magic wand? Are there coming tiny twinkling stars out of the tip if I make a movement such like--

Weiss & Schwarz: NOOOOO!

#_pooph_#

Black Kitten: Ooops, too late...

Weiss & Schwarz: #naked#

Black Kitten: OO... Oh... my... #blinks#... That's... THANK YOU SO MUCH, GAMEGIRL!

Weiss & Schwarz: #runs off frantically in search for clothes#

Black Kitten: #shakes head# Prudes. Ah, Gamegirl, thanks for your gift! I'll make good use of it. #hugs#... Well, Schu had his panda and Aya has his... fish. Oh, and just ignore Brad. He's a little out of it since Farfie started his revenge. Poor Oracle, I bet he never foresaw this.

Brad: #glares#

Black Kitten: I _knew_ it!... **Angel Hoshi1.** Oh yes, OH YES. Aya's such a cutie and with his cute little glares he reminds me of Heero. Hm, but then Schu would be Duo. Nah, better not. And Aya can run as far as he may but he certainly will lose his virginity. Upon my life!

Weiss & Schwarz: #prepare weapons and discuss how to silence authoress for once and for all#

Black Kitten: #gulps# Uhm, sometimes I totally forget that they're assassins. But they're all sooo _kawaii_ in their attempt to be professionals.

Weiss & Schwarz: #outraged# We ARE professionals!

Black Kitten: Er... _right_... **makusime.** #hugs and cuddles# I wuv you! Ah, me so happy. I hope you aren't disappointed about this chapter because there isn't much action... again. But I'll make it up to you with a nice SchuxAya lemon. You just have to wait two or three more chapters until they're at home. I wouldn't want to let Aya have his first time in a dirty forest.

Schu: WHAT? But _my_ first time was good enough for it?

Black Kitten: But it _was_ romantic, wasn't it?

Schu: _Without_ _lube_?

Black Kitten: oo;;... I'll... make it up to you with a nice lemon in which you are uke _with_ lube, okay?

Schu: #sniffs# Okay.

Black Kitten: Aw, Schu just agreed to be uke!

Schu: OO... I can't believe I fell for this trap.

Black Kitten: Oh, but you did. #grin# ... And you're so right, makusime. Aya in character isn't much fun. He's just so cranky sometimes. #shudders# Oh, and my offer to write a gift fic for you still stands. Just tell me your favourite pairing and the genre.

Weiss & Schwarz: #fall to their knees and pray fervently# Please don't let her choose me... please... Please... PLEASE!

Black Kitten: Spoil sports... **Koji-chan.** #g# Thank you. I hope you found some amusing parts in this chapter too and you could laugh about it. Personally, I loved the panda incident because I can image it perfectly in my mind. And who wouldn't think of a little panda as a cute cuddling teddy-bear? And before you start, yes, I know the fly on the fish's eye was disgusting.

Aya: #shocked#... fish... fly... on... fish...

Black Kitten: It was just a teeny-weeny fly... more a midge ... one blink and you would miss it... or so... **Miss Reika**... oo... You're an authoress too? Gawd, that's embarrassing... (2 minutes later)... Uhm, I'm not exactly a master of computers but I couldn't find any stories. Search machine is down #glares# and on fanfictionnet are zero results. Maybe you've another pen name other than Cieraco? About your review and Aya's frantic attempt to avoid being uke, for me, he's just as much seme as Schu. Maybe there's the fear of loosing his masculinity if he takes the submissive part, but it could also be due to his childhood where he had some trauma triggering experiences with his great-grandmother's half-stepsister's brother of her sister-in law cousin--

Schu: Gods, now she's even trying to copy Sigmund Freud. #shudders#

Black Kitten: Oh, yes, Siggi, nice little old man. Where was I? Ah, yes... **Lilevilbunni**. Thank you so mu--... WHAT?... Aya is NOT sexier than Schu! Aya's like a daisy compared to Schu's exotic and drop-dead gorgeous... petals... Erm... What was it I was going to say? #completely confused#

Schu: #amazed# I can't believe it but that's the second time I actually agree with you.

Aya: #pouts# I'm not a daisy.

Black Kitten: Wow, that got me so upset... however... Lilevilbunni, feel free to spank Aya. He likes a good spanking once in a while.

Aya: NANI?

Black Kitten: You do, my dear. I _know_ it. You're just too shy to admit it... **Mimma.** Oh, thank you. It's almost too much praise but... it's heart-warming and I love it and I would be an _idiot_ if I would disagree. #hugs# I hope you weren't disgusted about the fish… fly… whatever.

Aya: ... Fi... Fi...

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes# I already know it was a shock for you. Just get over it already... **Kyra2.** #g# Yes, poor lil' SchuSchu, but in this chapter it was Aya's turn to be tortured. And I'll give it my whole energy that they won't forget their adventure. Ever. #grins# And Crawford certainly has a problem with showing his authority. Poor guy, it must be terrible to demand attention and nobody's interested. But I like Brad too much so in the end... Ah, you'll see. #giggles#

Farfie: #narrows eye suspiciously# What do you mean?

Black Kitten: #whistles innocently# I've absolutely nooo idea what you're talking about. That's all for today. I hope you all enjoyed it. 'Till next time!


	11. Part 11

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! I want to apologize for my terribly late update. And I want to thank everyone who made a guess about the surprise guest. Arigato! But sadly, nobody guessed right.

Schu: No wonder. Your train of thoughts are so terrifying that even I don't want to come near them. #shudders#

Black Kitten: #glares and clears her throat# Minna-san, have I already mentioned that I love you all? Arigato for the wonderful reviews! Oh, and Schu, I love you too, my cute little Honey Bunny Sugar Bee.

Schu: #cringes and takes two steps away#

Black Kitten: Pity, as if two steps can save you from me. #jumps Schu#

Schu: #shocked into motionlessness and speechlessness#

Black Kitten: #clings to Schu# Yesss! Now you are mine! Mine! MINE!... Enjoy, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Oh, and there's an OC. #giggles#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts… /telepathy/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 11

Mister Okasawa was a very traditional and religious man to the core. He never asked for more than he needed, in confirmedness that all human beings receive what they deserve, be it happiness and wealth, or sickness and misfortune. So he was highly pleased with his life and couldn't wish for more, because he had a wonderful, very devoted and frugal wife who had already gifted him with a very lovely child. A child who guaranteed that the family name will carry on into the next generations; and all of it without raising money for a dower or the wedding since it was male, mind you.

Therefore, Okasawa-san was already very, very lucky. But in addition to his already wonderful life, the department head of the affiliated group he was working for had chosen him for the "Employee of the Month" and had announced that they would raise his salary for his self-sacrificing assignment. The new salary wasn't really that much, but now he not only had received a mention he could proudly show to his great-grandchildren, he was also finally able to buy a small house in the periphery of Tokyo. He just had to add the hard-saved money he had been collecting since he had earned his first pocket money.

And as if this wasn't enough fortune for one human life, he had also the incredible luck to win in a contest. And now, he not only had a wonderful wife with a wonderful heir and a new salary, but also a wonderful fishing rod. Oh, yes, Okasawa-san was a very happy man.

Or better he had been a very happy man, because at the moment he was screaming on the top of his lungs while running for his life through the woods with his fishing rod firmly pressed against his chest. It was a desperate attempt to get away from the two wild, bedraggled, scruffy, dirt covered, shockingly shameless and obscene bunny and cat costumes wearing perverts.

Okasawa-san didn't know what was worse, to be chased by two shouting and with their arms wildly waving psychopaths in the middle of nowhere, or the realization that he must have done something terribly bad in one of his former lives to deserve something so horrendous.

And when the madness increased into schizophrenia and a voice with slightly foreign accent began to shout in his head at him to /_Just fucking_ _stop, you idiot!/_, his horror and screaming reached a new level until the gods showed their pity and something hard and solid hit his face so that he could finally fall into a merciful unconsciousness.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig couldn't anymore. He managed to stumble the last meters to the fallen man before he finally broke down in laughter. Face red and wet with tears, he squeezed out the words between helpless laughers.

"Gott, Aya, have you _seen_ this? That was... Oh Gott... That was _hilarious_!"

Kneeling down by the unconscious man with a concern look on his face, Aya shook his head in disapproval. "Schu, how can you laugh at this poor man?"

"But... That was just... Aya, he ran straight into a _tree_!"

Just the thought about the sight of the man running in his blind panic straight into a tree before his very eyes got Schuldig ready for another fit of laughter... when Aya's irritated voice washed over him like an ice-cold shower.

"Kami-sama, how old are you? _Five_?"

The reprehensive comment sobered him very quickly. A little confused about Aya's stern voice, Schuldig wiped away the few tears that had escaped his eyes due to the hearty laughter, and with a slight frown he turned his head to watch his lover fussing over the stranger.

"Aya, that was funny."

"You call _this_ funny? The poor man could be seriously wounded!"

"Oh, come on, Aya. Lighten up."

"I really don't see any humour in this! He could be concussed!"

"Aya, calm down. He's--"

"Or something more serious like… a broken neck!"

"He's just unconscious, Aya."

"He could be paralyzed..."

"Aya, listen--"

"... from the neck down..."

"_Aaaayaaa_."

"... for the rest of his life."

"AYA!"

"What? See, that's the difference between us!"

"... What difference?"

"The man's innocent."

"Aya, what _difference_?"

"A poor fisher."

"WHAT FUCKING DIFFERENCES?"

"BETWEEN SCHWARZ AND WEISS!"

Surprised and taken aback by the sudden outburst, Schuldig stared perplex at his irritated lover who lowered his arms he had thrown up in the heat of his last reply. The sudden change of emotions between them baffled Schuldig deeply. Only a few minutes ago, he had been perfectly happy with cuddling Aya, and the rush of happiness he had felt during the laughing fit had been wonderfully relieving after the stress of the past hours. And in the space of only a few seconds, the merriness had changed dramatically into an argument and violet eyes were flashing in anger. What the hell has happened?

Schuldig reached up and started to massage his temple to ease the upcoming headache that was slowly approaching.

"I've this dreadful feeling that I shouldn't ask, but what for the love of God are you talking about, Aya?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's _our_ fault that the man panicked and ran into the trunk, and instead of helping him you're laughing your ass off!"

"I hate to repeat it but this was actually _funny_!"

"And that's _exactly_ the difference! Your morality is _completely_ different from mine!"

"My... _What_?"

"You don't need to get loud, Schu. I know that it isn't really your fault. You can't help it, you're Schwarz!"

"What the hell has Schwarz to do with this _idiot_ running into a _tree_?"

"One word? Fish."

It was too much. Schuldig stood up and walked a few meters away. There were two alternatives, to scream out in frustration or to just scan Aya's mind of what this was all about. Both of them were very tempting, really, but the thought about it was only short-living. Screaming would prove to Aya that he was in fact acting like a five year old, and furthermore, he had made an oath to not read his lover's mind without his agreement. What remained was to curse the oath colourfully and to make a new one that he would never again make such stupid, rash decisions. Taking in a deep breath to calm his somewhat strained nerves, Schuldig walked back and sat down again.

Aya was looking at him as if his last comment explained everything, and the little wrinkle between his eyes showed Schuldig that his lover was still waiting for a reply. Sighing, Schuldig rubbed his forehead. He was used to complex train of thoughts. He had mastered his gift until he could take scattered fragments of a damaged mind and put them together into a whole until they actually made sense again. Aya's mind or brain was anything but damaged, so there had to be some logic behind his accusation. He just had to figure it out.

To ease the momentary bad mood between them and to avoid another shouting match, Schuldig approached his lover's glare calm and serene.

"Is there a point in this conversation, Aya?"

It was a harmless little question, really, but the look he got in return from Aya showed clearly that the young Weiss leader couldn't believe such stubborn and ignorant behaviour.

"If you would just listen to me! You can't deny that you've problems with morality. I certainly wouldn't have demanded from you to eat a raw dead fish!"

"You think I would've let you eaten the fish? It was a _joke_, Aya! You abandoned me in a time of... need and I got my revenge by teasing you a little. A little innocent fun! This had _nothing_ to do with me being Schwarz."

"It has _too_!"

"It has _not_!... Gods, you're driving me crazy!"

Schuldig started to search in earnest for the pressure point to, at least, ease the headache. He knew it was somewhere behind the ear and tried to find it on both sides desperately before Aya would start again. But the young Weiss leader had no mercy, he had just warmed up.

"Schu, you can glorify your colleagues as much as you want, and maybe they've got some good qualities, but compared to us, Schwarz is the embodiment of immorality. Schwarz is a group of terrorists who tries to take over world domination--"

"We _tried_, Aya. We _tried_ and _failed_. Thanks for the reminder. And you cannot take over something that doesn't exist. Or is there already a world domination we aren't aware of? Oh Gods! Don't say it's... _Kritiker_? I knew it!"

His mock display of pure shock was answered with glaring and hissing.

"That's so _typical_ of you to be sarcastic if you can't bring up a better argument in a discussion. We're the good guys. We help to make the world a better place! You've destroyed, kidnapped, manipulated, lied--"

"Ha! As if you haven't told a single lie in your life!"

"Those were… white lies. Don't try to distract me!"

"Okay, okay, stop, I get it!"

Schuldig buried his face in his hands. They were talking in circles with no end in sight and this was getting ridiculous the longer they continued with it. And it wasn't helping either that the headache already felt like a jack-hammer which was pounding through his head, or that he had the very strong urge to pull out his hair and finally scream in frustration. He was tired, hungry, and sore, and he didn't need an exhausting and completely fruitless discussion with his lover. He wanted a cuddly boyfriend, not a nagging one. He wanted peace, not war. He wanted a sausage with Sauerkraut and hot dirty sex with Aya in the public restroom of the Tokyo tower in the middle of--

"Schu?"

The soft voice drifted through his thoughts, and with a small helpless moan that escaped his lips he lifted his head from the cover of his palms. Slowly, he let his eyes travel over the slim legs up to the flat belly that had twitched so lovely beneath his fingers as he had teased Aya into arousal. Along the smooth alabaster skin to the slender but strong arms that had held him in a wonderful warm embrace after their lovemaking. The graceful neck that had bended under the impact of lust, and the hot and moisten mouth that had taken him in so dee--

"Daijoubu ka, Schu?"

Was that concern? Ah, there it was, his lover's handsome face, with full, soft, and wonderful kissable lips and those gorgeous eyes that could melt his heart at any time. Lovely Aya, sweet Aya, beautiful Aya. No, wait. Stubborn Aya, cranky Aya, bickering Aya. He knew he had forgotten something!

Narrowing his eyes, Schuldig snapped out of his daydream. Aya had an uneasy look on his face as if he had now second thoughts about the argument he had started himself. Oh, but it was too late, much too late, because what Schuldig despised the most were double moral standards. He won't argue with Aya anymore, he would just show him what Mastermind of Schwarz thought about the alleged difference between them, and in addition would make a final end to this silly discussion.

Almost rubbing his hands together in anticipation, Schuldig straightened up and regarded his lover with a cool and stern look.

"So, Aya, what you were seriously trying to tell me during the last five minutes is that your morality is higher than mine, even though you've spent the whole time discussing about it instead of helping an unconscious, concussed, broken neck, and not to forget paralyzed innocent fisher."

Blinking, Aya looked down at the unmoving body of the stranger. There was a short puzzled look on his face before he folded his arms in his typical defensive gesture.

"I'm no doctor, I can't help him. And that's not the point. The point is--"

"As a member of Weiss your morality forbids you to harm or take advantage of innocent, helpless people even if it would save your life, in comparison to me as a member of Schwarz who's evil and has no scruple in that matter."

Startled by his speech made in an overly serious voice, Aya's features softened. "Schu, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"Am I right, Aya?"

Aya winced and bit his bottom lip before he quietly nodded once. "Hai, Schu. But I really didn't want to--"

"You know what, Aya? I love to be an evil, wicked member of Schwarz, because you will go stale in this god forsaken forest while I'll just take this poor innocent fisher's car because my morality has no problems with it."

Violet eyes widened and Aya quickly turned in search for said vehicle only to find it not more than thirty meters away from them, sparkling in the sunshine and parked on the side of a road that looked like it would lead to Tokyo.

"Don't tell me you knew the whole time there was a car."

"Yup."

Schuldig knew his grin was now especially wide, and his eyes were glittering in amusement as he watched his lover realizing that his own reasoning was slowly turned against him. As a result, Aya went into stubborn-mode.

"I'm sorry to say but that's not exactly a very good example, Schu. You would steal this car, or manipulate the owner of it with your telepathy. But I would simply ask for his help and support and I can guarantee you that he would gladly take us with him."

"You sure?"

"Of course! We are no apes anymore. Nowadays, people talk to each other. Have a little faith in mankind. You don't need to take by force what you desire."

"Not even you?"

"What do you mean?... Schu!"

Oh my, Aya was so adorable with the mixture of blush and scandalized look on his face and the attempt to overplay the embarrassment by acting offended while secretly imaging how Schuldig would throw him down on the bed. How he would hold him down and force his will onto him by binding his hands and ankles to the four-poster bed with silken--

"You have a four-poster bed?"

Oops, he hadn't meant to speak out loud and give away that he had been curious enough to break the oath so he could spy into Aya's mind for vivid images he knew he would find. Oh, but what he had discovered had been worth the risk. So, Aya was fantasizing about mild bondage and dominance in connection with being uke. Interesting.

Purring on the inside about his discovery of Aya's carefully hidden desire and the possibilities this would bring for their future love-life, Schuldig hoped that Aya was too distracted with fighting the blush that had already coloured his cheeks crimson to remember this little slip-up.

"See! That's exactly what I meant with you and your Schwarz morality! You're using your telepathy just for... for... Hentai!"

Okay, Aya wasn't, but gods, only Abyssinian managed to look utterly cute with blushing deeply in embarrassment while sending death-glares at the same time. Ready to counter Aya's accusation about him being a pervert with the younger man's own hidden desire, Schuldig was about to tease him a little about it when he felt a sudden change in certain brainwaves.

"Alright, Aya. I capitulate."

"... You do?"

"Yes. You don't need to be so suspicious. I may be Schwarz and evil and... perverse, but I'm also adaptive. You can give me an example for Weiss's morality in three... two... one... bingo."

And as if given a magic keyword to snap out of his unconsciousness, the stranger between them started to moan pitifully and slowly opened his eyes to blink groggily into the world and at them.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya-chan was a very, very happy girl. It was true that her parents were dead, or that she had been in coma for a couple of years, but she had the incredible luck to have a brother who cared for her dearly. His love for her went so deep that he not only had paid the enormous cost of her hospital stay, but had also sent her on a very expensive school in Switzerland shortly after her awakening from the deep sleep.

She had no idea how her brother could effort such amounts of money as a simple worker in a flower shop. When she had asked him about it he had waved it off with a smile and had assured her that she doesn't need to worry about such trivial things. Her brother never lied to her, so she had taken his promise to not worry about anything to her heart and had learned obsessively for him to be proud of her. But the idea of her brother working day and night only to pay for her school fees had made her really uneasy, and therefore she hadn't spend the extra money he send once in a month but had saved it to visit him in Japan.

On her flight to Tokyo and afterwards in the taxi, she had imagined the meeting in her mind over and over again. The look of surprise on her brother's face, how he would brighten up in realization that she was really standing in front of him, and how they would embrace and hug each other after the long separation.

When she had arrived at the Koneko no Sumu Ie, she had found to her disappointment that the flower shop was still closed. But the disappointment was only short living, because she had tried it at the backdoor and to her luck had found it unlocked. And after she had entered the house, she had followed the voices she could hear in excitement and anticipation.

However, now, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her cheerful greeting turned into shocked confusion. Instead of finding her brother, she was confronted with a punch of very strange looking persons. Men, who immediately stilled in their movements at the sound of her voice and turned to her with wide eyes. Slowly, she let her eyes roam over them to take in the situation she has stumbled in.

A green coloured teenager was holding the collar of the shirt of a young man tightly in his fists in a threatening gesture. A younger boy with a red nose and _Beagle_ written in capital letters on his forehead was kneeling on the floor. A one-eyed and unhealthy pale looking young man was stretched out on the floor, grinning and waving at her cheerily. The last two of the little group stood side by side at the wall. One was holding a string that was apparently connected with his wristwatch, and the other one was holding a gun in his hand.

The magic of the moment was broken by a funny squeaking noise coming from the Beagle Boy who was pointing at her with ridiculously wide eyes. The others reacted instantly. The green one let go of the shirt as if he had burnt his hands on the material, the string shot back into the watch, and the gun disappeared inside the suit. Sheepish grins and overly innocent looks greeted her as if she had caught them red-handed with their hands in the cookie box.

Aya didn't know them, and she had no idea how to make sense of what she just had witnessed, but one thing was sure. Somewhere in this mess was her brother who owned her a big explanation.

_Don't worry, my ass._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

After a few moments of stunned silence...

"_Aya-chan_?" Yohji stared perplex at the young girl in the kitchen entrance. What for the love of God was Aya's sister doing here? Shouldn't she be far, far away in Europe instead of standing there and looking uncertainly back at him?

"Anou… Sumimasen, I came to visit my brother."

"Ah," Yohji replied. "I'm sorry to say but Aya's on a mi-- _Ow_!... I mean he's out… somewhere… Shopping! Yes, Aya's shoppi-- _OUCH_!... WHAT?"

Angry, Yohji turned glaring to the older man beside him. He already knew that he had almost made the mistake in giving away Aya's mission, but what had he done now to deserve a second painful hit in his ribs? And gods, Crawford's elbow was bony. Yohji could already feel a bruise blooming on his sensitive skin. Bastard.

The Schwarz leader covered his mouth with his right hand as if he was hiding a yawn with a polite gesture to whisper something in his direction. Frowning, Yohji tilted his head to understand what Oracle was by now already hissing at him. _Ru_… _Ruuu_… _Run? Why should I run?... Oh! _

Quickly focusing on the girl again, Yohji sent her his brightest smile.

"I meant _Ran_ of course! _You_ are _Aya_, _he_ is _Ran_. Silly me. You see, Ran's not there at the moment. But as much as I know your brother, Ran will be overly happy to see you. And what a surprise, nonetheless! One could say that Ran's a _very_ happy man to have such a _lovely_ sister with a name that's _so_ lovely that one could be tempted to call her brother after... it…"

Yohji could clearly see from the corner of his eye as Crawford's hand wandered further up to cover his eyes in an unbelieving gesture. Gods, what was the man expecting from him? This was an unforeseen and complicate situation, and he for himself found that he was doing quite well ad-hoc. Unlike the rest of the others who weren't helping much with staring at him in silent incredulity. So, it was at him to distract Aya from her brother's absence. Deciding that small-talk was a good way to entertain her until Ran was back again, Yohji concentrated on her once again.

"So, Aya-chan, what are you doing in your spare time? Do you already have a boyfriend?... No?... Don't say it's a _girlfriend_!"

"Yohji!"

Gah! Now he had done it. Okay, maybe Omi's shocked shout and Aya's deep blush were justifiable, but it had been the only logical question after she had shook her head in negation when he had asked her about a boyfriend. He had been a detective after all, and therefore was a master in logical combination. So what were the others expecting from him?

Well, regarding Omi who was making funny faces at him it could only mean that he should continue. A miracle, really, after what he had been saying in the last minutes. Kami-sama alone knew why nobody tried to help him out of this. At least his own team members could assist him, but apparently that was too much to ask for. Half-hearted and not really inspired by the others prolonged silence, Yohji turned again to the girl.

"I see. So, well, maybe a pet?... A plant?... _Anything_?... Oookay... Tea, anyone?"

The collective groan that echoed through the kitchen was only broken by Crawford's dry voice.

"Pathetic."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Mister Okasawa was a very, very lucky man in a very happy world. He had spent a wonderful day at the lake with his two best friends. The greatest best friends one could find in the _whole wide world_, mind you. And he not only had the incredible luck to have such wonderful best friends, he also had the pleasure to drive them back to Tokyo in his humbled small car.

It was a little strange that they were driving back so early, it wasn't even midday yet, or that he couldn't remember how they had met and became best friends in the first place. Or why one of his best friends was sitting on the lap of his other best friend in a very intimate manner. Or why he had a bump on his forehead with the size of an ostrich egg. Or why his head felt like it was filled with pink cotton candy so he wasn't able to think straight.

But let's face it, why should he waste one thought about these mysteries when he knew that everything was perfectly fine with such wonderful best friends at his side? And Okasawa-san was so happy about everything that he was all smiles as he turned to his two best friends beside him to show them how lucky he was.

And while Bugs Bunny greeted him with a look that could be misinterpreted as a death-glare, the Lion King waggled his fingers and grinned like a Cheshire cat.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

As soon as the driver's look was back on the street, Schuldig dropped his hand and pressed his face into Aya's shoulder to muffle his snickers. And while he was busy with fighting a new laughing fit, Aya began to wriggle on his lap for better comfort. It wasn't a romantic thought that had brought the young Weiss leader on his lap. It was more the fact that Aya had had no other choice because the small car was really a small car. It had only two seats in the front and a little car boot instead of the back seat.

So, while Aya was wriggling on his lap in annoyance about the small space and got angrier and angrier, Schuldig enjoyed his somewhat sensual movements until his lover's irritation turned into a hiss.

"I can't believe that you told him my name's Bugs Bunny!"

Grinning, Schuldig laid his arms around him and answered in a smug voice. "And I can't believe that you demanded from me to manipulate his mind after all the Weiss-is-holier-than-thou talk."

"He hit me with his fishing rode!"

"He was in panic, Aya."

"... Even so it's his fault! I tried to talk to him! If this idiot would've just listen to me like any other normal people would've done instead of trashing me with his damn fishing rode we wouldn't have to take such drastic measures!"

"Whoa, calm down, Aya."

"No! I won't! It. Was. His. Fault!"

Well trained assassin reflexes took over. Schuldig snatched Aya's hair tails and pulled him down until their lips met in a deep kiss. It wasn't really fair game, but it interrupted his lover's tirade effectively and the kiss was wonderful. Schuldig enjoyed their dance of lips and tongues to the full, and pleased about the outcome released him with a soft sigh. Aya licked his flushed lips once and spoke in a slightly distracted yet firm voice.

"Schu, that I asked you to manipulate his mind was just an emergency measure, nothing more."

Oh, he had _almost_ forgotten how persistent Abyssinian could be.

"So, you still think your morality is higher than mine, Aya?"

"Aa."

"And you will take no further actions that could harm this poor man?"

"Of course not!"

"Like... rob him?"

"Schu!"

"_Really_?"

Smirking, Schuldig reached back into the car boot, grabbed something, and turned back again to Aya. His eyes widened in mock surprise at the sight of the basket in his hand.

"Oh my god, is this a… _picnic basket_?"

While Aya's yaw dropped, Schuldig opened the basket and peered into it. The content of the basket was commented with gleeful cries.

"Oh, look, Aya! It's full of poor innocent fishers' food! There's Yakitori... Futo-maki... Tsukemono and ..." Baffled as if he had never seen a rice ball before, Schuldig held it up to stare at it in mock amazement. "Oh my gosh! It's a Nigiri_AHHHH_!"

Aya was fast. Frighteningly fast.

Screaming, Schuldig snapped his hand back and stared horror-stricken at the teeth-imprints on his fingers. Aya had bitten him. His sweet and lovely Aya had bitten him! Aghast and taken aback, Schuldig lifted his eyes from his abused fingers to gawp at his champing lover only to scream again as Aya's hands shot down into the basket with alarmingly speed.

Stuffing himself with the stranger's food, Aya's glare was unmistakeable. And with his mouth full he hissed a deadly warning.

"Noth a wod. Noth a _singe_ wod."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya-chan couldn't deny that she was a little bit nervous. The young man who had embarrassed her with his questions about her non-existing love-life until her cheeks were glowing had ushered her into the living room to push her gently but firmly down on a couch. And with a promise of fresh tea he had vanished again into the kitchen.

The others had hesitated, and after some whispering, hissing, and growling they had joined her one by one in the living room. The young man called Yohji had brought the promised tea and had filled her cup, and after a short introducing it had taken a while and some pushing and squeezing until they had enough place to finally remain unmoving on their seats.

And now there was silence.

It was obvious that nobody felt comfortable enough to start a conversation, so Aya took the moment to study the others. The boys sat together on an armchair. Omi-kun had his arm around Nagi-kun's shoulder in a protecting or consoling manner while the younger boy communicated with him through a pen and a little notepad. Aya was happy that the poor mute boy - who evidently could only communicate through squeaking noises - had found such a good friend.

The rest of the group was sitting on the coach vis-à-vis from her. Ken-kun's eyes were fixed on the two boys, and he had a confused look on his face as if he was trying to puzzle out some complex mystery. Ken-kun seemed like a nice guy and was apparently a good friend of the eye-patch wearing young man next to him.

From the look of it, Farfarello-kun must have had a terrible accident to receive such cruel wounds that left him with those scars and robbed him of one eye. And although he had suffered such a cruel fate, the young man seemed to embrace life with both arms. And unlike the others in the room, he had a cheerful smile on his lips and his golden eye was shining with vitality. Right now, Farfarello-kun was beaming at her as if he was utterly happy about her sudden appearance.

Aya smiled back at the friendly young man before she turned to the next occupant on the coach. Well, Yohji-kun was a little creepy. He sat stiff between Farfarello-kun and Crawford-san as if he was being held hostage by them. And contrary to Farfarello-kun's honest smile, Yohji-kun's looked rather forced.

Beside him, Crawford-san sat with folded arms and a cool look on his face. And even if his hair was tousled and his expensive looking suit was wrinkled, Aya just knew that the man must be a successful manager, broker, or realtor. The seriousness and competence he was radiating let him definitely stand out compared to the rest of this somewhat strange group.

The silence was already very uncomfortable, and Aya decided to break it with polite conversation. Remembering the scene in the kitchen, she quickly found a topic to talk about and turned to Yohji.

"I've never seen something like that before, Yohji-kun. Is this a wind-up watch?"

There was a short moment of puzzled confusion on the young man's face before he finally understood her question. Beaming like a retard, he took out the string and zipped it a few times in demonstration.

"Oh, yes, it's a... gift from my... grandmother... for my birthday... last year."

Aya could swear she had heard Crawford-san muttering something that sounded like 'Idiot' and Farfarello-kun's smile turned into a broad grin. Yohji-kun stiffened and narrowed his eyes, but his creepy smile remained on his face. It looked a little frozen by now. Carefully, Aya cleared her throat.

"Sou ka. That was... nice of your grandmother, Yohji-kun. Um, Crawford-san? I want to apologize for my intruding and the interruption of your rehearsal."

"... I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, it was rather obvious with Omi-kun painted all green, threatening Ken-kun. And this cryptic word on Nagi-kun's forehead and his red nose and... I mean... You were rehearsing a scene for a mystery play, weren't you? This _is_ a toy-gun you have hidden in your suit, isn't it, Crawford-san?"

Now she had it in cold print that something very fishy was going on. Yohji-kun had snorted! She had heard it loud and clear! And while Crawford-san seemed to have lost his voice and stared rather dumbly back at her, Farfarello-kun's grin widened so much that he actually looked like a psychopathic madman. And when the remaining three people regarded her with shocked faces, she was sure that she wouldn't get an answer for her questions.

Lifting the cup of tea to take a tiny sip from the hot liquid, Aya decided to let it drop for the time being. And while she burnt her tongue on the too-hot liquid, she used the time to think about what else she had learnt since her arrival.

Thanks to Yohji-kun's babbling, she finally understood why her brother had insisted to send her to Europe instead of choosing a university in Tokyo where she would've been at his side the whole time. It was true that she was a little shocked about the discovery, but on the other hand she was also sad about the insecurity her brother must feel towards her. It must be terrible for him to have such secrets, hiding them from her with the fear of being discovered.

But he doesn't need to hide them anymore, Aya decided resolutely. She will be by his side, will support him with all she has to give. What she needed was just a little time to adapt to the reorganization of her family.

Because, Ran calls himself Aya.

Ran is a Drag Queen.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yakitori: marinated chicken

Futo-maki: ricerolls

Tsukemono: Japanese Pickles

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: Phew, the chapter's finished. Now to the reviews. #joy#... **Skerene** **Dremea.** #joy dies#… #glares# Where. Is. Your. New. Chapter? Where is Duo? #double glare# Where is Wufei? #triple glare# Where is--

Schu: You're getting weirder by any minute, you know that?

Black Kitten: #snaps out of it and blinks innocently# What? Where am I? What was I doing? Oh! Look! Reviews! #totally surprised#

Schu: That's not weirder, that's _scarier_.

Black Kitten: Let's see… Skerene Dremea. Hi! Long time no see! #cuddles & squeezes# Mah, thanks again for the long review! No, it wasn't Sakura, but you were sooo close. Oi, a FOURSOME? #squeaks, images, drools so much that she creates a little lake, takes a step forward, slips, and hits the floor#

Schu: #watches in amazement# Is there a comparison for weirder?

Aya: #dryly# Dumb?

Black Kitten: Idiots, both of you… Ouch… **Hope500.** Hopiiiiiie! #hugs# Ah, sorry, there wasn't much Nagi and Omi in this chapter. Maybe in the next, okay? Hm, I think the moment this adventure's finally over both of them will need a lot of love to recover from it. But you will help the poor bishies with it, ne? And Aya was again especially pigheaded.

Aya: #glares, takes out katana, and begins to sharpen it#

Black Kitten: Um, I meant mulish... Er, stubborn?... Obstinate?... Persisting?... #gulps#… **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar.** OO… You're teasing me, right? You would really write a sequel? And all I have to do is to make Aya seme again? That's… disastrous! I love uke Schu and seme Aya but not the readers... at least not all of them... and… and… Oh gods, what to do? WHAT TO DO! #completely distressed#

Schuldig: #rolls eyes# How about two lemons?

Black Kitten: #blinks# Are you feeling well, Schu?

Schuldig: #puzzled# Why? I'm perfectly fi-- OH MY GOD!

Black Kitten: YAAAY! Great! It's decided, Foxxstar! #takes notebook and scribbles# Aya… seme… Schu… uke… Don't forget lube.

Schu: #turns pale#

Aya: #broad grin#

Black Kitten: #happy smile#… **Kyra2.** Oi, I didn't torture everyone! Okay, even Farfie fell down from the work top but... I didn't torture you, right Farfie?

Farfie: #cackles insanely#

Black Kitten: Um, see, there's still someone who's perfectly fine with the situation. #cough# And Omi, now, Omi's just a little… green.

Omi: #death-glare#

Black Kitten: #unimpressed# You're not made for murderous glares, Omi. In fact, they look quite funny on you, you know that?

Nagi: How dare you disgrace my Omi! #gathers telekinetic energy to make deadly strike#

Black Kitten: Oi… OI!

Weiss & Schwarz: #shout encouragements at Nagi#

Black Kitten: #quickly writes OmixNagi lemon and both disappear# Ha! The magnificent power of authors!… **gamegirl.** WAH! Oh gods, can you mail me the photos? I wanna see them naked, too!

Schuldig: She IS a baka.

Black Kitten: No! I'm not! I know I was the one who made you naked in the first place with my magic wand, but gamegirl has pictures! Wait a sec. Now that we're talking about it… Where's my magic wand? I haven't seen it in ages. #looks around#

Weiss & Schwarz: #whistles innocently#

Black Kitten: #glares# Idiots. Gamegirl just has to give me a new one.

Weiss & Schwarz: #throw off clothes, pose nude, make pictures, and send them to gamegirl as a request to not make further magical gifts#

Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# Wow, but I don't think gamegirl's so easily to manipu--… Wow. #blinks#… er… **Gunning Angel.** Oi, have you seen those bishies nude? They're… wow… #shakes head# Must. Think. Of something else… Travel to Paradise. YES! Lemoooon!... What a change of topic. #lol# Seriously, I'm waiting! And about Aya's jealousy, oh yes, I can so image him glaring at everything and everyone who comes too close to his koibito. I would too, if Schu were my lover. But he isn't. Sniff. But I can dream, ne? About Schu resting on a four-poster bed with tousled hair and bedroom-eyes, lips slightly swollen and a fine sheet of sweat still glittering on his flushed body after a night full of hot and almost unbearable passion and--

Schu: #covers ears with hands# Cut it out! CUT IT OUT!

Black Kitten: Mou, spoilsport... **izedlatte.** Oh my, thank you. #hugs# I'm glad that you find the story to your liking and that you didn't write 'nice story but your English's crap'. Really, I'm waiting in fear for the first reader who points it out.

Schu: Oh please, can I point it out? Please? _Pleeeeeaaaaase_!

Black Kitten: Hm, considering the fact that you're begging me on your knees... No... Izedlatte, about Farfie. For me, he's quite intelligent because I believe that psychopath doesn't necessarily mean insane.

Schu: #raises eyebrow# I assume you know this first-handed?

Black Kitten: #glare# Therefore, I would never write Farfie as a knife-licking-god-hurting loony.

Farfie: #licks knife and hurts god#

Black Kitten: #blinks#... Um... **makusime.** #double hug# Still luv you. Let's see, Aya and the fish. Now, Aya was just exhausted. Normally, he would grab the fish and beat it over Schu's head until our beloved carrot-head would be all dizzy and then Aya would throw him down onto the ground and would ravish him crazy and--

Schu: You're getting distracted.

Black Kitten: #blinks rapidly# You're right, I do. Now, onto Farfie. Yes, Farfie's a funny little guy. I can image him with his face coloured in red and blue with a huge red fake-nose and with those ridiculous long shoes which are making him trip with every step he takes--

Farfie: #shocked#

Black Kitten: #shocked# Oh gods, did I just describe Farfie as a _clown_?

Schwarz & Weiss minus shocked Farfie: #rofl#

Black Kitten: Um, okay, after I've managed to traumatize a psychopath, let's change to... **annakas.** Oh my, even two reviews! Thank you! #hugs# You don't need to feel sorry for Brad, he'll get his revenge.

Brad: YESSS!

Black Kitten: He just needs to suffer a little more.

Brad: NOOO!

Black Kitten: Hm, Ken may be a little naive to a certain degree, but I don't think he's dumb. He's just a little too trustful and doesn't have a clue about what's going on. Just like Yohji. And now it seems that Farfie has even found a new victim in Aya-chan. Wah, really, it's getting complicated. About Schu's eye-colour, I loved the idea of Schu with green eyes. But I'm also getting used to his original blue ones. He certainly looks quite yummy with jade and in combination with the orange hair. #purrs#

Schu: #dreamily# Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes# Gods, spare me... **Zanzahra.** Abkringeln? #lol# Schaut aus als hättest du mit dem letzten Kapitel Spaß gehabt. Tja, Schu hätte die Möglichkeit die langen Haare zu kürzen um Aya's flinken Fingern zu entkommen, aber stell dir mal Schu mit einer Stoppelglatze vor. Ich habe jetzt noch Albträume wenn ich an den kurzhaarigen Gojyo denke. Hm, vielleicht sollte ich mir diese Idee für spätere Strafmaßnahmen aufheben, ne Schu?

Schu: #umklammert panisch seine Haare#

Black Kitten: Scherzi. #g#... **lil-evil-bunni.** Ah, Farfie's definitely gorgeous. And of course I know that Ran stands for orchid but, come on, compared to Schu's panther-like exotic appearance, Aya would be a thistle, or a nettle, or a cactus, or a--

Aya: Is this a botanic course? And I'm not a thistle!

Black Kitten: See what I mean? He's short-tempered, and cranky, and full of bitterness, and--

Aya: I'm not!

Black Kitten: AND an old virgin.

Aya: ...

Black Kitten: Gotcha! Oh, and you can spank him, lil-evil-bunni. He's all yours. #grins#... **Reine** **Qual.** #lol# Great name. Thanks for the review! Aya and Schu are my main pairing and always will be, because they're perfect for each other. But it looks as if you prefer Aya as uke. Hm, maybe I can convince you of the opposite? Let's see... Just picture our always cool and distant Aya. Suddenly, all his suppressed emotions break through the surface like a volcanic eruption and bundle into pure animal lust as he throws Schu down onto the four-poster and--

Aya: OO

Schu: You're awfully distracted today, aren't you?

Black Kitten: Um... **Koji-chan.** Oh my, the fly. Persisting little animal. And Aya almost ate it. Yuck! But now he had wonderful Japanese food. Am I nice to him or what?

Aya: You can't be serious! For all the times I've suffered... #rambles on#

Black Kitten: #snorts and ignores him# Should have given him Sauerkraut instead of Yakitori. Ungrateful #beep#… **LoneCayt.** Thank you! Oh, yes, Ran as seme is as rare as Schu as uke… or so. #cough# Never said that I'm good with English. Should stick to German. But I'll give it my best try to alter this stereotype thinking about the two bishies. Maybe I can even convince someone out there with this story! RanxSchu forever!

Aya: Could someone call the Mental Home for Retarded Lunatics, please?

Black Kitten: Baka. Just you wait and see. So, minna-san, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. 'Til next time!


	12. Part 12

Black Kitten: Wow, time certainly flies fast. Especially when the authoress is finally back from her looong summer vacation. And it was GREAT! And I came back just to find that fanfictionnet doesn't let me log in to upload the new chapter. #sniff# But now, here I am!

Schu: #wails# Why is she back again!

Black Kitten: #suspicious# Could it be that you were the bug? By the way, you could at least act as if you're happy to see me again.

Schu: #raises eyebrow# I _never_ lie.

Black Kitten: So? Well, let's see... Lo-Tort- chamber?

Schu: ... How _wonderful_ to have you back! The honour! The… privilege! Praise you!

Black Kitten: #meaningful look at readers# Honestly, isn't that sad?... Nah. #grins# And now, enjoy the chapter, minna-san! And I'm off reading all those stories I've missed during vacation. YAY!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language. There isn't much Aya/Ran and Schu in that part but there's a reason for it. And I know that Ken's horribly OOC but I needed a sacrifice and besides, this is how I see him at the moment.

"blah blah" … _thoughts… _/telepathy/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Author: Black Kitten's Dream

Title: This is SO not happening!

Part 12

It was eerie, and it created goose-bumps. It was crushing, and the air felt like it was made out of thick smoke. It was terribly awkward, and not to forget it was slowly but surely getting ridiculous. Aya-chan had no idea how long she was sitting in the living-room by now, but it felt like eternity, and most of the time was filled with agonizing silence. Even Yohji had stopped his polite but more than forced questions and was now playing with his watch. The others hadn't even tried to start a conversation, so the rest of the time was pure torture.

When Aya started to hear the ticking of a clock that definitely wasn't there, she knew that if someone wouldn't speak up in the next few minutes she would hyperventilate on the spot.

"So, Aya-chan... Care for another cup of tea?"

_No! NO! NOOO!_ Aya screamed horrified in her mind. One more drop and she would burst like an overstretched water balloon.

"Iie, Yohji-kun," she answered as politely as possible and was pretty proud of herself that she hadn't growled out her reply. After all, it was the fifth time Yohji had asked her the same question over and over again. And even as she put a smile on her face to show him that she appreciated his kind offer to some extent, her eyes warned him to not ask again. Ever.

"Okay." Duty done, Yohji turned back to play with his weird wired watch, just like he had done the last fourth times, and left her again with the maddening silence.

Aya had two choices, to go crazy or to start a conversation on her own. But what should she talk about with these people who were complete strangers to her? There were questions about her brother she would die for to get an answer. For example, why had Ran adopted her name? Could it be that her coma had been the trigger for this extreme change in his personality? That her long sleep had made him so desperate that he had simply taken over her identity and, as a result, had turned into a Drag Queen? And what changes does this bring to their life? Would they sit together like two sisters and exchange cosmetic tips? Cooking recipes? And does he shave his legs? Paint his nails? Stuff his bra? And how could Ran walk with high-heels when Aya herself had major troubles with them? And does he just love to dress up with woman's cloth or was he actually... gay?

Aya's eyes widened at the last thought and she almost slapped her forehead in realization. Why hadn't she thought about it earlier! It was all so obvious; she only needed to put two and two together. The house was full of young men, no traces that a woman was living there too. And they were all so handsome that they could act as models. And _everybody_ knows male models are gay. Gay models that were friends of her brother who was an apron wearing Drag Queen working in a flower shop called Kitten in the House. Was there anything gayer than this? Certainly not. So, who was Ran's boyfriend?

Senses sharpened, Aya began to scan each of the young men with eagle eyes for a potential contestant. She dismissed Omi and Nagi instantly. They were just too young, and the sight of them huddled against each other was too cute and innocent. No way those teenagers were involved in something like sex. Ken seemed to be nice, but she couldn't image him as a boyfriend of a Drag Queen. Farfarello was looking pretty wild with his white hair, bandages, and the strap between his legs. Yohji was too... gay with his skin-tight shirt and low hanging jeans. And Crawford...

Now, there was a chance that Crawford was Ran's lover, but Aya hoped fervently that he wasn't the one. The man was just too serious for her liking, with his cool attitude and that expensive suit. And he seemed to have a constant frown on his face every time he looked at her, as if he was trying to figure something out about her and wasn't sure what to make out off her very existence. Aya felt as if she was a newly discovered or very rare insect, and she didn't like the feeling of being scrutinized. The man was giving her the creeps.

It was a bit hard for her to connect one of them to Ran, but she followed her heart and turned to the most likeable young man of the group. Praying that he is the one who makes her brother happy, Aya tried to form a subtle question to find out if she was right in her assumption.

"Um, are you _waiting_ for my _brother,_ too, Farfarello-kun?"

At first, the young man looked puzzled. But then his golden eye widened slightly and a broad grin set on his face. Aya felt a burst of happiness at his positive reaction to her hidden question, and, overjoyed that he was indeed Ran's koibito, she started to beam happily back at him when Omi interrupted them rudely.

"I bet he is," the young boy snapped, "Just to find a new victim. And I can only warn you to stay away from that nutcase, Aya-chan. He's dangerous."

Aya was startled and more than taken aback by Omi's strange accusation. She had no idea why the boy was so angry all of a sudden, but the sight of Farfarello's scarred face changing into a sad one at such rudeness nearly broke her heart. How could Omi be so cruel to such a nice young man? Instantly, her protective instinct for the poor and helpless shot in, and she was about to demand an apology from Omi when Ken stepped in with a frown on his face.

"What's wrong, Omi? Why are you so cranky?"

Slowly, as if he wasn't sure he had heard right, Omi turned to Ken to regard him with an unbelieving look on his face.

"Cranky? You call me c_ranky_?"

Ken furrowed his brows in confusion at Omi's aggressive tone towards him. Omi was clearly waiting of a reply, but Ken had no idea of what he should say. He could answer with a simple 'Yes', or point out that the boy's question was just a repeat of his original one, thus was more rhetorical than anything else and doesn't actually need a reply. Or that Omi was just acting childish. However, Ken knew this would only lead to further arguments. And while he was pondering about an acceptable and peacemaking answer, Omi saved him from this complicated situation.

"I've a riddle, Ken, and I hope it's not too difficult for you. Can you see something odd on Nagi and me that maybe catch your eyes? _Hmmm_?"

Irritated about Omi's sarcasm coloured voice, Ken folded his arms and glared back.

"You don't have to talk to me as if I'm a mentally retarded idiot, Omi. I'm quite capable of holding a conversation despite the public opinion that soccer players are generally dump persons who only need a few brain cells in order to shot a ball into a three goal posts net draped--"

"Gods, Ken! Just look at us! That freak is crazy!"

"Don't call him a freak. I've no idea what happened to you or Prodigy, but Farfie has nothing to do with this."

"_Farfie_? Have you lost your mind? He's Berserker!"

"It doesn't make any differences what I'm calling him. It doesn't change the fact that you can't accuse him just because he's Berserker."

"Are you _blind_, Ken?"

"The last time I checked no."

Omi threw up his arms and shouted, "You simple-minded dork! How the hell can you defend someone like _him_?"

"EEE!"

Nagi's enthusiastic participation brought an abrupt pause into the debate as the others tried to puzzle out what he just had said. The young boy was clearly upset about the baffled looks he got and with a hiss started to scribble something on his notepad. Aya was a little perplex that Nagi hadn't learnt the mute speech by now. It was a little troublesome to hold a conversation through a notepad, after all. Finished with scribbling, Nagi held it up with an impatient gesture for everyone to see. Simultaneous, Aya and the others bent forward in their seats to take a better look at his message. There stood a single word.

_EXACTLY!_

Blinking, Aya stared like the rest in disbelief at the word on the notepad. That was all?

"Brilliant, Nagi, _really_ brilliant." The dry comment and snort from Farfarello broke the spell and promptly Omi snapped back.

"Stay away from Nagi, you bastard! It's your fault that he cannot speak!"

"That's ridiculous, Omi. How in the world should Farf--"

"Oh, shut up, Ken! Why the hell are you protecting him? He's a maniac!"

"EEE!" (1)

"I'm quite sorry for Prodigy's inability to use his vocal cords and for his loss to communicate in a verbal manner, but you cannot put the misery of the whole world on Farfie's shoulder, Omi! That's just dumb!"

"DUMB?" Omi yelled furiously. "Why do you think I'm lime-green? Because it's fun? Look at Nagi's forehead! Do you think he's written the word all by himself? That Nagi loves to mark himself with water-proof pens? That he likes to be a beagle?"

"E'E EE E EEE!" (2)

"Gods, could you stop this ridiculous noise?" Yohji threw an annoyed look at Nagi. "Your squeaking is pretty pointless, don't you think? And if you haven't noticed by now it gets on everyone's nerves."

Aya had followed the dispute between Omi and Ken like she was watching a ping-pong match, and she had been so amazed by the whole discussion that her eyes were already as big as a soup tureen. And now, Yohji had joined in and his sarcastic comment let her hold her breath in anticipation of what would follow. She didn't have to wait long. Omi jumped up; face red, hands balled into fists. Clearly fighting for self-control, he stepped slowly towards Yohji.

"How _dare_ you make _fun_ of Nagi's misery, you prick!"

Yohji got up and mirrored Omi's movements. "I'm not a prick!"

"HA! You could have fooled me! Prick!"

"Take that back, Omi!"

"Make me!"

"Oh, you spoilt little brat!"

"What, you old fart?"

At this point, both were standing nose to nose, Omi on his toes, and Yohji with his neck bended down. And Aya, watching the whole scene in excitement, was in terrible need of some popcorn and a mega coke.

"Shut up! Both of you!"

Oh Gods, Aya knew Ken only meant well, but at the moment she could have strangled him for the interruption. It was just getting interesting! A little sour, she watched as Ken tried to cool down the heated situation.

"Have you no shame to argue in front of Aya's--... I mean Aby--... No... Ran's sister?" Ken glanced a little nervous in her direction before he turned again to the opponents with a frown on his face.

"I'd have never thought that you can be so vulgar, Omi. And Yohji, you're older, so please, at least act like an adult."

Yohji made a thoughtful face, nodded once, straightened up, and folded his arms. "Not before Omi apologizes."

"For what! You're the one who should apologize on your knees!"

"Guys, _please_," Ken pleaded desperately, "Let's drop it for now. We have a guest and you're both not very rational at the moment."

"Speaks the guy who's defending a maniac. Ha! Don't make me laugh!" came the snide reply from Omi.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Omi? Why are you always accusing him? He hasn't done anything. I know it because Farfie was the _whole_ _time_ in _my room_!"

"Oh, yes, please, love. Tell me, had you and Berserker fun like in fun, or had you fun like in... _fun_?"

Ken was by all means not the only one who was utterly confused by Yohji's cryptic comment, and while the others tried to puzzle out the meaning of it, he shook his head in a helpless gesture. "Wha... ?"

"Squeaking bed-coils, Ken? _Rhythmically_ squeaking bed-coils?"

"... Sometimes I've no idea what you're talking about, Yohji."

"Sometimes?" Omi taunted. "You _never_ get a clue about what's going on, Ken."

"_Squeak, squeak_, Ken? _Squeak_, _squeak_?"

That did it. Ken jumped up and exploded. "You're both out off your minds! Maybe working in a flower shop and inhaling pollen for so long has damaged your brains!"

All possible replies to this interesting theory were blocked by a soft voice.

"Excuse me," Aya spoke shyly, holding up one finger. "I really don't want to disturb, but, do you have popcorn by any chance?"

The attention she got was not quite what she had hoped for, regarding the funny looks she received, but Ken was rattled enough of her question that he forgot the argument for a moment and turned confused to Yohji. "I don't know, do we?"

Yohji was about to signal by shrugging that he didn't have the faintest idea when Omi beat him by pointing at Ken with a smirk on his face.

"Just wait until his maize kernel size brain is so overheated due to the inhuman effort to activate one of his rare brain-cells that maybe there _will _pop one out of his ear."

"HA. HA. That's SO funny, Omi. I'm _roaring_ with laughter. HA. HA."

"Aw, you sure you got the subtle irony, Ken?"

"Oh, you little bitchy--"

"Enough!" the strong and more than irritated voice of Crawford cut like steel through the bickering, and Aya was sure it was a command from a man who was used to give orders without the possibility of refusal. Yet a slightly unimpressed Omi turned with a murderous glare and a hiss to the older man.

"What do _you_ want, Schwarz?"

"At the moment?" Crawford returned Omi's glare coolly. "I want to end this absurd demonstration of Weiss's version of teamwork."

"Don't meddle with our business, Oracle." The snarl from Omi was pure venom.

"Au contraire, my dear Bombay," Crawford sneered back. "I have every intention to end this ridiculous spectacle that has been forced upon me."

"Yeah?" came the mocking counter from Omi and a rather nasty smirk pulled his lips into a sneer. "Now, I would like to see that, _old man_."

There was a squeaking gasp, two eyes widened in shock, and one golden one was flashing in sheer delight. Aya was fishing imaginary popcorns out off an imaginary pot, and Crawford grew stiff. And blushed. But the flush of his cheeks came not from shyness, Aya was sure about it. Either the red dots that slowly covered his face meant that he was coming down with German measles, or the man was really, really angry.

Aya was not the only person in the room who was staring at Crawford in nervous anticipation of how he was going to handle such an insult. Except Farfarello, who was licking his lips in an almost disturbing manner, and Omi, who was still smirking self-assuredly and completely unaware of the panic looks he got from Ken and Yohji. The tension lying in the air was nearly unbearable, and Aya was already nibbling nervously on a fingernail when Crawford finally showed a reaction.

Ember coloured eyes narrowed dangerously until he had the appearance of a predator fixating its prey with a lethal stare. Slowly, he reached into his jacket, drew out his gun, and pointed it at Omi.

The speed in which Omi, Ken and Yohji returned to their former places was so amazing that Aya could only stare in awe. Utterly enraptured and overwhelmed by Crawford's stunningly cool act, and the fact that he had managed to end the dispute with a simple toy gun let her act on impulse. Aya jumped up from her seat and started to applaud enthusiastically.

All eyes were on her like she had gone gaga.

Slowly realizing what a bizarre sight she must be to the others, her clapping got slower and slower until she sat down again with a meek expression on her face.

"Gomen nasai. Please... don't mind me."

There was an agonizing and terribly embarrassing long moment of more bewildered looks, before they finally decided to focus on Crawford again. Still holding up his toy gun, Crawford examined her with one last disapproving frown before he spoke up, calm and serene.

"Do I have everyone's attention?"

Even Aya nodded at the more than rhetoric question. Her former feelings for the man had quickly turned into respect, and the thought of him being Ran's lover didn't give her the creeps anymore. Fascinated by the power and authority he was radiating, she kept an eye on him as he finally put his toy gun back into the suit and turned to Ken.

"Hidaka, even after this poor display of Weiss that I really wish I had never witnessed for the sake of the reputation of a certain professional guild, you can't be _that_ naive. Berserker's just toying with you."

Whatever Crawford was talking about, the former intimidation due to the toy gun event vanished quickly.

"HA!" Ken shot back. "Maybe just like you? How can you do this to your boyfriend, Crawford?"

"Boy--... _What_?" Stunned, Crawford stared perplex at Ken who continued heatedly.

"You're a bastard, you know that? What a poor excuse of a lover are you anyway?"

Demonstratively throwing an arm around Farfarello's shoulder, Ken pulled the somewhat surprised looking man protectively against him until the scarred face was buried in his neck. First, Farfarello was all stiff in his arms and it looked as if the young man would fight back by any second, but then he relaxed and Ken started to pat his back while glaring daggers at Crawford.

"What the hell are you talking about, Hidaka?" Crawford growled in irritation.

"Don't play dumb!" Ken shot back. "I know everything! Farfie has told me that you're just playing with him, how you ignore his needs, his feelings. He's a human being, you asshole!"

"I will forget the insult, Siberian, for now. And I really hate to repeat myself but I will give you one last chance. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"He was a virgin, for God's sake, before he fell into your evil hands!"

Speechless, Aya and the others stared open-mouthed at Crawford who for his part stared open-mouthed at Ken. All right, the chances that he could be Ran's lover were now nullified after this unexpected revelation, but gods, what a drama! This was better than every soup opera she had ever seen!

"WHAT?" Crawford's screech sounded through the room.

A little distracted by the not so manly sound, Aya tried to figure out what this was all about. She couldn't see Farfarello's face, hidden by Ken's neck, but a muffled sob from him showed her how much he must suffer. Ken's reaction to the sob was to tighten his arms and to stroke the white hair in a consoling manner. Untouched by this sad sight, Crawford narrowed his eyes.

"Now I see what's going on. I can assure you that Berserker is not my lover. In fact, it's his idiotic form of reven--"

Farfarello sobbed, and Ken interrupted the older man furiously. "Oh, that's just great. And now you're even denying that he's your boyfriend!"

"There's nothing to deny, you moron! He's just pla--"

The sob got louder...

"Oh, shut up, Crawford. Farfie warned me that you would deny everything!"

... and louder...

"He told me under tears how you're treating him!"

... and was already breaking Aya's heart...

"He even told me about your perverse fascination with straight-jackets!"

... when her eyes widened in shock...

"He's not your personal sex slave, you sex maniac!"

... and Crawford stood up...

"You make me sick!"

... eyes flashing in anger...

"You disgusting old pervert!"

... and started to shout.

"As the leader of Schwarz I order you to end this now, Berserker!"

"See!" Ken pointed accusingly at the furious man. "That's exactly the wording he's using when he's forcing Farfie into sex!"

"I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH BERSERKER!" Crawford yelled on the top of his lungs.

"YOU SO DO HAVE SEX WITH HIM!" came the equally loud retort from Ken.

Yohji, observing the whole discussion thoughtfully, lifted one hand. "I don't know if you have sex with Berserker, Crawford. And I really don't want to know, because the image alone is just… _gah_. However, I've witnessed your little spat yesterday and there _was_ something about cuddling with him."

"I never said something like that!" The outraged shout from Crawford was the best proof that he was about to lose his patience. Eyes blazing in rage, he stared fuming at Ken and Yohji.

"Just use your fucking brains for once. How the hell should I be able to force a psychopathic killing machine who cannot feel any pain into something ridiculous like sex-slavery? That's Berserker we're talking about! Don't you see he's manipulating all of you?"

Surprisingly, it actually looked as if Yohji and even Ken were starting to consider his point of view, and Crawford's lips were already pulling up into a triumphant smirk and his body language relaxed into a smug one... when Farfarello's sobbing started once more. And this time, the noise was more heartbreaking than ever before. In an instant, Yohji and Ken's expression turned from thoughtful to wavering, or in Ken's case, to protective and upset again.

Gritting his teeth, Crawford glared daggers in Farfarello's direction. The flexing of his hands was a plain sign that he was fighting for self-control, ready to strangle the sobbing young man in Ken's arms. Apparently he won his inner fight, because, after a frustrated hiss, Crawford straightened up and casually flicked a strand of hair out of his face.

"Just think logically and ask yourself who is worthier your trust. A ridiculously snivelling cold-blooded psychopathic killer who isn't called Berserker for nothing, or... ", Crawford paused to let the meaningful words sink in and continued with a dramatic gesture at himself.

"Or I, qualified leader of Schwarz."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

It was brutal and agonizing. It was pure torture which let him suffer endlessly, and only his sheer will to succeed in his task let him bear the cruel pain. It was like kneeling on a stream of lava. The heat was burning through the thin material of the trousers and let the soft skin feel as if it was on fire. It melted the fragile bones mercilessly beyond recognition, and the dust the destructing heat left in its way blinded his helpless boiling eyeballs into further--

"You're not going to kiss the pavement, are you?"

Schuldig, already kneeling and about to bend forward, stilled in his movements at the incredulous voice. Carefully, he peeked up through his bangs at Aya who was watching him with raised eyebrows.

Okay, maybe he really had considered to kiss the ground in gratitude, now that he was back in Tokyo and all the suffering had finally come to an end. But it had been more spontaneous, an act out of pure reflex that had driven him down on his knees, really. But now, kneeling on the terribly hot ground and with Aya's questioning eyes on him, it actually looked like a rather silly thing to do. And not to forget that it was far from being manly.

"Of course not," Rolling his eyes at such an abstruse assumption, Schuldig regarded Aya with an 'oh please' look. "Who do you think I am? The pope?"

Aya grinned. "Far from it, Schu. You're neither the pope nor a saint; that I can confirm." Bending forward and putting his hands on his knees to hold the balance, Aya tilted his head until he had full view on Schuldig's face.

"So, why you're kneeling on the pavement again?"

Staring into his lover's smirking face and pinned down by the in amusement dancing eyes, Schuldig tried to find an accurate answer. And couldn't. Not with Aya's full concentration on him. Quickly, he dropped his head until his face was shielded by his long hair and out of Aya's sight. He was thankful that Aya had kept him from making a fool out of himself, but now he had to get out of it without losing his manly touch. He had to think, and fast, to get out of this embarrassing situation.

Fingers touched his forehead and stroke back his bangs to uncover his face. Before an overly amused Aya had the chance to tease him some more, Mastermind's defences kicked in.

"I'm kneeling because I'm too hungry to stand upright since a certain cruel person ate ALL food and didn't even give a tiny crumb to his starving lover." Hn, take this.

Aya's fingers stilled in the long hair and his eyes widened. A guilty expression spread over the handsome face, and when Aya started to bit his lower lip, gods, did he look miserable.

"Oh, Schu, I'm so sorry. I can't say how awful--"

"But I'm not someone to bear a grudge _that_ easily," Schuldig continued hastily before Aya could drown in misery. It had been a dirty trick to trigger Aya's sense of guilt just to save his own reputation, and he hoped the younger man would never find out how he had played with his feelings. Gods, what a terribly sneaky bastard he was.

Silently apologizing for the foul play, Schuldig pulled Aya into a tender kiss. Oh, how he loved the feeling of those velvet lips, the warm tongue, the taste and essence of Aya. It was wonderful to feel those emotions through a simple kiss. No words were needed; the language was their own as they transported the love through their mouth. A feeling that was theirs alone and no outsider was able to--

"Schu… People are watching us." Aya drew his lips away only to find Schuldig following him right away.

"Aw, come on, Aya. Just a little longer."

"Baka. We're in front of the flower shop. My team members could see you."

Schuldig turned his look to the shop. "It's not open, Aya. Maybe they're out."

Frowning, Aya stood up to observe the front of the apparently desert shop. "That's strange."

"Maybe." Schuldig quickly got up from the hot pavement and pulled Aya against him. "But now we have all the time to continue our kiss."

"It's too dangerous, Schu. You're still an enemy and I can't…" Aya briefly closed his eyes. "I can't help you if they decide to go against you. I'm the leader of Weiss. It would be my duty to help them fight you and that's the last thing I wish for. They would kill you. I would have to kill you."

"It's okay, Aya. I understand."

It hurt. It really, really hurt to realize they were still enemies, that their love was tainted by their lives. There would be orders they wouldn't be able to refuse. Assassins can't choose their prey. Not assassins of Weiss, and least of all not members of Schwarz with their cold-blooded leader Crawford.

Absently playing with Aya's hair-tails, Schuldig tried to find a solution. It would be a love affaire with secret meetings in dark alleys, smoke filled bars, cheep and cockroach infested hotel rooms. Short and hushed spoken words full of love over the phone, no, wait, he still had his telepathy. But they would always live in fear. It was a love not meant to be, cursed from the beginning only to await a horrible tragic and gruesome end.

Almost moaning at such a terrible vision of their future, Schuldig stroke through Aya's hair and reached down to the lips to touch them gently. When he spoke again, his words were strangely strangled and he had to swallow to ease the lump in his throat.

"We'll find a way, Aya. I promise."

Aya tilted his head into his caressing hand and sighed sadly. "Oh, Schu."

Their soft and tender conversation was cruelly interrupted by a lout bang. Alarmed, both men jumped back from each other, ready to defend themselves or each other. But it was too late, much too late. Someone came out of the house with frightening speed and wrath written all over his face. The eyes were blazing in rage, he was hissing and cursing and brutally snatched Schuldig by his arm to drag the stunned German back into the house. In seconds, Schuldig had vanished and was nowhere to see.

Shell-shocked, Aya stared at the now vacant doorway. That wasn't real… It couldn't be… This was a nightmare. Aya's mouth opened and closed a few times soundlessly before he let out a desperate squeak.

"ORACLE?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

(1) "EEE!"--Yes!

(2) "E'E EE E EEE!" --I'm not a beagle!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: Okay, the last line was rather obvious and not very original but I had to stop at some point.

Schu: I protest! I would never kiss a pavement!

Black Kitten: #mumbles# You would, believe me, you would... Look! Reviews!... **tigermink.** Oh my, and another short chapter, gomen ne.

Aya: Thank Kami-sama that there wasn't much about me in that part. Just to think of all the horrible embarrassments I have to endure just to amuse some yaoi obse--

Schu: I was about to kiss a _pavement_! That's sooo OOC!

Black Kitten: Nag, nag, nag. You two can be so childish sometimes. I've the feeling I'm surrounded by kindergarteners. Just ignore them, tigermink. You're right, Aya-chan is in for a big surprise, although I have this certain feeling that she's not the only one. #grins#

Weiss & Schwarz: #alarmed looks#

Aya-chan: #clueless look#

Black Kitten: #happy look#… **Skeren** **Dreamera.** Um, that was a... love-glare! Oh, have a little mercy with poor clueless Aya-chan. The world she stumbled in is everything but normal. On the other hand, what's still normal in this story? So far, I've managed to mix up the lives of nine people. But the best of all is that Schu and Ran think their suffering is finally over. HA! They have no idea what's awaiting them in the kitten's house! BWAHAHAHA!

Weiss & Schwarz: #horror#

Aya-chan: #clueless look#

Black Kitten: HAHAHAHA-- #coughcough#… **gamegirl28.** Thank you! #hugs wand-collection# I hope you could find something funny in that part too even if there wasn't much Ran and Schu. I had to focus on Aya-chan and the rest to build a bridge to the next chapter blah blah blah... Gods, what a boring reply to your review. Let's see... It's a pity that there aren't Weiss Kreuz playing cards with the bishies portrayed in various undressed love positions... #looks left and right and whispers# But I've thought ahead and have installed web cams in their rooms and even in the bathrooms. #winks# And now, only for you, gamegirl, the link to watch them in real time is--

Weiss & Schwarz: #piercing shriek# YOU DID WHAT?

Black Kitten: #blinks# Great, now I'm deaf...

Aya-chan: #clueless look#

Weiss & Schwarz: #run circles in complete panic#

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes# And out of the blue they're suddenly oh so prudish. A likely story... **Bloodrose** **'Valentine' Foxxstar.** #watches Foxxstar poking hysterically squeaking Schu# Aw, what a cute sight. I would really love to read the three-some lemon where Schu's the sausage between the slices #nudge nudge wink wink#... About your Brad/Yohji request, you see, I cannot pair up Yohji with Brad. Yotan's already involved with Kenken and that would be cheating and I don't have the heart to break them off because they're so cute together and it would be just terrible if--

Yohji: #bored to death# Get to the point already.

Black Kitten: ... And suddenly, the idea's not so bad anymore. #glares#... #rereads review# Um, could it be that I misunderstood your request, Foxxstar? Did you mean in my next part or next fic? Anyway, I've already plans with Brad in this one and I can tell you that someone will be utterly surprised by it. #giggles insanely#

Weiss & Schwarz: #terror-shrieks#

Aya-chan: #clueless look#

Black Kitten: #broad smile#... **Hope500.** Hi! #hugs#. Yaoi-pocky? #lol# That's definitely something every yaoi-girl/boy should have. I swear nothing on the chibis is permanent! I'm not--... I mean _Farfie_ is not THAT cruel. And the situation for Omi and Nagi should get better now that Schu and Aya have arrived at the kitten's house. At least I think so. Yohji had a hard time in the precious chapter and today it was Ken's time. Poor bishies, fate can be sooo cruel. #smirks#... Oh! I wanna see naked bishies too!

Weiss & Schwarz: #shocked speechless#

Aya-chan: #clueless look#

Black Kitten: Slowly but surely I'm getting worried about Aya-chan's stereotypical reactions... **LoneCayt.** _Of course_ they will change their cat and bunny costumes in freshly cleaned and ironed suits and ties before they face the others. #grins# Nah, not a chance that they can hold up their reputation. Not in _my_ story. MUAHAHAHA-- #cough#... Sorry. Ah, you don't have to worry about Farfie and Aya-chan. She's, let's say, naive enough for Farfie. Therefore he doesn't really have to put much effort in it. #winks#... Wah! My English's not that bad? Thank you! So, you're learning German? Hm, let's see... Ein Mann erzählte seinem Freund, dass er am Vortag einen ernsthaften Streit mit seiner Frau hatte. „Der Streit endete," sagte er, „als sie auf Händen und Knien zu mir gekrochen kam." – „Was hat sie gesagt?" fragte der Freund neugierig. Der Ehemann antwortete, „Sie sagte: _Komm endlich unter dem Bett hervor, du Feigling!_"

Weiss & Schwarz & Aya-chan: #clueless looks#

Schuldig: #rofl#… #stops#… #blinks#… Wait a sec, what the hell… #bruised male pride#

Black Kitten: I know it's not the best joke in the universe #sweat drop#… **mimma.** #bursts out laughing# Gods, I can't believe it! You made the same mistake as I, just the other way around! I once wrote a gift lemon and made the terrible mistake to write _prostrate_ instead of _prostate_. And now you're telling me that you _prostate_ at my greatness. LOL, that's really great. #hugs#... And you're worthy, believe me, you are... erm... And please stand up before someone steps on you.

#bulls stampede out of nowhere#

Black Kitten: #blinks#... Oh my... Too late... **makusime.** I'm glad that you still like the story. #hugs# It's crazy but I'm getting more nervous with each chapter in fear I could disappoint the readers, especially you. But I think you know this by now. In fact, I'm like a nervous wreck with tousled hair, black rings under the eyes, bitten lips, and no fingernails.

Schu: A freak!

Black Kitten: #growls#... Baka... **babymar-mar.** Hi! Thank you and of course there will be more chapters. I still have to puzzle out how to end the chaos... #chough#... I mean I still have to solve the ... No, I still have to explain the... Oh, forget it.

Aya: I think babymar-mar already did. #smirks#

Black Kitten: #glare# … **Koji-chan.** LOL... erm... Oh gods, I can't watch people cry! #turns away#... Okay, I know that was a bad joke but do not fear! Aya will get into the uke-status, I swear! I just have to--

Aya: NOOOOOOO!

Schu: YESSSSSSS!

Black Kitten: Great, now I'm deaf again. #shakes head to get rid of the ringing#... As I said before, I just have to figure out how to let Schu approach Aya in this delicate situation without getting a black eye for his effort to--

Schu: NOOOOOOO!

AYA: YESSSSSSS! #makes boxing gesture#

Black Kitten: Do you have to be so noisy? You see, Koji-chan, you'll get your lemon because I'M the authoress and my word counts!

Weiss & Schwarz: Of course. #meaningful looks at each other#

Back Kitten: What? WHAT?... Idiots... **Kyra2.** Well, I would say we do not only torture them, we're literally bathing in the chaos we create. At least I do. #grins# Ran will have major troubles explaining his looks to Aya and the others without loosing his face and masculinity, that's for sure. But compared to what's going on at the moment, his and Schu's appearance is just a speck in a field full of big, fat dots. Oh, and I'm also very eager to find out where this whole mess is heading!

Aya: #raises eyebrow# As the authoress, shouldn't you know how this is going to continue?

Black Kitten: Um... erm... Well... **Zanzahra.** #grins# It certainly looks like you had fun with the previous chapter. Personally, I love those little spats between Schu and Aya especially if they turn into teasing and lead to something more... spicy. You know what I mean, don't you? #winks#

Ken: #confused# They turn into... pizza?

Black Kitten: Er... right. Isn't Kenken cute? #meaningful look#... I just couldn't resist making Schu the Lion King. And Ran as Bugs Bunny... Well, let's say I couldn't find a better comparison in such a quick time.

Aya: You liar! I saw the big fat grin on your face when you wrote it down!

Black Kitten: Oh, my poor bunny drag queen is hallucinating! Sadly, you've no proof. #sticks tongue at Aya#... **lil-evil-bunni.** Don't get it wrong. Yohji's everything but stupid. Neither is Ken or the rest. They're just caught up in certain circumstances and the net Farfie made for his and our amusement. But I cannot deny that there's a certain amount of, let's call it naivety, and it's an immense help for him and his evil, evil plans. #grins# Oh, I don't like Schu's green hair or Farfie's red ones in the manga, or their eye colours. #shudders#. Or that Schu destroyed Aya's family. It WAS Takatori after all! And in my opinion, Schu's orange hair is VERY natural. Just as natural as his... telepathy! Or Nagi's telekinese! Or Brad's precog--

Aya: You're ranting. No, forgive me. My error. You're babbling.

Black Kitten: ...Oh! Look! It's your spanking time with lil-evil-bunni!

Aya: NOOOOOO!

Black Kitten: Hm, I almost feel sorry for him... Nah... **ZanaBQ.** Mah, danke! #hugs#. Concerning my great writing style you wrote about, I would say that's because your and my first language's German. Therefore we don't see our or the other writers errors that much. #grins# And about you giving me a review although it's very late and you're tired and don't even now anymore what you're writing about... Now you know how I feel when I'm writing on a new chapter.

Schu: Funny. And I thought she's just plain insane to create such a story.

Black Kitten: #growls# I will show you insanity... ZanaBQ, believe me you don't talk nonsense, that's what Schu is for!

Schu: I protest!

Black Kitten: Pity it doesn't have an effect on me. #sticks tongue out#… **Gunning** **Angel.** Wah! You wrote a new chapter and a sequel! I was surprised how much I missed while I was on vacation. Without computer, can you believe this? It was a... funny feeling. At least as funny as Aya's and Schu's relationship. They are taking turns in trying to hold up their pride and masculinity in front of each other and every time it gets harder and harder the longer they're together. It's quite a natural process, wouldn't you say?

Schu: _Natural_? It's totally mortifying!

Black Kitten: That too. #grins# Well, Aya may have troubles keeping up with Schu's logic at the moment, Schu is the Mastermind after all, but Aya's a kitten and therefore has claws to fight back.

Aya: That's so typical for you! To portray Schu with intelligence and I'm the brute!

Black Kitten: What? I didn't... I meant...

Schu: #narrows eyes# What do you mean by she '_portrayed'_ me with intelligence, Aya?

Aya: oo

Black Kitten: Yes, tell us, Aya! By the way, how was the spanking?

Schu: Spanking? What spanking?

Aya: oo

Black Kitten: #smirks# Thought so. So, Gunning Angel, as you can see, apart from their constant nagging they're really, really cute and therefore they will remain as my favourite pairing forever and for always! Hopefully yours too. #hugs#... **annakas.** Oh, the double morals standards of Weiss have always disturbed me, so the urge to put it into the story was very strong. It's just Aya's luck that he got the honour.

Aya: #hangs head in defeat while Schu's still nagging him about the spanking#

Black Kitten: Poor kitten. I could almost feel something like pity for him... Nah. #grins# Aya-chan certainly is in a funny situation but it's in my interest that she doesn't get too involved into Farfie's plans. Her heart-warming ignorance and conclusions are somewhat refreshing in all that chaos. Oh, and you're not alone, annakas. I get weird looks all the time!

Schwarz & Weiss: #weird looks#

Black Kitten: Why am I not surprised? … **Amber Bock.** Thank you! I just love it when people have so much fun with the story despite the grammar and spelling mistakes. Schu and Aya ARE the ideal couple. Both are stubborn to the core and with a fire that runs through their veins in order to break free in a bubbly eruption so that it can melt and burn at the same time.

Aya: And that's where you're utterly wrong! I'm totally out of character in your story, because in reality I'm a cold, withdrawn, tight-lipped, narrow-minded, glaring, shine-yelling avenger!

Black Kitten: And your speech was just proof for it?

Aya: ... Hn.

Black Kitten: #broad grin#... See, Amber Bock, and suddenly you're in the middle of those thingies of mine you're so fond of. And I also love insanity to a certain point and knives are pretty little shiny objects to play with, but what I really love is Farfie as a clever and sane psychopath.

Farfie: #snorts# Dream on. I like my god-hurting, nun-hunting, child-eating image very much. It's easy to play and not very demanding.

Black Kitten: ... I'm shocked. #narrows eyes# Maybe I should focus on you more in the next parts… **Spawn of Hell.** Wow, a visitor from hell. Thank you for the review! Well, I haven't posted more stories because that one is my first. I did write a lemon months ago but it's NC-17 so there's no place for it on fanfictionnet. But I've got many ideas for more stories and as soon as I've finished this one, I'll start the next.

Schu: Do I have to get into panic mode?

Black Kitten: Yes, I'm afraid so. Gomen ne, Schu. Have fun as long as you can.

Schu: Oh. My. God.

Black Kitten: God has nothing to do with it, believe me. #grins# ... **KT.** I'm surprised that you could make two reviews for the same chapter. Normally, fanfictionnnet only allows one review per reviewer... or so. It looks like you had fun with the story so far and that's wonderful. At this point, I've no idea if the next lemon will be as 'tasty' as the last one or if I'll make it funny. However, I'll put my whole imagination into it!

Schu & Aya: #horror (again)#

Black Kitten: #huge smile#... Farfie IS clever. One should never underestimate the loonies! And least of all, none should underestimate MY Farfie... Wait a sec, I've got this image of Brad doing something with... Oh lala!

Schwarz & Weiss: #suspicious# What? WHAT?

Black Kitten: Oh, nothing, really. Just wait and see...BWAHAHAHA!... Until next time, minna-san!


	13. Part 13

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! Sorry for the terribly long wait. Well, I can only beg you on my knees to please ignore those terrible spelling mistakes and bad pre-school grammar and just have fun with the new chapter.

Schu: No proof-reading? #smirks and reads first lines# Schuldig where shocks. An moment he stand ready bye Aya too parts off him with--

Black Kitten: Er... #cough#... Without doubt, this was the hardest and longest chapter I've written so far. Until know, I had no idea how complex the story has developed. #sweat drop# I really, really hope you all will like the outcome.

Schu: #snorts# Complex? Chaotic, that's what it is.

Black Kitten: Thank you for your candid pity. #glares#... Ah, minna, thank you so much for the many reviews! The response I got for the last chapter was awesome! Hugs for everyone! #hugs everyone#

Schu: #shudders and prays# Please, not me. Please, not me.

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes# I gave hugs to the _reviewers_. You haven't written one, have you?

Schu: ... No. #evil grin#... Must go... Write flame... #cackles#

Black Kitten: How childish. Now, because I got so many reviews, Schwarz and Weiss will help me answering them.

Weiss & Schwarz: #apathetic# Hurray.

Black Kitten: #smirks# I knew you would be thrilled by it. And now, onto the story!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live.

"blah blah" ... _thoughts_.../_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 13

Schuldig was shocked. One moment, he was standing by Aya ready to part from him with a heavy heart, and the next one Crawford came out of the Koneko no Sume Ie. Schuldig was so stunned that he couldn't decide which shook him more; Crawford walking out of Aya's home, or the state he was in.

Brad was furious.

The last time Schuldig had seen him in such a furious state had been... well, never. He couldn't remember having seen his team leader in such a rage ever before. Nothing had ever taken Crawford by surprise due to his talent, and nothing had ever touched him deep enough to loose his temper. Until now, and this frightened Schuldig deeply.

Brad must have gotten a vision about his blooming love for Aya, an enemy, which could only be taken as a betrayal to the team. He had deceived his comrades, his family. Had gone against them in the worst way possible, and the price they would have to pay for this mortal sin let him fear for his and Aya's life. And of what he would find behind the walls of the Kitten's house.

Schuldig's stomach tightened at the upcoming foreboding, and the horror visions that slowly started to cloud his mind left him dazed, unable to react to Brad's merciless grip on his arm as he pulled him into the house.

Crawford calm and serene was deadly, to put it mildly.

Crawford in rage was lethal.

When Brad shut the door forcefully after their entering, seized him by the vest and pressed him up against the wall, Schuldig's heart was fluttering in his chest like a desperate, scared little bird trying to escape its too small cage.

When Brad's furious, blazing eyes met his, Schuldig could only shiver in despair at the pure anger he found in them.

When Brad's lips drew up into a vicious snarl to bare his teeth, Schuldig abandoned all hope.

And when Brad's fury coloured hiss washed over him like a typhoon carrying an icy wind to freeze his heart and to break it mercilessly into tiny shreds before crushing them under his expensive soles into finest star dust, Schuldig's mind held only one thought.

"You will tell those fucking idiots that I'm not in love with Berserker!"

Eh?

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya was shocked about Crawford's appearance for about ten seconds before his mind went blank. All he could see were gruesome pictures of his slaughtered team members, his friends, his family. Dismembered by Berserker and crushed to death by Prodigy like annoying little flies. And hovering over their mangled bodies stood Oracle with a cruel and mocking smirk.

When Aya started to move again it was without a thought. He ran to the backdoor and sprinted up to his room to get his weapon. Somewhere far, far away, he could hear muffled shouting and yelling, and his heart made a little jump at the possibility that his team members weren't murdered by now. That they could be still fighting for their lives, brave and lion-hearted against the evilness that was Schwarz.

Katana in hand, Aya stormed down the stairs again, ready to join forces with his comrades. His last thought before he entered the room where the final fight took place was being send to Schuldig, thanking him for their short but wonderful time they had together.

_Ai shiteru, Schu._ _Forever and for always._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji was glaring at Ken ready to bring out the next '_Squeak'_ as a subtle hint and as a demand to finally get an answer if he had cheated on him with Berserker or not.

Ken was about to strangle Yohji for his ongoing '_Squeak_ _Squeak'_ commands he made seemingly as a reminder for whatever his stubborn boyfriend thought had occurred in his room the night before.

Farfarello, enjoying every second of the spat tremendously, watched them closely with a satisfied grin.

Omi and Nagi were exchanging their personal views about the couples' spat through the little notebook, and Aya-chan was about to let her instincts take over again and play matchmaker, when suddenly...

A bloodcurdling scream broke through the room.

Farfarello leaped up in one fluid movement, gracefully like a panther, with his knife out of his bootleg and ready to maim whoever dared to cross his path.

Yohji whirled around into his typical defence stance, wire out and heart hammering like a running rabbit that was trying to break the sound barrier.

Ken, having scared the living daylights out of him, reacted promptly with an almost identical scream back.

Omi and Nagi, immensely startled by both screams, froze into two pillars of salt, and Aya-chan, scared to death at the sudden loud noises, gasped and pressed her hand over her rapidly pounding heart.

Reactions made, they focused on the source of the original scream.

And there, only a few steps away, stood an outraged bunny, face contorted into a mask of murderous rage and katana high about his head ready to strike.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

After storming into the living room with a war cry on his lips, Aya stood in fighting stance with the katana in position to defend his friends. He was ready to strike down the first member of Schwarz when Ken took a step in his direction and began to yell on the top of his lungs.

"ARE YOU CRAZY, AYA? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME!"

Stunned, Aya lowered the weapon and stared in shock at his angry comrade. The feeling of pure relief which would have had taken over his nervous system by now and would have let him shout out in joy that his friends were still alive, was being crushed by Ken who was downright pissed. And Ken was pissed at _him_, mind you, not at the knife holding Schwarz member called Berserker right beside Ken, who was, by the way, staring at him in pure fascination while muttering something under his breath that sounded like 'Incredible'. Nor was Ken pissed at Prodigy, who was ... Aya gazed confused at the youngest Schwarz member's labelled forehead and red nose until his view stopped at the sight of Prodigy snuggled up to... Omi?... And Omi was _lime-green_? What on earth had happened to the boy?

Aya's baffled look at the optical modified teenagers huddled together like best friends was interrupted by a deep sigh from Ken. It was hard for him to turn the look from the two colourful boys, and therefore glanced more than absently in Ken's direction. Aya was confronted with one last glare from Ken before the younger man took a deep breath and started to rub his chest in a calming manner.

"Gods, Aya, you scared me so much I almost wetted myself like Omi did yesterday."

"Ken-kun!" Omi's horrified shout was full of mortification and he turned crimson in embarrassment.

"You _pissed_ yourself?" The amused snort from Berserker was underlined with one mockingly raised eyebrow.

"I was startled!" came the heated response and Omi pointed accusingly at Ken. "Because Ken and Yohji had sex in the toilet!"

The second eyebrow went up and Berserker smirked at Ken. "You had sex in the _toilet_?"

Blushing, Ken folded his arms defensively. "It was ON not IN the toilet."

Aya, now totally ignored by the others, couldn't decide which was more surreal; the fact that Schwarz and Weiss had a more or less civil conversation, or the conversation itself. Confused, he turned to his last resort to get an explanation of what was going on, but Yohji wasn't following their bickering. Actually, Yohji was staring at him. A single tear was running down his cheek and although he had his lips firmly pressed together, Aya could already hear giggles coming from the older man. All in all, Yohji was currently occupied with fighting off a laughing fit. A rather fruitless attempt, his shoulders were already shaking and Aya was certain the man would loose it by any second.

Irritation started to flow through him at his team members' attitudes, and he was about to voice his displeasure when Yohji's attention abruptly changed. The older man's gaze darted to the left to look behind Aya, green eyes widened and he yelled in warning.

"LOOK OUT!"

Trained like the perfect assassin he was, Aya reacted promptly.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Muttering and on the edge to have a fit, Crawford stomped through the house back to the living-room.

"Idiots. I'm surrounded by... idiots!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig lay prone on the floor, trying to figure out where the train had come from before it had hit him full force.

The last thing he remembered was receiving Aya's message over the mental link. He remembered the shock he had felt at Aya's regretful words he had spoken as if they were his final ones, and the terrible feeling of loss and despair at his lover's farewell. And he had reacted in blind panic, had desperately shoved Crawford away, had ignored his leader's sharp command and had run further into the house to save Aya's life.

So, where the hell did that train come from?

Moaning, Schuldig reached up to feel for his temple where that ominous thing had hit him, with no doubt that his head was bashed in through the enormous impact. Suddenly, Aya's horror-stricken voice broke through his dazed mind.

"Oh gods... Schu... What have I done!"

Puzzled by the cryptic words, Schuldig slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times to clear his vision until Aya's worried face came into his view. Aya was kneeling beside him, no, he was more floating over him. A hand touched his over the temple, fingers sneaked tenderly between his own to examine the painful spot for injuries. Ah, that was his Aya, lovely and caring. A beautiful and gentle angel in a world full of brutal beasts.

"I'm so sorry, Schu. I thought someone was attacking me from behind. Thank Kami-sama I only hit you with the fist."

Finally something that made sense. Now he understood what had happened when he had come to Aya's rescue. Silly of him to think of a _train_. Aya had just thought that someone was attacking... him... Schuldig's eyes snapped fully open at the realization that his lover was as fit as a fiddle instead of lying broken in a pool of blood. Despite his hurting head, Schuldig quickly sat up and glared accusingly.

"Don't you _ever_ 'ai shiteru' me again, Aya! I nearly had a heart-attack!"

The sight of Aya blushing heavily at the reminder of his dramatic farewell would have lessened his anger instantly, if Crawford hadn't decided that this was the right time to step into the room.

"I _told_ you to calm down, Schuldig, didn't I?" Crawford glanced annoyed at him as he passed by, as if he was just a little brat complaining about nothing.

"Pardon me?" To say that Schuldig was outraged would be the understatement of the year. The new rush of anger brought such a strong wave of adrenaline with it that he managed to scramble on his feet without swaying, even though he still felt a little dizzy from the hit. Enraged, he stepped up to Crawford and stubbed a finger quite hard against the older man's chest.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Brad, but your exact words were '_Stop, you fucking idiot_'. What the hell did you think I would do? Stay by your side while my lover's being butchered?"

"Your _lover_?"

Schuldig froze up, finger tip firmly pressed against the chest in front of him, and for a second he was more startled about his slip and now final confession as about the painfully familiar accent. Slowly, he let his hand down and turned around to the questioner with a weak smile.

"Hi, Farfie."

He was prepared for many things, but certainly not for the sight of an utterly relaxed Berserker grinning back at him in delight. Farfarello was virtually radiating unholy joy, and his mouth widened into a smirk as he drawled his reply.

"Nice outfit, Tigger."

Schuldig furrowed his brows. It was easy to overlook the nickname, or Kudou's amused snort, but for Farfarello to shrug off his relationship with Abyssinian as if it wasn't worth a second thought was just too unrealistic to be true. There had to be a catch in it. Suspicion rose in him and he concentrated on the remaining persons to check out the current situation. And he noticed how Schwarz and Weiss stood side by side instead of fighting each other. How cosy the two youngest team members were sitting together and the state they were in.

The feeling that something important must have happened during the time of his absence got stronger by any second. Something had changed dramatically and it wasn't just Bombay's colouring or Nagi's newfound love for a certain dog-breed. Maybe the two assassin groups had formed an alliance, something like a temporary truce.

Turning back to his Irish colleague, Schuldig had the mixed blessing to find Farfarello watching him like a hawk, clearly waiting in anticipation for a reaction from him. And all of a sudden, Schuldig had the nasty sensation of being a labour rat observed by a scientist. By one of the stark raving mad kind scientists, of course. Pinned down by the golden eye, he narrowed his own back in irritation to show Farfarello that he wasn't in the mood to play any of his games.

"What the hell is going on, Farfarello?"

Gods, he _hated_ it when Farfarello made one of his innocent performances. The confused look, the wide eye, the raised eyebrows. And all of it in combination with a hand pointed at his chest in a questioning manner. The only flaw was that said hand was holding a knife. Farfarello was looking like a cat denying the killing of the canary while yellow feathers were sticking out of his mouth. Who the fuck would fall for such a ridiculous act? Absolutely nobody, not even a _toddler_.

"Why does everyone pick on Farfie? I'm tired of repeating it _again_ and _again_ and _again_. Christ, Farfie was the whole time in my room! End of the story! Just live with it!"

... _What_? Had Siberian just called Berserker 'Farfie' and had defended him like they were best buddies? And Farfarello didn't even bat his eye at such a familiarity from an arch-enemy? Schuldig gaped perplexed at the very upset Hidaka. And then at the very happy looking Farfarello. And then at Crawford who was rubbing his forehead in a very tired gesture. And then he exploded.

"I want an explanation, god damn it! And I give a shit who's delivering it, I want it now!"

As if given a keyword, Nagi jumped up, sprinted at his side, and started to scribble hectically on a notebook. Finished, he tore the sheet away and held it up for Schuldig to see. Schuldig didn't care for the sheet, utterly amazed by the boy's action.

/_Chibi, I know I was away for a terribly long time, one day to be precisely, but for you to forget that I'm a telepath is somewhat scary./_

Schuldig knew instantly that he had made a terrible mistake.

_/Schu! It was terrible! Farfarello painted a ladybug on my nose while I was asleep! A LADYBUG! And he destroyed our LIVING-ROOM! And then he scared OMI but Omi spit on his FACE and then he wrote BEAGLE on my forehead and Omi had DYE in his shampoo and then my VOICE broke and now I can only SQUEAK and then came AYA--/_

It was pure self-defence when Schuldig's mental walls snapped up and blocked any incoming thoughts to avoid further bombardments and to keep away the risk of overloading his brain. The animated features of Nagi showed him that the normally calm boy was still talking his head off. It was like watching an old silent movie. It was _fascinating_.

Someone cleared his throat rather loudly, clearly as an attempt to get every ones attention, and Schuldig was forced to tear his eyes from Nagi and to ignore the boy's protest tug on his arm. Crawford stood right behind him with folded arms and a serious mien, visibly in need to say something terribly important.

"Mastermind has an announcement to make."

"... I have?" Schuldig's eye-brows shot up. What announcement? Until now he had thought the mission had been crazy but what he had witnessed so far since he had entered that cursed house surpassed it easily. Has everyone gone mad? Great, and now he had the whole attention directed at him while he was at a complete loss.

"Don't look at me as if I'm nuts, Schuldig," Crawford hissed furiously at his bewildered look. "I'm fed up and I've no tolerance for more nonsense, so just spill it. You _know_ what I'm talking about."

Wide-eyed, Schuldig stared back with absolute no idea what Crawford wanted from him. And this made him awfully nervous. And he got even more nervous when the older man's glare got murderous and his mind decided that now was the best time to recall the previous, quite aggressive behaviour of his team leader. Swallowing, Schuldig took a reflexive step backwards and meekly squeezed out the only reply he could think of.

"I do?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Until now, Aya had watched and listened in stoic silence. He had even managed to ignore Yohji's permanent and downright idiotic grin and occasional sniggers, which he suspected could only be because of his bunny-outfit. But the fruitless conversation between Schuldig and Oracle was too much. When Oracle made a threatening step towards the German, Aya realized that it was time to stop the madness. And it was more than obvious that no one but him was rational enough at the moment to bring order into the chaos. Tightening his grip on the katana, Aya stepped resolutely forward to bring himself between the two Schwarz members and to demand attention as the leader of Weiss... when a soft voice let him freeze in his motion.

"Oniisan?"

For a short moment, Aya's brain refused its work and he had an experience which only people on certain psychedelic drugs have. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. When he turned to the new person, everything was in slow motion. The widening of Yohji's grin, the smirk of Berserker which became feral and the madman's satisfied hiss of "Finally!", Schuldig's stunned facial features and Oracle's rolling eyes and the impatiently tapping of his fingers against folded arms. And then there was his sister, beaming at him in all her glory.

"Surprise!" She threw up her arms and stepped forward to take him into a cheerful embrace. "Oniisan, I've missed you sooo much."

Arms full with his sister, Aya stared speechless down at her. The katana fell from numb fingers, his mouth opened soundlessly, and the thoughts were running amok. He was entirely swamped by the turn of events, and he would have remained in that state for a very long time if Schuldig's question and following conversation hadn't snapped him out off it.

"I'll be damned. Since when is Aya's sister here?"

"About three hours, not that this would be of _any_ importance. Satisfied? Can we _finally_ go back to your announcement before I loose my patience?"

"Gods, you're in a bad mood, Brad. I'm here for barely a few minutes with absolute no idea what's going on, so don't let it out on me."

"God help me but I've reached a very critical point. Just do as I say."

"Not that I _wouldn't_ know _what_ you're talking about, really, and I would... if I could... But not before you're telling me what this is all about. I'm a professional after all and not some brainless puppet."

"Are you challenging my authority, Schuldig?"

"No!... At least I think so... Christ, why not give Aya and his sister a little time before we go on with this madness?"

"I don't give a damn about them. And it's Ran, you idiot. Aya is the sister."

"Oh _yeah_? And our Greatness believes that His lackeys will follow His cryptic orders after insulting them? Newsflash! They won't--"

"You _will_ follow my order, Schuldig. And if it's just for your endless gratitude, because without me, your relationship with Abyssinian would never have happened!"

"Then give me proper--... WHAT?"

Ran had listened to the conversation between the two bickering Schwarz members until Schuldig's shout let him wince at the volume of it and he decided to turn his entire focus back on his sister. He still felt a little numb at her unexpected appearance in all that chaos, uncertain how he should react to it. How he should explain his strange looks, or the gathering of so many people when he himself had not the faintest idea about what was going on. Well, Aya-chan must have felt his dilemma because she simply took the initiative with a tender smile.

"You don't have to hide anymore, oniisan. I know about your secret."

That hit him like a rock. Ran was so shocked that he could only gape at her as she tightened her embrace and continued warmly.

"I know why you took over my name. I know _everything_. And you don't have to be ashamed about it, oniisan. I love you all the same."

"You... do?"

Bit by bit, the meaning of her words flooded through him, and the effect it had on his heart and mind was breathtaking. After all the stress, the pressure and strain, the humiliations and up and downs of his emotional life he had to endure through the last mission, Ran was overpowered by his sister's outstanding love for him. He felt at ease as he finally reacted to her embrace, and the words coming out of his mouth showed his whole relief and gratefulness.

"Kami-sama, all those years I feared for your non-acceptance, that you would despise me, turn your back on me."

"_Never_, oniisan."

"I'm so glad that I don't have to lie anymore, that I don't have to act and hide in front of you."

"I'm _always_ with you, oniisan."

"Gods, to think that you would accept me as an assassin is unbelieving."

"I would be a _terrible_ sister if I--... Come again?"

Ran was in such a blissful state that he didn't see his comrades, frantically making signs for him to cut it out. Entirely focused on his sister, he rambled on.

"Oh gods, I'm so happy, Aya-chan."

"I see... _Assassin_?"

"I'm so happy I cannot describe it. All those fears for nothing, because you love me nonetheless! To think that all this time I have such an understanding sister."

"Ran, let's go back to the part with the assassin, will you?"

"One of the best."

"Do tell."

"Hai."

"..."

"... Aya-chan?"

Strange, now his sister seemed to be lost and confused, and this was quite the contrary to her earlier beaming. Furrowing his brows in confusion and a little concern about her well-being, Ran was about to question her when an arm suddenly fell on his shoulder.

"Oh my, Ran-chan's so funny today, aren't you, Liebling?"

Startled, Aya addressed his German lover beside him. "Schu, what are you tal--"

/_Your sister has no idea about your profession, Ran./_

_/NANI?/_

_/Chill, Liebling, I will handle it./_

Ran may be in love with Schuldig but he was no fool. The words which should have calmed him down brought nothing but a new rush of panic. He was more than worried that his somewhat tactless boyfriend would only make it worse, and the image of Schuldig handling it as gracefully as a bull in a china shop tied his stomach into tight knots. However, the protest he was about to make vanished as fast as the words reached his lips, because what followed took his breath away.

Schuldig bowed to his sister European style in an elegant gesture. And just as gracefully, he leaned forward, took her right hand in his, and placed a decent kiss on the back of it. Straightened up again, Schuldig regarded her with a charming smile and an almost seductive purr.

"You're _lovely_, my dear, and it's a _pleasure_ to meet you."

Aya blushed deeply, enraptured by the foreigner's action and words, and Ran could only watch in wonder at the sudden shyness of her. No, actually, it wasn't some miracle to be surprised about. Schuldig _was_ Mastermind of Schwarz, after all. A seductive manipulator who played with the minds of innocent people in sadistic delight until truth turned into lies, and vice versa.

"By the way, I'm your brother's boyfriend."

_/Schu! She doesn't know about my sexual orientation! You're grossing her out!/_

_/After your enthusiastic outing as an assassin? Don't think so. Oh, and thanks for the Manipulator of Innocence. Really, that was terribly nice of you./_

_/Schu, I--/_

_/Forget it./_

_/But, Schu, it's not how--/_

_/Lala lala lala laaaa./_

"Oh, you're my brother's koibito? I see... And the animal costumes you're both wearing are something like a partner look, Schuldig-san?"

"Yeah, what's with that bunny and kitty-cat outfit? Care to tell us?" Yohji butted in cheerfully from somewhere behind.

Ran gritted his teeth at Yohji's unnecessary remark while he was busy thinking about why Aya wasn't offended about him being gay, or how he could make it up to Schuldig again. It hadn't really been his intention to insult his lover, but it was hard to change a view about certain people in only a few hours. Not after the image had been built over such a long time, and least of all if said person was a member of Schwarz. Thus, Schuldig really could give him a little time to adjust to this new image. But on the other hand, the damage was done, and a cranky Schuldig was surely not a funny one. Particularly when said cranky man tended to get stubborn and childish. So, what could he do? Maybe a nice romantic back rub by candle light would help?

Glancing at Schuldig to see if he was still upset, Ran watched warily as the German continued the conversation with his sister as if nothing had happened between them mentally.

"Ah, you see, it's hard to describe why we're in such funny costumes with the knowledge that it isn't Halloween... or carnival... or other traditions... I suppose there isn't a Japanese tradition involving such costumes?... Darn, thought so. Now, it's more like... It was something like... We were on a show, to be precisely."

A _show_? Why in Buddha's name does Schuldig believe that his sister would buy such a dumb explanation?

"Oh... OH!" Aya gave the young foreigner a meaningful grin and a comical slow wink as if they were sharing a secret. "Must have been a wild one, ne Schuldig-san?"

"... Huh?"

Oookay, it was nice to know that Schu was just as baffled as he was about his sister's reaction, but that was the only comforting thing in the whole mess. Aya was unaware of the confusion she was creating as she directed her attention back to her brother and slapped him playfully on the arm.

"You got me all confused with your silly story about assassins, oniisan. But now, after I got all those little details, I've a perfect idea for a present I wanted to give you. Oh, you will love it, Ran-chan! I mean Aya-chan... This could turn into major complications during the time of my visit. Ah, we will think of something so we don't get mixed up by your friends. But first, shopping. And now I'm off. Ja ne!"

Clapping her hands in anticipation, Aya bounced cheerfully out of the room until she vanished from their sight.

"What the... _hell_?" Ran knitted his browns in bewilderment and gazed at the only person who would be able to explain him his sister's flood of words. But his mind reading koibito was occupied with staring wide-eyed at the spot where his sister had been standing only a few seconds ago. Instantly, Ran got suspicious.

"Schu, what did she mean by that?"

"... Nothing, Liebling."

"But she--"

"Believe me, you don't want to know."

"Schu!"

"Holy shit, that was hilarious."

Startled by the new voice near his left ear, Ran whirled around and gasped in recognition of who was standing so close to him. His instincts screamed at him to step back, to get hold of his katana in order to be able to defend himself. But he was also aware that this man would be faster, would rip him to pieces before he could reach his weapon still lying on the ground. There was the comforting certainty that Schuldig, still standing at his right side, would defend him if needed, and maybe that was the crucial factor for Ran to stand unmoving despite his raw nerves and to simply watch the Schwarz member cautiously for any signs of danger.

The golden eye was fixed on the corner where Aya had vanished, and with the knife blade tapping against his cheek, Berserker unhurriedly changed the direction of his gaze to address him thoughtfully.

"You sure your 'lil sister didn't get damaged by the coma, Rabbit?"

Ran's yaw hung low, and not only at the assumption that his sister could have suffered brain damage. Granted, Schuldig as Tigger had been funny, but he was by no means such a ridiculous character like Rabbit. Before Ran could sputter out a protest, Schuldig took over chuckling.

"Say, Farfie, and who are you? Winnie the Pooh?"

"Nah," Berserker smirked back at the German, pointing with his head backwards. "That would be him."

Curiosity killed the cat, but Ran was the bunny so he was in no danger when he turned in unison with the two Schwarz members to have a look at said Winnie the Pooh.

Ken, feeling two and a half pairs of eyes on him, became flustered. "What's the matter? Why are you staring at me? Is there something on my face?... Yohji? Is there something on my face, Yohji?"

Ran nearly snorted at the comparison as he watched Ken questioning his lover, who for his part started to scan the face in earnest for any strange spots. And he had to admit that he was downright amused by Berserker's sense of humour.

It was a strange feeling, standing between the two Schwarz members; the former his koibito, the latter one of the most dangerous men he had got to know. But even odder was the revelation that he didn't feel threatened by Berserker anymore while he was standing shoulder on shoulder with the knife holding madman. It could be because of the relaxed posture of the man, or it was just the fact that he had an amused smirk on his scarred lips while he was watching Ken. And there was a twinkle in his eye that showed more intelligence and rationality than Ran had ever granted him to have. And maybe this was the crucial factor for him to participate instead of defending his friend's dignity.

Well, the following soft-spoken dialogue between the leader of Weiss and two members of Schwarz made history.

"You know, Berserker, Ken's a klutz sometimes. He could also be Gopher."

"Aye, that's true, Rabbit."

"So, and who would be Piglet?"

"That's easy, Liebling. That would be our Nagi-chan."

"Ah, I see. Roo?"

"The kitten with the excessive joy-complex."

"...Who?"

"Bombay, Rabbit."

Chuckle.

"Christopher Robin?"

"Too boring, Liebling. Next one."

"Hm, the only remaining one I can think of at the moment would be--"

"I'm completely _crushed_ to disturb your highly intelligent and terribly intellectual conversation about a children's book, and I _do_ believe that the coruscating humour in your discussion would make a five-year old guffaw. But to everyone's surprise I'm not a preschooler and I'm far from being happy. Moreover, I'm extremely pissed because I'm still waiting. And if you don't want to get a bullet in your primate brains you will refrain from making fun of me in the next hundred years and you will stop ignoring me."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford was seething. Hands squeezed into tight fists and drilling holes into the three backs in front of him, he waited for the Comedian Trio to react to his well-defined command. He had given them an ultimatum they shouldn't ignore and had made it clear that he was beyond angry, and that no one, absolutely no one should provoke him any further.

He felt a stab of triumph when the three men grew stiff in acknowledgment that he was deadly serious, that he had given them a strict order as no one other than Oracle, leader of Schwarz. It was a wonderful satisfaction after all the lack of respect he had received during the last hours to see them realizing that their fun had come to an end, that they had no other choice as to follow.

They turned to him at a snail's pace, without a doubt awestruck by his looming presence, and when they opened their mouths they spoke simultaneously with their voices full of awe.

"Eeyore."

_What?... What the fuck!_ ... "PARDON?"

Something snapped audibly in him and the impossible and unthinkable happened.

After twenty-eight long years full of calmness, dispassionateness, and imperturbability, Crawford lost his temper and precious self-control for the first time ever.

Boiling with rage, he drew out his gun, pointed it straight at Schuldig's forehead, and snarled out viciously.

"You will _instantly_ and _without_ _further_ ... Schuldig... Wait... SCHULDIG!... WAAAIIIT!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Pulling Ran with him, Schuldig hurried away from the yelling man into the safety of the kitchen. After closing the door, he leaned with a soft sigh against it, thankful for the barrier it drew to the insanity outside the room. And even if it was a relief for him to be spared from it for the moment, he was aware that it was only for a short time before he had to face Crawford again. And it would not be pretty after calling him 'Eeyore' in front of the enemy, or whatever the fuck they were right now.

Schuldig knew it was too late to have second thoughts and to regret making fun of him. As far as he got to know Crawford, the man would not accept such simple apologies like 'peer pressure', or that it had been the only rational and, let's face it, fairly expected way to react, and, seriously, wasn't Brad not the only one to blame for after he had provoked it with his idiotic order?

Still, Crawford had the advantage of being leader with the natural right to claim all the respect he was entitled to, so it was time to have a little doubt if the joke had been really worth the trouble.

And there was still the problem with Aya-chan and her interesting combinations which made her believe that Ran was a famous and acclaimed travesty star, posing in sexy animal costumes. A travesty star! God only knows what's running through the girl's mind to come to such a conclusion. Well, he was a telepath, thus he could peek into her mind to discover the cause for such an irrational train of thought. But actually, it wasn't necessary anymore. He already knew why. It had been his own damn fault with the comment about a show, and as if this wasn't bad enough it just brought him to the next problem.

Ran, who demanded an explanation about his sister strange reactions. Why she had been so unperturbed by the obvious chaos around her. Why she had accepted her brother's sexual orientation without any signs of surprise, or shock. And why she hadn't pestered him with questions about their not exactly G-rated outfits or about the messy state they were in. And that led him straight back to problem no. 2, Ran the travesty star, while problem no. 1, poor misunderstood Oracle, was still fuming in the living room.

Schuldig's head was spinning with the amount of problems thrown at him out of the blue in such a short time, and he was at a loss how he should solve them without getting further into the mess or, God forbid, even making it worse than it already was.

Right now, problem no. 3 was still grinning in afterglow of their little fun session with Crawford. Schuldig watched cautiously as the young Weiss leader shook his head in amusement, leaned back against the counter, and regarded him smiling.

"Schu, as funny as it had been for me to make fun of one of Schwarz, and of Oracle no less, would you mind telli--"

"Food."

Well, it had been the first thing that had popped up in his desperate mind to interrupt Ran and distract him, hopefully successful, from his questions with the abrupt turn. And even if Schuldig himself was surprised by his choice of words, it wasn't a lie per se. He was still hungry, after all.

Ran blinked in confusion. "Nani?"

"Now."

Ran raised one eyebrow at his sharp command, snorted, folded his arms, and rolled his eyes theatrically. "Hai, caveman-sama."

Eyed from all angles, it actually looked as if the younger man had no intention to follow his demand at all. This wasn't exactly the reaction he had hoped for and suddenly, Schuldig got very irritated. Maybe it was that his nerves were a little raw at the moment and all he wished for was a little sympathy from his lover instead of being mocked and dismissed so easily. Whatever the reason was, his irritation grew with each second until he felt real anger at Ran.

Letting out a low growl, Schuldig narrowed his eyes and started to walk up to him, his whole posture was screaming 'predator'.

"I'm everything but amused at the moment. We might be lovers, but don't forget that I'm still Mastermind of Schwarz. And I have little mercy for whoever tries to provoke me or makes the mistake of getting on my nerves. I'm the one who is feared by you meek, non-talented human beings, Ran. Don't you _ever_ mistake me for a cuddly toy."

By the last words, he stood merely a few centimetres away from the Weiss leader, and the next ones were hissed directly into the younger man's face.

"Food. _Now_."

Ran, whose eyes had gradually widened during his speech, blinked a few times back at him. As if he wasn't so sure about what to make out of the outburst, the Weiss member tilted his head to the side and gazed at him thoughtfully.

"I suppose this isn't the right time to mention your bad breath."

That, and the cold rush of reality broke Schuldig's neck. Ran, koibito, was completely, utterly and totally unimpressed by his threat. And Ran, leader of Weiss, had completely, utterly and totally lost his fear for Mastermind.

Confronted with problem no. 4 and 5, Schuldig broke down. Literally.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran watched wide-eyed when Schuldig dropped down on his knees, voice full of desperation.

"What the fuck have I ever _done_? I'm _starving_. I just want some _food_. Is this too _much_ to ask for? So _why_? Why _me_? _Why_?"

Listening to the wailing, Ran felt pangs of remorse at Schuldig's obviously distressed state. It hadn't really been in his intention to brush him off or seriously mock him, least of all to bring him on the brink of a mental breakdown. Maybe he had let himself carry away after the fun session with Oracle and had overdone it a little. He had been aware of Schuldig's need for some food all the time, but apparently he had been oblivious to the young German's frayed nerves when he had insisted to first get some answers about his sister's behaviour.

Biting his bottom lip, Ran crouched down beside his upset lover.

"I'm sorry, Schu. It's just... I couldn't take you serious. You looked like a dishevelled street cat trying to act all mean."

Schuldig's head snapped up and he glared back. "It wasn't an act, goddamnit! I was pissed, Ran! PISSED!"

Ran grimaced at the furious tone and reached up to tug one orange strand of hair behind Schuldig's ear.

"Schu, seriously, you cannot believe that I will tremble in fear while one of your cat ears is hanging down. You're just too cute with... them..." Ran trailed off when Schuldig's eyes narrowed anew with each word, and he had the dim feeling that his attempt to soothe went entirely in the wrong direction. Clearing his throat, he continued with the most honest look he could muster.

"I _swear_ I would have felt threatened without those cat ears... You _did_ look rather mean and... dangerous."

Oh, good! Now Schuldig's eyes were glowering at him through tiny slits. Wasn't this a good sign?

With the realization that he had to be the most untalented peacemaker, Ran put on a meek smile and tousled the orange bangs to ease the mood.

"Look, Schu, I know you're hungry. There's some miso soup on the coun--Whoa!... Hey!... HEY!... _OOOMPH_!... AAAAH!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Grimly, Schuldig ignored the pained noises as he scrambled hurriedly over Ran's squirming body to the counter. When he pulled himself up, he listened only half-hearted to the whimpers and moans about 'pointed knees digging cruelly into tender stomachs'. And he absolutely didn't care for the hands pushing frantically against his thighs to get him off of said stomach as he stared speechlessly at the dish full of miso soup.

But what he couldn't ignore even if he whished for it whole-heartily was the unexpected twist of the body beneath him and the loss of his balance just as he reached out to the dish and took hold of it with the tips of his fingers.

Watching the soup fly through the air while he was helplessly falling to the side, Schuldig let out one long, desperate shout.

"NOOOOOOO!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"AAAAAAAH!"

Ran screamed when Schuldig came falling towards him, miso soup following the man's path. He only had enough time to lay his arms protectively over his head when first the liquid and then the German came crushing down on him. For a few seconds he couldn't breathe, the weight of the body heavily falling down on his chest and soup splashing all over his face were hindering him effectively in this task. Blind panic shot through him. He pushed the whimpering Schwarz member off with more force than necessary and scrambled gasping on his hands and knees.

"You... crazy... German," Ran snapped weakly, busy with panting for air. "You almost broke my rips... That's the... second time you... knelt on me, you crazy... baka... Schu?"

Dead silence greeted him. His heart started to beat faster at the thought that something must be wrong, and the unpleasant feeling increased with each second of total absence of any reactions coming from Schuldig. The normally livid and noisy man was still lying on the floor, silent and unmoving.

Panic rose in Ran again as he bent forward, and the hand he reached out to lay down on the silent man's forehead was trembling slightly in fear. His words, filled with concern, were merely a whisper.

"Daijoubu ka, Schu?"

Schuldig stared blankly up to the ceiling.

"Schu, are you alright?"

Nothing. Not even a blink. Ran got frantic.

"Oh, Kami-sama... Schu! Answer me! Are you alright?"

Finally, the pupils contracted and the formerly blank look turned into an utterly disbelieving one.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me. I got almost eaten by a panda, my own boyfriend punched me, Brad pesters me the whole time, the only food in almost two days went flying, and _you_ have the _nerve_ to _ask_ me if _everything_ is ALRIGHT?"

Ran's jaw went slack. Blood surged to his face; he stood up, and hissed down in irritation.

"Fine! See if I care! I swear this was the last time I felt worried for you, you ungrateful bastard!"

"Ran, I--"

"Shut up."

"Ran--"

"URUSAI!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Oh Gods, what have I done now?_

Groaning, Schuldig set up and pressed his palms tightly against his forehead. He knew he had bundled all his anger for everything that had went wrong in the last few hours and had let it loose in the spurt of the moment. It wasn't Ran's fault, never had been his from the beginning. And instead of being thankful for the care and concern, he just had to open his big mouth. He had fucked up big time, and now Ran was pissed.

Schuldig regretted it from the bottom of his heart, but he couldn't anymore. It was just too much for him. He felt beaten, whacked, at the end of his tether. It was like an endless spiral downwards and all he could do was to watch helplessly. Everything he said was wrong. Every move he made directed him straight into more chaos and disasters. The wish to just curl up was stronger than ever before.

"Eat."

Startled, Schuldig let the hands down and blinked owlish at the object only a few millimetres away from his nose. It was like a dream. Ran was holding a bowl full of miso soup. Ran wasn't angry anymore. Ran was calm; his voice soft and sympathetic.

"You can eat while I'm moping up the floor."

"Ran, I--"

"Just eat, Schu. It will help you over the first hunger."

No, it wasn't a dream. It was heaven! Schuldig took the bowl gratefully and alternately spooned and drank from it. It was cold, perhaps even from the day before, but it was the best meal since a very long time. Finishing the last drops and watching Ran ending his own task by washing out the soiled cloth, Schuldig decided that he should make the next move to bring again peace between them.

Getting up from the floor, he walked up to Ran who stood by the counter, and took him in an affectionate embrace from behind. With his arms around the waist and with his chin resting on the younger man's shoulder, Schuldig mused loudly.

"I believe arguments have their good sides, too."

Ran shook his head in negation but he relaxed into the embrace and even smiled. "Don't think so, Schu. There's nothing but anger and words which hurt the one we love."

"Aa." Schuldig tightened his hold in agreement. "But there's one thing about arguments you haven't experienced yet, Liebling."

"So?"

Good, Ran was sceptical but also very curious. The next words had to be delivered perfectly to bring the best effect. Placing little kisses on his lover's neck, Schuldig bent slightly forward until his lips brushed over one ear, and the magic words he breathed directly into the lovely shell made Ran shiver in his arms.

"Make-up sex."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Liebling (germ.): Darling/Honey/Love/Sweetheart

Picklet: pig

Roo: kangaroo

Eeyore: donkey (Isn't Eeyore PERFECT for Crawford? #grin#)

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: BWAHAHA! Am I evil or what to end at such a point? Ah, but that means lemon in the next chapter, minna-san! Great, ne? Oh, has someone noticed the smooth and quite clever turn from 'Aya' to 'Ran'?

Readers: #murmur# I got _completely_ confused by that sudden change from Aya to Ran... Yeah, me too... Who was who? Can someone _please_ explain it to me?... That's what they like to call poetic license. Poetic, my ass. Nobody thinks about us poor readers... I don't get it. I'm afraid I've to reread it.

Black Kitten: #gulps# Er, I see... Oookay, reviews! Let's begin with... **Skeren** **Dreamera.** #winces at glare and starts to wail# You have NO idea how hard it was to balance the whole mess!... Fan art? What fan art?... It was terrible! Ran was stubborn, Schu acted like a diva, Farfie did everything but what I told him, Omi and Nagi were cuddling the whole time, Brad just--

Schu: What are you? A film-maker?

Black Kitten: Uhm, something like that. Skeren, I hope you enjoyed how everyone reacted. I know it could be better and that I missed some perfect scenes to make it funnier but with such terrible actors it was really hard to bring it at least on this level. I suffered! Greatly! You cannot image how horri--!

Schu: And she calls me diva. #rolls eyes#... **Amber Bock.** BWAHAHA! Amber wrote that your fingers should turn black until your nails fall off!

Black Kitten: WHAT?... #eyes numb and badly discoloured hands suspiciously# Why do I have this funny feeling that Amber has something to do with it?

Schu: Yay! Finally some justice! But Texas is way too small, Amber. Her hands should have the size of the Milky Way!

Black Kitten: The chocolate bar?

Schu: Idiot... You think Brad rules, Amber? Funny idea... Aya uke... Oh, yes. I can already see him, flushed and glistering in sweat, trembling and squirming in almost unbearable desire underneath me while I'm driving him higher and higher into spheres of yet unexplored mind-blowing lus--

Ran: Ah, so many lotus-eaters in the universe, it's almost sad... **LoneCayt.** Oh, you're so right! But 'embarrassment' isn't the right word to describe the torture we're going through. That would be humiliation, or degradation, or... What the hell do you mean by 'you're not complaining'? We're suffering here! SUFFERING!... My heart... I need some sedatives... Green tea...

Black Kitten: Take Valium. It's more effective and works faster.

Ran: So that I'm even more helpless to your evil torments? Don't think so... LoneCayt, Black Kitten's joke WAS terrible. Therefore, I've learned some German words, just for you... _Bitte_ _hilf uns_. _Wir werden hier gefangen gehalten_. _Verständige die Polizei. Von mir aus auch Eszet... Rosenkreuz... völlig egal. Hole uns einfach nur hier raus. Sie ist völlig verrückt. Komplett irre. Durchgeknallt._

Black Kitten: #yaw hits floor# WIE BITTE? ICH HABE MICH WOHL VERHÖRT!

Ran: OO... Oh, Kami-sama, I forgot German's her first language.

Brad: Oh my, I really don't want to be in Ran's skin now... **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar.** #straightens up and adjusts glasses# Dear Foxxstar, if you ask me, just kick your muse. I do this occasionally to my underlings to remind those lazy #beep# of their... er... underling's position and it helps immensely. Now, it actually looks as if Schuldig's going to be uke again to everyone's satisfaction except... Schuldig's. And I do hope the amount of Schuldig and Ran interactions was to your satisfaction. Furthermore--

Schu: #shouts# Can someone _please_ pull the mammoth tree out off mister Stiff & Prim?

Brad: #stiff# That was... uncalled for. #eyes Yohji# What an interesting idea. I can actually see me as the dominant and cool seducer of said play-boy. With my charisma, it should be easy to tame this womanizer. To bend him to my will and to turn his, as we all know, pretended libido for women into unbearable lust for me until he's nothing but a mewling creature lying at my feet.

Yohji: #open-mouthed#... **Tigermink.** I'm glad you liked the previous chapter, really, but could you be so nice and HELP ME OUT OF THIS INSANITY?

Brad: Insanity? #snorts# It's undeniably a natural reaction of your body and mind to my erotic authority.

Yohji: ... Angst!... Tigermink, it's great you're happy about the update... or, you _were_ happy _before_ you were reading the new chapter... Actually, I've no idea how you're feeling now, _after_ you have read the new one...

Ken: Blah. Blah. Blah. What a pitiful reply to a review. Watch me!... **Spawn of Hell.** Um... Was there enough fun stuff for you?

Yohji: #after ten seconds of silence# That's all?

Ken: There isn't more to reply to!

Yohji: #imitates Ken# _Watch me_! _Watch me_!

Ran: Immature. Both of you... **gamegirl28.** Evil wand dealer!

Ken & Yohji: #meaningful looks# Says the kettle.

Ran: #blushes# Actually, I wanted to thank you for your kind opinion about my sister, gamegirl. I know she seems a little naive, but that's without discussion an evil influence from the evil, evil authoress. Let's face it. The whole characterization of her is just unrealistic. Aya-chan would never be that oblivious to all those evidences, hints, and incidents right under her nose.

Aya-chan: What evidences, hints, and incidents, my dear Drag Queen Ran-chan-bunny-niisan?

Ran: #mouth opens several times soundlessly# ... That's not real ... That's not my baby-sister... That's a... doppelganger... android... robot... #heavy trauma#

Black Kitten: And onto the next review!... **xpennyroyalx.** Thank you! It's wonderful to know that the story gets better and better and not worse than it already is. Oh, I'm also _very_ sad that Nagi is mute. _Very_, _very_ sad. And I have this terrible feeling he will remain in this state for a _very_, _very_ long time.

Nagi: #facial features contorted with vehement protest#

Black Kitten: #bends forward# _What_? Can you speak a little louder? I can't hear you, darling. #sniggers#

Omi: Oh, you evil, evil abuser of helpless little assassin bishies!... #blinks#... Strange, something was just wrong with that sentence... **crisis-antilogy.** I want to thank you in Black Kitten's name for your review. Arigato! Oh! If you find Schuldig's description about the family called Schwarz funny, you should hear mine about Weiss! _Ken, I know we're not a model family with all those girly aprons and pink mopeds-_

Schu: #bored# Spare us.

Omi: But--

Schu: **Kyra2.** I've absolutely no idea what Brad's problem is, but look at this! #rolls up sleeve# Can you see the black dots on my arm, Kyra? Those are BRUISES! On MY tender skin! I'm DELICATE! But does Brad respect my sensitive nature? NO! He just had to use brutal strength! Did he invite me in like any other normal human being would have done? NO! He just--

Brad: Now I know why we never had a single chance to rule the world. Wimps... **Delfeus.** #imitates rapper speech#... Yo, man... I love you too, man... It cracked me up too, man... Keep cool, man... What a 'beep' little 'beep', man...

Weiss & Schwarz: #wide-eyed# What the hell was that?

Brad: #back to normal# I just wanted to prove that I'm not as stiff as you all like to believe. I can be very cool if needed.

Black Kitten: Of course you can, Oh Great Daddy Bradley-O!... Gomen ne, Delfeus, no idea what has bitten him. Well, t_hat_ was creepy. #shudders#... **Zanzahra.** Hi! Um, I hope Crawford hasn't permanently destroyed your image of him with his strange rap thing. I reread the whole story and it seems Schu and Ran have those little spats in each chapter. What a funny coincidence, ne? #smiles innocently#. And Schu and Ran are sooo cute! With all those cute little glares and cute little wrinkles between their eyes, but sometimes they're awfully cranky, and stubborn, and snotty, and... Ah, that's easily forgotten because of their cute little...noses. #cough#

Ran: _Noses_?

Back Kitten: Oh my, school. I remember. It can be such a bitch... **KT.** Hey! Farfie! That's for you!

Farfie: #eyes review# Chaos and manipulation of feelings? #broad grin# Ah, pure nectar for the peace of my mind. Dear KT, let me tell you the best of all those funny little past-time activities. It's to play with people minds and feelings without getting caught, without leaving traces and evidences. To mislead them, to manipulate them. To play them off against each other while creating the illusion that they act on their own free will. To play with those puppets, to know that you're the devil himself while pulling the strings to your own evil amuse-

Schu: Hey! Those are my lines! I'm the Mastermind here!

Farfie: #snorts# You wish.

Black Kitten: #gulp#... Erm, that was _very_ nice, Farfie. Next one... **lil-evil-bunni.** WOAH! A whip?... Uhm... I think that one's for you, Ran!

Ran: Let's see. #evil grin# Schu, get down on your knees!... No, not enough force... Slave, get down on your unworthy belly and kiss your master's holy feet, you worthless slimy worm!

Schu: #raises eyebrow# Pardon me?

Ran: #puzzled# Why didn't it work?

Black Kitten: I believe you forgot to use the whip.

Schu: #rolls eyes and takes review sheet# Heh, I'm a sexy beast!

Ran: You sure it isn't about me?

Schu: ... Damn, he's right... #quickly changes subject# Hey, Nagi! Lil-evil-bunni wants to see you!

Nagi: #walks off, blissfully ignorant like Hansel without his Gretel to the evil, evil witch... erm... to lil-evil-bunny #

Farfi: Wow, _that_ was mean of you, Schu. Didn't know you had such cruelty in you.

Black Kitten: I'm shocked. Really. Have fun with Nagi, lil-evil-bunni!... **Sky Rat.** Oh, it hurt you that I finished the previous chapter at such a point? Then, you must be screaming in unbearable pain at the moment. Phew, thank goodness I've plugged my ears. Ah, yes, make-up sex. Such a nice little promise for the next chapter. Now, there's only one question. Who should be uke this time? Hmmm.

Ran & Schu: #points at each other# Take him!

Black Kitten: See, Sky Rat? Cowards, all of them! It doesn't hurt #cough# much #cough# to be uke from time to time.

Schu: Excuse me, you FEMALE exemplar of the human race, but I've the PROOF that it hurts like--

Black Kitten: And onto the next one!... **Hope.** #munches Magical Cookie# Thanks for the cookies! Ah, Brad is rather helpless at the moment. That's no surprise; Farfie's way too twisted for him. But this IS Crawford we're talking about so their positions can change in seconds.

Brad: #hopeful# Really?

Farfie: #suspicious# Really?

Black Kitten: #whistles innocently# ... About Aya-chan, I love her, really. She's such a nice girl, and don't forget she's Ran's sister. #sighs# Ah, he's so adorable when he's acting all stern and knits his brows and throws those cute little glares at everyone and everything.

Schu: #rolls eyes# Surely he can't be cuter than me.

Black Kitten: ... Er, oh my, those cookies are delicious. **Gunning** **Angel.** Thank you so much for the great review! #hugs and takes on deep voice# Ran, assassin by night and flower selling drag queen by day. #sniggers# Can you image him with feather boa and extra long cigarette holder? Thank Gods Ran's just as manly as a man can be.

Ran: #looks up from painting his toe nails# Are you talking to me?

Black Kitten: #blinks#... No, honey, don't let me... disturb you... OH GODS.

Schu: _See_? I _told_ you the _whole time_ Ran IS a natural born uke!

Black Kitten: That's... nothing but cliché... or so they say. Let's change to Aya-chan. I really like her, Gunning Angel, and that she has chosen Berserker to be the best lover for her brother makes her absolutely adorable in my opinion. Oh, about your request, I fear there wasn't as much interaction between Schu and Ran as you asked me for, but that's going to change in the next chapter. I swear! I just had to work out how to solve the chaos first before it's time for cuddling.

Schu: And you were SO successful with it. Do I have to remind you that there's still--

Black Kitten: Nope... **Rebound.** Thank you very mu--... WHAT? The pairing kinda _grows_ on you? NOOO! #pulls out magical pendulum and slowly swings it back and forth# Just repeat what I'm saying, Rebound. I love SchuxRanxSchu. I love SchuxRanxSchu. I lo--

Ran: Kami-sama, have you no shame? That's just sad.

Black Kitten: #glares, takes Nagi's notepad and starts scribbling# Next chapter... must make perfect lemon... to convince potential new member... for SchuxRanxSchu fan club.

Ran: #surprised# Did I _really_ say sad? Silly me. I meant pathetic, pitiable, wretched--

Black Kitten: Grrrrr. #scribbles on# And to succeed, I just have to make Ran UKE.

Ran: NOOOO!

Black Kitten: HA! Too late! #points out tongue# Back to you, Reboud. About Yohji, actually, the ongoing 'zip zip' noises from his wire-watch-weapon _did_ get on everyone's nerves. You should have seen it! It was so funny! Crawford went berserk and shoved it up Yohji's #beep#! And now Yohji looks like a jumping... jack... Oh, gods, please tell me I didn't write this just now.

Schu: Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the fact that Black Kitten is currently speechless...

Black Kitten: #speechless#

Schu: #smirks# I'll take over... **Jiyuu.** Oh! You're so right. I'm also rather clueless why I'm being paired up with Ran so rarely. It's a pity. And I know you did it unconsciously and surely haven't noticed it, but you made an itsy-bitsy mistake in your review. It's SchuxRan, not the other way around. Schu seme, Ran uke. Schu top, Ran bottom. Schu master, Ran sla--... Oh crap... Hi, Liebling!

Ran: #glares# You slimy little... Dear Jiyuu, ignore that desperate German over there. He's living in a dream world with little relation to reality. Must be some side effect of his telepathy. Am I right, Schuschu?

Schu: #meekly# Hai, Ran-chan.

Ran: #smirks# Thought so. **Luna Kaira.** #raises eyebrows# The story's getting much more _interesting_? What the hell is wrong with those people? What's so interesting about our misery? The constant embarrassments? The humiliations? The dishonour? The--

Black Kitten: Isn't it fascinating how Ran can nag on and on and on without getting tired... or taking a breath?

Ran: Nani? I'm not _nagging_! It's true! Nobody knows how much we suffer and... #rambles on and on and on#

Black Kitten: Luna Kaira, I'm deeply ashamed of that whining Weiss hunter's behaviour. Just ignore him. I hope you liked the new chapter!... **Crystalline.** Thank you! Ah, the chapter was already done at the time you wrote the review. I really hope you liked it despite the long waiting.

Schu: Funny, I could have waited another year, no, century, no, millennium, no, make it millions of years.

Black Kitten: #glares#... **Kit3.** Oh, public places are evil, evil places. I know what you mean. A few weeks ago I checked my mail in a cafe and had to laugh out loud. You know those sudden, short and terribly loud noises? It was--

Schu: Ah! You mean those grunts pigs are making!

Black Kitten: _Nnnnnng_... Just ignore him, Kit3. Really, it was sooo embarrassing. I had _all_ eyes on me!

Schu: No way that it was more embarrassing than that one time when you laughed while drinking and the liquid shot out of your--

Black Kitten: And before I forget myself and strangle a certain German carrot-head, let's call it a day. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! Until next time, minna-san!


	14. Part 14

Black Kitten: Minna-san, it's been a while since the last update. Now I'm back again and the new chapter is longer than ever before (18 pages in winword. I thought I'll never be able to finish it. #sigh#).

Schu: You shouldn't have--!

Black Kitten: AND I want to thank you all for not pointing out the many, many spelling- and grammar mistakes of the last chapter. That means a lot for me. ARIGATOU! And… please ignore them in that chapter too. Thank you. And now enjoy, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Well, there's some cursing and as promised, something that's named after a citrus fruit.

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 14

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. -

Ran stood perfectly still.

The warm breath blew gently over his right ear. Arms held him in a tight but tender embrace, hands caressed his belly and lips trailed the side of his neck to place butterfly kisses on their way.

And then those sensually whispered words aspirated directly into his sensitive ear.

Make-up sex.

The meaning of those few words let him melt in Schuldig's arms. Oh, it was tempting to forget everything for the moment and to give in into the caress, but not now Not... _here_.

His eyes closed on their own as the tongue licked over the outside of his ear, traced it down until teeth were nibbling on the earlobe only to make the way up again to catch the top of it, pulling on it, bringing shivers down his spine and a sigh escaped his lips. Not fair. Not... _fair_.

"No. We can't." He turned, almost squirmed out of the embrace, and put his hands on his lover's shoulders to bring some space between them. "We cannot have sex in the kitchen, Schu."

_Oh gods._

Schuldig's eyes were shimmering back at him in arousal. His breath faster than normal, the mouth half open.

Ran's belly tightened at the desire directed towards him. Warmness spread through the lower region of his belly in anticipation when Schuldig slowly shifted forward to press those lips on the side of his neck. The long hair brushed softly over his chest as the young German started to lick the skin beneath his lips, grazed it with his teeth, the sharpness of them barley evident by the tenderness, and started to suck on it gently but with increasing pressure.

Moaning, Ran tilted his head back in instinctive submission. Schuldig was leaving a mark on him, a sign that he was his alone. More tender than his own love-bite he had left on the other man's shoulder the night before, still visible, probably still aching after he had made it in a sudden rush of need to demonstrate more dominance to the man beneath him.

But this was the opposite. Gentle and warm, not harsh and painful. Schuldig was claiming him filled with love, tender and caringly, while pressing their bodies tightly together. Warm hands were running up his rips, over his chest, down to the hips. Stroking, exploring. Demanding. And all the time the evidences of their lust lay hard and hot, trapped between them.

Just for now, he thought as he spread his legs to complete the body contact. Just for now let it be and surrender to pure, honest feelings. Yes, let Schuldig discover all those hidden spots, on him and in him. Submit, be uke for the first time ever. It would be an act made of love. It would be sweet desire. It would be perfect.

"Don't mind me."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The voice cut through his lust filled mind like steel through melted butter. It was worse than a bucket of ice water. But even worse was the effect it brought with it.

The second Schuldig felt his lover grow stiff he knew that the perfect chance of finally seducing Ran was running the risk of being completely destroyed. His instincts screamed in panic and he reacted to the danger with a vicious snarl muffled by his lover's neck.

"Fuck off, Farfie."

Silence.

"I'm serious. Fuck. Off."

More silence. And then...

"Nah."

Schuldig gritted his teeth. Gods, please, not now. He was so hot, no, more than hot. The sun was an ice planet compared to the pulsing heat so tightly pressed against Ran. And Ran's own member... Schuldig's eyes snapped wide open in disbelief and shock. No, that can't be... It was... withering...

"No! Don't, Ran! Just ignore him and he will go away."

Schuldig knew it was close to begging the moment it came out of his mouth, but he was somewhat desperate. He would _die_ if he had to ignore it for a second time in only a few hours. He was a human being. He wasn't some toy one could switch on and off. He was a _man_, for Christ's sake. He was a _man_ in _need_.

The face he met when he raised his head to plead with his eyes in addition to his almost frantic words was an utterly disbelieving one.

"Are you suggesting we should have sex while Berserker is _watching_?"

Did he? Oh gods, he did.

"And I really hope you are not about to call me prude since I'm refusing such a hideous idea."

Was he really going to do that? Oh gods, Ran was right.

"But, baby--"

"And don't call me such ridiculous names, Schuldig. I'm an adult not some teenager."

Schuldig? Not Schu? This was getting much too serious.

"Liebling, I--"

"And no foreign words. Who knows what you're calling me."

Great, now the mood was dead. Literally. And whose fault was it? Growling, Schuldig turned with murder in his eyes to the culprit.

"I swear you will pay for that, Farfarello. Couldn't you wait five fucking minutes before you--"

"Five _minutes_?"

Oops.

"... HOURS before you--"

"My deflowering isn't worth more than _five_ _minutes_?"

Schuldig winced at the sharp voice and turned from the grinning Irishman back to his fuming lover.

"Of course not, honey, Ran. I simply misspoke."

"I don't believe it. You wanted a goddamn QUICKIE!"

Okay, new situation. The mood wasn't dead per se; it actually tried desperately to shrink and hide in his belly at the furious words and glares directed at him.

"Ran, I... No. That's enough."

Suddenly, Schuldig was angry. It irked him that he was the only one who got the blame. That he was the only target of Ran's wrath while the real source of the debacle stood safe and sound behind him, grinning in delight at the situation he had created. No, Schuldig decided, he would not take the whole blame for that. He would be honest, and if the young Japanese really was as mature as he had pointed out so clearly before he would understand and accept.

"Stop glaring at me like that, Ran. It isn't my fault that we got interrupted. It's still Farfie's, so if you want to glare at someone glare at him. There's only one thing I'm to blame for and that's my lust for you. But I can't help it, I love you, and I was horny as hell and all I wanted was to fuck you senseless into the next century. And even if it only takes a few minutes, so be it. Better a few minutes of passion as not being able to touch you at all. It isn't my fault that you're so goddamn sexy, that all I want is to be the one who brings you pleasure, to ravish you, to show you what it means to lose control and to--"

"Shower."

"What?"

"Now."

"Oh."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Cute._

Farfarello watched smiling when Abyssinian took Schuldig by the hand and pulled him out of the kitchen. Shaking his head in amusement at the previous scene between the two lovers, he walked leisurely after them back to the living-room.

_Simply cute._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Wow, Ran's reaction to his honest speech was definitely not what he had expected, and he would be lying if he would deny that his lover's sudden mood turn stunned him to the core. He had expected more angry words and to be called a pervert. At least some defensive gestures like folded arms or further glares, but certainly not to be taken by the hand and to be dragged off for what he could only hope for was sex.

Maybe he should try it with more honesty the next time they had an argument if he got such a reaction out of Ran every time they had a disagreement.

"Stop right there!"

No, he would not stop. For nothing and for no one.

"I'm deadly serious. Stop. Right. There."

Well, maybe he should make an exception for a very angry and very deadly leader of a certain not-so-unknown and rather feared assassin group. Knowing that there weren't much choices, Schuldig stopped and with him Ran.

"Okay, Brad, shoot. But make it fast, I'm in a hurry here."

He didn't like the look Crawford was throwing at him, not at all. It was one of those Brad normally reserved for his enemies, and the voice was definitely not friendly.

"Tell them _now_, Schuldig."

"Oh no. Not that again." Annoyed, Schuldig held up his hands as a clear signal for the older man to stop that nonsense. "I've really no patience nor time for riddles, Brad. Just do me the favour and spill what I should tell them so that Ran and I can go on with more important things like se--... showering."

The reply came instantly with barely suppressed anger.

"I'm fed up with repeating myself and with the disrespect toward my person. It was a simple order and you will carry it out, or by god I swear I will make your life a living hell."

"God damn it! At least tell me about that fucking phantom order because I've no fucking idea what you're babbling about!"

Almost everyone winced at his shout and even Ran stepped back from him to avoid getting hit by the flying arms he had thrown up in frustration. Ignoring the others, Schuldig continued heatedly.

"You know what, Brad? The mission was a complete disaster. A fucking _bear_ attacked me! I'm tired, exhausted, and sore in places you wouldn't believe… No! I _almost_ forgot Mister Almighty Oracle _knows_ where! Tell me, did you have fun watching us in your vision, you _pervert_?"

"You already _fucked_? Ha! After all those times you were criticizing my one-night stands! I can't believe it! Really, Ran, that's _so_ double moral--"

"Shut up, Balinese. And your sarcasm is wrong placed, Mastermind. I advise you to stop such unprofessional behaviours right now."

That shut Schuldig up. To be called by his codename showed him how serious Brad actually was, it took him aback and made him wary. He knew he shouldn't treat it lightly anymore, Crawford meant business.

Schuldig eyed him cautiously.

_/Brad, I swear I've absolute no idea what you're talking about./_

_/I gave you an exact order only a few minutes ago, right after I had dragged you into that cursed house. And now you want me to believe that you've already forgotten?/ _

_/Maybe I was too shocked after you slammed me into the wall?... Forget it. I don't want to argue with you. Look, it happened a lot in the meantime. You've no idea what I had to endure during the mission and this fucked up situation here isn't helping either. Just give me a chance before you shoot me, okay?/_

Schuldig held his breath in anticipation...

_/Okay, Schuldig. Last chance. Tell Weiss that I'm not in love with Berserker./_

... and blinked.

"Oh, that one."

"By God, I _will_ shoot you!"

Rolling his eyes at the dramatic step Crawford made towards him, Schuldig waved the threat aside with a snort.

"No need for that. But why didn't you say from the beginning that you were talking about that crazy order? How the hell should I know that you were actually serious?"

"_Schuldig_."

"Don't growl, that's not your style, Brad."

It _was_ a strange order after all and Schuldig couldn't puzzle out the meaning of it. Why for the world should Weiss believe that Crawford was in love with Farfarello? Unless... Oi...

Arching an eyebrow, Schuldig glanced at the young Irishman. Farfarello leaned against the wall, arms folded and eye closed. He was the picture of calmness and peace and Schuldig wouldn't really be surprised if a deer would suddenly browse beside him and a bunny would hobble through the room.

Glancing back at Crawford and confronted with narrowed eyes once again, he instantly knew what was going on. And he realized he hadn't much choice, there was only one decision for him to make. Taking in a deep breath, Schuldig looked at the members of Weiss stone-faced and directed them with gravy voice.

"Okay, listen up, Weiss. I will only say this once, so prick your ears. Crawford is hot in love with Berserker."

A shout of relief sounded through the room.

"Finally! Did you hear that, you idiots? Mastermind confirms that I'm... WHAT? NO! I said NOT, not HOT!"

_/Sorry, Brad. But between Farfie and you it's quite obvious whom I would choose, don't you think?/_

_/Coward! Traitor! Collaborator!/_

_/Better that than Farfie's target for the rest of my life./_

_/By God, I swear upon my life I--!/_

"Oracle."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The wordless glare-duel between Schuldig and Crawford was a clear sign for Ran that they were arguing over the mind link, and he had the dim feeling that this could go on for minutes. Minutes he didn't want to spend here when the shower was waiting for them upstairs. Furthermore, he still had questions and presumptions and therefore decided to interrupt them to get some answers. He stepped up to the leader of Schwarz and rose to speak.

"Oracle. Did you foresee the outcome of the mission before you gave Schuldig the order for it?"

"Yes."

"So you knew from the beginning about the upcoming relationship between Schuldig and me?"

"Yes."

"More precisely, you sent him on that mission to give him a chance to discover his feelings for me?"

"Yes."

"Ah, the only purpose to send him on that mission was to--"

"How many times do I have to repeat myself, Fujimiya? Yes, yes, and yes again. I had a vision about the upcoming love affaire between Schuldig and you. Birman and I decided with Kritiker's approval that it would be best to kill two birds with one stone; to support and to join forces in order to bury the rivalry between us for once and for all. And Berserker helped to carry out the plan.

"To make a long story short, I saw and sent that idiot over there. You met, you kissed, you... whatever. If I had known that said idiot would betray me in the worst way possible, I would've suppressed that vision instantly. Satisfied? Can I now strangle that perfidious treacherous back-stabbing orange mop traitor?"

"Oi!"

Ignoring Schuldig's protest cry, Ran tried to stomach the news. It was a surprising revelation. The target of the mission had never been the main cause for it. Birman and Crawford had sent them for the simple fact to get to know each other, to start to feel for each other. To bind both assassin groups together through a relationship which was apparently meant to be from the beginning. And despite the somewhat bitter aftertaste of being manipulated, Ran knew that his feelings for Schuldig were real, and vice versa. Birman and Crawford had just pushed a little in the right direction and had given them a chance to fall in love with each other. And for that he was grateful.

Straightening up, Ran looked Crawford straight into the eyes and thanked him for that precious gift in his lover's language.

"Blöder Hammel."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Crawford's mind went blank.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Schu, what the hell's wrong with Crawford?"

No, he would not answer that question.

"I don't understand. His yaw literally hit the floor after I had expressed my gratitude."

Oh no. He would not. No. No.

"And Berserker's still roaring in laughter. I can hear him even now and we're already on the first floor."

No. No. No. No. Fuck, where's that cursed shower?

"Stop dragging me and tell me what the hell 'Blöder Hammel' really means!"

A door! With the typical sign for bath! He was saved! Oh gods, he was saved!

Strong hands whirled him around, grabbed him by the vest and pressed him up against the wall. Again. But this time it wasn't Brad but Ran with a glare that was downright frightening.

"Call me stupid but I have this funny feeling that those words don't stand for 'Thank you'."

Oh Gods. He was dead. He was SO dead. He was more than dead. He was--

"What. Does. Blöder. Hammel. Mean?"

_Okay. Calm down. High time to try out if the theory about honesty and sex really works. One deep breath and... here we go._

"It means 'stupid mutton' but before you hit me or strangle me or glare me to death, that was _before_ I fell in love with you and I regret it and I wish I hadn't said it and I know it's too late for an apology and that it was terrible from me to call you that but I hadn't had the heart to correct you or rather I was too scared to admit the real meaning, I mean you can be quite frightening if you want, and you were so cute when you thought you thanked me with those words for our love-making and now... now I can only beg you on my knees for you to forgive me and... that's all I have to say for my defence... Honey... Liebling... Aya... Ran..." _Breathe, Schuldig, breathe. Abyssinian's reaction cannot be worse than a gruesome death._

Ran stared dumbfounded; disbelief written all over his face.

"I've called Oracle a... stupid mutton?"

"... Hai."

That came out rather faintly. Maybe he should clear his throat to get his strong, manly voice back. And why does his heart has to hammer like that? He would never be able to breathe normally at this rate.

"A stupid mutton."

Better not to provoke Ran any further with another 'yes'. Though, why should he waste the chance to say what could be his last word on earth? But on the other hand, Ran does look rather dazed. Maybe he should just give him a little time to recover from the shock; after all he has to snap out of it eventually.

"A mutton."

Or not. _Oh gods_.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

He had insulted the leader of Schwarz.

He had called Oracle 'mutton'.

A stupid one.

Ran closed his eyes, bent forward, and pressed his forehead against Schuldig's chest.

And then he gave free rein to his emotions.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig stared wide-eyed down at the red shock of hair.

Ran wasn't shouting or yelling, Ran was laughing. And he was laughing so hard that his shoulders were shaking and he had to hold on Schuldig's jacket to avoid kneeling down.

Confused about the unexpected reaction, Schuldig laid his arms hesitantly around his lover's back. He was at a loss, had no idea what he should make of it.

It was somewhat relieving that Ran apparently saw some humour in the situation, and normally he would be glad about such a positive reaction. However, from glares to hearty laughter without any warning... Such a sudden turn of emotions wasn't a normal reaction coming from the younger assassin, as far as he knew. And it made him cautious about the real state Ran could be in. Maybe it was a hysterical outburst? Something like frayed nerves? A mental breakdown? Whatever it was, at that moment he would prefer plain honest glaring for everything else. It certainly would be easier to deal with.

With a dim feeling, he patiently waited until Ran had calmed down again and only sniggers were coming from him. And just as he was about to question him, the young Japanese raised his head, wiped away the tears which had damped his face during the laughing fit and regarded him with shining eyes.

"I love you, Schu."

Schuldig's eyebrows shot up. A declaration of love wasn't what he had expected and he voiced his nagging doubt about the all-too smooth outcome cautiously.

"You're not angry anymore?"

Ran was all smiles when he shook his head. "How could I? How many chances does one get to call the famous leader of Schwarz 'stupid mutton' and get away with it alive? I bet the odds are practically zero. I'm not happy that you insulted me in the first place, or that you lied to me afterwards, but that's easily forgotten simply for the fact that I don't have to punish you for that personally."

"... No?"

"Of course not. That's Oracle's business."

"... Scheiße."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Everyone had questions about the foreign words, about the shocked expression Oracle had made in response to it, or why Schuldig had turned pale and had dragged Ran almost frantically out of the room. And the sight of the suddenly hysterically laughing Berserker wasn't something the members of Weiss had ever seen before either. Therefore, everyone was curious but no one was crazy enough to express it out loud.

With the last noises of hushed whispers and the soft click of the door, Crawford knew that he and Berserker were the last persons remaining in the living-room.

He wouldn't blame Abyssinian for the insult, knowing all too well that the young Weiss leader had no clue what those words stand for. Even the knowledge that Schuldig has to be involved in this didn't bother him either. Not yet, at least. What really annoyed him to no end was Farfarello who got another chance to wallow in never ending amusement at his expense without lifting a finger for it.

It was as if he would never be able to win against Berserker.

And that irked him almost more than the next revelation.

It was now official that he had completely lost control over the situation.

He could stay here all day, pondering about when he had lost control, or why his gift had abandoned him instead of warning him through visions about the chaos and humiliations he has to endure. No. In fact, he didn't need to rack his brains about it any longer. The answers to those questions weren't unknown to him anymore.

He had lost control the moment Farfarello had started his revenge on him for his silence about the spitting incident with the manipulation of one person, Hidaka. It had been a clever move to involve Siberian, a hot-blooded young man who had been troubled and confused about his own spat with Balinese. Hidaka had been an easy prey to take advantage of.

As far as he knew Farfarello, the Irishman had only dropped as many hints and suggestions as necessary. Never direct, only vague. Just enough to plant a seed into the other assassin.

Hidaka never had a chance.

Still assuming in his typical Weiss naivety that everything was black and white and Berserker was nothing but a simple-minded madman, Siberian had eagerly absorbed the scandalizing information, had sympathized, had put two and two together and had fallen blindly into the trap.

Farfarello had planted the seed and Hidaka had enthusiastically dealt it out to the others. All it needed for Berserker was one short-tempered and passionate upholder of moral standards, a gossip, to set the ball rolling. What followed was nothing more than an ordinary domino-effect.

And now he knew why he didn't get a single warning through his gift. Not only were the previous incidents too small to be seen as a real threat, only the amount of them together brought the desired effect, Farfarello had never directed his revenge towards him directly.

Clever, really clever. Almost too clever for his taste.

Frowning, he focused on the source of his dilemma.

Farfarello had resumed his previous position after ending his hysterical laughter and was again leaning comfortably against the wall with folded arms and crossed legs. His eye was closed, and a pleased smirk graced his scarred lips.

Crawford took a step forward and started to walk up to the younger man.

"Have you enjoyed yourself, Farfarello?"

The eyelid slid open until gold was directed at him through the resulting slit. It was a lazy look, a clear sign that Berserker didn't feel threatened by his approaching. The young Irishman was one of the few human beings who knew exactly that they were on the top of the food chain.

He was a lion sated after a successful hunt and the following feast. He was a beast with the knowledge that nobody was good enough to bring real harm onto him. He was a dangerous creature with a cruel smirk and an answering purr full of satisfaction.

"Tremendously."

Crawford stopped short in front of Farfarello. He wasn't some fool to believe for even a second that he could frighten Berserker into submission, and he was aware that the young man only obeyed orders on his own free will, never as an underling. So, how to defeat someone like him? It was nearly impossible.

He gazed thoughtfully into the golden eye as if he was searching for something, and after a few seconds Crawford began to speak in a very soft voice.

"As a leader I've priorities, strict rules. It takes stern discipline and willpower to lead without getting distracted by something or... someone. Not so long ago, my point of view was to keep business and personal needs apart, to separate them. However, this changed. I wanted to stay strong, to overcome the temptation, but... I wasn't strong enough. I got distracted."

Taking in a deep breath, he closed his eyes and bent forward.

And his lips touched Farfarello's.

He pressed against them, moved his lips slowly so that the kiss wasn't hard but deep and gently. And when he broke from them again, his tongue licked over the Irishman's bottom lip almost as an apology and to leave a warm tingle back on them.

With a sigh, he stepped back and looked again deep into the golden eye.

"The last day was a very important experience for me, Farfarello. And I understand and accept that my feelings for you will never be returned. It was foolish of me, but now, I've buried my desire for you deep into my heart. You have my word of honour that I will never bother you again with it. Thank you for your kindness and patience to gift me with that precious kiss that will remain forever in my unfulfilled dreams."

Ever so slowly, Crawford turned around and crossed the room, leaving behind an open-mouthed Berserker.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Touching his flushed lips in shock, Farfarello stared wide-eyed after the crestfallen man.

_Brad... loves me?_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Opening the door to step out of the living-room, Crawford's lips moved soundlessly. His eyes were burning with carefully suppressed emotions and he was silently shouting in his mind.

_Yes! YES! YESSS!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Omi came hurrying along the corridor in order to get Nagi cool water for his sore throat when Oracle stepped out of the living-room.

Confronted with madly glowing eyes, soundlessly moving lips, and frighteningly contorted facial features, he fluently turned in his steps without pausing and made his way straight back to his waiting lover.

He may be older, physically stronger than Nagi if he ignored that creepy power called telekinesis, but here ended his vow to protect him against all the evil men out there. He wasn't crazy enough to cross Oracle's path when the leader of Schwarz was in such a mental state, not without his darts. No thank you, sir.

Scratch the kitchen, water, or ice cubes.

Oracle has finally lost his marbles.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji was standing in front of Ken's door when Omi rushed by with a happy look on his face. Grinning knowingly, he watched the boy as he passed by. Young love was just so cute!

Directing his attention back to his own lover, he reached for the door handle in order to open said door to Ken's room when Omi surprisingly came rushing back again. But this time wide-eyed and, if Yohji interpreted the faint change of the colouring of his lime-green face right, Omi was pale with fright. The boy was so fast while passing by that Yohji could only make out a few words before Omi vanished in his room.

"Oracle... marbles... Nagi... danger." _Bang_. The door slammed shut, followed by the sound of a key hastily turned two times in the lock.

Baffled, Yohji stared at the closed door. There were many questions like 'What the hell?' or 'What the fuck?', but did he even want to know? The urge to make peace with Ken helped immensely in his decision, and he was about to reach for the door handle again when a new noise let him freeze in his motion. Slowly, he turned his head so he was again staring in the other direction.

Oracle came madly grinning towards him and he looked as if he had lost his... Oh, marbles. That's what Omi had meant... And then, Crawford did something so out of norm that Yohji was perplex enough to react to it automatically.

"Gimme five," the older man drawled as he passed by, and their hands clapped together into the typical sign of victory.

Without slowing down, Crawford continued in his walk while Yohji stood still, speechless, staring blankly into the direction Oracle had come from. Right hand still up in the air, he was trying to bring his mind to accept what he had just done with the famous leader of Schwarz... when Farfarello stepped out of the living-room.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

With the knife loosely in the hand and the blade absent-mindedly beating against his thigh, Farfarello tried to understand what had happened a few minutes ago. Crawford had confessed his love for him. Crawford had kissed him. Was this a joke? Was he playing? Was this revenge? Was he serious? Was it love? Was he...

_Fuck._

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji's eyes widened with each step Berserker took towards him. He didn't like the madman's frown. The knife in his right hand wasn't comforting either. And he was moving like a wildcat on the hunt. Not good, not at all. Maybe he should just stand there, silent and motionless, and Berserker would pass by without noti--

The golden eye shot up and the predatory look was focussed directly at him.

Transfixed, Yohji had a short moment of shock in which his mind decided on its own that he hadn't enough time to flee or to get out his wire. And to his utter horror he felt the corner of his mouth pulled up into a parody of a smile, and the fingers of the arm he still held up into the air bended a few times into the unmistakeable gesture of a wave.

What followed twisted his stomach into a tight knot and let him freeze in his idiotic posture.

The golden eye narrowed. The knife stopped its beating against the thigh. The scarred lips pulled up into a feral snarl baring white, sharp teeth. The wiry body bended forward, the wildcat like movements got slower, more dangerously, and the

door flew open, Ken poked out his head,

"Hi, Farfie."

grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the room.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Straightening up again, Farfarello passed snorting by the closed door.

"Pathetic."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Come on, don't get lazy."

Smiling, Ran threw a last look at Schuldig before he stepped into the shower. He was still grinning in afterglow when he turned on the hot water and took the soap to lather his body. The feeling of warm water and lather was wonderful after all those dirty and sweaty activities like crawling through a tunnel, the trip through the forest, or their passionate love-making.

When Schuldig stepped behind him into the shower, Ran passed him the soap over the shoulder before he continued blissfully spreading the foam over his chest.

Suddenly, something flew through his legs, hit the wall of the shower, and fell with a dull noise down to the basin.

Slowly, Ran turned the shower head to the side, bent his head, and stared at the object right between his feet. It took him a second to understand and to combine, but when he did his eyes widened in incredulity. Schuldig couldn't seriously mean...

"Ah, I'm so clumsy today."

No, he wouldn't dare to...

"Could you pick up the soap for me, sweetheart?"

_Kami-sama, the baka does._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Oh gods, breathe! You're as white as a sheet! What for heaven's sake is wrong with you? Come, sit down. No! Not on the floor! And don't breathe so fast! Slow down! You're hyperventilating! Do you need a paper bag? Baby? Koi? Oh gods, breathe, Yohji, _breathe_."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Liebling? The _soap_, please."

Amazed, Ran stared down at the desired object while Schuldig was more or less patiently waiting for him to fall for the trick. It seemed the Schwarz member never ceased to surprise him, and it was more than clear that boredom would never be the cause to break off their relationship.

Now, the sixty-four-dollar question was: How to react? The answer was surprisingly simple.

He turned, shifted, stepped, pushed, and Schuldig was facing the wall.

Position changed, Ran stood smirking behind Mastermind who for his part stared dumbfounded at the wall.

"Er... Ran... That's not exactly what I had in mind when I--... when the soap flew... _accidentally_, I want to add."

"Really?" Grinning, Ran laid his arms around the slim waist and took Schuldig into an embrace from behind. He had a hard time hiding his amusement when he put his chin on his lover's right shoulder and continued with a pout.

"But, Schu, that's exactly what _I_ have in mind."

After a few silent seconds which showed him how startled the young German was about his idea, Schuldig nervously gazed at him from the corner of his eye.

"Liebling, I thought we could continue with what we did before we got interrupted by Farfie. You know, me ravishing you."

"Sorry, but you had your chance in the kitchen, Schu."

"_What_? But it's your turn!"

"Hm, let me count... Nope, it's yours."

"But..." Schuldig started to squirm a little in his arms. "Look Ran, let's just say there's a small problem and I just can't, okay?"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"That's all?"

"Yes!"

"Not much information if you ask me, therefore I see no reason to change my mind."

"Argh! Okay! I'm... still a little tender down there. Happy?"

Oh, the last one must have cost Schuldig quite an effort to admit it. Ran playfully planted a kiss on the shoulder.

"Aw, my tough evil Schwarz kitten is hurting. Poor baby."

"Excuse me! I would like to see you getting fucked in the middle of nowhere without any lube!" Irritated, Schuldig wriggle free from the tight hold and turned accusingly around.

"Do you have _any_ idea how much it burnt? I won't complain about your size, I'm not an idiot. But I want to point out that an inexperienced virgin popped my cherry and you know what? I found out that cum _isn't_ enough to ease the friction and why the hell are you _grinning_ like that?"

Pressing his lips tightly together, Ran tried to hold up a straight face by looking innocently back at his frowning lover.

"And wipe that amused look out of your eyes."

Well, that was a little harder to manage so he only blinked a few times in response.

"Ran, you look absolutely ridiculous, you know that?"

He tried to hold up the straight face, really, but the amusement was stronger and the smile broke through. Grinning in delight, he watched as Schuldig leaned back against the wall and started to rub his face tiredly.

"You were teasing me, right? You were pulling my leg the whole time."

"Hai."

"That's it. I need a vacation. Badly."

Chuckling, Ran reached again for the shower head. "Ah, maybe. But what we need first is a shower. Say, could you hand me the soap, please?"

"Ha. Ha." Schuldig threw him a dirty look.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Life just isn't fair, Schuldig decided while Ran turned him around and started to lather and wash his back. All he wanted was a little fun, no reason for those cosmic creatures to throw one stick after another between his legs.

"Don't pout, Schu. It's not so bad."

Not so bad? Ha! First a fish, then Farfie, and now that stupid piece of soap. It. Just. Wasn't. Fair!

"Come on, relax. You're too stiff. "

Stiff. Ha! There would be something else stiff instead of his back by now. Stiff and hard and hot and long and thick. But nooo, Ran had to play tough and clever instead of playing along.

"I'm fine, Ran."

He was. Really.

The hand washing his back stopped with the palm flat on his back.

"Schu, don't pretend everything's all right when you growl your answer through tightly clenched teeth and are crossing your arms at the same time. I'm not stupid. What's bothering you?"

What should be bothering him? Can't a guy just cross his arms and growl?

"I'm not the mind reader here, Schu. You've to talk to me."

Fine!

"Fine! You wanna know what's wrong? Everything! Since that mission everything's turned upside down. I love chaos but only if _I'm_ the one creating it! Nobody's taking me seriously anymore! I'm reduced to... to nothing! I really love you but from tough, evil assassin to harmless, toothless puppy in only twenty-four hours is a fucking new record! I'm a fucking henpecked husband now, that's what I am! And I hate it. I HATE IT! I'm a man, goddamnit. I'm the fucking _Mastermind_! I'm Schwarz! I'm used to take control! You should be the one mewling underneath me, not the other way around! I hate those stupid cat ears and I finally want to pop your goddamn cherry!"

Crossing his arms again, Schuldig glared sullenly at the wall. And he was _not_ pouting.

"And I'm _not_ pouting, just that you know it."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran stared shocked and rather speechless at the orange mop of hair. He had thought their discussions about manliness and sexual roles were no more than banters between two lovers. Banters to find out who was fond of which position. It never was in his intention to make Schuldig seriously uncomfortable, least of all angry.

Thoughtfully, he glanced at his hand still resting on the stiff back. He could understand Schuldig, could absolutely sympathize with him. To let loose of control built up over years and to give it over to another person was not easy. And while he was still hesitating, Schuldig had given him that control once already, though it had been more thanks to the surprise effect.

He had to admit that he hadn't thought about the nature of their relationship until now, about where they actually stood. It had come out of the blue and he willingly had travelled along the wonderful feeling of being loved, desired, without questioning it. But Schuldig's outburst showed him that something was wrong. Maybe he took something for granted the young German wasn't ready to give yet.

It was time for some serious talking. And to know where they stood exactly, he only needed an answer to one question.

"Do you trust me, Schu?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig stared blankly at the wall.

_Don't answer. For heaven's sake, do not answer that question. It's a trap. It's a fucking trap. You will regret it. You will be sorry for the rest of your life if you give in and reply to--_

"Of course I do."

_Argh!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran smiled at the hardly visible wince Schuldig made directly after giving his reply. He knew the Schwarz member hadn't lied; there was a certain amount of trust between them. And he couldn't demand for more than Schuldig was ready to give. Even if they would ignore their history as arch enemies, they hardly knew each other for more than one day and it was crazy enough for them to fall in love in such a short time.

Gently, he traced the spine beneath his fingers.

"I know it's difficult, Schu. As a member of Schwarz, always in control, always on the top and never… bottom... it must be hard to trust a former enemy enough to open up and give mind, body and soul without a second thought. I understand because I feel the same. But it isn't impossible for us to reach the point where trust is given without hesitation. We will work on it. We will make it. We will reach that point, maybe not now or tomorrow, but we will reach it. I'm certain of it."

Schuldig, who had silently listened, responded with a tilt of his head.

"Liebling, I've _no_ idea what you're talking about. I just want to pop your cherry, that's all."

... NANI? Ran's yaw hung low.

"But it was a lovely speech, really."

_I'm opening my heart and he's just interested in... GAHH!... I'm such a baka baka baka baka!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Liebling, that _hurts_." Schuldig winced at the sharp fingernails digging into his back. It had been a lovely speech, but he wasn't eager to discuss philosophic views about their relationship right now. He was just angry that every single promise for sex, particularly for sex where Ran should be uke, ended into... nothing, at the best. The possibility to have an argument was more likely than for him to finally succeed. It was a cursed situation. And he was tired of it.

"Ran, I capitulate. For now. Not for ever, mind you. I... just want some body contact, and if it's only some cuddling, that's fine by me. Yeah, let's finish and crawl into your bed to cuddle under soft sheets. Wouldn't that be great?"

"Schu?" The hand relaxed against his back again; a signal that Ran was listening intently to his peace-offering.

"No, really, I've no problem with it. It would be great if I could make love to you as I would love to... but I'm not that determined to hold up some funny ideology for that. I really don't care who's on top and who's bottom."

_Liar._ _Liar. Liar. LIIIAAAR!_

Ignoring the persistent voice in his head which furiously pointed out his white lie, Schuldig went on.

"Er... And I trust you, Liebling, I really do. And I love you." That shut the voice up because the last one was definitely true.

"I love you too, Schu."

"I know." Satisfied with the outcome, Schuldig petted the hands which had sneaked around his waist during his speech. He had successfully avoided another argument, Ran wasn't angry anymore, and he had also avoided being uke again. Nothing had changed, he was still the Mastermind.

Ran tightened the grip around his waist, snuggled up against his back, and something stiff and hard and hot and long and thick pressed between Schuldig's butt cheeks.

"Let's make love, Schu."

"WHAT?... I mean...," Schuldig stammered appalled, "I'm... still tender... _terribly_ tender... So tender you wouldn't believe it... To say that I'm only tender is... a lie. Because I'm _sore_... _terribly_ sore... So sore you wouldn't believe it..."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran was grinning in pure mischievousness when the young German grew stiff again, and he listened amused to the on panic bordering stammering. Did Schuldig really believe he could distract him with sweet talk? It was time to show Schwarz's Mastermind that he shouldn't underestimate his intelligence, even though he was rather cute in his attempts to sneak out of awkward situations.

"I know, Schu. But this time it won't hurt. We've got lube."

"... Oh... that's... great... really... Ah, I know it sounds funny but suddenly, I'm not in the mood anymore. Don't be sad about it, Liebling. We'll make up for it another time. We've _years_ to catch up on everything."

Smirking, Ran shifted forward and spoke huskily right into his lover's ear.

"But Schu, isn't it thrilling? You, as a member of Schwarz, mastermind and telepath, caught between the wall and me without any room to escape. You're helpless, at my mercy. And I as your arch-enemy and deadly skilled assassin, right behind you, pressing you up against the wall like... _this_."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Life. Just. Wasn't. Fair.

Schuldig gulped at the erotic situation Ran was creating and cleared his throat to steady his voice.

"You're playing dirty, Ran."

"Ah, it's a pity that you're not in the mood... Oooh!... Look what awakened from its sleep!"

Ha. Ha.

"Funny, Ran. Really funny. But as a man you surely know that the dick is not connected with the brain. You eat plain noodles and _bang_, suddenly it's there. It has a life on its _own_!... Ran?"

Ran didn't answer. He stood silently behind him, calm, with his arms still around him. There was a soft noise, a breath he could feel on his right shoulder, and then he got his answer. The hands on his belly started to wander. Like a blind man who wanted to memorize the curve of each muscle and the texture of the skin underneath his fingers through soft touches.

Schuldig could suppress a shiver, but he couldn't hinder his eyes falling shut at the sensation the caress brought with it. They were not perfect, Ran's hands. The skin on the palm of his lover's right hand was not flawless, not undamaged. He could feel calluses, telling a story of years as a swordsman. Telling him of strength, of power. Of force and willpower. Of pure masculinity.

He didn't hold back the moan escaping his lips as Ran bent down to kiss his neck, nor did he fight his arousal slowly getting up again. All thoughts of fighting and distracting vanished with the sensual seduction, with the warm lips on his neck and those wonderful hands on his body.

While one hand stroke his belly, the other trailed slowly down to his groin, hovered over his member for a short moment before seizing it in a gentle but firm touch.

"I want to make love to you."

Ran's husky whispered words broke his last resistance and he melted against the body behind him. He would be a fool to resist the sensation of smooth skin against his own, to ignore the body heat covering him from behind, or to fight those strong, wonderful hands. And why should he? He was stubborn, but he also loved Ran more than everything else and he would show him this with the gift of his surrender.

He turned his head enough to answer Ran with a kiss, to send his anticipation through his lips and tongue. And Ran joined in happily, brought a hand up to cup his chin and to tilt his head further to intensify their kiss.

What started soft and tender ended demanding, almost domineering. Ran took over control and the kiss became deeper, hotter and maddening arousing. It took his breath away, made him lost in the sensation, and Schuldig was dimly aware of lips increasing their pressure on his own, of fingers digging into his chin tightened possessively into a firm hold while the tongue roamed his mouth.

Moaning, he surrendered to the passionate assault, made the sweet surrender complete by letting Ran take possession of his body and mind. He had no idea how long it lasted, he never wanted it to end, but a firm and possessive grip around his hard member and a demanding pressure against his cleft took him out of his blissful state.

Ran tore his lips away, panting, hoarse with arousal.

"I want to fuck you. Now."

And he left him for merely a few seconds, but when he was back again two sensations brought shivers through Schuldig's body. Shoving his long hair out of the way, Ran started to kiss his exposed neck passionately, and at the same time the tip of a finger was placed against his opening to slide in without hesitation.

Bending forward, Schuldig laid his hands against the wall. It didn't hurt, it wasn't even uncomfortable, but when a second joined the first a moan escaped his lips as they stretched him, widened him for something that was even larger and thicker than those two digits.

It was painful enough and he would have complained about it if Ran's lips hadn't distracted him, if teeth hadn't grazed the skin of his neck just as one of the fingers hit the sweet spot deep inside him.

The result took his breath away.

"_Oh sweet fucking god_."

He hadn't time to work out the first sensation; the second hit against his prostate came instantly and left him gasping. Heat spread through his groin and his arousal was almost painfully hard and throbbing by now. He moaned again as Ran withdrew his fingers, not because of pain, but at the empty feeling they left behind.

When he felt the head of Ran's member at his opening, Schuldig pressed his forehead against the wall and spread his legs to give his lover better access. He was ready, open enough and more than willing.

Ran pressed forward and the ring slowly widened with the pressure against his opening.

"Ran... do you remember when I said I won't complain about your size? Okay. I'm complaining now. Get out. You're too big."

"Just relax."

"Says the guy who's impaling m_eee_... Oh _fuck_... Oh _Jesus_ Christ... Oh _Almighty_..."

"Relax, Schu."

"Nnng."

"Concentrate on your breathing, Schu, and press--"

"PARDON? Concentrate on your breathing and _press_? I'm not giving birth, goddamnit! You're shoving a damn redwood up my--"

"I'm in."

"What?"

"I'm in."

"... Great. And now do me the favour and get out again."

"Okay."

Schuldig gritted his teeth when Ran slowly pulled out. Gods, he was big. Even with lube it hurt. It was a miracle he had cum the first time Ran made love to him. He wasn't masochist enough to bear such--

"AAAH!... Oh _gods_... Oh _fucking_ gods..."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Instead of withdrawing completely, Ran had pushed back again, perfectly striking the prostate in one smooth move. He repeated his action until he was moving rhythmically, until the body in front of him, underneath him, completely opened up to him, welcomed him, embraced him. And it was incredible.

Schuldig was a breathtaking sight. His back was gracefully bent. The arms he had stretched out to the wall to support himself were tense, showing each curve of his muscles. The long, slightly bent fingers were twitching every time a new wave of sexual stimulation consumed his body, and with each new thrust more shivers were running through his body.

The long orange hair which lay gently curved around his neck hung down on one side, giving Ran a perfect view on his lover's face. Schuldig's eyes were closed, his mouth slightly open, and gods, he was moaning. It was a sound deep from his inside and it was incredibly erotic.

And it was his doing. He was the one who brought Schuldig such ecstasy, who made him mindless with lust. And it was wonderful. It was perfect.

His heart was loudly thumping in his chest as he reached forward to bring his lover back to him, to complete their connection with body contact. Skin on skin he absorbed the heat Schuldig was radiating. His hands moved over the fine sheet of sweat which slowly covered the young German's body, moved up until they found the nipples. Each rub, each pull brought to them drew more moans out of Schuldig and the shivers became stronger.

Never faltering in his thrusts, Ran reached for the long hair, tugged his lover's head back until it lay on his shoulder and he could crush the lips beneath him with his own.

He wanted to bring Schuldig on a new level. He wanted to make him scream in ecstasy. He wanted to show him that he was

_Mine_.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was in his own world of lust. Each powerful thrust into his body, each stroke over his prostate brought more stimulation, more arousal. It made him mindless, willingness. He felt the heat, the waves of lust which ripped through his groin, increasing with each new thrust, and he let himself wash away with it.

He had lost his ability to speak; he couldn't articulate his feelings anymore. It was the primal sound of moaning which escaped his lips, and he was helpless as Ran pulled him up, bended his head back into a forceful kiss.

Afterwards he didn't know what had brought him to orgasm. The hot tongue roaming his mouth, the firm lips pressed against his own, the demanding hold on his hair, or the sudden hard grip around his shaft.

He didn't know, but when the orgasm tore through him he screamed into his lover's mouth. Flashes exploded in front of his closed eyes, uncontrolled tremors ran through his body, and his mind was empty and full of colourful whirls at the same time. He experienced the famous little death in all its glory.

When Schuldig came down again, he lay panting and boneless in Ran's embrace, thankful for his lover to hold him up. He was certain that he couldn't stand on his own with so much jelly in his shaking knees. He felt spent, dizzy. His mind tried to describe, to couch all those amazing sensations he had been experiencing until now.

Unbelievable.

Incredible.

Mind blowing.

He was still busy trying to find the right word when Ran's softly spoken words affectionately drifted through his dazed mind.

"Plain noodles, huh?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Blöder Hammel (germ.): Stupid mutton. (Yes, it IS a swearword and I hope you can still remember the situation between Schu and Ran after their love-making in the middle of the night where an accidentally past flying night owl had been the only witness to Schu's comically widened eyes... or so.)

Scheiße (germ.): Shit

Liebling (germ.): Darling / Sweetheart

The Soap Trick: Erm… uhm… I'll just pretend that everyone knows about it, okay? #sweat drop#

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: Phew, that certainly was a very long chapter. I hope nobody got bored by it. Or fell asleep #cringes#. And because of the length, I have to shorten my answers to the reviewers.

Schu: That's just an excu--!

Black Kitten: **Hiei449**! Long time no see, old pal! How are you? #pats Hiei's back#

Schu: #narrows eyes# Old _pal_?

Black Kitten: Erm... #clears throat#… Great you're still here, Hiei. I hope you enjoyed that chapter, too… **Luna Kaira.** Oh, yes, the chapters are terribly long nowadays. Bishies are suffering out there? Good gracious! That's just terrible! Poor Bishies. I will make it better with a little love. #squeezes Schu tightly#

Schu: #squeaks#

Black Kitten: #smirks#… **Yami** **Kaosu.** Hi!... #coughs at dust cloud#… Oh yes, Brad's amusing but he also needs sex very badly. It can't be healthy the way he lives. Ah, let's see how his 'relationship' with Farfie's going to continue. Poor Farfie, he seemed a little confused after Brad's… attack. #grin# Ah, after reading that chapter, you already know who was seme/uke. Did you like my choice? It's so rare for Schu to be uke I just had to put him into that position again.

Schu: #pants for air# Never... ever...

Black Kitten: #squeezes Schu tighter# Aw, poor Schuschu. Yami, next time it will be Ran's turn to finally experience the joy of being uke. Isn't that great? #big smile#

Schu: #face already blue# Let me gooo!

Black Kitten: **Skeren** **Dreamera**! Sleeping comatose muses? I feel with you. #hugs#

Schu: #free again# I'm free! FREEE!

Black Kitten: #snorts# Just for now, sweetheart, just for now. Skeren, I hope you liked the scene in the kitchen. It wasn't as funny as you described it in your review #huge smile# but that's how I saw them when I wrote it. I wanted some harmony before the chaos continued. And that it did, didn't it? #grins#

Schu: #furrows brows# What did you mean by just for--?

Black Kitten: **gamegirl28**! #hugs#… Braddy-Eeyore? #giggles# Ah, you're right. Crawford isn't slow talking and full of sadness… yet. #grins# No, seriously, I thought about all the chaos, humiliation and anger he had to endure, and Eeyore was just perfect to portray how he will be at the end of the story. But I changed my mind, Brad has suffered enough, and now it's his time to take revenge. On Farfie. Poor psyho-bishie. OH MY GOD.

Schu: What? WHAT?

Black Kitten: Aya uke… video cameras ready… Gomen ne, gamegirl. I just had to make Schu uke again. But I swear on Schu's beautiful long hair that it's Ran's time in the next chapter!

Schu & Ran: PARDON?

Black Kitten: **LoneCayt**! Er, okay, Farfie didn't actually suffer. It's more like... confusion. But it's HEAVEY confusion #nods#. However, Brad had his revenge… for now #cough#. Oh, Ran was seme! Great, ne? He can be such a dominant little kitten. Brad and Yohji? You see, Yohji's with Kenken and there's still Farfie. #winks#

Farfie: #narrows eye# What do you mean by--?

Black Kitten: **makusime**! Thank you. #hugs# I hope you liked the whole chaos in that chapter. Why do you think that I'm evil? Only a few bishies had to suffer in that chapter. That would be Farfie, and Yohji, and… Omi… and Brad… er... and Schuschu… #blinks# Wow, that's really a lot.

Schu: That's exactly what I--!

Black Kitten: **Bloodrose** '**Valentine' Foxxstar**! #grin# It was a little chaotic, as always, but in the end they got their make-up sex. But not Ran is the one you should pity. After all it's Schu who's now definitely more sore than tender _down there_.

Schu: #whimpers#

Black Kitten: Er… But next time it's Ran's turn! Great, ne?

Ran: #whimpers#

Black Kitten: #rolls eyes#… **Spawn of Hell.** Great you found it funny. It's slowly getting to the end, so I hope you will enjoy the next chapters as well.

Schu: How many chapters?

Black Kitten: Dunno... **Amber Bock.** #blinks# Whoa, what an eruption of madness…I mean _joy_, of course. I hope you feel better again. #gives cookie#

Schu: #excited# Cookies?

Black Kitten: Sorry, last one… **KT.** Yay! Welcome to the club The Chaos Lovers! Ah, make-up sex. I hope you liked it. Well, Brad and Farfie. It's a tricky 'relationship' they have. It certainly looks as if Brad got the upper hand and his revenge, but I've that certain feeling that's not all to it. Both of them are lonely and in need of some… cuddling, ne? #winks#

Brad: Wait a sec! What do you mean by--?

Black Kitten: Look! It's **Gunning Angel**! #frowns# I updated but what's with your story, GA? #whines# Update, onegai!... #grin# Ran and Schu. Very, VERY complex, those two. #sniggers# They never cease to amuse me. Ah, and the next time it's finally Ran's turn to lose his virginity. It's high time if you ask me. Hm, let's see how terri--... er, _wonderful_ it will be for him. #cough#

Ran: #suspicious# Cough?

Black Kitten: I've got a terrible, _terrible_ bad cold. #evil grin#… **lil-evil-bunny.** Hi! Thanks for sending back my beloved Nagi. He looks a little... dishevelled, but oh my. He's young, he will get over it. #smirk#… Sorry, Nagi wasn't in that chapter but he will appear in the next one, I promise. Great you find Schu almost as hot as Ran. That's NOT a scary thing. Schu's definitely hot. And sooo lovely! I could cuddle him the whole day! And pet him! And squeeze him! And--

Schu: EEK!

Black Kitten: That too. #grins#... **annakas.** #snicker# You had a lot of fun while reading, ne? #hugs# Poor misunderstood Brad. Well, he had his revenge, sort of, but… ah, let's wait and see. I'm sooo twisted, it's scary. Really, I've created so much chaos that it takes longer than I thought to solve it. Schu's going to have a hard time telling Ran about his sister's presumptions, but I think he has enough practice after his Blöder Hammel confession to turn it into another lemon... Hm, the possibilities...

Schu: #confused# Are you talking about the citrus fruit or--?

Black Kitten: Just wait and see. #grin#... **K'jollar.** Hi! Greetings to Russia! I hope you enjoyed that chapter. And don't let the kids bug you; they can be so cute, those little monsters... er... and now I hope those little monsters are really little and young because if they're already high school students then it would mean that I'm writing nonsense.

Schu: #snorts# That would be a fir--!

Black Kitten: Look! A new reader!... **Dorothecouchpotato.** #sniggers# Hm, how should I begin… Ein Mensch spricht fern, geraume Zeit – mit ausgesuchter Höflichkeit – legt endlich dann, mit vielen süßen – Empfehlungen und besten Grüßen – den Hörer wieder auf die Gabel - doch tut er nochmal auf den Schnabel – (nach all dem freundlichen Gestammel) – um dumpf zu murmeln: **_Blöder Hammel_**!... etc. That's a poem of Eugen Roth (German poet), Das Ferngespräch.

Schu: #yaws# Boooring.

Black Kitten: #glares#... You see, Dorothecouchpotato, Blöder Hammel actually is a German swearword. Please take no offence, but I found it very funny that you have no clue that such swearing exists. However, Germany is a big land; maybe it's just not common in your federal state. Now to your question about "Mein Führer". Honestly, I've no idea. Maybe the readers out there confuse Schu with Prince Harry? Really, that was just sick. Sorry, nimm mich nicht zu ernst. Jedenfalls hoffe ich, dass dir das neue Kapitel gefallen hat. Schön wieder mal auf Deutsch zu schreiben. Liebe Grüße an alle deutschsprachigen Leser!

Schu: Von mir auch!

Black Kitten: Just ignore that perfidious, treacherous, back-stabbing orange mop traitor… **izedlatte**! I was just about to upload the new chapter when I saw a new review. Gods, I almost missed your comment! But the good thing is that you don't have to wait for the next chapter too long, because I'm updating now. I hope you had fun reading it!

So, that's it. I hope everyone had fun with the new chapter and… See you next time! ByeBye!


	15. Part 15

Black Kitten: I spent almost one and a half hour to edit the chapter and ffnet still doesn't take all of my original marks. It seems ffnet doesn't allow question and exclamation marks combined in one sentence; not anymore. And that's just stupid because the combination of those marks serves as a special expression. I'm not happy about it. No, not at all. To post a story on ffnet gets quite challenging, to put it mildly. Enough with the bitching.

I hope you've fun with this version all the same. And sorry for the long wait. I don't want to bore you to death with my many excuses. The chapter's finally here and I hope you'll find something else to laugh about than my poor grammar.

Schu: Ah, the desperate hope of the hopeless.

Black Kitten: Ah, the court jester of all court jesters.

Schu: #beet-red and struggles for words# What the... you... you… _beast_... I will … nnnng...

Black Kitten: Mah, so cute. And I don't think his speech will be better after this chapter. #evil grin# Enjoy, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Basta.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 15

It was late afternoon, and it was surprisingly quiet and peaceful in the Koneko no Sumu Ie. There was no sound which would have disturbed the silence except for the soft gurgling of a coffee machine. And with each new drop gradually filling the pot, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee slowly made its way out of the kitchen.

It was alluring, seductive. Like a flower spreading its colourful petals to attract pollen collecting, entirely instinct driven insects.

"Coffee! Great!" Schuldig made a bee-line to the coffee machine. Still rubbing his hair dry with a towel, he stood impatiently in front of the counter with his entire focus on the dark liquid.

"Come on, make daddy happy. Brew _faster_."

"It must be sad to hold a conversation with something that won't respond. Ever, if I'm not mistaken."

Startled, Schuldig turned around. "Oh, hi, Brad. Didn't see you."

Crawford regarded him with a meaningful look over the rim of his glasses, threw a glance at the borrowed clothes Ran had given him, and dismissed him again by concentrating on the newspaper. And he did all of it calm, serene, and with such a lack of interest that it could only mean one thing.

Brad was back.

Schuldig's eyebrows shot up. As much as he was relieved that his old friend had finally turned back to normal, this was also very suspicious. The cool behaviour was quite the contrary to his former I-will-strangle-you attitude. Something must have happened in the meantime, something so important that it had changed him dramatically back to his former self. Well, maybe not so dramatically, but the sudden change was surprising enough to get very curious about it.

Under the pretence of intensive hair care, Schuldig took his time to eye the older man while he was slowly rubbing his damp hair with the towel. There was no doubt that the rage and fury had disappeared and their cool and collected leader was back again. Brad looked completely relaxed. No, he wasn't just relaxed. It was barely visible but it was there; the corners of his mouth were slightly pulled up.

Schuldig's hands stilled at once and his eyes widened in realization.

Brad had a smug smile on his face.

Brad looked like the cat that got the cream.

Something _definitely_ had happened in the meantime.

And Brad refused to tell him about it.

Oh the nerve of some people.

Quickly putting the towel aside, Schuldig turned again to the coffee machine and stared intently at the slowly filling pot, willing the machine with a glare and an impatiently tapping of his fingers on the counter to work faster. The last drop hadn't touched the surface yet when he already snatched the pot and filled two mugs.

Though he was bursting with curiosity, he tried to appear unimpressed by his friend's sudden change as he sauntered over to the table, sat down, gingerly, he was still sore after all, and shoved the second mug nonchalantly over as an opening to strike up a conversation and to get information about Crawford's high spirits. Just like two civilized people would do.

However, the emphasis lies on 'civilized'.

Never letting the paper out of his eyes, Brad reached for the mug, brought it to his lips, nipped once, and put it down again. And the lips widened into a smirk.

Schuldig narrowed his eyes at Crawford's more than obvious act. He knew that Brad was aware of his curiosity but apparently preferred to play blind and deaf. Oh, if Brad thought that this would hinder him to get some answers he was sadly mistaken. Never believe for even a millisecond that you can win a mind game against someone who's called Mastermind. Hopeless dreamers, all of them.

Scratching on the brim of his mug, Schuldig threw him a bored look. "Something interesting happened in the meantime?"

"Not really."

"You sure?"

"Hm."

Okay, Brad was playing tough nut. But this was just the beginning. Mentally cracking his knuckles, Schuldig leaned forward and rested his chin on his right hand, eyes half-lidded with played boredom.

"Saaay, Brad, what happened to 'I'll shoot you' or... What was the other one again? Ah, yes, you wanted to strangle me."

The reaction he got for his effort was a purse of lips and a short shrug followed by "Anytime, just set time and place."

Glaring, Schuldig leaned back again. He should have known that he wouldn't get an answer with velvet cloves on. This was fruitless and it was time to change tactic.

"I see. So it's true that Farfie and you have hot monkey-sex. Really, you should have told us."

Without looking up, Crawford placidly turned another page. "I don't know how hot or satisfying copulations between primates are, but I do know a terribly sad story in which curiosity killed the cat. Very, very sad. And there _was_ a pun intended, in case you haven't noticed."

For a short moment, Schuldig actually felt like a feline, more precisely he felt like a feline whose fur got rubbed the wrong direction, and his eyes narrowed in anger at Crawford's mocking tone. _So,_ y_ou think you're funny, huh? Oh, the moment I'm finished with you, you will be cracked open like a helpless peanut trampled down by a herd of mammoths!_

"Apropos cat," Leisurely, Brad folded the newspaper and put it down; the amused glimmer of his eyes he directed at Schuldig was a perfect match to the smirk on his lips. "Tell me, are you going to wear those idiotic cat ears for the rest of your life? I hope not, they look rather stupid on you."

_Bastard._

"Those? Nah. Role-playing is totally in and helps immensely to spice up one's sex life. You should try it sometimes. Oops, sorry, my mistake. You don't have a sex life."

"You still sore?"

"You already married with your right hand?"

"Schu! Farfa--"

"Not now, Nagi. Brad and I are in the middle of a serious talk between grown-ups right now."

"But... Don't you give a damn what Farfarello did to me?"

"Have you tried soap?"

"... No."

"Good. Back to the grown-ups. So, you find it terribly funny that I'm sore, _Bradley_?"

"Did I really say stupid? Pardon me. You look absolute ridiculous, _Schuschu_."

"It's your fucking fault that I got them in the first place!"

"Stop whining. There are things worse than some attached artificial ears."

"What the hell could be worse than _this_? If I cut them off I'll have _holes_, you sadistic bastard!"

"Jesus Christ! Just be glad your cat tail wasn't one of their special butt plugs!"

Silence.

"Wha... Wha... PARDON?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji was fuming. Someone had used up all the hot water, and to shower with ice cold water was only useful to avoid or to suppress amorous feelings, not to wash away their sticky by-products. And on top of that they had also taken away the last dry towel so that he had been forced to wipe himself off with a wet one.

Oh, he had an idea who was responsible for this. Since Schwarz had infested their home with their unholy presence everything was turned upside down. Nothing was simple anymore. They were an annoyance, they disturbed the peace. They caused trouble and brought nothing but chaos. They were arrogant. They were vain. They

had triggered the most intense sex he ever had had until now.

It had been _incredible_.

After Ken had pulled him into the room and his shock about the Berserker incident in the hallway had finally worn off, adrenaline had flooded his veins. And added to the mix of shock and relief, the result had resembled a volcanic eruption.

Suddenly, he had been aroused beyond imagination. His senses, his feelings and emotions, his mind, all of it reduced to the pulsing heat of the hard-on trapped in the tight jean and pressed up against his groin.

And he had acted without a second thought, without thinking at all. He had jumped his lover like a wild animal in heat, had pushed him down to the floor, and had pressed their bodies tightly together. He could still feel his lover's fine hair in his balled fist, the lips he had crushed under his own in a demanding, forceful kiss.

And Ken had reacted without hesitation, had pushed back and had forced his own tongue into Yohji's mouth. They had kissed each other as if they wanted to battle down the other one through lips, tongues, and fingernails which painted red welts onto soft skin. And while they fought for dominance, for surrender, for the sweet submission of each other, their groins had grinded together in the unmistakeable rhythm of pure lust.

It had been hot.

It had been wild.

It had been ... over in less than 10 seconds.

Yohji still couldn't believe it. Normally, he could go on and on like the Energizer bunny, could satisfy Ken to no end and he was quite proud of it. But not this time. This time, he had cum so fast that his brain had needed a long moment until it had finally comprehended the fact that it was actually over. That there was nothing left to shoot.

And while he was laying on top of this younger lover, boneless, breathless, helplessly panting for air, the realization had hit him full force.

He had finished, but not Ken.

And to the shock came embarrassment. The terribly nagging feeling of not being man enough, of having failed his lover by refusing to ease his needs, to bring him the desired satisfaction, thanks to that treacherous body.

And what did Ken?

Red-faced and with tousled hair, wheezing like a marathon runner on the last few meters, barely able to speak a whole sentence without snapping for air and still highly aroused, Ken had looked at him with understanding eyes.

It's okay.

Shit happens.

He would help himself.

AHHHHH! Yohji had the urge to pull his hair out and scream in frustration. Ken hadn't just added salt to the wound. No. He had also poured lemon juice on it and had mercilessly trampled down one of the last remaining pieces of men's pride that had managed to survive in this feminists' women-wear-ties domineered modern world. A pride every man holds sacred and no one, absolutely no one, least of all a man himself, should take it easy or, god forbid, even make fun of it.

Stamina, manhood's sacred cow.

But 10 seconds weren't stamina and to wipe off with a wet towel was just gross and so Yohji stood lost in thoughts in the hallway, fuming about the injustice, gritting his teeth in anger and feeling his cheeks turning crimson again in humiliation at the memory. Maybe he could vent his anger on Schwarz, those warm-water, towel stealing--

"Stupid grown-up."

Startled by the angrily whispered voice, Yohji snapped out of his musings and stared confused at the youngest member of Schwarz. Prodigy stood in front of him, both hands clenched into tight fists and face flushed in anger.

"Go away."

Yohji arched a brow. "Come again?"

"I said _go away_, you stupid, _stupid_ grown-up."

Yohji's perplexed look was returned with a fairly impressive glare from the youth. He tried to remember if he had offended the young Schwarz member, but there wasn't anything he was aware of. He had absolutely no idea what the boy wanted from him.

The whole situation was somewhat absurd. It was clear that Nagi was furious and that the hisses, glares and snarls meant to be threatening, but seriously, the tiny, thin, low, and beeping voice of the apparently not-so-mute-anymore boy was miles away from being frightening. If anything, Nagi was funny.

While the appearance of the teenager actually brought some delight into Yohji's dark mood -- the black coloured word 'Beagle' on the boy's flushed forehead made it impossible for him to feel threatened by the furiously whispered words -- he wasn't willing to play target for bad-tempered kids. So far, the day had been bad enough for him already.

However, Yohji never had a chance for a fitting response to the boy's sudden hostility towards him. His second eyebrow went up to join the first the instant Nagi began to whisper a furious statement about brain-loss of all those evil and stupid, _stupid, _STUPID ohhh-sooo omniscient wannabe adults, inclusive Yohji of course, and all of them were invited to do something not entirely hygienic with his behind. And if Yohji wouldn't get out of the way within the next three seconds he would forget himself.

Ending his heatedly whispered tirade with a killing glance, Nagi stared at him for a few seconds, then made a fascinating noise similar to a pressure-cooker which was about to explode, reached out, shoved him rudely to the side, opened the door to the bathroom, stepped inside, and slammed the door shut with one last snarl in his direction.

Speechless, Yohji stared at the closed door. What the...? What...? Argh! Why the hell hadn't the boy just said that he was blocking the way to the bathroom! Oh, this was so Schwarz-like to think that everyone in this world was a born mind reader and to act aggressively instead of just asking politely, and it was so tempting to open the door and to tell the kid how childish, how immature he was behaving, particularly after all his bitching about grown-ups.

But something, let's call it survival instinct, kept him from opening the door and his mouth. The kid _was_ dangerous after all, and evidently short-tempered. And he was Omi's boyfriend. And Omi could be _very_ protective. And the whispered scream coming from the bathroom about where the hell that _stupid_ soap is wasn't inviting either. Besides, he would never bring himself down on the same level as those Schwarz members. He was neither evil, nor childish.

Ergo, Yohji restrained himself and instead of a verbal reply to the boy's immature behaviour he made a simple, silent gesture as a protest and as a clear sign to show the youth that he still had a very long way till adulthood.

Demonstratively, Yohji stuck out his tongue

"Yohji?"

and froze.

No. This couldn't be. That wasn't even funny anymore. Had he overlooked some bad omen screaming at him to just stay in bed and under _no_ circumstances leave his room today? Some black cats? A broken mirror? Two broken mirrors? A comet grazing the farthest corner of the alleged cosmic house he had been born in to mess up all his lucky stars? Some invisible evil imp, floating over him, roaring with laughter over the misery he was inflicting upon--

"What are you _doing_, Yohji?"

Well, _that_ was a good question.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Omi looked puzzled at his friend and comrade. Yohji was staring blankly at the bathroom door, tongue kindly back in his mouth where it belonged. The silence stretched and Omi was about to question him again when the older man slowly turned his head in his direction with a smile plastered on his face that was way too forced to be natural.

"... Nothing."

Frowning at the hesitation and at the uncertainty in Yohji's voice, Omi surveyed him critically.

"Is something wrong, Yohji?"

"... No."

And Yohji was acting way too suspiciously. But if he wanted to act childish and keep it whatever it was a secret, so be it. Omi wasn't that curious. Besides, he had other problems to worry about than some silly behaviours of one of his team members. Sometimes, he had the feeling he was the only adult around here.

"Okay, if you say so. By the way, have you seen Nagi?"

"... Who?"

"_Who_?" Omi echoed unbelievingly. "Midnight blue eyes? Shiny brown hair? Baby soft skin? Incredibly sexy body? Drop-dead gorgeous bishone who can lift a truck with a flick of his little finger, speaks four languages fluently and is a brilliant computer genius with an IQ of 140? Does. This. Ring. Any. Bell?"

"Wow... I mean... Yes... No... What was the question again?"

"Yohji," Omi growled, fed up with his friend's strange behaviour. He got the feeling that something was fishy, that Yohji was hiding something from him, and his eyes wandered to the closed door.

"Who's in the bathroom, Yohji?"

"... Nobody."

And in that moment, the door opened and Mister Nobody stuck out his head.

"Omi?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji stared down at the brown head of hair, trying to understand why Nagi had chosen exactly _this_ moment to make an appearance. Could it be that Nagi was the imp?

"Yohji." The soft, horrified voice caught his attention and he directed his glance back to the other teenager. Omi stared at him open-mouthed, shocked, clearly guessing right what he had done and, more importantly, to whom.

"How _could_ you, Yohji."

Oh the drama! Annoyed, Yohji rolled his eyes.

"Don't even start, Omi. I'm not in the mood to get another lecture from a hormone-ridden, grouchy teenager. And before you brag about the intelligence of your boyfriend, it's the E.Q. that's important, not the I.Q. Think about it for a minute, thank me for my wisdom, and then just ignore me for the rest of the day. No. Make it a week, just as a precaution. Until then, colour your hair black or brown or pink for all I care, just cover the lime-green, for Christ's sake. So girls, have fun with your tea-party, don't bother us _adults_, and don't forget to take the pill after you are done with your PMS-ing."

Without waiting for a reply, Yohji whirled around and stomped angrily down the hallway to the stairs.

_Brats. Do they really think they have imbibed wisdom with the mother's milk?_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"... E.Q.? Does Balinese even know what he's talking about?"

"I don't know. It's Yohji. You can never be sure."

"Are all of your team members that strange, Omi?"

"... Oh Gods, I hope not."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Now Yohji was really pissed off. He was so angry that even Berserker couldn't scare him off anymore. If the psychopath wanted to fight him, he was so ready for it. He was ready for every single psychopath in this world. He wasn't going to take any more shit. The next one who was getting on his nerves would pay dearly for... it...

_Great_. So. Fucking. Great. The kitchen was _full _with Schwarz. Okay, the kitchen wasn't exactly overcrowded, but the presence of two Schwarz members was more than enough at the moment.

Silently growling, Yohji threw a venomous look at the two men as a clear warning to stay away from him as he passed by to get to the coffee pot. Well, he could have saved himself the energy to pull his facial muscles into a threatening mask. Mastermind and Oracle ignored him completely, busily glaring at each other.

Oh the miracle! Oh the joy! Oh the... _That's my towel!_ Yohji thought furiously, grabbed it from the kitchen counter and stared at it with narrowed eyes. Now he had the proof that those Schwarz basta--

"Yohji. Mind your manners, please." Ken's stern voice announced his appearance and the young man stepped into the room with a disapproving shake of his head.

Yohji blinked back at him, stunned at the accusing tone of his lover and with absolutely no idea what Ken was talking about. "Excuse me?"

Ken made a face as if he was being dense on purpose and threw a meaningful, slightly reproachful look at him. "Do you really have to bring a used towel into the kitchen, Yohji?"

Staring at the dusky pink item in his hands, Yohji needed an awfully long second to grasp the meaning behind his lover's words. "But I--"

"You know I don't appreciate such behaviour."

"But they--"

"It's unsanitary, Yohji," Ken continued, unimpressed by his protest. "And don't forget we have guests in our house."

"_Guests_? You can't be serious to call those bastards our--"

"Yohji!"

"But they--"

"No, Yohji. That's enough."

"Nnnng." Yohji snapped his mouth shut with an audible click. Gods, he was dangerously close to just explode and run amok. He needed someone to vent his anger on. He needed someone to blame for all the misery of the last few hours. He needed someone other than his innocent, sometimes terribly naive lover.

"You know, Yohji, you aren't completely off the hook yet. You have accused me of cheating on you with Farfie, after all."

No, please, for the love of God. Not that again.

"But."

But?

"But now, after such a passionate, hot, wild, feral, animal-like... err... _house cleaning_…" Ken paused, looked at him insistently and made a couple of spastic movements with his head. "I mean, it was _quite_ a _cleaning, _don't you agree, Yohji? Um... The result was _really_ satisfying. My... ah, sole complaint would be your… The next time you should… _vacuum_ a _little_ bit _longer_. Okay?" Blink. Blink. Wink. Wink.

… Huh?

Ken rolled his eyes and stepped closer to whisper the next words directly into his ear. _"The sex, Yohji. It was amazing. You were incredible."_

It had been amazing? _He_ had been _incredible_? Wow, that was quite a nice turn of events. Yohji relaxed instantly, pleased about the surprising outcome. He even felt a little proud at the enthusiastic nod Ken was giving him, and the lovely smile on his lover's face as he handed him a mug full of fresh coffee was balm for Yohji's tormented soul.

"And now, bring your towel back to where it belongs. It _is_ disgusting, after all."

"... Okay." It was a small thing compared to the victory he had gained. Yes, Yohji was happy enough to take the blame for the towel. He could live with it. He could happily die with the knowledge that

Schuldig was sneering at him with an evil smirk on his face.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Gods, Balinese's so pussy whipped. Hidaka only has to snap his fingers once and Kudou would jump in an insta—_Whack!

Schuldig's head flew forward when something flat hit the back of his head.

_What the hell was that?_

"Stop sneering at Yohji."

_What the hell?_

"And put that towel away, Schu."

_What the...?_

"Now."

_What…?_

Completely shocked, Schuldig turned his head to stare after his lover. Ran walked to the counter, leisurely, as if nothing had happened, and calmly filled a mug with coffee. He greeted his friends with a small nod, leaned back against the kitchen counter, and started to sip carefully from the mug to not burn his lips with the hot liquid.

Numbly, Schuldig watched him sipping.

"Close your mouth, Schu. You look as if I've just killed your puppy." Ran watched him smiling, violet eyes twinkling in amusement.

Ever so slowly, Schuldig closed his mouth; still deeply in shock. No, Ran hadn't killed some cute, little, helpless puppy. Ran had done something much more monstrous.

Ran had hit him.

Ran had hit him in front of _Brad_.

Ran had hit him in front of _Weiss_.

Ran had had hit him in front of _Kudou_.

Ran had--

_/I refuse to believe that you're that shocked./_

_/You hit me!/_

_/It was a light smack over the head, Schu. It wasn't that terrible, now was it?/_

_/In front of the others? Of course it was! That was the worst thing you could've done to me, Ran!/_

_/Why should this be--/_

"Is this something like a domestic quarrel?"

"Looks more like a quarrel between two pantomimes, Ken."

"Hm, I know what you mean. Even for me as the leader of Schwarz, it never ceases to amaze me that as a telepath he should have his facial features under control when he's holding a conversation through his gift. Not much for self-control, our dear Mastermind."

_/Argh! See? That's your fault, Ran! They had respect! ... At least Weiss had. They feared me, but now it's completely gone!/_

_/Schu, you're overreacting. I can assure you that Ken and Yohji still fear--/_

"That's _fascinating_."

"Yeah, especially since Schuldig's turning red. Damn funny."

"Hm. You should see him when the bathroom's occupied and he's in... distress. Very animated, his attempt to threaten them out."

_/--respect--/_

"That's _awesome_."

"No, Ken, that's not awesome. That's _hilarious_. Schuldig looks like an angry tomato."

"Hm. I vote for a well-boiled lobster. "

_/--you. I'm sorry, Schu, but don't you think friendliness would make the interaction between both groups easier? Just try to be nice instead of being a provocatively smirking bastard. Yohji and Ken can be very good friends if you--/_

"I'll get Omi. He _has_ to see this."

_/--would--/_

"You do that, Ken. And get my camcorder. It's in the left drawer."

_/--let--/_

"I believe Farfarello already has some blackmail video material of Schuldig. Just ask and he will lend them to you."

_/-- them. Okay. I get it./_ Ran sighed loudly in defeat and put his mug down. "Stay in the kitchen, Ken."

"But I have to get--"

"It's over, Ken."

"But Omi--"

"Has other things to do. Don't bother him." A stern look helped to convince the young man and Ken went pouting back to his lover's side. To Yohji, who was smirking at Schuldig openly.

Schuldig didn't need his gift to read Balinese's sneer correctly and his eyes narrowed back in irritation. So, Kudou is highly amused about the... _assumption_ that he is under Ran's thump. That Ran wears the breeches in their relationship just like Hidaka has the final say with Kudou. Oh, it will be a pleasure to show Balinese how wrong, how utterly mistaken he is, and it will be fun to teach him a lesson or two. Just as a little reminder of what happens to idiots who dare to draw amusement out of his... _awkward_ position and believe that he was some kind of docile, submissive, meek--

"Hey, Schu."

Fully concentrated on answering Kudou's smirk with the best baleful expression he could muster, Schuldig almost screamed in shock at the sudden voice next to him and he was dangerously close to fall out of the chair due to the violent jerk his body made in response to it.

With his hand firmly pressed against his chest right above his wildly hammering heart, Schuldig turned wide-eyed to Ran who had had the nerve to sit down beside him without giving him a warning first.

_/Are you crazy?/_

_/Hm, don't know. Would you love me more if I were?/_

Schuldig stared speechlessly at his innocently blinking lover before he exploded.

_/Do you really want to ruin my reputation that much? I was in the middle of promising Kudou a gruesome death!/_

_/Don't be childish, Schu. You made some manlier-than-thou nonsense by sneering at Yohji and now he's sneering back. I would say you're even./_

_/No. Far from it. Kudou was challenging me openly!/_

_/Yohji's a friend of mine, a very good friend, and I won't allow you to start a cockfight with him about something so stupid./_

"Okay, _now_ I'm getting Omi."

"Stay in the kitchen, Ken."

"But, Aya."

"My name is Ran, Ken."

"... Okay, _Ran_. But why can't I get _Omi_?"

"Ken, you're whining. Stop it." _/Schu, please, let it be. I'm sorry that I have ruined your bad guy performance, but is it really worth to stir up trouble over a towel?/_

_/... What towel?/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_WHAT_ _TOWEL_? Ran was so flabbergasted by Schuldig's puzzled reply that he shook his head a few times in disbelief and started to speak out loud instead of using their private mind link.

"I'm talking about the one you brought into the kitchen, Schu. The one Ken was scolding Yohji for. The one Yohji took the blame for. The one that had triggered Ken to admit in the presence of Oracle and you that their sex... sorry, their house cleaning had been incredible."

"_What_? Why does Ran know about the _sex_? It wasn't that obvious, now was it?"

"Yeah, even I had no idea what you were babbling about."

"Babble_--_? Yohji!"

"Sorry, love."

"Farfarello's going to get crazy the moment he finds out about what he's missing. Serves him right. Shouldn't have started a fight with his leader. Ah, wonderful, I'm bathing in malicious joy."

"I'm _talking_ about Yohji's pink--"

"Dusky pink."

"... _dusky pink_ towel. Satisfied, Yohji?"

"Yep. Go on."

Ran shot a glare at his cheerful friend before he turned again to Schuldig who stared at him with wide eyes. With suspiciously wide eyes. Instantly, Ran reached up to massage his temple.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten why this started in the first place."

There was a moment of dead silence, and then

"Of course I haven't forgotten."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Jesus, he had completely forgotten about that damn towel! How stupid was this? And what the hell was wrong with him? Was he really that exhausted? He was still hungry, maybe it was something like a deficiency symptom. Or it was the result of acute nicotine withdrawal. He had had his last cigarette about thirty hours ago and it's scientifically proven that nicotine stimulates the brain cells. Yes, that could explain his lack of concentration.

Without a doubt, Schuldig had found the cause of his miserable state and he was about to turn his attention back to the others when a new thought crossed his mind. And it was not a pleasant one. The explanation worked for him but what about Ran? Would he accept an excuse based on facts? Probably not. Knowing Ran, he would just snort and then he would glare him down. Merciless. Pitiless. But... maybe his lover was more tolerant than he was giving him credit for. Maybe the situation wasn't as bad as he thought. Maybe Ran was right and he was just overreacting.

"Stop smiling like an idiot, Yohji."

Schuldig grew stiff at his lover's irritated voice and glanced warily from the corner of his eye at him. The sight of the young Weiss leader massaging his temple with a pained expression on his face wasn't very reassuring. Ran was visibly annoyed. And that was bad, very bad.

"Sorry, Ran, but it's just too funny to watch a quarrel between a bunny and a cat."

But on the other hand, maybe it wasn't so bad. Because, if he kept still, Ran would forget about him and Kudou would be his target.

"Yohji's right. You two make a cute couple."

Or Hidaka.

"Cute? What a witty description of two adult men who wear fake animal ears and actually believe that they are keeping their disputes private by just using telepathy while they are pulling faces at each other at the same time. Don't make me laugh."

Or Brad.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Schu."

Or... _Shit_.

"I thought I've made my point clear. No provocations."

Schuldig stared back, unable to make any response to the sharp words. He just couldn't believe it. There are three men, making quips all the time, and Ran ignores them completely. And when _he_ dares to make _one_ smirk Ran bites off his head. What kind of logic was that!

It wasn't so bad that Ran had caught him red-handed, worse was the fact that he apparently had the need to criticize him constantly in the presence of others. To everyone's amusement, except his own. And he had no idea if Ran was aware of what he was doing to him, but honestly, an answer to that question didn't really change anything. It was too late, the damage was done. And he knew that he should stay calm, rational, level-headed, but his ego was screaming at him to defend himself and so his eyes narrowed in irritation.

"Who the fuck am I provoking, huh? That was a smile, okay? A lovely little smile. Kudou is the one smirking, not I."

Ran's frown deepened, a sign that he was clearly disagreeing with his version. "Don't use Yohji to make excuses for your own--"

"Oh, _please_," Schuldig interrupted him heatedly. "Why the hell are you always taking those morons' side? Have you forgotten that you're my lover? It's your _duty_ to back me up, for crying out loud!"

"Schu, I cannot ignore your misbehaviour just because you're my lover."

"The hell you can! You're ignoring _their_ misbehaviour the whole time! Tell me why the circle always has to end with me. Am I a magnet or something?"

"What circle?"

"Oh forget it. I've had enough of this shit." He was pissed, could barely restrain himself from shouting. Far too much had happened in the last hours, he had reached a crucial point where he wouldn't take anymore insults. Not from Ran, and least of all not from his buddies. It was time to wake them from their soap bubble dreams and to show those morons that he wasn't some toothless puppy, that he hadn't earned his famous evil reputation with a lottery ticket but through cold-blooded assassinations.

He would bring Weiss back to reality.

He would show them with whom they were playing.

He would open their eyes to the fact that sheep shouldn't provoke lions.

Regarding every single person in the room icily, including Ran who was still frowning at him, Schuldig voiced his anger with deadly calmness.

"The next one who makes fun of me or treats me like a brat turns into a vegetable."

Silence greeted him, not even Kudou dared to make one of his stupid responses. They understood that the fun was over. The old order was restored and a smirk rose on his lips at the dumb looks directed at him. He threw one last warning glare to remind them of their position, of the seriousness of the situation, before he settled back and ran a hand through his hair in a pleased gesture.

_-Plop-_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Yohji was dying.

The muscles of his cheeks twitched painfully and his lips were pulled up in such a way that they felt like two overstretched rubber bands close to tearing.

His face was a rigid, iron mask.

It hurt like hell.

He had a bad cramp in his stomach.

And it was heaven.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Covering his twitching lips with one hand, Ran tried desperately to restrain the laughter that threatened to break free. It was really hard not to burst out laughing like Yohji who was currently kneeling on the floor, holding his stomach with one arm while gripping the edge of the counter with the other one as if this would save him from breaking down completely. Or like Ken, who was snickering hysterically while patting Yohji's back in a feeble attempt to calm the older man down.

So, it wasn't easy to hold up a straight face. It was just as hard for him as for Crawford who sat red-faced with his glasses between thump and forefinger and the palm pressed against his eyes. The noises Crawford made in rhythm to his shaking shoulders were a mix between laughter and crying, and the few words he managed to squeeze out between them were telling a story about a leader of an assassin group called Schwarz who swears on his life that he hadn't foreseen it.

No, they weren't really helpful.

And while his eyes, despite all efforts, slowly filled with tears and the first traitorous noises bubbled up his throat, Ran knew that Schuldig would never forgive him if he joined them now. He knew that he should feel sorry for his lover instead of laughing over his misery. He absolutely knew it.

But gods, it was so damn hard.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig sat motionlessly, completely shocked. The disbelief that filled his mind to the extent that he couldn't make any coherent thoughts bordered on a trauma. He felt numb, beaten. It was too much, too cruel, too surreal, and he couldn't bear it anymore.

His warning had been deadly serious. He had meant every single word of it and it had been a success. He had had their entire attention. And while he had all eyes on him he had destroyed everything with one movement of his hand.

He had disconnected the second cat ear from his head and it was now hanging down from the hair as a pendant to the other one. And he just knew from the hysterical laughter dancing around him that he must look hilarious.

The hissing, fangs and claws baring lethal wildcat had been reduced to an ordinary house cat.

To the caricature of a shocked and rather dumb looking ordinary house cat, that is.

It was the ultimate defeat.

He had lost.

Completely.

They would never take him serious anymore.

And with both cat ears freely dangling from his hair, Schuldig laid his arms on the table and buried his face into the comforting embrace of them, blacking out all the cruelty of the world. The small, helpless whimper that escaped his lips was a heartbreaking sound coming from the bottom of his soul.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran reacted instantly at the sight of his crushed lover. He shifted and moved over so he could take Schuldig into a comforting embrace.

"It's not so bad, Schu. We aren't really laughing at you. It was really... dramatic... before you made that movement with your hand. It's just... there was this _plop_ noise and suddenly your eyes got so wide and your face got... rather comical. I mean you looked so... _disbelieving_... And, you see, with those cat ears sticking to the side you looked like a grumpy... _deadly_ cat that's flattening his ears and it was just so... It was just the combination with your death glare that made it so... funny."

Wincing at the small whimper Schuldig made in response to his quite pitiful attempt to save the day, Ran continued tenderly.

"I'm sorry, Schu."

"..."

"We all take you serious, honestly. It wasn't really _that_ funny. You were... really impressive. And scary. Definitely scary."

"... Can I _please_ drop dead?"

"Ah... No. Look, it's over now. No one's laughing anymore."

"I can still hear Kudou."

"Yohji... is a moron. Ignore him."

"Would love to." came the mumbled reply muffled by the arms. There was a deep sigh and Schuldig turned his head to rest his temple on his folded arms. Smiling, Ran reached down and caught a few orange strands that covered part of the face to stroke them gently aside, uncovering tired eyes that glanced up at him.

"Ran?"

"Hai, Schu?"

"You're a terrible comforter."

"Aa, that might be true."

"Love you."

"Love you too, Schu."

"Kawaii."

"Shut up, Ken."

"Fine. But I still think it's cute."

Ran raised his brows at the pouting voice and looked over to the younger man. He had to admit that his slightly sharp reply to Ken's cheerful comment had been automatically, simply for the reason that he had been called cute and that wasn't something he could identify himself with. However, Ken didn't deserve such rough treatment.

Ken was a good person and a wonderful friend. He was straightforward, open and emotional. He was a young man who wears his heart on his sleeve and it was admirable how honest he could be without questioning possible consequences first. And Ran knew that his friend only meant well.

"I'm glad that you support our relationship, Ken, and I want to thank you for your trust but do not call us cute."

"Why?"

Schuldig lifted his head and eyed Ken sarcastically. "Males? Adults? Assassins? In other words for the slow-witted: Male adult assassins?"

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. And that's just stupid."

"Especially when those so-called adult assassins wear fake animal ears."

"Shut up, Brad."

"Schu, I don't appreciate it when you're mocking one of my friends."

"Even if he's dumb?"

"Schu!"

"Oh gods, I swear, if I had known that Schwarz is so damn funny I would've pissed my pants laughing every time we met."

Oh great. Yohji. He had completely forgotten about him. What a serious mistake. Ran turned narrowed eyes at the older man who obviously had recovered from his laughing fit and was now leaning against the counter in a relaxed manner, watching their bickering as if it was the funniest thing in the universe.

Anger flared up in Ran at Yohji's irresponsible and carefree behaviour. He couldn't understand why Yohji had the urge to add fuel to the flames instead of helping him out to ease the pent-up emotions. Did he think that their arguments were only for his sole amusement? It was thoughtless, reckless. It created a dangerous situation where one word could be the last straw, where everything could get beyond control at any moment. And not to forget it was completely childish. Time to end those constant provocations before something serious happens.

"Yohji, I-- Whoa!" Ran yelped in surprise when Schuldig suddenly broke free from his embrace and sat up. Sneering.

"So, Balinese, does this mean that every time we met you pissed your pants in _fear_? How macho."

"Schu!"

"Not really. It was more the horror to become blind because of that hideous, green coloured jacket of yours."

"Yohji!"

"Oh _yeah_? Maybe that's the reason why you wear sunglasses even at midnight. And I thought that's because of your non-existing sense for fashion. Well, should I get a guide dog for you or is a white can enough, blind man?"

"For me to defeat you? A yellow bandage with three dots on it should be enough."

"Yohji! Schu! Stop it!"

"Why should I? Kudou is the one who started it! I only reacted to what he said. My return was not insulting, it was a conclusion."

"Funny interpretation, don't you think, Schwarz?"

"Too complex for you, Balinese?"

"Nah, too simple-minded."

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Ran's shout startled them into silence. He was fighting for patience as he spoke again with barely controlled irritation. "I'm fed up with your childish behaviour. What are you? Preschoolers?"

"Interesting thought because that would make us nannies."

"Don't interfere if it isn't something constructive, Oracle."

"Ho?"

"Ano, guys, why don't we all calm down?" Ken held his arms up in a placate gesture. "Please? Ran? Yohji? Er... Schuldig? I can call you Schuldig, ne? Or should I call you Mastermind? I can do both, you know?"

Ran's anger vanished quickly as he listened to the pacifying words. He was amazed about Ken's decision to step in instead of watching the whole argument out of harm's way. Amazed, but not surprised. Ken could be hot-blooded and short-tempered but he was also very peace loving.

Inwardly smiling at the sudden silence around him, Ran relaxed and settled back in his seat. It was no surprise that Yohji nodded his approval to Ken's request; he was his lover after all. Crawford made a nonchalant shrug, and Schuldig crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"You can call me Almighty God for all I care, Hidaka."

"For you it's just Ken, okay?"

"... Stubborn son of a--"

"Nuh, nuh. Just Ken."

"... Argh! I give up!" Schuldig threw up his arms for emphasis before folding them again across his chest, glaring at everything and nothing in a way that could almost be misinterpreted for sulking.

Grinning, Ran took a sip from his coffee. Everything was fine and good again. Ah, blissful silence all around him. It was wonderful. It was peaceful. It was... uncomfortable, awkward and disturbing. Cautiously, Ran threw a glance at the others. Crawford was smirking. Yohji was grinning. Schuldig was... trying to look as if he wasn't sulking, and Ken was twiddling nervously with his fingers.

And there was silence.

And some more silence.

And even more silence.

And-

"Ano... I will... turn on the radio." Ken smiled a little too broad as he quickly reached for said apparatus. Instantly, an overly cheerful female voice sounded through the room.

_#… the news. Tokyo can breathe again. Our well-loved panda-baby Kawaii has been found in the woods. She is in good health and…# _

"Who the hell calls such a monster Kawaii?"

Yohji almost chocked on his coffee at Schuldig's huffy remark. Grinning, he wiped his lips and looked entirely amused at the young German.

"Don't say that's the _big_ and _evil_ bear you talked about."

"Fuck off, Kudou."

_#... therefore, we want to invite our listeners to come to Tokyo Zoo within the next hour to attend our welcome party for Kawaii…#_

"A party for a lice and bug infested furball. You Japanese are crazy."

"Schu, please, don't insult me."

Schuldig made a face, growled something under his breath, and tightened his arms over the chest. Still in a huff.

_#... latest news in the death of the crime lord Kurogawa Shuri last night. After police statements is the alleged criminal the crime lord's second-in-hand-chief Sugisaki Akio. Although finger prints taken from the glass which held the poison confirm Sugisaki Akio as the prime suspect in this murder case, the alleged criminal blames two mentally ill and religious fanatics disguised as cat and bunny to be the murderers.#_

Stunned silence. Until Yohji's willpower crumbled and something similar to laughter filled the room with strange wheezing noises. Ran was thankful that Yohji had enough manners to turn around so that his shaking shoulders were the only indication that he was laughing his ass off. If one could ignore those utterly strange wheezing noises. And Ran could, as stunned as he was. Until Yohji turned around again, and alternatively pointed a finger at him and Schuldig while tears were running down his cheeks in an alarming speed.

"Religious fanatics... _Wheeeheeeheee_... Mentally ill... _Wheeeheeeheee..._"

"What the fuck are you? A horse?"

"Schu... Yohji... " Ran paused and shook his head, already forgotten what he wanted to say. He tried to understand Akio's statement, why that little man came up with such a silly description of Schuldig and him. That was just stupid. They were skilled, professional assassins; they never acted in such a way to give the man such an imbecile impression. Not at any time. So how could this happen?

"Okay, Brad, do you want to die now or should I let you make one last blood sacrifice with a little baby to worship one last time one of your profoundly evil, loathsome and foul smelling gods?"

"Crawford is a _Satanist_?"

"Ken." Ran shook his head to stop his friend from further comments and turned his eyes on Crawford. Could it be that the Schwarz leader was involved in this? Well, apparently not. Crawford was unperturbed by Schuldig's snarled threat and returned his murderous glare calmly.

"I can assure you that it's solely Sugisaki Akio's doing. However, to answer your question, I'm more dying with curiosity about the cause that left Sugisaki with such a theory about the state of your mind. Care to enlighten me, Schuldig?"

"Asshole. You're too cunning for me to believe you for even a second. And before I get more unwanted surprises, is there anything else we should know about, Brad?"

"No, of course not."

_#... And now to another mystery that has yet to be solved. After numerous calls from worried citizens who claim that they have felt vibrations of an earthquake this morning, seismologists of the Tokyo University were able to locate the centre of the earthquake in a small street. After latest information from the puzzled scientists, the earthquake seemingly had started from a flower shop called Koneko no Sumu Ie from where it spread a few blocks of houses…# _

Stunned silence.

And more stunned silence.

And-

"Ano, maybe I should turn off the radio again, ne?" Ken almost broke his arm as he pushed the button as fast as he could.

And the silence continued.

And continued.

And continued until Crawford made a deep, suffering sigh and spoke out with a casual gesture. "Nagi was a little... disgruntled."

"Disgruntled?"

"Yes, Schuldig, disgruntled."

"_Disgruntled_?"

"Er... yes, Fujimiya. Disgruntled."

"Kami-sama, and he produced an _earthquake_? What does he do when he's really angry? Or boiling with rage?"

"Now... it's not that he doesn't have some self-control. I can assure you, Fujimiya, my men have enough discipline to--"

"Shut the fuck up, you lying bastard."

All heads turned to the new voice.

Berserker stood in the doorway, scarred lips twisted into a disturbing sneer. The golden eye held a gleam that was as unsettling as the hunting knife in his right hand, and the look he gave Crawford was that of a cruel predator regarding his helpless prey delightfully before mauling it beyond recognition.

The young Irishman never let his eye from the leader of Schwarz as he hissed his next words.

"Get out. NOW."

Silence. And then

"Of course."

"Okay."

"My pleasure."

"Have fun, Farfie."

And everyone left the room.

Except Crawford, who sat unimpressed with an almost bored expression on his face that turned into panic the moment Farfarello spoke up again, and his stomach twisted into tight knots with upcoming terror at the famous three words a male never wants to hear in his adult life.

"Let's talk."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

E.Q.: Emotional Quotient (Emotional Intelligence)

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: Phew, finally done. I hope it was worth the long wait. Reviews!... **Star Princess Meesa.** Thanks for your review! Sorry, there wasn't much interaction between Brad and Farfie in this chapter, but I have the feeling that the next one will focus on those two. I wonder what's going to happen between them. Hmmm.

Brad: Oh, god. I have this dreadful feeling called panic.

Black Kitten: Again? Cute. #smirks#... **Skeren Dreamera.** Ah, don't stress yourself. The main thing is that you _will_ update someday, ne? Great that you liked the kitchen scene! It was really hard to write. I lost weight, had sleepless nights, put all my tears and blood into it... Dramatic, aren't I? #g#... Oh, Brad-abuse is always fun. It's just as funny as Schu-abuse, or Ran-abuse, or--

Brad: We get it.

Black Kitten: _Really_? Let's see what the next chapter will bring. #evil grin#... **Luna Kaira.** Oh my, thank you. #blushes# If I've read your review correctly, you want to know _who's_ the better seme? Hm, we all know how Ran acts. Let's see how seme Schu is. (spoiler-alert! Don't read if you don't want to know!) When Schu finally has his kitten under him, he's going to #censored# his #censored# and then he will #censored# the #censored# of his #censored# after he has #censored# him. Great, ne?

Schu: That's... scary.

Black Kitten: You don't say. #grin#... **tigermink.** Sorry for the late update. Oh, and you're right. Ran and Schu are both so fixated on having the seme part in their relationship that they're totally cute when forced into--

Schu: _Forced_?

Black Kitten: Er... wrestled into--

Ran: _Wrestled_?

Black Kitten: Errr... _loved_ into the uke part. #blinks# What the hell am I saying? Sorry, tigermink. I hope you'll love the interaction between Farfie and Brad in the next chapter as much as with Schu and Ran.

Brad & Farfie: Wha... wha... wha...

Black Kitten: Exactly! #cackles#... **gamegirl28.** #uncontrolled giggles# Ran could be pregnant? LOL. _That_ would explain a lot. Perfect conclusion of his mood swings. I swear you made my day with that comment. And you sold the video on e-bay? Must have been the day when e-bay was terribly slow due to the heavy traffic. #winks#... Ah, no uke Ran this time, sorry, but maybe in the next one. Though, I have to solve the problem with Brad and Farfie first. And then there's still Omi and Nagi, I've neglected those two terribly. So, who should I take first?

Brad & Farfie and Ran & Schu: #points at each other# Take them! Take them!

Omi & Nagi: #excited# Take us! Take us!

#grownups-silence and heavy chibi-blushing#

Black Kitten: #blinks# Someone needs it badly, ne? I'm really, really shocked. #sniggers#... **gonyos.** Hi! Danke! Hat zwar etwas lange gedauert aber ich hoffe die Wartezeit war es wert. Schu ist ein super süßer Uke... wenn man ihn lässt. Und das kommt leider so gut wie nie vor, außer es gibt ein Pairing mit Brad oder eventuell noch mit Farfie. Aber sonst... #sniff#. Und Ran ist der PERFEKTE Seme. Ernst, sturköpfig, brummelig, stechender Todesblick--

Ran: Ich bin nicht brummelig!

Schu: Du sprichst _deutsch_?

Ran: #blinzelt# Ano... boku wa...

Black Kitten: And they call _me_ crazy!... **annakas.** Oh, Farfie is such a cute Irish-bishie he deserves much, much more than Brad's revenge...something is entirely wrong with this sentence. Let's say both of them will get what they deserve. #evil, evil smirk#... Ah, and again no deflowering of Ran, but Schu has a good chance in the next chapter. And poor, poor Brad. First he's Eeyore, and then he's a stupid mutton. I pity him. Really. I mean I wouldn't swear on my _life_ but... #cough#... Aya-chan. She's such a lovely girl. And sooo naive. Brings nothing but disaster and doesn't even know it.

Aya-chan: #nods blissfully# Hai. Hai.

Black Kitten: Er, as I said, such a cute girl... **Bloodrose 'Valantine' Foxxstar.** #hugs# Sorry for the terribly late update. Schu definitely will seme his kitten. Can't let the bunny have all the fun, ne? #winks# I hope you had fun with my choice of victims this time. Poor Yohji. And poor Schu. Absolutely nothing went right for him in this chapter. I really need to stop the torture or he's going to break down. And I can tell you that's not a nice sight. It's scary, believe me.

Schu: How the hell would you know how I look with a mental break down? Huh?

Black Kitten: Oh please, since I started the story I saw you weeping, crying, crawling, screaming, begging... Apropos begging, will you ever make a new fic, Foxxstar? You know, the fangirl-community's ready for another story about Ran, Yohji and Schu. I swear. #puppy eyes#

Schu: #points at puppy eyes# Now _that's_ what I call scary!

Black Kitten: #sticks out tongue#... **Jerichadarkskill.** Wow, about 500 stories? Thank you! It's great that you enjoy the story that much. Ah, Ran the uke-virgin. The last time he didn't even has to fight tooth and nail to avoid Schu's sinister plans. On the other hand, to use such an ancient trick in order to deflower Ran wasn't sinister but plain silly. If Schu keeps this up he will be uke for the rest of their love-life. With or without soap, that is. Ah, I could live with that. #sighs dreamily#

Schu: #shell-shocked# Gah... Gah... Gah...

Black Kitten: #raises eye brow# Er... Now I feel something like pity for you. Okay, I will help you to bottom your lover.

Ran: #shell-shocked# Gah... Gah... Gah...

Black Kitten: Oookaaay, that's... quite disturbing... **eva84.** Oh yes, Schu the Absolute Seme. That was until I came and decided to write a story. #sniggers#... I want to thank you, Eva, especially for the part where you wrote that a seme-Schu would almost be a let-down at the moment. I know that most girls prefer SchuxRan, therefore I'm totally happy every time I can 'convince' someone that it can be so much more fun when it's the other way around.

Schu: That's a lie! A LIE!

Black Kitten: However, Schu _will_ top Ran.

Schu: That's a--...Oh. Okay.

Black Kitten: Now, why am I not surprised? #rolls eyes# I hope you will like my SchuxRan, Eva!... **Underwater Owl.** #evil grin# So, you think the god-fixation would be too serious for my Farfie? Well, let's say I've this wonderful idea so just wait for the next chapter and decide for yourself, okay?

Farfie: I've a bad, _bad_ feeling.

Black Kitten: Really? #cackles#... Anyway, I love Farfie too much so I will end his torture in the next chapter.

Farfie: What? You're going to kill me? Are you nuts?

Black Kitten: What on earth are you talking about? I can't kill you. That's a humorous story, you dimwit.

Farfie: Humorous! Ha! That's what you believe, you sadist! But I'm suffering! Let me die!

Black Kitten: #blinks#... What the... I capitulate. That man's too crazy, even for me... **Gunning Angel.** Hi! Oh, I've decided to just wait and someday there will be an update from you. Besides, this shows me that I'm not the slowest writer and for that I LOVE you! #hugs#... Oh, do you think Schu has suffered enough? Ran wasn't very nice to him in this chapter. Even Yohji had more fun than Schu. Maybe it's really time to give our beloved German his reward for all the mental torture he has to endure. I would say this calls for another lemon, precisely where Schu finally can show how manly he really is.

Schu: #nods like crazy#

Ran: #shakes head like crazy#

Black Kitten: #smirks like crazy#... **Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiya.** Thanks for the review! It's great that you have so much fun with the story. And Ran will be uke soon, I swear. All I have to do is being subtle about it so that I won't scare him off.

Ran: #screams like a little girl and runs off to buy a one-way ticket to Brazil#

Black Kitten: Oops. I didn't know he stood directly behind me, silly me. Crap, now I've to hunt him down. Wait a sec, bishonen hunting... Hmmm, nice. #cackles insanely#... **Elster.** Wah! Danke für deinen tollen Kommentar! Ich habe mich riesig darüber gefreut! Eine Stelle liebe ich besonders: _Farfie ist einer dieser großen Viecher mit Zähnen und Klauen von denen die Besitzer immer meinen sie wollen nur spielen. _PRUST! Das ist einfach göttlich. Ich wünschte mir wäre das eingefallen. Und danke für deine positive Reaktion zu meiner Grammatik. Ich hoffe nur, dass es diesmal nicht allzu schlimm war. Nun, die Tierohren mussten bleiben damit Schu sich noch mal so richtig blamieren kann. #schadenfreude# Ich hoffe die Szene ist gut rüber gekommen. Bezüglich Farfie und Brad, ich glaube keiner von beiden würde einfach aufgeben, dazu sind beide zu dominant. Aber das macht die Konfrontation umso spannender, nicht? Mal sehen wie es ausgehen wird.

Schu: #rollt die Augen# Tu nicht so als ob du das nicht schon wüsstest.

Black Kitten: Ähm... Nun ja... Wie soll ich's sagen... Aya-chan. Wahnsinnig nettes Mädel. Ich habe schon Gewissensbisse wegen ihr.

Schu: Du und Gewissensbisse. Ha. Das ich nicht lache.

Black Kitten: Ach sooo? Oh, look what **lil-evil-bunni** wrote... _Schu is not man enough_... HA!

Schu: #jaw hangs down# That's... a lie! An evil, gruesome lie!

Black Kitten: So? And where's your proof? As far as I know, Ran is _always_ on top... or rather he was. Lil-evil-bunni, believe me, I would love to continue with Schu as uke but there're so many readers out there who are eagerly waiting for Ran's deflowering that I cannot ignore it any longer.

Ran: Of course you can! You're the authoress!

Black Kitten: Wow. You're back from Brazil already? That was fast.

Ran: #blinks# Er... Oh my... I'm such an _idiot_!

Black Kitten: #smirks# Lil-evil-bunny, I promise you'll like the Aya-uke-lemon. If not... I will... um... Oh, look! There's **izedlatte**! Thank you so much for your positive comment concerning my English. That means a lot for me. #hugs# So, Brad's reaction took you by surprise? Me too. I mean, the great, untouchable and oh-so cool Oracle fights back with a _kiss_. That's sooo OOC.

Brad: Pardon me? You were the one who wrote that nonsense!

Black Kitten: Me? Can't be. I'm like a historian, or a reporter. I see and write it down.

Brad: You're crazy!

Black Kitten: Maybe, but now I've an excuse for all those evil sinister plans I have for you. BWAHAHA!... #cough#... Sorry. Next one... **KT. **#huge smile# Oh yes, Schu torture is great. Hopefully I haven't overdone it in this chapter. Oh, and Schu did suffer even after their love-making in the shower. There's still that little problem with his sore behind. Poor bishie.

Schu: Spare me your mocking pity.

Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# I have NO idea what you're talking about. I take care of all my slaves... er... bishie slaves... um... bishies... oh gods... Brad. Let's talk about Brad and Farfie. Now, _their_ interaction is really interesting. I would say if one of them doesn't back down soon... someone will lose something _very_ important, ne KT? #hint hint#

Farfie: #panic# Hint, hint?

Black Kitten: #cackles#... **DracoAter.** Oh, you like my lo-tort-chambers? I haven't used them in a long time. Hm, wonder why? #wonders#

Schu: #plays with cars like a toddler and makes _brooom_ _brooom_ noises#

Brad: #makes colourful paper hats#

Ran: #discusses meaning of life with imaginary pink mice#

Ken: #comments imaginary football match#

Omi & Nagi: #have no idea what's going on, innocent as only chibis can be#

Farfie: #is his normal self#

Black Kitten: #blinks# Er, okay, now I know why I have forgotten about the chambers... Oi! Farfie!

Farfie: #drawls# Yeah?

Black Kitten: DracoAter's waiting in lo-tort-chamber no. 2.

Farfie: Yay! #cloud of dust#

Brad: #stutters# But he's... I'm... We're...

Black Kitten: Yes, I know. Pretty paper hat, by the way. Dear DracoAter, what I want to say is that you're the first who had figured out _and_ made a (more or less) direct comment about the upcoming relationship between Brad & Farf. #throws confetti#... But if I have misread your review and have now spoilt your fun with a spoiler... #hangs head in shame#... **Kyra2.** #grin# I see you had fun with the last chapter. Oh yes, Farfie our little joker. I don't know why so many authors portray him so serious. I mean what's funnier than a one-eyed psychopathic knife-loving death machine on... two... legs... Oh gods, I think my therapist's waiting.

Random Therapist: #nods gravely# Yes, I see why you find such an evil, gruesome, pain and terror spreading individual like Berserker so funny. It all lies in your childhood. No. More precisely, it goes back to your pre-pre-pre-birth-state when you were nothing but a tiny egg swimming in a terribly dark cave and your mother masked herself as a knife and patch wearing pirate during carnival time.

Black Kitten: #wide-eyed# Wow. I mean that's just... Wow... **Spawn of Hell.** Hi! Did you know that my mother was a knife and patch wearing pirate? No? Er... sorry. It's nothing serious, I can assure you. Mah, you don't like comedy? That's a pity, but I still have one or two chapters left to work wonders and maybe there's a little chance that you will acquire a taste for it. Great that you love the interaction between Brad and Farfie, I've still plans for them so just wait for the next chapter and see for yourself.

Brad: #snorts# You cannot surprise me with whatever evil, disturbing plan you have for me. I'm the Oracle.

Black Kitten: Of _course_, you are. #smirks#... **Kimpatsu no Hoseki.** Thank you! It's great that you've enjoyed the previous chapters to the degree that you even got a ... headache… #blinks#... I mean _poor_ Kimpatsu. #gives anti-headache-pill#

Schu: Ha! Now I have it in cold print that the readers SUFFER while reading your stupid story!

Black Kitten: #snorts# You wish.

Schu: **Andartha** nearly _died_!

Black Kitten: WHAT? #sees Andartha in corner, still giggling# Oi. #nudges Andartha# Oi! #no reaction#... Oh. My. God. Schu's right. They _are_ suffering!... #to Andartha# I hope you can hear me. I want to thank you for your review and I'm sorry for the state you're in but... Look, if you aren't getting better in the next five minutes I have to put you into Farfie's cell. #no reaction# WITH Farfie. #still no reaction#... Oh gods, that's serious. What shall I do?

Schu: #gravely# The time has come. You have to stop the story in order to prevent further--

Black Kitten: #cheerful# Again, I hope you all had fun with the new chapter and are eagerly waiting for the next one… #glares at Schu# That was a dirty trick, you meanie. #grabs Schu and drags him to lo-tort-chamber no. 1 because no. 2 is already occupied, turns around and waves# Until next time, minna-san!


	16. Chapter 16

Black Kitten: Hi, minna-san! Sorry for the late update. Well, it's again 18 pages long so I hope it's worth the long wait. Furthermore, I'm off on vacation for three weeks without any chances to write on a new chapter, but I promise, the minute I'm back again I will roll up my sleeves and--

Schu: Boooooring.

Black Kitten: #glares#... To cut a long story short, thank you for your patience (past and future) and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE MANY REVIEWS! #hugs reviewers#

Schu: #annoyed# Do you really have to shout?

Black Kitten: Oh, could it be that someone's cranky here? Anyway, thanks to the reviewers, I've got a recommendation for a book I can hopefully read on my vacation, a proposal of marriage, and... err... a threat.

Schu: HA! A threat! Finally! #makes incredibly stupid happy-dance#

Black Kitten: #smirks# Yes. That I should update.

Schu: #dumbstruck expression#

Black Kitten: YAY! He's speechless! #makes incredibly stupid happy-dance#... Please enjoy the new chapter, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's still my first language. FFnet deleted again question marks in combination with exclamation marks #cries bitterly#. Well, there's a lot of character abuse and... Poor, poor bishies. #cackles#

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 16

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

For the first time in his life Crawford understood how a frightened little baby deer felt caught by the headlights of a fast approaching eighteen wheeled monster truck. It was by far not a pleasant experience. And for the first time in his life he felt sorry for all those unfortunate roadkills out there.

Let's talk.

Three little words, spoken with such honey-sweet and at the same time venom dripping voice that shivers crept slowly up and down his spine, and he felt a tingle on his neck as if Beelzebub himself was standing behind him, sulphurous foul breath washing over his skin accompanied by insane cackling and cheerfully shouted encouragements for Berserker to _just have some fun_.

And it was as if Farfarello got Beelzebub's message.

The sneer turned into something promising eternal pain and misery, and slowly, leisurely, Farfarello got into motion, stepped away from the doorway and approached him gracefully and deadly like a stalking panther its prey.

Crawford's heartbeat got faster, and the cold sweat that started to make an appearance brought an unpleasant sensation of foreboding and the urge to wipe his brows. He swallowed hard, fought a battle with himself to hold the eye contact, to keep his eyes on Berserker's features to discover in time when the young Irishman would leap, while his inside screamed at him not to be a fool, to watch out for any kind of movements of the hand holding the big, sharp hunting knife.

And in all this chaos, with all those turbulences storming and roaring through his mind and body, Crawford desperately waited for visions about Berserker's upcoming actions.

And he got none. Again.

Well, wow, what a huge surprise.

And while Farfarello's golden eye regarded him predatorily, his own widened with each step the young Irishman made towards him. And his suddenly very dry throat started to constrict as if said Beelzebub was strangling him from behind, just for good measure as if he wasn't in enough panic already.

And only one single thought was rotating through the chaos that was his mind.

_Good Lord, how the hell am I supposed to get out of this mess?_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Oh, that fucking son of a bitch. Arrogant bastard acts as if this is a meeting for a goddamn picnic. How dare he keep a straight face? That presumptuous asshole doesn't even blink! Who the hell does he think he is? Dismissing him like a father his recalcitrant brat. Enthroned on the kitchen chair like a medieval landlord glancing over the dirty crowd with a bored look. Fucking uncaring bastard dares to play mind games with the innocent... ah... with the subordinate... No, more with a comrade, or... Friend, yes, a friend. Or was he more a... _pet_?

Farfarello shook his head to dispel the strange direction of his thoughts and let out a low growl. He wasn't a damn lackey and never will be. He was too proud, too wild, and too irrepressible to be an underling for anyone. He was part of Schwarz of his own free will, for the fun it brought with all the missions and attempted world domination, and certainly not because he was someone's goddamn pet.

The man who believes he can tame him would find himself bleeding to death with his throat ripped open.

The man who believes he can treat him like he was some fucking harmless retard would get a nasty surprise.

And the man who actually has the nerve to believe all those things was sitting two steps away from him, completely unimpressed by his threatening appearance. That cretin doesn't even glance _once_ at his freshly sharpened hunting knife!

"Bastard." Farfarello formed his frustration into this single word, knowing all-too well that as a leader Crawford commands respect from his subordinates and an insult of his person would automatically lead to an instant response.

Normally.

But there was no reaction whatsoever. Crawford's face was as blank as before. Oh, that wasn't quite correct. Crawford did react as for he reached up to adjust his glasses. Prick.

Snarling about the constantly cool and unperturbed behaviour of the older man and barely keeping his anger under control, Farfarello tightened the grip on the hunting knife and stabbed it into the table top forcefully while he bared his teeth in an aggressive way.

"How _dare_ you mock me? I will make you hurt like I hurt God all the time and I will make you weep like I make Him weep all the time when I maim His pure, innocent, stupid angels and tear their feathers bit by bit from their blood soaked wi--"

"Cut that crap. It was funny the first few times but now it's just plain boring. I'm neither Weiss nor a stupid priest or one of those incompetent, easy to manipulate psychiatrist of those so-called highly regarded asylums for mentally disordered dangerous criminals. I know how your mind works. I know that you're not a psychopath but an ordinary sociopath. I'm aware of the fact that you take your pills solely for the psychedelic side-effects and the stoned feeling you get from them. And I do know that you're out of the strait jacket in no time, so please, don't insult my intelligence any further and spare me your dumb acting."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Am I CRAZY? What the hell am I saying? I'm completely nuts! He's going to kill me! Where's my gun? Oh Jesus fucking Christ, where the hell is my fucking gun? I'm dead. I'm so dead. I'm--_

The sudden chilling draft of the hunting knife which flew past his right ear to embed itself into the wall behind him convinced Crawford's heart to go on a strike for at least five terribly long seconds before the muscle resumed its work reluctantly. There was even a short pause of wonderful silence - one would say his mind went blank due to the heavy shock Farfarello's sudden attack had triggered - before his subconscious joined forces with his survival instinct and they broke through, screaming at him deafeningly to end this insane situation _at once_.

And they were right; as always. Farfarello _was_ dangerous and particularly merciless if he wasn't taken serious. Everything on him was ruthless, even his way of being unforgiving to those who dare to poke fun at him was a threat in itself. And all those years he had managed to avoid a serious confrontation with the young Irishman with almost painful effort, but now, his own stupid temper had thwarted him.

It was the temperament of a leader accustomed to give out orders with the knowledge that they were being followed without discussion, and it had settled itself firmly into his brain. Add sarcasm to this cursed trait and you have an explosive mix which can bring everyone to their knees easily but should never be used on Berserker.

What the hell had ridden him to disregard his knowledge about Farfarello's personality, and, even worse, to draw his anger? What had he thought he could gain when he had accepted Farfarello's challenge? He never had had a chance in the first place. Oh, he had had a short moment of sweet tasting triumph with the unexpected kiss, but had it really been worth? He never wanted to be on the receiving end of Berserker's wrath and now, after he had ignored and crossed his own carefully defined boundaries it was too late.

Farfarello was furious and out for blood.

And he was just so tired, exhausted, and had too much caffeine in his veins that wreaked havoc upon his already thin nerves. The energy for the witty replies he had made during the amusing drama between Schuldig and Weiss only minutes ago had already vanished into thin air. It had been like a short flare of a dying candle. Like the last rear of a tormented soul reaching out in desperation to catch one of those mockingly slowly withdrawing rays of hope and free... dom... What the hell was he prattling about?

Gods, now he not only had straying thoughts, he was even thinking nonsense on top of his misery. That's it. He couldn't concentrate properly anymore. His tongue was faster than his brain, a serious problem for such a dangerous situation, and, seriously, he was just too old for such ridiculous, meaningless games.

He would tell Farfarello that it is over.

He would declare his defeat and would announce Farfarello's victory.

And for the love of peace he would apologize for the kiss.

"So, Brad. You really think you know how my mind works?"

Crawford nodded slowly, thoughtfully. It was an automatic response, a reflex, nothing more. And it was quite excusable, as tired and as occupied as he was with his own thoughts. However, when the realization of the meaning of the little movement of his head hit him like a bolt from the blue approximately two seconds later, it left him speechless in disbelief.

Did he just _nod_ instead of shaking his head?

Did he just _confirm _Farfarello's assumption?

And did he just make the situation _WORSE_?

Okay.

It was official.

He was stark raving mad.

Maybe he could use this discovery as an excuse?

Apparently not, if he interpreted Farfarello's furious look correctly. Thank God the knife was out of reach, deeply imbedded in the wall behind. For now, that is. Farfarello could be fast if he wanted. A white blur followed by a stream of red. Indeed he was a frightening creature. And in addition to his deadly skills he doesn't flinch from playing dirty in order to accomplish whatever he was out for. In this case it would be a stupid revenge for a stupid thoughtless and rash moment of stupid payback after the destruction of a stupid living room.

Oh, he had to admit he was as shocked as he was fascinated by the current situation, and he had to give Farfarello credit for the fact that he had managed his leader's physical and mental downfall in under twenty-four hours. An all-time record the young Irishman could be proud of because no one had ever accomplished this before.

Maybe he should begin to consider the possibility of retirement. There wasn't much need for a leader anymore after all. With Schwarz official dead along with the elders and Eszet crushed beyond repair, Schwarz was nothing more than a loose group of three men and a teenager, taking alternative underground jobs to avoid getting bored and to earn some pocket money.

Yes, the idea of retirement was very tempting. However, first of all he had to end the current situation and for that he needed to concentrate, to collect his mind to find the magical words that would pacify the younger man.

Closing his eyes, Crawford reached up and started to massage the bridge of his nose while he gathered his thoughts. He put together a few words, formed a passable sentence, nodded once, and opened his eyes again to speak them out loud.

"Farfffff..." The rest of the carefully constructed sentence blew away like a thin rice paper seized by a tsunami, and the utterly embarrassing fact that he sounded like a decrepit air bed that was slowly losing its air was almost as shocking as the sight which greeted him.

Farfarello's golden eye gleamed with something utterly wicked and his scarred lips were widened into a very disturbing smile.

It was the smile of a predator.

Holy fucking shit!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Surrounded by darkness, Schuldig's entire mind was focused on the merciless pulling, on the gruesome tugging which brought a prickling sensation over his scalp and let goose bumps rise all over his skin.

Oh, blind he was, but not deaf.

And so he could clearly hear those unmistakeable, dreadful noises made by two sharp metallic pieces sliding over each other again and again, and over and over again.

Click. Click. Click. Pause. Click. Pause. Click. Sigh.

"Okay, I'm done."

Already?

"You can look."

Oh, let the darkness surround him a little more. Let it be a warm embrace, a comforter, a shelter against those horrible things outsi--

"Open your eyes, Schu."

Wasn't it too _early_? Shouldn't Ran continue a little bit longer?

"Kami-sama, don't be so childish!"

Schuldig frowned at the impatient, slightly annoyed tone of his lover. Ran could at least show some pity for his situation instead of acting as if he was dealing with a whiny brat. There goes the love. Ha! Fickle creature!

Ah, but he had to admit that Ran had a point. He shouldn't make such a fuss about it like some teenage girl over a pimple. He was a grown man, seriousness was his second name. He couldn't deny that he had been terribly out of character lately, a fact he wasn't very proud of because he had made a fool out of himself far too many times in those few hours. And whatever the reason had been that had triggered such an emotional up and down, it was time to put an end to it.

Yes, it was high time to return to his older self.

As from now, he would be cool, professional, and very, very calm. Just like his older self had been before this cursed mission had started. No one would be able to agitate him anymore. No one would dare to make fun of him anymore because no one fucks with the real Mastermind and lives to tell about it. Well, except Ran, of course. The rest of Weiss just has to turn back to the image of the good old dangerous Mastermind and if not, it would be their own fault if they woke up as drooling imbecile idiots.

Well, there was the possibility that Ran wouldn't be very happy to have Schwarz's Mastermind back, but he just couldn't disguise himself anymore. A continuation of this charade would be nothing but a lie, and therefore, it would be better to confront Ran with the true personality of Mastermind now and to take the risk of rejection than to wait any longer.

And furthermore, it would show him how strong their bond really was. It was a chance for Ran to show him how much he loved him, if he would take him with the few flaws and sporadic weaknesses he has, or if it was only his exotic, sexy appearance that had made the young Japanese fall in love with him.

It would be the ultimate proof of love.

Satisfied that his strange, possibly even by hormones triggered emotional outbursts and sentimentalisms were about to find an end, and positive that Ran was going to choose the whole package, sexy body and evil but intelligent mind, Schuldig could finally relax his tense muscles. With a tiny sigh of relief and pleasant anticipation, he changed back to his older self, formed a perfect smirk on his lips, opened his eyes with a bored, nonchalant look

and screamed.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Holy crap!" Omi's jerk of surprise almost cost Nagi's right eye.

Omi had been rubbing on his lover's forehead with a soaped washcloth in order to remove the silly word BEAGLE when the bloodcurdling scream had scared the living daylights out of him. And the loud squeak Nagi made right after the washcloth had generously brought soap in his open eye was an additional shock and nearly got him a heart attack despite his young age.

Confronted with a watery, red eye from his madly blinking and pitifully whimpering boyfriend, Omi hastily soaked the washcloth with clear water so that he could ease the stinging pain of his young lover. It wasn't an easy task. While he was holding the washcloth under the water, he had to push Nagi back down on the chair the poor boy, half-blind and clearly in panic about the sudden painful attack on his eye, desperately tried to stand up from.

"Omi, _please_," the young Schwarz member pleaded with his voice still low and hoarse from the incident.

Ignoring the whimpered plea with a heavy heart to carry out the task without any distractions, and with a silent vow that he would comfort Nagi thoroughly afterwards, Omi turned his full attention on the injured eye and started to wipe off the soap carefully. Another attempt from the younger boy to get up was instantly prevented by a firm grip on his chin.

"Hold still, love."

"Omi, you--"

"I know and I'm deeply sorry."

He felt terrible for what he had done to Nagi, and he was mortified beyond imagination about his poor, unprofessional reaction. He was utterly embarrassed that a scream, even as frightening as it had sounded, had startled him that much. The last thing he could do now was to ease his lover's pain and that as fast as possible. Therefore, every time Nagi tried to stand up, Omi would put a resolute hand on the shoulder to push him back down while he continued to wipe the closed and uncontrolled fluttering eyelid.

"Omi, just--"

"Hold still, Nagi."

"Omi, please, let me--"

"Poor honey."

"OMI!"

"Hush. I know it hurts." Omi's voice was filled with sympathy for this lover's misery. "Only a few more wipes and then it's-- GAH!"

The unexpected sudden force of two hands hitting the centre of his chest to push him away let him stumble a few steps back where he stood stunned, speechless for a moment and a little taken aback about his lover's offensive act against him. Confused, Omi opened his mouth to question Nagi about it, but the younger boy just jumped up from his chair and dashed like a madman to the basin to tilt his head down and to hold his face under the...

Oh.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Water. Clear, cool, ever running water. The source of life. The source of joy. The source to end this maddening, almost unbearable pain in his right eye.

Letting the water generously run over his eye, Nagi sighed blissfully every second the liquid washed out more of the soap. Gods, to feel the pain go away was as if he was reborn, and he wanted to embrace the whole world in gratitude for this brilliant invention called water tap that brought such awesome liquid. He just hoped that his eye hadn't been damaged through the ordeal.

Ordeal.

In other words

Omi.

Nagi turned off the water unhurriedly, griped a towel, and dried his face thoroughly with it even though he knew, judged from the dampness of it, that it wasn't a fresh one and that it was apparently one of those Balinese had... used... Okay, he _so_ didn't want to know who else had dried his body and therefore certain parts of it with the towel he was rubbing his... face... with... Ew!

Shuddering, Nagi put the towel hastily away, griped the lower part of his shirt and wiped off his face frantically in a feeble attempt to get rid of all those nasty germs. Praying that he hadn't caught any disease from Weiss' self-proclaimed playboy, Nagi let go of his shirt again, took a deep breath, and turned to the source of his ordeal.

"Omi, I love you. I really do. But to hold me down while I'm in pain is _not_ _nice_!... Omi?"

Omi was a picture of misery. His face was so red that Nagi feared the blood would never flow back again to make its normal vital way through the body to the blood needing heart, and he wrung his hands as if he wanted to squeeze juice out of them. And his eyes, oh gods, his eyes! Blue pools of pure, heartbreaking sorrow.

"Nagi... I'm so sorry... I don't know why I... I didn't think... You have to believe me..."

Three steps and Nagi was in front of his stammering lover. "It's okay, Omi."

His attempt to reassure his crestfallen lover was rewarded by a miserable "Oh gods, Nagi." and a bear hug with an almost desperate grip around his waist that pressed their bodies tightly together. Too tightly.

Gasping for breath and sure that two or three rips had shifted to places where they simply didn't belong, Nagi tapped his lover's shoulders repeatedly to get his attention. "You're squeezing me to death and it _hurts_!"

Omi loosened his death-grip instantly with a pained expression on his face, clearly berating himself for another ordeal he had put his lover through. "I'm terribly sorry, love. I can't believe what I did to you."

"Look, Omi. Just forget it."

"But I can't! The whole time you tried to get up to do the right thing and I held you down like a calf getting a branding!"

Nagi grimaced at the disturbing image Omi had created. "Now you're exaggerating. It doesn't even hurt anymore."

"It's glaring red!"

"I'm a frigging assassin, Omi. I live with three other assassins in something that could be called as a happy but incredibly deranged family. One of them is an I-know-_everything_, one is an I-_have_-to-know-everything, and the last one is a psychopathic joker. Don't you think I didn't have worse than this?"

"... Oh."

"Yes, oh."

"But--"

"No buts." Nagi shook his head sternly and took hold of Omi's right hand. "Let's just end this stupidity and investigate where that bloodcurdling scream had come from. Okay?"

Wow. It worked. It actually worked.

Omi, although still a little hesitant and apparently not very happy that he couldn't apologize properly, instantly looked worried, nodded in agreement, and followed him out of the bath room like a good little duck.

Nagi wasn't proud about the manipulation, but it was a perfect distraction for his lover to turn his interest on something else than that stupid eye. He knew Omi was just as curious about the high-pitched scream of terror as he was, and with his Weiss mentality he was like a white knight in shiny amour ready to come to everyone's help at any time. With all the slaughtering of dragons, climbing of hair ropes, or kissing dead princesses. Yuck.

Well, somewhere in this house was a damsel in distress according to the scream they had heard, so rescue it was.

They had made two steps out of the bathroom when a door slammed open with a loud bang.

Out came a furious Schuldig followed by a frowning Ran.

"Schu! Wait!"

"I don't talk to you anymore!"

"Don't be silly."

"You cut me fucking holes!"

"It's just hair!"

"JUST HAIR?"

"Yes! Just hair! I know it's a miracle, a mystery, a wonder, but it grows again!"

"Oh you... Sarcasm after you fucked up! That's just wonderful! Why don't you admit that you could have been more carefully!"

"I'm not a goddamn coiffeur!"

"Did I cut you holes when I removed your bunny ears? Huh? HUH? NO!"

"You had it easier! My hair's straight! Yours like a wild, thick jungle compared to mine! Omi."

"... What's a fucking _omi_? Great. A Japanese word I don't know. I swear, if you have just insulted me, I'll turn to German!"

"Oh, I wouldn't have a chance to insult you in Japanese. I do believe that the first words you learnt to communicate with my fellow countrymen were swearwords, my silly little blöder Hammel baka."

"... That was... cruel and _so_ below the belt."

"Aa. And now turn around. Right behind you. My Omi and your Prodigy."

Nagi, spellbound by the whole spectacle, watched fascinated as Schuldig's back stiffened and the German slowly turned around with a disbelieving look on his face. He didn't have to look at Omi who stood beside him to know that he had the same speechless expression on his face as he had.

Two adult men bickering over hair like some kindergarteners.

Unbelievable.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran felt incredibly drained. The constant banters seemed to absorb all his energy and he was so tired of it. He just wanted to pick up a good book and take a warm, soothing bubble bath surrounded by soft candlelight and quiet classical music behind a _closed_ door. But he couldn't. He knew that Schuldig, now that the young German was aware that they had some witnesses to their silly bickering, would react in a way that would lead straight to another argument.

Yes, Ran was very, very tired of being the only level-headed around here, and he was quite fed up with all those unnecessary disputes he had to settle. But to prevent further headaches he had to react. And that fast. Therefore, he stepped in front of Schuldig to block his view on the two teenagers and to draw his attention with soft spoken words.

"I'm sorry about the holes, Schu. Though, in the strict sense they aren't really _holes_. Just shorter hair, that's all. In any case, it isn't that bad because you have enough hair to hide it." And to prove his point, Ran reached up and started to arrange the orange hair while Schuldig watched him with mild interest.

Placing strands of hair left and right to cover the spots, Ran worked concentrated until he was satisfied with the result and stepped back to eye it critically.

Good gracious!

In front of him stood an Indian with a turban.

Answering Schuldig's questioning look with a reassuring smile, Ran stepped up again and rearranged the long orange strands. Left, right, up, down, across, round and round and round, and one step back.

Kami-sama!

Now it looked like a nest made by a bird on acid.

Throwing Schuldig's raised eyebrow a through and through false but hopefully still reassuring smile -- he just knew he was showing too many teeth when the eyebrow went further up -- Ran stepped forward again and started to repeat the procedure.

Up, right, across, left, down, around, and one step back.

Oookay.

Step forward, left, right, down, across, tousle, one step back.

Yep. Definitely a Picasso.

Step forward, tousle, tousle, up, across, step back, step forward, tousle, tousle, tousle--

"Ran."

"Just a... sec."

tousle, up, across--

"Stop it, Ran."

"I'm... almost... done..."

tousle, tousle--

"I said stop it!"

"Okay!... Okay... Let's see... Good grief!"

Arms shot up and strong hands took his wrists in a firm hold, successfully preventing another frantic and, let's face it, thoroughly fruitless attempt to fix the mutilated hair.

"I appreciate your effort, Ran, but this is getting ridiculous."

"I don't get it... It should be so easy... There aren't any holes... Just shorter hair!"

"Calm down, Ran."

"But--"

"The kids are watching."

Oh... no...

Slowly, Ran turned around.

Omi stared at him open-mouthed.

Prodigy stared in amazement.

Ran closed his eyes in disbelief and embarrassment replaced the shock Schuldig had triggered with his hint about the watching boys. Gods, Omi had never seen him in such a frantic state before, used to the stoic, serious leader. And what Prodigy was thinking of him now after he had witnessed Abyssinian bordering on hysteria he didn't really want to know.

Ever so slowly, Ran turned around again. He opened his eyes to ask his lover with a pleading look to support him, to help him to diffuse the awkward situation with one of the German's witty respon-- Was that a _grin_ on Schuldig's face?

"Ran, you have no idea how glad I am that I'm not the only one around here who's making a fool of himself. Love you for this."

Oh, was there concern in his lover's voice? Was there sympathy? Comfort? Undying, endless love and heart-warming devotion? No. That would be too much to ask for, wouldn't it? Ran gritted his teeth at the display of open amusement and relief. "Really? Are you?"

His low voice and narrowed eyes should have warned the young German but Schuldig ignored it completely and just nodded happily. "Yep."

Ran couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice; the anger about Schuldig's lack of pity for him was too much at the moment. "Your sympathy for me is astonishing, Schuldig, and I'm crushed by your care. And now, be so kind and remove the knife you've stabbed so cheerfully into my back."

One may not believe it but Schuldig actually had the nerve to look surprised. "What's wrong, Ran? Why are you so... Oh." Understanding dawned and lit his face, changed his expression from confusion to thoughtfulness. "I see. It has started."

"It has started," Ran echoed flatly, having a brief debate with himself if he really wanted to know what was going on in Schuldig's mind, or if he should just turn around and walk far, far away. Too late. Schuldig pursed his lips.

"Yes, it has started, and it's somewhat my fault that I haven't warned you about it."

"You don't say," Ran remarked dryly with a deadpan look and no idea what he was talking about.

Schuldig shook his head, suddenly all sympathetic. "I won't hold your sarcasm against you, Ran, because it's a natural reaction."

"A natural reaction."

"Yes, to the change."

"The change." This was getting better and better by any minute.

"Don't parrot everything I say, Ran. Look, I know it comes as a surprise and apparently a little too fast for you to get used to the fact that I'm once again Schwarz's Mastermind, but, if you really love me, there's no other way than to except me as I really am."

"A dork."

"_Pardon_?"

"For a telepath you're incredibly dense, Schuldig."

"What--"

"And definitely crazy."

"Well, yes! I'm not your Mister Nice Guy, Ran!"

"Give it up, Schu. I've learnt about your real character during our mission so just stop trying to behave like a bad guy. I do know by now that your badass image has been nothing but an act."

"An _act_?"

"You're sweet, kind, and loveable. If I'm not in dire need of your moral support, that is. But we will work on this one. We have time."

"You're _so_ mistaken, Ran. What had happened before, what you _believe_ you have seen in me was nothing but an illusion. Due to stress, I suppose. On your part, I want to add. Anyway, just live with it. Mastermind is back. End of the story."

"A little love and cuddling and you're mush in my hands, my poor misunderstood evil fiend."

"Don't go all pseudo psychological on me, Ran. Do yourself the favour and forget the cat ear incident. It had been a single mistake I won't repeat… And forget the shower incident. You just took me by surprise... Er… The same goes for the kitchen incident… and the panda... Just forget them already! I'm serious! You've no idea what I'm capable of if I'm really angry."

"You fry our brains, you turn us into vegetables, and you make us bark."

"Bark?"

"Yes, like a dog. Hypnosis like you did with the fisherman."

"Are you crazy, Abyssinian? Don't give Schu any dumb ideas!"

Ran turned around, surprised by the sudden outburst from Schwarz's youngest member. Prodigy was glaring at him, making clear by waving a flat hand in front of his forehead that it was as sure as fate that the leader of Weiss has bats in the belfry.

Frowning at the impolite gesture of Omi's boyfriend, Ran turned back to his own lover to regard him doubtfully. "You haven't tried it yet?"

"No."

"Not even once?"

"Am I speaking Swahili? No! Why the hell should I make people bark?"

"Well, for entertainment, of course."

In hindsight, Ran was incredibly glad that he hadn't rolled his eyes in addition to his reply, or that he hadn't made a suffering sigh to show how slow-witted Schuldig sometimes was to not see such obviousness.

However, with or without additional signs, the moment the last word left Ran's mouth he instantly knew that he had made a big mistake. His gut feeling was confirmed by stunned silence which was broken by a sharp intake of breath that screamed of indignation. Omi, he assumed, because the mumbled "Weiss, synonym for the good guys, my ass." was without a doubt coming from Prodigy. Schuldig just stared at him with a horrified look.

"Ran... I'm shocked."

"... Me too." Really, what else could he say? That they are completely misinterpreting his rather innocent and, perhaps, a little naive comment? That he, contrary to their belief, would never ever make someone bark like a dog if he had the gift of mind control? And, let's assume, if he really had such a gift and would make someone bark, for whatever reason, like revenge or just for fun, don't they go over the top with their display of horror at such a thought? There are _hundreds_ of so-called magicians or hypnotists travelling the world to make people bark solely for the amusement of an astonished audience. They're earning their money with this, for crying out loud!

"...an?"

Great, the headache was back. Hammering, stabbing, and tearing. Ran cursed the devil that had ridden him to make such an idiotic statement and brought him in this stupid situation. He couldn't take the words back anymore, but he wasn't very keen on correcting them either. Too much energy would be needed for it. It had been his fault anyway. If he hadn't stepped in to prevent further arguments he wouldn't be standing there as a despicable, amoral man.

"...ran?"

It irked him that each one of them thought him capable of such a despiteful act. Prodigy he could understand, even Schuldig didn't know him that much yet. But at least Omi could have taken his side, could have defended him. Some friend he was! Oh, they are such upholder of moral standards; all three of them. He would bet anything he had that they were the first rolling in the aisles if they would witness such a stupid and thoroughly humiliating show. They would be the first to make suggestions which animal should be the ne--

"RAN!"

"WHAT?" Ran yelled back in irritation, unnerved about Schuldig's persistent, stubborn attempts to catch his attention.

"I'm calling you for the third time already!"

"So what! That's your excuse for bursting my eardrums?"

"Jesus, calm down. You had me worried, Ran. You spaced out there for a minute or so and didn't react at all."

"Who cares! I'm fed up with all of you! You would demand a stupid peacock if you had anything to say! And I'm not your goddamn negotiator! Who the hell needs peace anyway? The next time I'll just take a bath. Laughing! And considering your quarrelsome behaviour I'll look like a shrivelled, wrinkled plum in no time. Thank you _very_ much. And you're not invited, Schuldig."

Okay, that was a little taken out of context, and according to Schuldig's puzzled look the message wasn't very clear so the whole thing had been quite useless. Damn that headache!

Schuldig eyed him cautiously. "Are you feeling well, Ran?"

"Do I _look_ as if I'm feeling well to you?"

"... I suppose that's a trick question, isn't it?"

"Wow! The Incredible Mastermind strikes again! My lover is a _genius_!"

"Come down, Ran."

"Why should I? You actually believe I would make people bark just for entertainment!" Ran returned heatedly and threw a short, venomous look over his shoulder to send Omi a hissed "Traitor!" before he turned back again to stare his lover down with an accusing glare. Funnily enough it didn't work.

Schuldig was quite unimpressed by his glare; he looked at him calmly with slightly raised eyebrows. "You thought exactly the same thing of me, Ran."

... Crap. Schuldig's right. No. Wait a moment. Wasn't that twisting reality? What he had said had been nothing but a simple suggestion. They had jumped to conclusions, had turned his harmless words against him so that they could point their dirty little fingers at him.

"And I didn't explode and felt offended by it, unlike you," Schuldig continued in a matter-of-fact voice.

Ran stared blankly back. He did remember Schuldig's reaction to his suggestion quite clearly and there was no mistake that the German had been rather offended... Wait... Hadn't this been the reaction to the barking in connection with the fried brains? Blinking, and sure that his brain was going to explode at any minute thanks to the headache that was about to turn into a full-blown migraine, Ran tried to put the events in a correct order. But as much as he tried he couldn't remember correctly, too swamped by the many turns of them. He just knew he had a right to be angry.

Therefore, Ran furrowed his brown and concentrated again on his still patiently waiting lover. "That's not true, Schu, and you know it. You were offended and you did shout at me."

"Yes, but I didn't blow up like you did, so what's really your problem?"

"My problem is that unlike you, I had a very good reason to assume that you would abuse your talent just for your own amusement."

"Oh? And that reason would be?"

"The fisherman."

"I didn't make him _bark_, Ran. We just needed his car."

"You manipulated him to believe we're Bugs Bunny and the Lion King!"

"Yeah, that was fun. However, I didn't make him _bark_. Try again."

"Well... You're one of the bad guys, remember? I mean, you even manipulated Sakura into shooting me and you cannot deny that you hadn't had fun with it. I still remember your smirk. So it's assumed that you would manipulate people into something comparatively harmless like barking."

Hn, take that logic.

"That's strange. I thought the bad guy image was nothing but an act? You do remember your words, don't you? Loveable, kind, some cuddling and I'm a puddle of mush?"

Wonderful! Why does Schuldig have to be rational _right_ _now_?

"That was... When I said those words I had forgotten about the Sakura incident."

"And now you remember."

"Yes."

"So I'm again the bad guy."

"Yes... No... I don't know!"

"We're back to square one, Ran."

"No!"

"I'm afraid so."

"Schu, I've... got a headache."

"Now you sound like a woman trying to wind herself out of her marriage duty."

"Does it work?"

"Not really."

"I do have a headache, Schu."

"I know."

"Can't we just forget the whole thing?"

"Hmm. Am I still banned from sharing a bath with you?"

"No, of course not. Any time you want."

"Then... Okay."

"Thank goodness!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was tremendously happy.

Forgotten was his embarrassing performance about the cut hair and his idiotic theory that Ran had been furious because of his-- badly desired but apparently impossible-- comeback as Schwarz's Mastermind.

All of it gone thanks to Ran's unintentional help, who had come to his rescue by drawing the entire attention with one through and through innocent and harmless comment. Schuldig felt sorry for him, but he would rather bite off his tongue first than to admit that he actually had no qualms to make someone bark. Moreover, he had no idea why everyone was making such a fuss about it. They weren't choirboys. They killed people, for heaven's sake.

And though it was evil, loathsome, and completely shameless to take advantage of Ran's discomfort instead of sharing the misery with him, Schuldig was as merry as a lark about the distraction. And so he showed his brightest smile at his lover's shout of gratitude while his mind was filled with one endless mantra.

_ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouOhThankYouSoooMuch!_

"Now, that was interesting, to say the least."

Schuldig was instantly irritated about the dry comment, fearing that Ran would get all defensive again and he would have to pay for it in one way or another. Annoyed, he threw a sharp glance at Nagi in a warning to shut up and to mind his own business.

"Go play somewhere else, Nagi... What's wrong with your eye? Did you miss while brushing your teeth or something?"

"And did you get bald over the night?"

"How cute. Nagi turned into a toddler while I wasn't looking. Really, I've no idea what you're babbling about."

"Yeah?" the young boy drawled before he started to wail in a high-pitched voice. "Help! My hair! My beautiful hair!"

"Oh you little piece of..."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran was lying on a beach. It was wonderful. The sky was cloudless and as blue as the sea. The sun was shining down on him, warmed him with the rays, and a light breeze caressed his skin. The only noises were the soft sound of waves washing over the shore and the, more or less, faint cries of somewhat militant and rather aggressive sea-gulls.

"Brat!"

"Cry-baby!"

"Take that back!"

"Make me!"

"With pleasure!"

"Come on! What's wrong? I'm waiting!"

"Just don't run crying to Brad afterwards when I'm finished with you!"

"Ha! You wish!"

Ran's eyes snapped open and he started to yell on the top of his lungs. "SHUT UP!" And there was a lightening. In his head. And completely stunned, Ran reached up to his temples where the sharp pain had hit him.

"Oh gods... I think I burst a vein in my brain."

"Are you alright, Liebling?" Schuldig eyed him with concern in his eyes.

Incredulity was the only thing Ran felt at Schuldig's display of worry and he expressed it with an utterly disbelieving look. "You just had a shouting match over my shoulder millimetres away from my left ear _after_ I've told you about my splitting headache. And now kindly explain to me why you even have the need to ASK if I'm alright."

"... Those headaches... You've them quite often, ne?"

"No, Schuldig, not often. I _still _have the _same_ headache as before. It hasn't vanished yet. How could it? You don't give it a chance to disappear. And slowly but surely I have the suspicion that it's actually my brain that tries desperately to get out of my head. I can feel it beating against my skull, screaming at me for mercy, begging me to be let out to not be exposed to more of those unnecessary, pointless, childish, idiotic, and moronic arguments."

"That sounds like schizophrenia."

Ran didn't turn around. He clenched his teeth to such an extent that it hurt his jaw, and his glare, still fixated on Schuldig, turned murderous. Luckily for those present, the young German got the message.

"Shut up, Nagi," he hissed warningly and there was a short moment of silence in which some words were exchanged over the mind link before he returned Ran's glare with a pacifying gesture. "I'm sorry. I know those headaches can be a bitch, and I swear this was the last time you had to get angry with us. No more quarrels anymore."

"I need peace."

"I know."

"I need silence."

"You already have it, Ran."

"I don't believe it for even a second, Schuldig."

"I'll personally see to it that everyone will be at their best behaviour."

Could he really trust those words? There was silence, at the moment. Not even some smartass remark from Prodigy. And Schuldig was watching him silently, intently. He seemed to believe in what he had said, in the peace he had offered, and Ran felt his anger crumble at the sincere expression on his lover's face. Maybe there was still some hope, a chance for normality. No more arguments, no more shouting. It would be so wonderful.

"We won't disappoint you, love. We promise that from now on, everything's going to be quite and peaceful."

"Okay." Ran nodded, a little hesitantly but ready to believe those words, and he was rewarded by a peck on the tip of his nose. Smiling at the small gesture and confident that everything was fine and back to normal, he addressed the still waiting boys. "Did you want something from us?"

Omi regarded him with a strange look Ran could only interpret as a remainder of his previous comment about the barking. After a short moment of silence in which Ran prayed that Omi would show some mercy and wouldn't bring it up again, the boy answered him with a shake of his head.

"We heard a girl screaming and went out to investigate."

"A girl? You must be mistaken. There was only Schu who..." Ran eyes widened in realization and he ended his sentence with a soft "Oh my."

Why oh why wasn't he surprised that the so-called peace had only existed for a few seconds? Defeated and preparing himself for another shouting match, Ran closed his eyes and waited for the outburst of his lover.

It didn't come.

After a few seconds of almost unnatural silence, he opened his eyes again and turned surprised around.

Schuldig stood rigid with his hands clenched into tight fists.

His mouth was a thin line.

His face was glaring red.

And not a sound was coming from him.

Ran was speechless. Schuldig, mortally offended in his masculinity, was restraining himself. And he was aware that the young German did it solely for his sake and for the peace he had promised him.

It was unbelievable but it was true.

Schuldig had kept his word.

Schuldig had been serious after all!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Oh gods, if I'm strangling that insolent little Weiss brat now they will definitely know that I was the one who had screamed and Nagi will never stop teasing me about it and gods, Ran actually thinks that I'm holding back just for his sake and how dare that brat calling me girlish that fucking little nnnnnnnng restrain yourself Schuldig just restrain yourself Schuldig oh Jesus Fucking Christ just restrain yourself._

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran was very, very happy and even a little proud about Schuldig's self-control in order to maintain the promised peace. His eyes softened at the young German's proof of love, and suddenly all arguments were forgotten. His headache vanished. His heart made a joyful jump, and the butterflies were back for a feathery dance in his stomach.

"Konbanwa! I'm back, minna-san!"

The cheerful voice of his sister was a wonderful addition to the fluffy feeling in his stomach, and Ran turned with a smile to greet her back. Therefore, he totally missed as Schuldig's face changed its colour from glaring red to pale in record time and his eyes got wider and wider with each step the young girl took towards them.

Aya was a lovely sight as she came bouncing down the floor. Her eyes were shining in joy. She was beaming all over her face with an angelic smile on her lips, and in her hands she was carefully holding a parcel wrapped in pink paper and decorated with a large lilac bow.

"Niisan! I've got you a--"

"Fuck me a horse!"

Ran's smile froze and his mind went blank. Had Schuldig just cursed in the present of his sister and, as if this wasn't bad enough, had this curse actually included a sex practice called _bestiality_? Ran was deadly calm when he slowly turned around to question him about it.

"Come again?"

Schuldig stared wide-eyed back and... Was that panic in his eyes?

"Ran... I... love you."

Really, is there anything more suspicious than a love declaration in such a situation? Certainly not, therefore Ran's response to the half-hearted stammering was a sharp snort.

"I'm not so sure about myself at the moment, Schuldig. My affection for you just dropped a few degrees. Maybe you could refresh my mind by explaining why you said what you said in the _present_ of my _untouched_ sister."

"Anou, oniisan, I'm not really--"

"No, Aya-chan," Ran interrupted her firmly without letting Schuldig out of his eyes. "I know you're polite enough to ignore such rude language. However, I will not tolerate it, and I do believe that Schuldig will explain his behaviour to us. Now."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya stared at the back of her brother's head in utter amazement.

Ran thought that she was still a virgin.

And that from someone who was a gay drag queen, earning his money as an exotic dancer.

And Ran thought that she was _still_ a _virgin_?

While he and his foreign looking boyfriend were dancing erotically in front of hundred salivating men, half naked and only covered in sexy animal costumes?

Anyway, Ran thought that she was still a virgin and suddenly, the present in her hands weighed a ton.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig had four choices to direct Ran's anger away from him.

He could let the cat out of the bag by telling Ran that his poor, innocent, pure and _untouched_ little baby-sister was far from being still a virgin.

It would shock Ran in such a way that it would instantly draw his attention to his sister and away from Schuldig. But this would be a mean thing to do to sweet Aya-chan, and Schuldig just wasn't that evil.

Secondly, he could direct Ran's attention to the young Japanese himself by asking him why the hell he had stayed a virgin until twenty-two when his sister had lost her own at the tender age of fifteen.

But that would lead to problem number one, being mean to sweet Aya-chan, and to another problem called Never-Embarrass-Ran-In-Public, and Schuldig wasn't that stupid and therefore kept the question to himself for later use.

Thirdly, he had the choice to ignore his conscience by telling Ran what had triggered his interjection in the first place; Aya-chan's gift.

Well, that would be a rather stupid thing to do because Ran would learn about his sister's assumption that he was a drag-queen-dancer and, after he has recovered from his deep shock, he would not only direct his whole attention back to Schuldig again to demand an explanation why his sister had such ridiculous thoughts, he would also do it with his katana in his right hand. And Schuldig just wasn't that suicidal.

So there was only one thing left to distract Ran successfully.

Sex.

"We're still waiting for your explanation, Schuldig."

Okay, Ran was getting impatient. It was time to play the trump card. All he had to do now was to deliver the idea of hot, wild sex in such a way that Ran understood but Aya-chan not. However, Aya-chan wasn't stupid, so he had to speak carefully. Subtle but direct. Like a code. It wasn't an easy task. It would be quite tricky to--

"Schuldig!"

"Jesus. Someone should teach you the virtue of patience, Ran." Schuldig's irritated snap was answered by an icy glare. Barely suppressing the urge to roll his eyes, Schuldig heaved a sigh.

"Okay, Liebling. I... feel my love seed... heats..." _Oh. My. God. I didn't just say that!_

Apparently he had because Ran obviously was just as stupefied as he was about this incredibly stupid statement. The young Weiss leader blinked back at him in incredulity. "I know I sound like a parrot and for that I hate you. Come again?"

"I meant let's get bodily."

"_What_?"

"Let's make love, Ran."

"PARDON?"

"Are you deaf? I said let's have sex!"

In the stunned silence that followed Schuldig had enough time to realize that in the end he hadn't been very discreet about the subject despite his good intention. But on the other hand, Ran looked really funny as a fish that was desperately gasping for breath.

"What... You... Why... How... Are you _CRAZY_? What _foolishness_ makes you believe you can talk about sex in the present of my little sister!"

"Hey! It isn't my fault that you didn't understand me the first time and that I had to spell it out for you!"

"I can't believe it! What the hell is _wrong_ with you? Have you forgotten that you're a _telepath_? Why haven't you just used the _mind link_?"

"..."

"..."

_/Okay. I will admit that I was a little beside me for a short moment. But you, Ran, just blurted out that I'm a mind reader./_

"…"

_/And that in the present of your little sister./_

"…"

"Oniisan, what did you mean by telepath?"

"…"

"I think Abyssinian's in shock."

"…"

"Daijoubu ka, Aya-ku--... I mean, Ran-kun?"

"…"

"Liebling?"

"…"

"Niisan?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Oh Kami-sama. What have I done? How am I going to explain this to my sister? Aya-chan, meet Schuldig. He's a telepath. Yes, you heard right. He can read minds. And he can control them. I've a scar to proof it. Oh, did I forget that he's also an assassin? Silly me. Yes, he's a mind reading, mind controlling assassin with unbelievable speed. But the speed could also be an illusion, mind you. And he's one of the bad guys. Anyway, he's my boyfriend. Yes, I'm gay. And no, selling flowers is not enough to pay for your schoo--_

"Ran!"

Startled, Ran blinked a few times until the worried face of Schuldig came into view. The German was snapping his fingers repeatedly in front of his eyes to get his attention and slowly, Ran reached up to take hold of the hand to stop the annoying noise. For a moment, they looked each other deep into the eyes before Ran took a deep breath and broke the silence with an almost desperate voice.

"Let's fuck."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

It must have been at least five minutes already and Farfarello was still staring in the direction the scream had come from. Slowly coming out of his trance-like state, he tilted his head to the side and voiced his bafflement with a puzzled look.

"Who the hell was _that_?"

"Well, I do hope it was a girl, because if it has been Nagi or, God forbid, Schuldig, I would register them to the Vienna Boys Choir without a second thought."

"Yeah." Farfarello smirked at Crawford's dry remark. "Maybe Abyssinian had had enough and castrated Schu."

The amused snort which followed his statement brought him out of his musings and Farfarello turned to the source of it with slightly raised eyebrows.

"And what, prey tell, are you laughing about, he? I'm not finished with you, Brad."

"I knew I should have run when I had the chance for it."

The muttered curse of the older man confirmed that it was only a question of time before he would crumble, and with the knowledge that victory was near Farfarello narrowed his eye in anticipation and a wolfish grin rose on his lips.

"Too late, old man. Much too late."

And with an unbelievably crazy voice every madman tending towards sadism would be proud of he added

"Run, little rabbit... _Run_!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

blöder Hammel (germ.) stupid mutton

konbanwa (jap.) good evening

daijoubu ka (jap.) Are you feeling well?

Liebling (germ.) darling

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten: Er... And now, everyone has the mental picture of Farfie chasing Brad through the house. Well, let's wait for the next chapter, kay?... **kitsune-oni**. Welcome to ffnet! Yes, Schu's a poor little thing but he will get a reward for all the misery I've put him through.

Schu: Do I have to get worried?

Black Kitten: Nah. You'll like it!

Ran: Do I have to get worried?

Black Kitten: ... Nah. #sweat drop#... Kitsune-oni, Schu hasn't gained back his respect yet, and maybe he never will, but I'm confident that he will seduce Ran in the end. Well, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter and will be there for the next one!... **Kyra2**. #cringes# I know there wasn't much about the let's-talk-situation between Farfie and Brad but I _swear_ I tried to motivate those two to continue with it but they were so _shocked_ about Schuldig's scream that they just stood there stock-still for five minutes.

Schu: And you really believe that Kyra will accept such a cheep excu--

Black Kitten: **Gunning** **Angel!** Oh no... I forgot to write a lemon scene!

Schu: Oh Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you

Black Kitten: That's so pitiful, you... uke-coward. Anyway, Gunning Angel, I swear the next chapter's going to be full of le--... citrus fru--... Ah, don't want to spoil the fun with a spoiler. Well, let's say you won't have a vitamin deficiency after reading the next part. #nudge nudge wink wink hint hint#

Schu: Oh Gods. That's sooo obvious... Hey! What do you mean by uke-coward? I protest! I demand to be the seme in the next--

Black Kitten: Oi! Look! There's **Bloodrose 'Valantine' Foxxstar**! Oh, I know how time-consuming work can be. After all, it's one of my main excuses to use for my late updates. I see... your muse's still dead. Wow. Must be dried up by now, that poor guy... What? You're starting to love the Ran-seme idea? That's quite a surpri--

Schu: GAH!

Black Kitten: #blinks# Um, I think Schu just wanted to express how upset he is about your change of mind. I mean I do hope that's what he wanted to express because if not I'm a little bit worried about him right now.

Ran: #smirks# So sorry for him. #looks angelic# Luv you too, Foxxstar.

Black Kitten: Err... right. Jesus, angelic Ran is just too creepy... **Luna** **Kaira**. Yup, I and my spoilers. I promise lemons and then when I'm posting the new chapter I sit and think _Haven't I forgotten something?_... I promise there will be lemons in the next update!

Schu: Yeah? Is it the same kind of promise you made to me that I would be the ultimate seme in that stupid, humiliating story of yours just to lure me into the trap?

Black Kitten: Err... Can't remember. Luna, I would never use something that's called _Quick_Edit. I mean that name alone is a clear sign for me to keep my hands off it. Not that the other way to upload on ffnet is any better.

Schu: Hey! You can't just interru--

Black Kitten: **LoneCayt**! #hugs# Thank you so much. Though, I wouldn't call people snobby just because they don't try to write something in a foreign language. Believe me, it takes a lot of megalomania (I've learnt a new word!) to start such a project. And a lot of insanity to keep it running. Nah, it's not so bad. #winks# Well, I did parts of this chapter in a rush to finish it before I start my vacation so I hope you won't be too disappointed by my #cough# advanced #cough# English. Err, let's say I did my best.

Schu: #suspicious# I hope your coughing isn't contagious.

Black Kitten: #glares#... Anyway, LoneCayt, I'm sorry but I just can't set Yohji up with Brad, because... because our beloved, adorable, kind-hearted and super cute naive Kenken would go BERSERK. That's why.

Ken: #comes running all flustered with big innocent chibi-eyes# I heard Yohji's name. Is something wrong with him? Is he alright? Did something happen to him? Is he hurt? Did he cheat on me? Do I have to get angry?

Black Kitten: It's nothing, my dear. Everything's fine.

Ken: Okay! #bounces cheerfully away #

Black Kitten: #wipes sweat from forehead# Phew. That was a near thing... **Elster**. Hi! Danke für deinen tollen Kommentar! Leider kann ich nicht viel dazu antworten ohne das eine oder andere dabei zu verraten, aber ich kann dir versichern, dass da kein Chibi-Sex sein wird. Vielleicht ein kleines unschuldiges Küsschen aber nicht mehr. Oh ja, harte Burschen, unsere Männer. Und beim Kuscheln sind sie dann solche Softies. #augenverdreh# Und das mit dem wehleidig sein ist so was von wahr. Ich frage mich immer wieder wie es dazu kam, dass das Patriarchat so lange andauern konnte. Was soll's, ist eh Schnee von gestern. Ich hoffe dir hat Ran's Versuch sich als Frisör zu betätigen gefallen. Schu war jedenfalls nicht sehr begeistert davon.

Schu: #dreht sich beleidigt weg#

Black Kitten: Und ein neuerlicher Beweis wie männlich unsere Männer wirklich sind... **Amber Bock**. Ah, sorry about the long wait. Concerning Farf and Brad, I know I neglected them in this chapter but I swear in the next one, they will finally... bite each other's head off. #g# Nah, it's just that they're both so dominant and stubborn. It's not easy for me to show them how good they would look, walking hand in hand through a park with the clouds coloured pinkly by a beautiful sunset.

Brad & Farf: #censored because of various unspeakable death threats#

Black Kitten: #gulp# Well, I promise a lemon in the next update so just wait and see for yourself who's the lucky one of our many pairings... **Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiya**. #grin# I hope you liked the Schu-torture in this chapter too. Though, he wasn't the only one who had to suffer. However, he did scream and according to the others it wasn't a manly one. And another crack in his masculinity. Poor bishie. Have to write something nice for him for the next update to cheer him up.

Schu: #hopeful# Me Seme?

Black Kitten: Um... You... Let's wait and see... **amythestmage**. Great you found Schu's misery about the cat ear situation as funny as Yohji did. #g# Seriously, who wouldn't? Even Ran had troubles holding back the laughter. Anyway, thanks to my crappy English I couldn't really describe how I saw Schu in this situation, stunned face and all, so I'm very happy that some readers told me how much they liked it.

Schu: #stunned face and all# Readers love my misery?

Black Kitten: Oops, I forgot that Schu was unaware of this... Amythestmage, I don't have much time to write but I promise that I will end this story properly.

Schu: #still stunned# They... _LOVE_... my... _MISERY_?

Black Kitten: Err... Someone's in shock here... **Spawn of Hell**. Yes, maybe you're right and it's just simpering... Gods, I hope NOT. I write this story for people to laugh about it; together with me. You should see me when I'm writing on it. Smiling, grinning, smirking, and every now and then there's even an evil grin plastered on my face. Scary, isn't it? I have to say that I'm a little proud of myself that I can hold your attention even if you're not into comedy... Yes, I'm definitely proud about it. Concerning Farf and Brad, sorry that there wasn't much about them but I do hope that I can satisfy your curiosity in the next chapter. I just had to torture Schu and Ran a little bit more before I can turn my attention to them.

Farf & Brad: ANGST!

Black Kitten: Well, that's understandable. #evil grin#... **Andartha**. Thanks for your book recommendation of "Small Gods"! I've already ordered it to read on my vacation. Ack, you're another reader I have to apologize to. I'm sorry that you waited so long only to discover that the Farfie/Brad situation is the same as four months ago. But I SWEAR--

Schu: Not again. Broken promises. Empty promises. All the same.

Black Kitten: Um... This time I'm serious. Let's make a deal, Andartha. If the next update doesn't feature Farf and Brad, I will... I will... Schu will...

Schu: Hey! Don't you dare involve me!

Black Kitten: Err... Well... If not, then I promise that... Farfie and Brad will share the cell with you, Andartha!

Farfie & Brad: Wha... Wha... Wha... #shell-shocked#

Black Kitten: Well, it is nearly impossible to please everybody. #cough#... **KT**. #huge smile# Oh yes, poor, poor Schu. And this time, he even made the mistake to scream. Doesn't help his badass reputation either, ne? About Brad and Farf, sorry, but you have to wait for the next chapter because I have nooo idea what I should do with them.

Brad & Farfie: LIAR!

Black Kitten: #smirks# Surprisingly, they're actually right, KT. I have the whole scene with Farfie and Brad in my mind and I know exactly what to do with them. Or they with each other. #grin#

Brad & Farfie: #clouds of dust#

Black Kitten: What a pitiful and useless attempt to escape faith... **Akayen**. Thanks. I hope you liked this update too. I put my whole energy in it. I swear. #nods gravely#

Schu: #rolls eyes# Get serious.

Black Kitten: Sorry, not in my nature... **Comtess**. Great you liked the previous chapters. And I can understand why you love Farfie and Brad. They're indeed two interesting characters. They're bright, funny, witty, and playful like two cute little kittens and sooo cuddly!

Schu: I said GET SERIOUS.

Black Kitten: #shrugs# Okay... **Sacral**. Es tut mir wahnsinnig leid aber es ging einfach nicht schneller. Ich hoffe dieses Kapitel war ein kleines Trostpflaster für dich und du hattest Spaß damit. Schließlich habe ich mich wieder mehr auf Ran und Schuldig konzentriert. Wie auch immer, so sehr ich Schu als Uke liebe, es gibt einfach zu viele LeserInnen die eine ‚traditionelle' Rollenverteilung möchten. Und es ist wirklich an der Zeit, dass Ran endlich erfährt wie es ‚unten' ist.

Ran: #entsetzt# Wa... Wa.. Wa...

Black Kitten: Ich bitte dich. Du nicht so als ob du Deutsch verstehst.

Ran: #auf japanisch# Dein Gesichtsaudruck reicht um zu wissen das Schreckliches auf mich wartet!

Black Kitten: Hmmm... Sorry, ich verstehe kein Japanisch. #grins#... **Arcanas**. I'm sorry that you had to wait so long for the update. I hope it was worth and you found one or two parts of this chapter funny enough to laugh about it. Especially Ran did his best to amuse the readers with his attempt to fix the damage of Schuldig's hair.

Ran: I didn't try to be funny! You made me do it!

Black Kitten: Oh please, you were the one who cut the holes and danced around Schu like some hysterical Ballerina. No way could I have forced you to do it because at this time I sat cheerfully in front of my computer and wrote at... something. #cough#

Ran: #speechless#

Black Kitten: Exactly!... **Torikae**. Oh my. I was so amused about your review that I showed it to my boyfriend. He didn't laugh. Really, men have no humour. However, I found it very funny so thank you for it! And I hope you don't think about divorce after reading the new chapter. #winks#... **Skeren Dreamera**. Poor you, this sounds as if you're in a lot of stress. Writing should be fun without any pressure and if you're not in the mood so be it. Regarding Farfie, who wouldn't be scared of him? He's a wild thing, prowling around in search for the next victim. And don't forget his nasty knives.

Farfie: Don't exaggerate. My knives aren't _nasty_.

Black Kitten: Why am I not surprised that he doesn't deny the other things? Well, Skeren, I hope you had fun with the upload and I promise the situation between Farfie and Brad will be solved in the next chapter.

So, minna-san, I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter. Have a nice summertime! Until next time!


	17. Chapter 17

Hi. There's a change I had to make. I enjoyed it immensely and it was fun to respond to the reviews. Unfortunately, FFnet doesn't agree with it, and before the story gets deleted I decided to take the lesser evil and stop with the responses. Sorry. Well, let's say it's an opportunity for me to see how many reviews I get without giving replies to them.

Oh, and One day a tortoise will learn how to fly. (I loved it, I really did. Even in German.)

Have fun with the new chapter, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. Terrible grammar and spelling mistakes because German's still my first language and this won't change as long as I live.

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 17

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig knew he had an incredibly stupid expression on his face, but he couldn't help it. He was too stunned at the moment to care about his appearance, and the fact that he was being dragged away by Ran by holding hands like two playmates on their merry way to the playground didn't make the situation of his dazed state any better.

Let's fuck.

Oh, please, wait a moment. Let's _fuck_? Had Ran really said those famous three words? In front of Nagi and the Weiss brat? In the presence of his little sister? _His_ Ran, who would blush furiously at the mere thought of sex? Who would give him a sermon about the immorality and filth of soft porn magazines instead of just crawling under the sheets to snigger together over the censored pictures?

"Okay. I think we're safe for now."

Blinking, Schuldig snapped out of his thoughts at his lover's words and focused on his surroundings. There was a bed... a bare wall and... a window. Jesus, the room was tiny.

"That's your _room_?" Schuldig asked disbelievingly. "I knew Kritiker's cheap but that's just... crazy. I mean, even the Spartans have lived in more luxury than you do, Ran, and they weren't naive men hired by a shady organization to be turned into brave little assassins to fight evil blah blah blah."

"Schu--"

"Okay, I take back the naive because you're my lover. No, really, I thought your effort to save the world from all that evilness out there would be worth a room of at least ten square meters."

"That's the guest room, Schu."

"... Oh." Okay, if he finds out that Ran actually has a bigger room than him, he would strangle Crawford in an instant. "Well, that's a... nice guest room. If one isn't claustrophobic, that is. Anyway, why are we here and not in your own room?"

"To hide from the others."

"To hide from... You want to fuck _here_?"

"Hush!"

"In this _broom closet_?"

"Be silent! The others will hear you!"

"The door's closed, Ran!"

"There's still a chance that they could hear you!"

"I give a flying fuck about the others! I refuse to fuck in here!"

"Schu!"

"_Oh, for heaven's sake! Just take him to your room and fuck him already, Aby, Aya, Ran, or whatever your name is currently!"_

Both men froze up at the sudden muffled voice that had filled the room. While Ran's eyes widened in shock, Schuldig's own darted to the door. It was still closed, so where did that voice come from? Puzzled, he directed his look back to his lover to question him about it with raised eyebrows when he got his answer through a second, equally muffled and utterly scandalized voice that started an interesting dialogue.

"_Yohji!"_

"_What? Sooner or later they would have found out that the wall is so thin that you can hear every spoken word through it. The guest room was part of my room after all, so the wall is nothing but a makeshift one. And I'm not eager to listen to them moaning and whimpering while they're... Oh... OH!"_

Fascinated, Schuldig watched how Ran's shocked expression slowly turned into pure horror with every new word coming through the apparently very thin wall, and he was about to take pity on his mortified lover with a few nasty words in their direction when Balinese's voice broke the silence again.

"_Er... Don't mind me, Ran. Just continue where you've stopped."_

"_Yohji!"_

"_Shush! Maybe the wall isn't as thin as we thought and they didn't hear us."_

"_YOHJI!"_

"_Come on, Ken. Think about it. Icicle Ran getting screwed by Big Bad Mastermind. That's just... It's a golden opportunity, a chance we won't get twice. It's like a free porn show, just without the sight. It's naughty. It's dirty. It's... Doesn't that make you hot at least a little bit?"_

"_But, Yohji..."_

"_Oh, look, I'm horny now."_

"_... Yohji?"_

"_Rawr."_

"_Oh... Yohji!"_

During the conversation, Schuldig had slowly turned his head until he stared at the wall which separated them from Balinese and Siberian, and with both eyebrows drawn high he voiced his disbelief.

"Are they for real?"

It wasn't the lack of verbal response from Ran that made him tear his eyes from the plain wall; it was the firm hand which took his own to pull him out of the room. Forcefully.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

It was the second time in less than a few minutes that Omi was forced to witness one of Ran's odd behaviours. But contrary to the occurrence minutes ago, this time, it was a furious and visibly embarrassed Ran who came stomping out of a room first, dragging a protesting Schwarz member with him.

"But... Ran... Wait... I changed my mind... You were right... Let's fuck in that broom closet... I mean guest room... Come on... It's something new... And we could beat them... We could make a competition out of it about who's making the loudest--"

Slam, bang, and closed was the door to Ran's room.

Omi - who had followed their way from one room to the other with his eyes as a silent observer - didn't need to look back at his lover or at Ran's sister who was still standing with them in the hallway, holding her parcel in a vice-like grip. And why should he? He absolutely knew that Nagi was rolling his eyes and that Aya-chan had a stunned look on her face.

He pitied the girl for the chaos she has stumbled in, and he had no doubt that she must be very confused about her brother's behaviour or the world he apparently was living in. One could only pray that she never finds out about his real profession as an assassin. Surely that would give her the rest, especially after Ran's thoughtless revelation about Mastermind's gift. Not that she actually believed one word of what her brother had said about telepathy. God bless her and her naivety.

Sighing, Omi decided to help her out of this awkward situation by giving her the only piece of advice he could think of, and he did it with earnest sympathy and with a soft, almost sad shake of his head in her direction.

"Don't ask."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran was seething...

"A _competition_?"

... and Schuldig looked sheepishly back.

"Ran--"

"A COMPETITION?"

"Liebling--"

"And what did you mean by 'it's something new'? Am I _that_ boring that you already need dirty fantasies to stimulate yourself?"

"Of course not! Jesus, Ran, I'm sorry. I didn't think. It was a stupid idea."

"You don't say!"

"Calm down. Please. And stop throwing that evil glare at me. I swear the only stimulation I need to get horny is you."

Ran narrowed his eyes further and snarled quite nastily. "I don't believe you anymore, Schuldig. Not after what you've said. You didn't want to fuck in the guest room until those idiots started to make fools of themselves."

"You never believe me and slowly but surely I'm taking it personally." Arms were crossed and Schuldig stared angrily back. "I'm sorry if I have soiled your pure romantic vision about sex, but sometimes it's just... sex! Fast, hard, sweaty, and dirty. It's something that comes by instinct. Something you don't think about until you have found your release. And even then it can take minutes while you're bathing in the afterglow, gasping for much needed breath, before you even _start_ to consider if you should waste a single thought about _why_ you are standing in a dirty side street behind a shabby third-class pub with your cock buried to the hilt in an unfamiliar ass."

They stared at each other silently. Schuldig, still angry, dared him with a glare to disagree with his speech, and Ran looked owlishly back at him.

"I'm... at a loss for words," he admitted slowly. "That was... I mean... Did you use a condom?"

"Did I...?" Now it was Schuldig's turn to blink slowly back before he cleared his throat somewhat defensively. "Er, actually, the part with the alley was taken out of a book."

"Oh."

"Yes... Well... But I can tell you that I wouldn't have second thoughts about it if I were in such a situation. Not with a stranger," he added hastily. "But with you, any time and any place you want is fine by me."

"That's kinda... nice." Ran furrowed his brows in confusion about why he actually thought that having sex with Schuldig in an open place like a dirty side street should be considered as nice. It didn't take long for him to decide that he really didn't need another mystery to ponder about and he shook his head with a deep, tired sigh.

"Let's forget the whole thing, Schu. To argue about it is just stupid. We didn't really want to make love in the guest room in the first place, after all."

"WHAT?"

"I said--"

"I goddamn know what you said!"

Surprised by the unexpected harsh outburst, Ran regarded Schuldig with a frown. "I just wanted to avoid my sister for a few minutes to gather my thoughts. Where's the problem?"

"You cannot lure me with promise of sex and don't mean it!"

"I can't?"

"No!"

"Why?"

"_Why_?" Schuldig echoed in incredulity, and stepped up until he was near enough that Ran could feel warm breath on his face, and the pointy forefinger against his chest to emphasize each following words with a jab. "It's. Fucking. Cruel!"

"You're crazy," Ran snorted in amusement at the drama Schuldig was making. "And you're exaggerating, as always."

"You think?" the young German snapped back heatedly. "You're gorgeous. You're sexy. You're my goddamn chosen lover. Do you think I have taken you as my lover because of your talent for knitting?"

"I don't--"

"I know you don't knit!"

"Okay, so you want to tell me that you've chosen me as your lover because of my sexy body."

"Exactly!"

"Not because of my charming and witty self."

"Er..."

"And to be chosen as your lover is a privilege."

"Um..."

"And that I didn't have any saying in it."

"I..."

"Wow. I hope you won't hit me over the head with a club and drag me by my hair in a cave the next time you have the urge to satisfy your need for sex."

"..."

"And now I wonder. Should I take this as a compliment? Hmm."

"Ran--"

"Hmmmm."

"Stop it. I'm not so low that I would reduce you to your body. "

"Really? So the idea of dragging me off to ravish me silly in the most primal way doesn't make you horny?"

"... Gods, but you can play dirty."

The smile which had tugged at Ran's lips during their conversation while he was trying to keep a straight face finally gave way to the grin that had threatened to break through the entire time.

"You _are_ crazy, Schuldig, and maybe that's _my_ reason why I fell in love with you."

"That can't be. It must have been my looks."

"Get real."

"You're just in denial, Ran."

"And you're the most confident man I've ever met."

"You think I'm ugly?"

"Ah, no, said the Beauty to the Beast."

"I hope I'm not supposed to sing my answer."

"Heaven forbid, no!"

They grinned at each other about their own silliness and Schuldig reached out to pull him into his arms. "Well, you're quite crazy yourself, Ran."

"Aa."

"We're the perfect couple."

"Aa."

"I cannot believe how often we fight."

"And I cannot believe that you're really horny."

"Are you kidding? After what you've said about caves and clubs and ravishing you silly?" Schuldig wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and pressed their bodies more tightly together. The object of Ran's amazement rested as a silent but hard proof between them as Schuldig continued in a soft and somewhat husky voice. "How could I withstand such a temptation, hm?"

"Oh, kinky."

"Damn right."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Let me get this straight."

Sarcasm was dripping down scarred lips as the mockingly spoken words left them, and the golden eye regarded him with a narrowed look that pinned him down on his seat mercilessly.

Crawford knew he had to keep his countenance in order to retrain control over the situation. So far, he had managed not to react to Farfarello's taunts, though, the comparison to a frightened little rabbit was almost more than he could bear.

Therefore, while his inside alternately quivered and knotted in uneasiness about the unforeseen confrontation - curse his stupid useless gift - and at the same time the irritation about the Irishman's impertinence burnt a hole in his stomach, Crawford showed a bored, unperturbed facade on the outside. The greatest mistake he could do was to show weakness, uncertainty in front of Berserker. He knew, one tiny slip-up and it would be over.

So he had to look out for any possibilities Farfarello's brain could come up.

He had to think one step ahead.

He had to play it cool.

He had to--

"So, you love me, eh?"

Twitch.

_Merde_.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Lips met eagerly while tongues danced to the unique music of passion. Heat, wetness, taste, and smell, the feeling of foreign skin and muscles were the only sensations for a few precious minutes that were heaven before Ran broke the passionate kiss.

"I want to make love to you again," he whispered breathlessly, eyes shining in arousal, and was instantly rewarded by an enthusiastic reply.

"Great! Don't forget the lube, Liebling."

... NANI? Wide-eyed, Ran watched more than a little flabbergasted as Schuldig cheerfully hopped to the bed - shedding his clothes in the process - and made himself comfortable on his back, naked as the day he was born and expectantly looking up at him.

"Come on, tiger. Ravish me."

Blink. "Come again?"

"I said... Ah, of course, stupid me. Hop over and ravish me, you horny bunny."

"... Are you feeling well?" Ran asked hesitantly. Schuldig answered him with such a puzzled look that he spoke again to clarify his question. "Don't put it the wrong way, Schu. I'm not complaining, but you act as if you want to be uke again."

"Well, yeah, that's because I want to be."

"_What_?" Ran shook his head disbelievingly at the nonchalant reply and frowned slightly at the meaning of the statement. "What the hell happened to 'I want to ravish you into the next century'?"

"Oh."

"_Oh_? What kind of an answer is _that_?"

"Could it be that you're a little on the edge, Liebling?"

"No!"

"You sure?"

Ignoring the Schwarz member's stupid question and gritting his teeth in frustration, Ran continued with barely suppressed irritation. "Enlighten me, Schuldig, because I don't get it. You were on a super-seme trip until a few minutes ago and now you're willing to spread your legs for me?"

"That's not very romantic, Ran."

"Screw romantic! Every time we made love I had to wrestle you into submission!"

"Oh, come on, we never wrestled."

"No, but I had to trick you! Twice! You didn't want to be uke! Never! And I want to know what made you change your mind all of a sudden!"

"I admit I didn't want to be the bottom the first few times, but now I'm very comfortable with it. That's all! It's totally nice, really. I thought you would be happy about it."

"No! I'm not happy because I don't believe it! That's not you! You wouldn't give up your seme preference so easily! You tried every dirty trick to get into my pants!"

"Hey!"

"But now it's as if you've forgotten that I'm still a virgin!"

"Of course I haven't forgotten. What on earth is eating you?"

"I'm a fucking virgin, Schuldig, and you don't want to pop my cherry anymore!"

"I know you're still a virgin and with me the whole house thanks to your shouting! But I don't want to be seme anymore! Basta! And now ravish me already, goddamnit!"

Faces were flushed in anger as their shouting ended abruptly with Schuldig's last sentence. Ignoring the hesitant voice coming through the closed door - sounding like Aya and warily asking whether everything was all right in there - Ran folded his arms and stared with narrowed eyes down at Schuldig.

"No," he said, determinedly denying the German's last demand.

Because this couldn't be true.

It must be a trap.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Gods, this was crazy. They knew each other for only a few hours, regarding the more personal level of interaction they had now than they had with only trying to kill each other, but despite this short length of time Ran had managed to drive him up the wall quite often.

Propped up on his forearms, Schuldig displayed his opinion about the absurdity of the situation with a wry smile. "We're not seriously fighting over me being uke, Ran."

The Weiss leader stiffened even further at the dry humour in his voice, firmly set in his suspicions, and Schuldig chuckled quietly at the stubborn behaviour of his lover. "Okay. You wanna know why I'm willing to get fucked thrice in only twenty-four hours even though I'm already so sore that I would think a hundred times before I sit down on something as hard as a plush-covered ultra-soft pillow? It's the lube."

"The lube." Disbelief was evident in Ran's posture, and he was clearly not satisfied with the explanation as he continued flatly. "Don't tell me you can't get enough because you're addicted to the strawberry flavour."

"You're impossible," Schuldig grimaced. "And I really don't want to know what drives you to make such comments. I still have my taste buds on my tongue, thank you. Or was that a subtle hint for a certain sex practice you would like to try out but are too shy to ask for, hm?"

"What...! I... ! You... ! NEVER!" was the stammered response that widened Schuldig's smile into a teasing grin.

"Don't say 'never' before you haven't tried it out, Liebling."

My, was there anything cuter than Ran blushing like the uke virgin he was?

"That's... not the subject of our discussion, Schuldig."

Or was there anything cuter than a flustered Ran desperately trying to hold up his dignity?

No, Schuldig decided, there wasn't, and so he continued the conversation gleefully with a mock-hurt look and a small, pouting voice.

"No?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"Schu!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Stare.

Stare.

Stare.

Christ, this was ridiculous, and he had had enough of this idiotic contest as if this was a game of 'who's blinking first loses'.

Farfarello could turn a somersault; he wouldn't get a reaction out of him.

Farfarello could start wearing pink suspenders. He just wouldn't get a reaction out of him!

Farfarello could play the Blue Danube waltz with a big drum tied on his back and the sticks connected through strings to his arms and legs that are decorated with bells while holding cymbals in his hands and having a horn between his lips.

He. Just. Wouldn't. Get. Any. Reaction. Out. Of. Him.

Not in a life-time.

Not in a million years.

Not in--HMMMPF!

Crawford's brain froze due to shock.

His eyes got huge.

His mouth went slack.

His jaw hit the floor.

Berserker was kissing him.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Yuck." Farfarello stopped his assault and pulled away with a frown on his scarred face. "Devil and hell, do you have any idea how disgusting it is to kiss someone with your reaction? It's like making out with a corpse."

"..."

"You can blink, you know?"

"... Ugh..."

"Okay. Take baby-steps. We've time. And I'm bathing in my victory, really, but do pull yourself together, Crawford. You're starting to drool and that's embarrassing, even for you."

"... What the... hell..."

"I got you. Straight between your eyes. Bang. You're dead. Thought you can read my moves, eh? Prepared for everything? Didn't believe I would manage it? Arrogant bastard. Here's the truth. I win. You lose. A moment I won't forget. Ever."

"... did you... do?"

"I won't repeat myself. Oh, I change my mind. I won. You lost. I'm the winner. You're the loser. I'm the destroyer of Bradley Fucking Crawford's legendary indestructible composure and you're the pitiful reminder of said illu--HMMMPF!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"I think we're the most childish grownups of the whole world."

"Make it the universe and I will agree. Instead of screwing our brains out we're fighting about who's the uke after we fought about who's the seme. That's pitiful."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"Wanna screw, Ran?"

"Okay."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Whimper. Moan. Squeak.

"Yes! Right there! RIGHT THERE!"

Wheeze. Gasp. Pant.

"Yeah, baby, yeah."

Mewl. Howl. Screech.

"Faster! FASTER! FAAAASTEEER!"

Shove. Growl. Grunt.

"Take this! And THIS! AND THIS!"

Squeal. Jerk. Shriek.

"Yes! YESSS! AHHHHH!"

Tremble. Grind. Groan.

Scratch.

Silence.

Shock.

"AHHHHH! YOU SCRATCHED ME!"

"NOOOOO! DON'T STOP!"

"I'M BLEEDING!"

"DON'T YOU DARE STOP NOW, KEN!"

"That. Fucking. HURT!"

Yelp.

Stunned silence.

"Oh gods, Ken... Do that again... DO THAT AGAIN!"

Puzzlement.

Frown.

Light-bulb.

"You mean... _that_?" Shove.

YELP.

"Yes!"

Feral grin.

"Okay, you asked for it. That -_thrust-_ fucking -_thrust-_ hurt! -_thrust thrust-_ That -_ram-_ fucking -_ram-_ HURT! -_ramRamRAM-_

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"... I cannot hear anything... I cannot hear anything..."

"Please, Omi, calm down."

"... I cannot hear anything... I cannot hear anything..."

"It's okay, Omi. I do believe Balinese and Siberian are almost fini--"

"... I cannot hear anything... I CANNOT HEAR ANYTHING!"

"Oh, Omi."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya stood stock-still and listened with wide eyes to the noises surrounding her. On her left side where those two young men had vanished into a room, she could hear screams like 'AHHHHH!' followed by 'NNNNNGH!' and 'EHHHHH', while on her right side where the two younger boys had entered another room, a hysterical and very vocal voice rhythmically declared that the owner of it couldn't hear anything.

And Ran hadn't opened his door when she had asked whether everything was alright with him and his lover.

So she stood a little lost in the corridor, all alone, with the stupid present for her brother still in her hands and didn't know what to do.

An especially high-pitched screech and a loud guttural growl that sounded as if someone was actually barking took the decision out of her hands. Aya started to walk away. Nothing, her mind whispered, still in a daze as she continued her way down the stairs, nothing could be more embarrassing and awkward than this situation.

And everything, absolutely everything would be better than those noises she really didn't want to ponder about because they brought a deep, hot flush on her face.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Glasses lay forgotten on the kitchen table as Farfarello moaned into the other man's mouth. His fingers were firmly interlaced with black hair as they kissed in a way that could only be described as a battle for dominance. Lips and teeth clashed. Tongues fought. His own white hair was being held in a hard grip, fingers pushed to press his head down in a demand to intensify the kiss even further.

It was wild.

It was feral.

It was perfect.

Sitting on Crawford's lap, he could feel the older man's erection through the material of their trousers, how it grinded eagerly into his own cloth covered hard-on. A surge of raw lust roared through his body, let him growl at the impatient, ferocious force behind a particularly hard thrust of the hard rode against his violently pulsing mea--

"Oh. My. Kami-sama."

They grew stiff, lips on lips, for a few hammering heartbeats. Panting, gasping, and utterly speechless about their dubious luck to get hit by universe's cruellest joke until Farfarello tore his head away to shot a vicious look at the intruder.

"WHAT?" he snarled with bared teeth and murder in his golden eye that told everyone to run far, far away if they wanted to live for another day. And he glared. And glared. And the girl in the doorway blinked owlishly back.

"What the fuck do you want?" Farfarello repeated slowly through his teeth as if he was a sated but nonetheless irritated lion talking to a very slow-witted lamb. And obviously she was, slow-witted, not a lamb, though, when she finally snapped out of wherever she had been in her little mind and opened her mouth, Farfarello actually believed for a second that a 'Baa!' would exit through her lips.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

And now, would someone please tell him the alleged difference between a Baa and _this_?

"And why the hell are you still standing there?"

"I'm... surprised?"

See? There is no difference whatsoever.

"Baa."

"... Pardon?"

"Baa! Baa-Baa! BAAAAA!"

"I'm really sorry but I don't understand."

"Fuck off."

"..."

"Get lost."

"..."

"We want to fuck if you don't mind."

And, lo and behold! Wonders will never cease! She actually got it!

"Oh my Gods!" was hurled their way and the girl bowed deeply, adding a hastily squeaked "Sumimasen!" to the typical formal Japanese tradition to apologize properly. Embarrassment was clear on her deeply flushed face as she straightened up again and her hands shot up in an automatic gesture to cover it, totally forgetting that she was still holding the parcel.

And it hit, straight in her face.

And there was a moment of stunned disbelief of all attendees until she broke the spell with a hilarious noise that reminded Farfarello of a hoarse frog in breaking of the voice, and hastily turned to run away, sharply missing the timber set in her panic to get out of the kitchen.

"Fuck," Farfarello mumbled in incredulity as he turned back to Crawford. "If there isn't some brain damage left by the coma you can call me Christ from now on."

"Chr--"

"Shut up, asshole."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Aya was beyond mortification. She couldn't believe that she had hit herself with the parcel in front of those men. They must think she was addlebrained! And to think that she had stumbled into such an awkward situation! She had hoped the gentleman with the glasses and the fancy suit would help to lighten her awful situation, but he had just stared at her in mild curiosity as if he was waiting for more of her clumsiness.

No way could she ever look them in the eyes again without dying of embarrassment.

A whimper escaped her lips as she thought about the consequences, about her brother's reaction the moment they would tell him about it. And, oh Kami-sama, the present! Ran won't only be ashamed of her; he will be disgusted! Oh no, what had she done? After all her brother did for her! He sent her to a wonderful European school, pays for her education, and with what does she return his brotherly care? With disgrace!

Aya stared down at the colourful wrapped present in helpless desperation and whished it would vanish into thin air. Maybe she should get rid of it. There was a chance that Ran had already forgotten about it. He hadn't really reacted when she had offered it to him, after all. And the moment would be perfect. Everybody in this house, including Ran, was occupied.

But she has to be careful about it, silent like a mouse or a cat. She just has to image that she is a person with an assignment. With a very important assignment. Like a police man, or a detective. Ah, no, too boring. Maybe more like a spy, or... That's it! She's a ninja! A ninja assassin! On a mission! Yes, she is a world-famous ninja assassin getting rid of evidence that could put something important at risk. Something very important like... world peace.

Of course she is an assassin who refuses to kill. But her skills are incredible. Actually, they are so incredible that not even her brother has a chance against her.

Ran, also known as The Notorious Florist.

Aya started to giggle at the images running through her head. She was aware of the sudden strange turns of her emotions - from horrified to shocked, from mortification to helpless sniggering - and that it could also be called as hysteria. But she gave a damn about it. She knew the emotional changes were thanks to frayed nerves left by those embarrassing situations, but now, at least she had a chance to prevent another one.

Mind made up and parcel crushed against her chest, Aya started to sneak down the corridor, carefully listening to any suspicious noises that would tell her of approaching enemies... florists... males... whatever.

Because, ninja assassin or not, she would get rid of the present once and for all.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Drop it, Schu."

"No, really, that's something we should discuss to prevent further misunderstandings. So, you wanna be on top or are we going to gamble about it? There's poker, no, better strip-poker. Then there's Rock Scissor Paper, Find the Lady, Catch the Fi-- "

"More of that nonsense and there won't be any top or bottom for a very long time."

"Ha! These were definitely words spoken by a real top!"

"That's it!"

"Testy, aren't we-- Hey! Wait!"

_Idiot_, Ran thought angrily as he stormed out of the room. What does Schuldig think he would gain by ignoring his warnings, by provoking him even further? First, he complains about the lack of romantic and than this! Stupid German. Stupid Schwarz. Stupid... telephath! What kind of telepath is he after all, teasing him endlessly until he's mad enough to--

Ran paused on the last step down the stairways and stared bewildered at the scene less than two meters away from him. His eyebrows shot up at the spectacle that greeted him. His sister was creeping down the corridor. Or, if anything, it was more some strange variety of creeping because it looked rather odd to him.

Eyes were narrowed so weirdly that her face was all puckered up, and she was arching her back as if she had a hump. And the present for him she held against her chest looked as if it was being crushed by the death-grip of her arms.

And she was tiptoeing.

At a snail's pace.

And she was actually tiptoeing towards him.

Could this get any more bizarre?

"Aya?"

She stopped, frozen in this weird posture, and slowly directed her eyes up at him.

"_Ran_?" Aya stared at him doe-eyed. "But... How... I don't understand. I didn't hear you at all. Did you come down just now? No, that can't be. You were standing here all the time, weren't you? I mean, I would have heard you coming down. No way could I've missed something as noisily as you walking down those old, creaky steps. And they do creak, terribly so. I know it, because I went up there myself and they were creaking so much I feared I would break through them and, really, even the _floor _creaks..."

Ran grew stiff while his sister went on with the babbling. He couldn't believe that he had made such a stupid mistake, and he berated himself for not making enough noises in her presence. She didn't know, and how could she, that it was the stealth of an assassin that let him move so soundlessly. No wonder she was confused about his seemingly sudden appearance.

Confronted with the combination of disbelief, wide-eyed look, and natural stubbornness, Ran knew he had a serious problem at hand if he didn't distract her immediately.

"... and, come to think of it, I didn't hear _anyone_ of your friends making _any_ noises while walking around that creaky house. It's like living with--"

"Thank you for your gift, Aya."

Strange. Her eyes got even wider.

"What?"

Furrowing his brows at the nervously whispered response, Ran stepped down from the stairs and pointed at the parcel in her arms. "Isn't that the present you wanted to give me?"

"The... present?"

"Yes, the present. From you. For me. That colourful think in your hands."

"That's a... misunderstanding."

_Come again?_ "A misunderstanding?"

"Hai."

"..."

"..."

Ran took the parcel. Aya took the parcel back.

Ran seized it. Aya snatched it back.

Ran pulled. Aya tugged.

Ran yanked. Aya--

"What the hell are you doing?" Schuldig's voice filled with incredulity came from above and Ran could have shouted in gratitude. The sudden voice startled Aya enough that he got a good hold on the parcel, and when her hands even flew up to cover her face he finally held it in his hands. Taking in a deep breath, Ran turned around to throw the German a thankful look and froze.

Schuldig was standing on the top of the stairs.

Only clad in his black boxer shorts.

That hung very low on his hips.

And now Ran knew why his sister had covered her eyes.

"Are you _crazy_?"

"Pardon?"

"Put something on!"

Schuldig had the nerve to look puzzled. "Excuse me, but I _have_ something on. Or what do you think is the purpose of the material covering my--"

Ran ran. Straight up the stairs. Passing the German, he seized his arm and hauled him back down the corridor and into the room without pausing. Shutting the door forcefully, he turned with a vicious look to Schuldig.

"How dare you stand naked in front of my sister!"

"Half-naked."

"You think that's _better_?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do. And don't shout, Ran."

"I can shout as loud as I want, you imbecile brainless German madman!"

"Oh! Look! A present!"

"So what!"

"Wanna open it?"

"_What_?"

"I said wanna open it?"

"No, Schuldig, you won't distract me with--"

"Poor Aya-chan."

"What...?"

"Aya-chan will be so sad."

"..."

"To have such an uncaring bro--"

"You're not off the hook yet, Schuldig," Ran hissed in annoyance as he started to tear the parcel open. How the hell does that man manage to manipulate him so easily every time they had an argument? Was this a side-effect of his telepathy? A natural trait?

"Do me the favour and wipe that smirk off your face when you try to look innocent, Schuldig. You look like a psychotic an... gel... NANI?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

It was silent in the house after Ran's shouting had stopped, and slowly, Aya dropped her hands. Blankly, she stared up the stairs where her brother and his lover had vanished. With the present. The urge to fall on her knees and to wail in desperation was immense and she was about to surrender to it when a loud banging sounded through the house followed by a "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PERVERTS!".

And then one of the boys came stomping down the stairs, without making _any_ noises, but with darts in his hands and an expression on his otherwise friendly face that left her speechless. He passed her without a glance, ignored her like he ignored the other boy who was right behind him, desperately pleading with him to calm down.

The small procession went into the kitchen.

There was a strange, barely audible hissing noise and a "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" and the procession came back again.

Without the darts.

And they went up the stairs again with angry steps and soothing voice.

Noiselessly, go figure.

And Aya thought that it was over, that she could finally start to blink again, when she was promptly disabused by the gentleman who came out of the kitchen, adjusting his glasses with a bored look.

"Dilettante can't even hit an elephant with his darts when it's standing in front of him."

Aya tried not to move when he passed her on his way to the stairs, and somehow she doubted she could even if she wanted to. Her eyes were on the other man. This wasn't walking. This was stalking. This was a big cat stalking up to her with graceful, liquid moves.

She was caught by the golden eye, couldn't tear her eyes away from it as the man walked by with a smirk on his lips and a sneer in her direction.

"Hi there, Peeping Tom."

And when Ran chose exactly this moment to raise his voice again in form of a scandalized shout, Aya knew that he had opened her present. And she crumbled. Inwardly, not literally, and her mind was so shocked that she just turned around and walked away.

Tears started to gather in her eyes as she entered the living-room, and she stood there with a sob rising in her throat that never left her mouth because, out of the blue, she saw an angel in the middle of the room with a most caring voice and wonderful feminine facial features.

"Are you all right, my dear?"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

First of all, please don't hit because there wasn't any lemon. Secondly, I do love Aya-chan. She's adorable. And last but not least, I want to thank following readers for their wonderful reviews concerning the last chapter:

**Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiya: **Hi! Seme-Schu? Well, currently, Schu and Ran are fighting over Who's the Uke. Crazy little world, isn't it? They should finally come to an agreement because we're WAITING! #shakes fist#... Um, maybe there's a chance if I finally write it? #hides in shame #

**tigermink:** Yes, Brad has absolute no control... or has he? Hm, I think the situation between Farfie and Brad's finally getting interesting. Who's going to top whom? Really, I just hope they will survive it. Men are so silly sometimes. #shakes head#

**Sacral: **Yep, Brad hat Farfie geküsst. Und ich würde nie auf Yohji und Ken vergessen. Habe sie sogar mit einem kleinen Lemon in diesem Kapitel verewigt. Und es ist vollkommen egal, ob du auf Deutsch oder Englisch schreibst. Ich bin flexibel. #grins#

**Spawn of Hell: **You're so right. The whole story's absurd! Must be the work of a loony! Oops, that would be me. #cough# I hope I haven't overdone it with Aya-chan. I pity the girl, I really do. #pities her with an insane glimmer in her eyes#

**lil-evil-bunni:** Thank you. #hugs# So, you have a wish? Well, between you and me, let's say sometimes wishes become true and I hope you will like the outcome. #huge hentai smile#... Er, of course I meant the totally ordinary and agonizingly boooring 08/15 love-yawn-making will be great. #angelic smile#

**Gunning** **Angel:** Big Bad Macho Brad in panic? NEVER! #smirk# I've already decided about Ran and Schu's position, but let's wait and see who's also going to sing soprano in the next chapter. Maybe... Crawford? #evil cackle#

**KT:** Ah! Don't hit me! I swear you'll get a long nice Farf vs. Brad part in the next chapter with a healthy dose of vitamin C in it. #hint# With an _overdose_ of vitamin C in it. #hint hint# You know what? Just suck on a few LEMON drops until the next chapter. #hint hint hint hint cough cough#. Sorry.

**Bloodrose 'Valentine' Foxxstar:** Ah, the mystery of Aya-chan's present. Must be something REALLY nice according to Ran's reaction to it and Aya-chan's reaction to her brother's reaction and... Well, Schu's going to make good use of it. Or rather I hope Schu knows what to do with it. I mean Schu's not so dumb to ignore such a… Well, we can hope, can't we?

**Arcanas** Yep, I think now Ran's definitely distracted enough by Aya-chan's present so if Schu's fast enough he can overpower him and Schu's without doubt a very bad driver because in German, the driver's side is left in opposite to Japan where the driver sits on the right side and... and... wheee... nuff said. Sorry, no place for driving Schu in this story but I hope I could explain it a little bit.

**Andartha** Too late, I already read "Small Gods" in German. And I loved it! Munchs "Der Schrei"? #lol# That could be Aya-chan, after everything that has happened to her till now. Poor girl. Sorry, but I can't send Farf and Brad to you. They're in search for a room. #nudge nudge wink wink#

**Pyscho** **Senshi 2.0: **Thanks for the review. I updated, and yes, somehow I even... reviewed. #blinks confused# Er... Anyway, I hope you had fun with the new one, too.

**Kyra2: **'_What the hell?_' Funny, that was exactly my reaction after I reread this chapter! Nah, seriously, I still can't believe I wrote something so... so... is there even a name for it? Anyway, I hope the new chapter was absurd enough for you. I wouldn't like to disappoint, after all.

#grumbles# Not being able to respond properly sucks. #glances up at responses to reviews# I swear I couldn't help it! It's in my nature! I hope I'll see u all again. Until next time!


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks a lot for the many reviews! #hugs everyone# I hope the new chapter is to your liking. The next one should be the last one and should (finally) contain lemons. And now I'm off (ski vacation, hurray!), and you, minna-san, enjoy the new chapter.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Oh, Yohji's got a new nickname and I hope I haven't overdone it. #sweat drop#

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 18

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig was a patient man. That's not really surprising with comrades like his. A hormone-ridden teenager with telekinetic abilities, a proudly self-proclaimed comical madman, and a clairvoyant who would rather smirk for a few days in delight about the fact that he knows something the others are aware of thanks to his never-ending grin, but don't get the details until he finds it necessary to finally tell them.

Therefore, Schuldig had had no other choice than to learn early that he should just wait in patience to avoid getting crazy or being squashed like a gnat. And he had mastered this virtue into perfection. And of this, he was proud of.

But when his hand unconsciously went up and he began to inspect and clean out his fingernails out of sheer boredom, he decided that everything had a limit.

"Ran?"

Nothing.

"Snap out of it, Ran."

Nada.

"You're totally overreacting."

Zilch.

"Okay, you win. I will pop your cherry."

Oha! Was that a blink? Crap. No. Ran looked as dazed as he did for the last three hours... minutes... Christ, even three seconds were too long for this. Schuldig let out a long, suffering sigh.

"It's not a snake, Ran. You can touch it. It doesn't bite."

Again no reaction.

"This is getting ridiculous." Rolling his eyes heavenwards, Schuldig reached out and took the offending object out of his lover's hands. The movement got the Weiss leader's attention and Ran snapped out of his daze, directing his baffled look agonizingly slowly from the hands holding the open parcel up until round eyes were focussed on him.

"Schu?"

"Yes, Liebling?" Schuldig spoke deliberately calmly, knowing that one should handle traumatised persons with care.

"Schu, these are..."

"Handcuffs, I know."

"They are..."

"Hideously pink. And plush-covered. One of the fluffy ones, so to speak."

"But... Why?"

Well, he could explain why Aya thought this would be the perfect present for her brother, with him being a mind reader and all. Or that he knew all along about the cause of it, because Schuldig himself had been the trigger for it. But the hell he was going to get Abyssinian's wrath for it. Therefore, Schuldig decided to play dumb.

"Beats me."

"But--"

"Ran, don't get too worked up over it. It's a harmless gift. I don't think your sister had dirty thoughts when she was buying it." Actually she had, not really dirty thoughts as in completely perverted, but regarding to her memory she had giggled the whole time at the thought of her brother using them.

"Still, I don't get it. Why did she buy me plush-covered pink handcuffs?"

"She knows you're gay, Ran."

"She does?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

Wow. Ran took it surprisingly well. Schuldig had rather thought the younger man would blow up at such a discovery. Heck, what discovery? Schuldig had already told her about their relationship in Ran's presence. That Ran didn't remember it now showed that his nerves were slowly getting numb in some sort of self-protection to all those nerve-wracking occurrences of the last few hours.

"But why, Schu?"

"Hm?"

"I want to know where the hell she gets such ideas!"

"You aren't?"

"What?"

"... Gay?" Did he miss some turn in their conversation?

"Don't be stupid, Schu. I think you know for sure that I'm gay or I'm really lacking in the sex department."

"You aren't, Liebling. Love your performances. But think about it logically. No straight man wears sexy bunny-outfits. Just be glad she didn't interpret more into it." _Like pole-table-lap-strip-dancer-Drag Queen,_ Schuldig added mentally and prayed that Ran would never find out. Confronted with a still very thoughtful expression, Schuldig knew it was time to distract him for real before Ran seriously starts to think about some deeper meaning of his sister's present, thus discovering his involvement in it.

Taking the handcuffs out of the parcel, Schuldig flopped nonchalantly down onto the bed and began to inspect them with great interest.

"Why not use them?"

"Come again?"

"Really, that's something I always wanted to try out."

"No, thank you."

"Why not?"

"I'm no pervert."

"Come on. A little bondage here, a little wax there. Where's the harm in it? It won't hurt to try it out once in a while."

"Schu, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you and that's saying something."

"Oh, please, what's so bad about handcuffs? A little kink's the love life's spice, after all."

"Okay, you just surpassed yourself. THAT was the stupidest thing."

"You can't judge a book by its cover, Ran."

"... And what's that supposed to mean now?"

"Look, every mile begins with the first step and maybe there's a big realization at the end of it! Who knows?"

"What are you? A fortune cookie?"

"Argh! Why don't you just give it a _try_?"

"Nah, can live without it."

Schuldig was looking a little frustrated by now and was close to glaring when his face suddenly changed into a smug look. "Aw, could it be that our great Abyssinian's afraid of fluffy handcuffs?"

"Aw, could it be that you're just plain dumb? Shut up and move over," Ran growled irritated with an impressive glare and flopped down beside him, taking pleasure in the fact that he was forcing him to move fast to avoid getting crushed. Stretching out on the bed, Ran made himself comfortable with a soft sigh.

"Forget the handcuffs, Schu. I will ask Aya-chan afterwards."

Panic rose in Schuldig at the consequences this would bring for him and he propped himself up on his arm, looking down at his lover with forced calmness. "I don't think that's such a great idea, Ran."

"Why?"

"... Why?" Schuldig echoed helplessly, not really having thought his objection to the end. By now, he should have learnt to be prepared for his lover's almost unnatural urge to question everything. But he hadn't yet. And now it was too late. Darn. But he would start to work on it the minute he wakes up after his much needed week's long sleep. For now, he just had to wreck his tired brain for a fitting and, more importantly, satisfying reply.

"Because... Well... Because... Um..."

"Because?" Ran interrupted his stammering with exaggeratedly raised eyebrows.

"Isn't it obvious?" Schuldig snapped back, irritated by the amusement colouring his lover's voice while he was desperately trying to find a reason for his objection other than the truth that he was just trying to save his skin.

"No." Flat. Dry. Smirking. Oh wonder.

No, it wasn't really that surprising for Schuldig, knowing that Ran wasn't only stubborn until he got what he wanted but also took great pleasure in the squirming of his victims. Yes, Ran, heroic defender of the pure-hearted innocents had a cruel, sadistic streak in him. And Schuldig, his current victim, instantly got defensive.

"I'm _horrified_ that you even have to ask why you shouldn't question your sister about it. Deeply, purely shocked. Nearly _aghast_. Almost _disgusted_ by such--"

"Get to the point, Schu."

"You will just mortify her with such an insensitive question, for crying out loud!" ... Oh gods... Did he just have an inspiration? Inwardly, Schuldig fell on his knees in gratitude to send a prayer to whoever had helped him out of his – solely through lack of sleep caused misery because this dreadful situation wouldn't exist if he were rested and his brain would function normally – when Ran destroyed his short moment of triumph with a simple shrug.

"Yeah, as much as she mortified me with the handcuffs, I suppose. So what?"

Schuldig stared perplexed down, completely stunned by the casual reply. "But... you're Japanese! Isn't there something like an uber-polite gene in you? You Japanese bow and apologize to everything and everybody, and now you want to embarrass your own sister? I can't believe it. Okay, _now_ I'm really shocked."

"You're watching too much anime. It's the 21st century. Japan's modern, harakiri's out."

"But--"

"Let's change the subject. Tell me, what's so great about being uke anyway? I thought it hurt like hell. Why did you change your mind? Is it a trap? Some twisted way to coax me into getting curious and submissive so you can finally be on top? Hm?"

For a short moment, Schuldig struggled with the question if Ran's sudden turn from going to interrogate his sister to interrogating him should be considered as good, and decided that it was even worse. It was time to put an end to it. It wasn't that he had put that funny thought about Ran being a striptease dancer into Aya's mind intentionally. The girl had too much imagination, that's all. Therefore, Ran couldn't blame him alone for this situation. Yes, there was a chance that Abyssinian wouldn't chop him into tiny pieces after hearing about it.

"Okay, I give up," he declared with a soft shake of his head and a careless wave of his hand. "Just go and ask your sister, for all I care."

Ran looked bewildered up at him. "Why should Aya know about your sexual preferences?"

Baffled, Schuldig could only return the puzzled look with a blank one, so caught up was he in the mystery that was Ran's brain. Jesus, he would never be able to get behind the logic that should be somewhere in his lover's train of thoughts. Not as long as he wasn't allowed to use his gift to read his mind.

"Why indeed," Schuldig mumbled softly, defeated, and dropped his head to bury his face into the pillow. They were running in circles with no end in sight. He had to bargain a new agreement with Ran to avoid making already difficult conversations pounding headaches. An agreement where he was allowed to use his gift. Not all the time, of course. Just in case of need. Like an emergency call he, knowing from experience, would use every three minutes. Christ, he wanted to go back to his normal, boring life of being an evil, mind-controlling, world domination seeking assassin.

"Have you fallen asleep, Schu?"

Suppressing the urge to scream into the pillow in sheer frustration - he managed it just barely but he did, somehow - Schuldig slowly turned his head with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Ran, you're right. I didn't get much sleep on the forest ground. I'm tired. Drop dead tired. I'm quasi in a coma. I wanna sleep."

"Poor baby."

"Go pester Aya, Ran."

"Not before you tell me about your sudden interest in being uke."

"I love you fucking me."

"That was nice. And now the truth."

Schuldig narrowed his eyes further.

Ran raised his brows challengingly.

Schuldig glared at Ran.

Ran smirked back.

Schuldig bared his teeth.

Ran rolled his eyes.

Schuldig pounced.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"_AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"_

Omi whirled around with wide eyes, startled by the sudden scream. His heart was pounding in his chest like a jackhammer as he stood by the kitchen counter, bread knife ready to defend himself. After a moment of shock and warily listening for more bloodcurdling screams, he lowered the knife and stared disbelievingly in the direction the scream must have come from.

"_Who_ the hell was _that_?"

Nagi, apparently unaffected by the scream, unhurriedly swallowed the piece of bread he was champing and turned with a short shrug to take another slice of bread. "No clue."

Surprised by his lover's uncaring reaction, Omi watched him butter the bread. "But don't you want to know who it was, Nagi-kun? It could've been one of your team members, after all."

The snort coming from the young Schwarz member showed how much this thought amused him. "No offence, Omi-kun, but I know for sure that it wasn't one of them."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Simple. They don't _shriek_."

"Oh... OH!" Realizing what his lover just had indicated, Omi's back stiffened and he folded his arms with a small glare. He knew it was ridiculous, really, but he felt obligated to defend his friends.

"What do you mean, Nagi-kun? That your colleagues are manlier than mine?"

Thoughtfully, Nagi tilted his head to the side, opened his mouth --

"_SCHULDIG!_ _YOU PERVERTED BASTARD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"_

-- closed it again and nodded somewhat impressed. "Couldn't have explained it better myself."

Omi jaw hung low. "Was that _Ran_?"

"Jep. Like I said before, it's one of yours. And it looks as if Abyssinian doesn't like kink."

"Nagi-kun! You're too young to know about such... _things._" Omi couldn't hide how shocked he was. His boyfriend turned with a puzzled look at his outcry, and confronted with the scandalized look, Nagi's lips slowly turned into a smile, eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Ah, sorry to disappoint you, Omi-kun, but Farfarello has already told me about the birds and the bees when I was twelve. And about birds with birds and bees with bees. And about bees getting kinky with honey. But I must say at that time, I thought the honey story was just crazy talk. Something Farfie had made up to annoy me. Well, Schu took pity on me and translated it for me as a variety of sex. Oh, and Omi, you whirl really gracefully but please, the next time someone's screaming and you've a knife in your hand just watch it. You almost cut me a minute ago."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"I SWEAR YOU'RE DEAD, SCHULDIG! YOU'RE SO DEAD!"

Smiling like a loving father to his crotchety child, Schuldig listened patiently to the currently more screeching than usually lovely voice of his lover. Oh, yes, Schuldig was happy. He was downright ecstatic. He was sure that life couldn't get better at the moment. And never before had he felt such gratitude to be born psychic.

Just as he had been about to scream for real in frustration about the Aya-uke-seme-strip-lap-dancer situation, he finally had remembered that mind reading wasn't his only gift per se.

Ran hadn't had a chance.

Not against Mastermind's famous speed.

And now, standing beside the bed, Schuldig watched his lover how he wriggled furiously, trying to get out of the fluffy handcuffs that were binding him to the frame of the four-poster bed. It was somewhat surprising that an assassin of Ran's calibre couldn't get out of them; really, he should take lessons from Farfie. But that wasn't something Schuldig was unhappy about now. No, not at all.

Because at the moment, Ran was glaring and Ran was shouting, Ran was snarling and hissing. And Ran was deliciously helpless, tied to the bed as he was, wriggling his sexy body unconsciously erotically in front of Schuldig's eyes.

Oh yes, life was great.

And grinning like a Cheshire cat, Schuldig spread his arms and pounced. Again.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"_AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"_

Nagi instantly froze at the last bloodcurdling scream that sounded through the house. Horrified, he stared down at the knife he held in midair, ready to butter another slice of bread. He couldn't bring himself to move, frozen in this position, with his mind blank due to the heavy shock the scream had triggered in him. And so he watched the terribly interesting process of butter slowly sliding down the knife to hit the surface of the kitchen counter.

He just couldn't believe it.

Because this wasn't real.

It just couldn't be.

But it was.

One of Schwarz had shrieked.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Schu?" Ran tried to stretch by straining his arms enough to be able to look over the edge of the bed, down to where the German must have fallen. "Are you alright, Schu?"

A pitiful moan was the only indication that Schuldig actually was down there... beside the bed... on the floor... somewhere. Getting no further response, Ran became concerned.

"Say something, Schu. I'm getting worried there. Not much, mind you. It was your own fault, after all. But at least a little bit. So say something."

Finally, after some more pitiful whimpering and moaning, a tiny voice flowed up. "Help me."

Rolling his eyes, Ran relaxed his arms again by lying back down on the bed and stared with a suffering look up at the ceiling. "Oh, you have to believe me that I would. If I could. But funnily enough for some strange reason I can't. Let's see... Who was the one again who shackled me to the bed? Whose fault is it? Well, certainly not mine."

"... Just get the keys, Ran."

"Huh?"

"The keys. In the box."

"And what? Get them with my _toes_? I'm SHACKLED to the BED in case you have forgotten!"

"Now is not the time to get sarcastic, Ran."

"That's really funny because personally, I think it's the perfect time to--"

"I cannot believe it!" Schuldig's head shot up and furious eyes glared at him over the edge of the bed. "I'm dying down there and all you can do is bitching!"

"Ha! Some dying man you are!"

"It fucking hurts! You kneed me in the groin, Ran!"

"It was a reflex!"

"You almost hit my balls!"

"They're being called family jewels, you vulgar, ill-bred, ignorant--"

"And what are you calling your cock, huh? Little magical stick?"

"Little...? LITTLE?"

"Oh, please, we all know Asian men are... Oh for heaven's sake! It was meant as a term of endearment, you dimwit. Your magical stick is huge. Okay? GIGANTIC! Satisfied? Can we finally go back to MY nearly destroyed BALLS?"

"I'm not feeling sorry and I won't apologize! It was your own fault! Why did you jump on me in the first place _anyway_?"

"That's... not the question now," Schuldig snapped back defensively and stood up, glaring accusingly down at him with his hands firmly planted on his hips. "The question is why you don't help your injured lover!"

"How the hell am I supposed to help when I'm SHAKLED TO THE BED?" _Is the German addle-brained?_

"Just get out of them, for crying out loud! Every amateur assassin knows how to do it without a key!"

"I TRIED!"

"AND?"

"... I think they're broken."

"_What_?"

"They are broken! Are you _deaf_?"

"That can't be. Let's see."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oookay, they're broken. I'll get the keys."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oookay, they aren't in the box. I'll ask Aya-chan."

"Don't you dare involve my sister, Schuldig! And don't look at me as if I've lost my mind! The situation's embarrassing enough for me without Aya knowing that I'm SHACKLED TO THE BED!"

"And what the hell should I do, huh? You don't have much choice in this matter if you want to get out of them... Well, I could ask Farfie."

"NEVER!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ken stood wide-eyed in front of their leader's room. "How many times has Ran shouted by now that he's shackled to the bed?"

"Beats me, I haven't counted." Yohji snorted rather amused about the shreds of words they could hear through the closed door. "But damn, who would have known that Ran's into bondage. Funny, ne?"

"Yeah."

"And his last word 'Never'. Seems he likes to be tamed, dominated. Perhaps Ran's even into role playing. Master and Slave, or something like that."

"... Yeah."

Yohji's smile widened at the images his mind was creating. "Maybe it's even something like '_I'll NEVER submit to you, you evil, EVIL man! ... Except if you take me with brute, barbaric force and spank me first._'" He couldn't hold back the snigger anymore. "Wouldn't that be hilarious? Ran all flustered and submissive, shackled to the bed, begging to be spanked?"

"... Yeah."

Shaking his head, Yohji grinned in amusement. "It's always the silent one, ne Ken?"

"... Yeah."

"..."

"..."

Frowning about the same, somehow automatically given responses of his lover, Yohji glanced curiously over at him. Ken was staring at the closed door with glassy eyes and a slight flush on his face. He looked rather dazed and, knowing his lover for a while now, Yohji could guess the reason for it. Well, Yohji wasn't stupid, or nuts, and so he decided without a second thought to seize the opportunity and to put the theory into practice.

"Ken."

"...Yeah."

"KENKEN!"

Startled, Ken blinked a few times as though he was waking up from a sweet dream before he looked at him questioningly. "Yes, Yoyo?"

"Er... Wanna fuck again, Kenken?"

"Hai!"

They hurried down the corridor back to Yohji's room in a fast speed. Grinning in anticipation, Yohji threw open the door and stepped in only to collide with a body. Frowning, he stepped back again and stared at the intruder's back. Leather... pale skin... white hair... and one golden eye as the intruder slowly turned around to regard him in utter disinterest.

"What do you want, watch-boy?"

Yohji's eyes narrowed in irritation at the mocking nickname and his retort came as a furious hiss. "What the fuck are you doing in my room, Schwarz? Get the hell out!"

"Yohji!" Ken looked bewildered, apparently startled by his outburst. "Don't be so rude."

"You've got to be kidding me! That loony is in _my_ room!"

"I do think Farfie has a good explanation for him being... oh, and Oracle... in your room. Ne, Farfie?"

Yohji had to admit it was quite fascinating how the look in Berserker's golden eye turned from bored to death to saccharin in less than a split second.

"Of course I have, Kenken."

_Kenken_? Since when has Berserker the right to call _his_ Ken by _that_ personal nickname? It was his right alone to call Ken Kenken!

"See?" Ken interrupted Yohji's fuming thoughts with a satisfied nod. "I knew it."

Yohji stared open-mouthed at his lover, utterly speechless by the almost terrifying naivety of him. "Ken, all he said was that he has one. But not WHAT it is!"

"... Oh."

Amazed by the absurdity of the whole situation, Yohji watched fascinated as his lover turned back to Berserker, obviously ready to ask another one of his pointless questions, when the Schwarz member stopped him with the most unbelievable facial expressions Yohji had ever seen in his whole life. The resemblance to Kaa the snake trying to hypnotize Mogli was striking and Yohji almost waited for Berserker to start lisping. Well, Berserker didn't lisp, thank Goodness, but the following conversation between the madman and his cute but thoroughly naive lover was even worse and Yohji could only listen in helpless incredulity.

"Kenny-boy, do you remember how I was jumping up and down on your bed during our conversation in your room last night?"

"Of course, Farfie."

"And do you remember how the bedsprings were creaking?"

"Hai."

"It was terribly loud, wasn't it?"

"Oh, yes."

"Don't want to get deaf when I'm screwing Crawford."

"... Oh."

Both men watched Ken closely, waiting for him to analyse and to react. Berserker was smirking, and Yohji was praying frantically. And then, the unbelievable happened.

"Okay."

"WHAT?"

"They do creak, Yohji. You know it."

"But... THAT'S MY ROOM!"

"Don't be such a spoil-sport. Have fun, Farfie... Crawford... Come on, Yohji."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Leaning against the timber set, Farfarello watched them go away, Siberian resolutely tugging the loudly protesting Balinese down the corridor. His smirk widened at the fun he knew was waiting for him in the future thanks to Hidaka's help, when a calm but dangerously low voice floated up behind him.

"You screwing me, Berserker?"

A wolfish grin spread over his scarred lips, and slowly, he closed the door and turned around to lean against it in a relaxed posture. The grin widened until he was showing teeth, and he regarded his opponent with an unreadable but unmistakably predatory look in his golden eye.

"Without a doubt, Bradley."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Kami-sama, can this get any more ridiculous?_

Ran was angry and deep down he knew it was futile, but he had to try to get out of the handcuffs. At least he wanted to break the wooden post of the bed so that he could finally move again freely. And so he tugged, and pulled, and yanked, and pushed. And Schuldig watched him silently with slightly furrowed brows. Now, Ran was even angrier.

_What the hell is Schuldig doing, watching me like this? Is he talking to some invisible gnome in his head? And why the hell does he call himself Mastermind anyway? Shouldn't he have at least one idea to get me out of them? Mastermind! HA! Don't make me laugh!_

"We could use a saw."

Ran stilled at once with his eyes locked on the chain that was binding him to the frame. Suddenly, all intentions to fight for his freedom left him and he lay back down on the bed, tiredly staring up at the ceiling.

"We don't have a saw, Schu."

The snort coming from Schuldig was pure amusement. "No offence, Liebling. We both know Weiss is nothing compared to Schwarz, but to be lacking tools like saws is a little bit unprofessional. Even for Weiss, don't you think?"

There was a moment of sheer disbelief, and when Ran finally found his voice again he wasn't so sure if his words were audible; forced through firmly gritted teeth. But to tell the truth he didn't give a damn about it.

"I'll try to forget the Weiss-is-nothing-compared-to-Schwarz part because at the moment, I'm shackled to the bed and therefore can't strangle you with my own hands. Sad but true. However, we had a saw, Ken saw the saw, and the saw had been a saw. Satisfied, Mr. O-mighty-Schwarz?"

"Oh." Snigger. "Maybe it was the other way around and the saw _saw_ Ken and--"

"Do you really intend to make me angrier by making idiotic comments?"

"Well, actually... Er... No. No, I don't want to."

"Wise choice."

"Thought so."

"..."

"..."

"WHAT!"

"What happened to the saw?"

"Ken bended it beyond repair while trying to saw steel with it."

"Oh."

"..."

"_Steel_?"

"Don't ask."

"... Okay."

"Any more questions?"

"Ah... No."

"Kami-sama, this is ridiculous," Ran voiced his thought out loud. Wasn't there anything else they could do?

The mattress sagged under a new weight. Schuldig lay down beside him and fingers started to run through his hair almost soothingly. The movements were so casual that Ran was immediately alerted.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I don't believe you."

"Is it not allowed for your lover to be a little--"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"Liebling?"

"What?"

"Isn't this arousing?"

_NANI?_

"You're helpless. Tied. At my mercy."

"Schu, I know about seven moves to kill a man solely with my left leg. To be shackled by the hands doesn't hinder me at all."

"... Are you trying to be romantic?"

"Maybe."

"Don't be it, okay? It's scary."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"This is ridiculous! Absurd! Madness!"

Yohji was fuming. He couldn't believe that Ken had let those bastards have his room for... No, he didn't want to image what they were doing right now. It was inapprehensible! Crazy! Unbelievable! Schwarz was in HIS room. In his BED!

"Chill, Yohji."

"Why should I! I cannot believe it! You let them stay in MY room!" Yohji snarled furiously, but instead of withering under his murderous glare Ken looked calmly back.

"Think about it logically, Yohji."

"HA! YOU want to tell ME about LOGIC! That's the joke of the day! Of the week! YEARS!" Yohji knew he was ranting and he was aware that he was getting nasty, but he was too furious to hold back.

"You stabbed me in the back, Ken. You took Schwarz's side! You're a fucking traitor!"

Again, his snarling and glaring was dodged easily. Ken was completely unimpressed by his accusation, and there was even an amused smile on his lips while he was watching him striding up and down the room.

"Do you really want to fight them, Yohji? One does not feel pain, and the other one knows about your every move. You know first-handed that their abilities are--"

"It's. My. ROOM!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ken suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. Oh, he did love Yohji, but to discuss something that couldn't be changed without bloodshed with someone who was currently acting like a stubborn donkey was the last thing he wanted right now.

And so he agreed, "I know," but more for peace's sake than for Yohji's, and he left his place by the closed door to stroll over to his bed.

"But it's a pity, don't you think?" Slowly, he unbuttoned his shirt and let it slide down his shoulders onto the floor.

"We've got a bed." He opened his pants and wriggled his hips until they followed the shirt on the floor.

"And we've got time." Unhurriedly, he bent forward while pulling his shorts oh-so slowly down his buttocks. The socks followed quickly and Ken crawled naked onto the bed to lay down with a soft, sad sigh. Casually, he put one hand on his stomach and began to slowly circle his belly button with a finger.

A glance confirmed his guess.

Yohji was watching the finger mesmerized.

Good.

Ken let his fingers wander down to a less public place, and while his bottom lip stuck out in the most adorable pout ever seen on this planet, he started to speak with a small, shy voice.

"All I wanted was some fun, Yoyo."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Gah!_ Yohji watched the fingers combing through Ken's pubic hair. _That's... UNFAIR. He's... CHEATING. He's playing dirty! Ken's playing with my primary instinct! He knows I cannot... cannot... can... not... Oh Gods, don't go further down... DON'T YOU DARE GO FURTHER DOWN!_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_Gotcha!_ Ken thought triumphantly with his fingers dangerously close to his already hardening flesh. Oh, it was quite arousing to see how Yohji got rid of his clothes in record time, to see him losing his control over his libido, and to know that he was the one who had that power over the older man.

A shiver ran down his body at an especially deep growl coming from the older man who was slowly stalking up to him, and when a deep voice began to tell him a story of sweet punishment, his already hard flesh jumped in excitement.

"You're SO paying for that, Ken."

And Ken, despite his arousal and immense joy, could only squeak in response.

"Oh, yes, punish me, you Big Bad Wolf!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"_WHOOOOUUUUU."_

Omi turned his head so fast that he almost suffered a whiplash injury. Stunned, he stared at the exit of the kitchen, hardly believing what he just had heard. Was there a _dog_ in the house? A terribly wounded dog, according to that horrible howling, and Omi was about to go and investigate when Nagi's small voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Omi?"

Surprised, Omi turned back to his lover. Nagi hadn't said a single word for the last few minutes, hadn't reacted at all to Omi's desperate attempts to get his attention. Nothing had worked. No nudging, no shaking, and no begging. And the sight of the young Schwarz member, staring down at the butter knife as if in trance with lost, desperate eyes had almost broken his heart. Therefore, Omi was totally happy that the shell-shocked boy finally spoke again.

"Yes, Nagi-kun?"

"Can we just forget the last scream, Omi?"

"... Which scream?"

"Oh thank you so much!" Nagi turned and pulled him into a tight hug, burying his face firmly into his neck.

Omi didn't have the heart to ask once more which scream Nagi had meant; the last high-pitched scream after Ran's shriek, or the strange howling sound from just a minute ago. No, he won't ask again because he didn't really care anymore.

Nothing was more important than the happiness of his lover.

Really.

Absolutely nothing was worth destroying this sweet moment.

Honestly!

Because Nagi's joy was all that counted right now.

Cross my heart and hope to... Er... Well... Except...

"Um, Nagi? Could you put the knife down, please? You're spreading butter all over my ba_AAAAACK!_"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Stupid Omi. Stupid Weiss. Stupid butter. Stupid shirt. Stupid Omi. Stupid, insensitive, heartless... ARGH!"

Yes, Nagi was fuming. He just couldn't believe that Omi was more concerned about the welfare of an idiotic shirt than about his own lover. Why couldn't Omi just hold him, comfort and caress him? Wasn't Omi aware that he had been shell-shocked? That most of all he had needed at that moment had been an embrace? Some warm, kind words? But nooo, Omi HAD to point out that stupid--

"Nagi! Wait!"

"Go away, Omi." Nagi didn't slow down, too angry about his lover's behaviour. He wanted some time to cool off, but a surprisingly just as angry response took him completely by surprise.

"No, I won't go away." And a hand fell on his shoulder, turning him around until he was facing Omi. An accusingly glaring Omi.

"You stabbed me, Nagi."

Annoyed, Nagi folded his arms and glared back. "It was a butter knife, Omi, and it's the most blunt butter knife in the whole world. A two-year old wouldn't be able to hurt itself with it even if it falls on it. It's so dull even Farfie would need weeks to sharpen it."

"It still hurt!" Omi was clearly offended by his lack of remorse and Nagi couldn't help but feel some satisfaction over it.

"It's your own fault. To be concerned about stupid butter is--"

"NO excuse for what you did! You stabbed me in the back, Nagi!"

"And you lathered my eye! And do I make a fuss over it? NO! It still hurts, Omi! And I bet EVERYTHING I have that it's still glaring red. _Right_?"

Well, with hindsight, maybe he shouldn't have pulled his eyelid down to show the whole extend of the injury, because the outcome wasn't exactly what he had aimed for. In fact, Nagi shot himself in the foot.

It started with Omi staring at his exposed eye in utter shock.

This prompted Nagi to pull his eyelid slowly back again. Now he was actually a little worried about his eye, contrary to the moment the incident had happened. Was it really that disturbing?

Then, Omi blushed and began to bite his bottom lip.

By now, Nagi felt the first bang of consciousness.

And when Omi's shoulders fell and he hung his head in shame like a sad puppy and his whole posture started to scream of embarrassment, Nagi's anger crumpled into thousands of tiny pieces. Hastily, he stepped up to his lover.

"I exaggerated, Omi. It doesn't hurt one bit, I swear."

"But you said--"

"Forget what I said. I overreacted, totally, and I'm sorry I stabbed you in the back."

"Oh, Nagi. I exaggerated, too. You didn't really stab me. The knife is terribly blunt, after all."

Sigh.

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

Double sigh.

"I love you, Omi. I really do."

"I love you too, Nagi-chan. With all my heart."

"Aw, how cute. To show your love, you just have to lather the eyes of the person you like so that he can stab you in the back to return the feelings. Isn't that sweet?"

"Shut up," Nagi hissed back, cursing his bad luck. Of all the places to have an argument, they just had to choose the one in front of the room Farfarello was apparently in.

"No, really," the Irishman continued mockingly through the closed door, unfazed by the venom in Nagi's voice. "That's entirely to my taste. But I wonder, what happens at the wedding? Do you scratch each other's eyes out instead of giving rings? Ah, and the wedding night! Makes one curious how the fucking's--"

Nagi snapped, and with him his power. He lashed out blindly, directing a powerful push at and through the door where Farfarello must be standing according to his muffled but close voice.

The door rattled and a yelp could be heard. Nagi smirked at the following silence, and his sweet triumph lasted until a new pained voice rose from behind the closed door.

"You're SO grounded for two weeks, Prodigy."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Lying flat on the floor where Nagi's power had so rudely transported him, Crawford glared up at the Irishman.

"You did this intentionally."

"You've got proof?"

"I saw you. You stepped aside. And you were smirking. Just like now."

"Ah, finally got some visions again?"

"Bastard. You went too far. This won't go unpunished."

"Hm." Farfarello regarded him thoughtfully before he left his place by the door to step up to him. Unhurriedly, he crossed the room and crouched down beside him, looking him up and down with an elegantly raised eyebrow.

"Do you need any help, old man?"

Crawford gritted his teeth, trying to ignore Farfarello's taunting and the pain in the small of his back. "Yes, Berserker, in fact you can. Just come a little closer."

The second eyebrow joined the first. "So that you can whisper sweet words filled with love into my ear?"

"No, so that I can strangle you."

"Hm, is this some sort of foreplay?"

"Yes."

"Kinky."

"..."

"..."

"Oh for the love of... Just help me up already!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Lost in his own little word, Nagi stared numbly at the closed door. He has got a lady bug on his nose, a beagle on his forehead, lost his voice, got it again in form of mortifying squeaking, and had had a lathered eye.

And now he was grounded for two weeks.

This.

Wasn't.

Fair.

"Nagi."

There was no justice in this.

"Nagi!"

It was cruel. Paradox. A spiteful joke, meant to amuse evil creatures.

"NAGI!"

It was the proof that the whole world was corrupted, amoral, and that laughter and joy had no meaning in it. That happiness and innocence, love and affection didn't count in this cruel world. That hopping through a beautiful flower field, hand in hand with your wonderful lover, accompanied by cheerfully chirping birds and a laughing sun that was dancing on the brilliant blue sky to the song of love and peace was nothing but a short living illu--

_-Slap-_

Nagi's jaw hung low as he turned wide-eyed to his lover. "Did you just _slap_ me?"

"Yes, I did," Omi confirmed with a stern look. "I don't know what's wrong with you today, but you're spacing out all the time!"

"Don't know...?" An incredulous look spread over Nagi's face. "I am grounded for two weeks, Omi!"

"And where's the problem?"

"You can't be serious. I won't be able to see you for TWO WEEKS!"

"Why?"

"..." Nagi stood a little speechless, and with the weird feeling of having a déjà vu he gave his answer hesitantly, almost uncertainly. "Perhaps because I'm grounded?"

That brought a smile on Omi's lips which confused Nagi even more than he already was. Why was Omi so amused about it? Shouldn't he be terribly sad?

"Look, Nagi, there's no problem whatsoever. Believe me."

"But--"

"Where do you live?"

"... In a penthouse in Ginza?"

"In _Ginza_? Wow. Now I'm jealous."

"... Omi?"

"Okay. I meant where do you live right now?"

"... HA!" The miserable clouds parted, the sun went up, and birds were flying high as if on drugs. "BWAHAHAHA! CRAWFORD! YOU LOSER! YOU MADE SUCH A MISTAKE BY--_HMMMPHHH_!"

"Are you _crazy_? Hush!" Omi hissed in a low, warning voice with his hand firmly pressed against Nagi's lips.

Constrained by the hand and totally confused, Nagi tried to express an urgent question. "Hmph?"

Slowly, Omi took the hand away and threw a cautious look at the thankfully still closed door. "Don't point it out to him that his punishment means nothing because Schwarz are currently living with us!"

Nagi's eyes widened in realization and he nodded sheepishly in agreement. "Okay. Sorry," came his whispered reply and they turned and walked away as soundlessly as they could muster.

They tiptoed down the corridor until a strange noise caught their attention.

Creak. Creak. Creak. Creak. Creak.

_What the hell is that?_ Furrowing his brows, Nagi slowed down on their way back to Omi's room and listened in bewilderment to the strange noises coming from the room on his left side. It sounded like creaking. And it was quite rhythmical. Suspiciously rhythmical, in Nagi's opinion, and if he wouldn't know it better he would even dare to say that the creaking was a sign of two people having--

They turned their head at once and both boys stared at each other in utter shock, the noises an almost mocking soundtrack in the background.

Creak. Creak. Creak. _Squeak_. Creak. _Howl_. Creakcreakcreakcreakcreakcreak.

Blushing furiously, they quickened the pace hastily until they had passed the room.

"Kami-sama, that was..."

"... embarrassing," Nagi finished Omi's sentence with a glowing face. The situation was awkward for the two boys, and they walked the next meters side by side in silence until Omi broke it with a sigh and a shake of his head.

"I swear, sometimes, Yohji and Ken can be so insufferable. You've no idea how glad I am that Ran isn't--"

"_Oh Kami-sama! Schu! Yes! That's it!"_

"... like..."

"_Right there!_ _Yes! Almost!"_

"... that." Omi stopped and stared disbelievingly at Ran's door. "No, that's not true. Not Ran. Not our stern, composed, cool, unfazed, impassionate--

"_Push harder, Schu! Yes! YES! THAT'S IT! RIGHT THERE!"_

Nagi, knowing by now thanks to Omi that the danger of falling into a state of shock could only be averted by immediate measure, reacted instantly when his lover's face started to turn blank.

_-SLAP- -SLAP-_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

After a moment of silence...

"Did Nagi just call me a _loser_?"

"Jep. Well, shall I help you up or not?"

"I cannot believe it. Nagi called me loser."

"Make up your mind, Brad. My legs are getting numb."

"And that after he used his power on me. On me, his leader."

"It's getting boooooring."

"That's outrageous, scandalous."

"Okay. I'm off."

"I won't tolerate such behaviour... Where are you going?... Oi! Wait!... As your leader, I order you to--

"Blah. Blah. Blah."

"FREEZE!"

"Aw." Farfarello turned with mockingly raised eyebrows. "And now our great leader wants to play cops and robbers. How cute."

"Nnnnggg."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The wood gave one last, barely audible groan, and Schuldig sat down on the bed, totally exhausted.

"That's it. I give up."

"Just push HARDER!"

"It's futile."

"NO!"

"YES!" Schuldig threw up his arms. "Face it, Ran. It's unbreakable!"

"Try it _again_!"

"I'm Mastermind, not Superman."

"Nooo! That can't be!" Ran's moan of helpless desperation let Schuldig sigh in sympathy. He lay down beside him again until they were facing each other, and his hand reached out to pet him soothingly, to comfort him and to put him at ease when violet eyes suddenly narrowed dangerously.

"Don't you dare try to take advantage of the situation again just to satisfy your perverted mind, Schuldig, or by God, I swear, the moment I'm out of those cuffs you're dead meat."

It was quite fascinating, really. Schuldig could actually feel how the murderous look pierced him like a laser beam, and with his hand hovering over Ran's head his reply came rather stunned.

"Ouch."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

tbc

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Well, onto the Reviews!

**Tigermink**: Ah, Omi and Aya-chan. Well, as long as they're just shell-shocked... er... I mean as long as they're just a little _dazed_ by the incidents and occurrences, I wouldn't be too concerned about them. After all, it isn't as though the torture's going to stop suddenly and their lives are turning into happy, flower fields and sunshine filled days. Not as long as I'm writing on this story. #smirk#

**Spawn** **of** **Hell**: Hm, how can I spout things like that? Dunno. My therapist says it's some repressed trauma lying in my childhood... years... #cough#... I mean, come on, the situations aren't _that_ absurd or improbable. All of what I write could happen every day. To everybody! To you, to me, to Farfie and to Schu. #nods gravely, takes another one of those funny coloured pills and goes away to catch one of those beautiful imaginary butterflies# oO

**annakas**: #grins# Yes, Ran has a lot to make up for the lost time of being a virgin. But I wouldn't worry about it, I'm sure Schu will help him out. You don't have to feel sorry for Aya-chan, she will get her revenge. Sorta. I do like her, after all. Personally, I love Farfie and Brad. I find it funny when their personalities are clashing. Did you like Ran's present? I believe Ran does, a lot. #evil hentai smile# Thanks for your reviews!

**Stefani**: I know a good laugh can brighten up a day. And if, by any chance, I can help with it I do. Or I try, at least #sweat drop#. Hopefully the new chapter has the same influence on you like the previous ones. Thanks for the review! #hugs#

**KT**: So sorry, again no lemon in this chapter. Oh my, Aya-chan. I think it was my sense of justice that I let her suffer along with the others. But you don't have to feel bad for her, really. It was just a tiny situation… compared to what the others have to endure. #evil grin while thinking of Brad lying helpless of the floor with only Farfie around# Thanks for your praise! It means a lot for me. #hugs#

**Psyhco** **Senshi** **2.0**: My pleasure. Great that you liked the previous chapter and I hope I didn't disappoint with the new one. #hugs#

**Kyra2**: Oh my. I really overdid it with Aya-chan, didn't I? #hides in shame# I can just say what I've told KT, I swear it was solely my sense of justice that made her suffer a LITTLE BIT (compared to the others) and… maybe some wicked streak #grins#. Well, you couldn't remember what was in the box because Ran just found out about it. And he was SO excited about the cuffs, wasn't he? #smirk# And the mystery who the person in the living room is will be solved in the next chapter. I hope you liked the new one!

**Arcanas**: Believe me I could ramble for hours just to answer your review. As for the kitchen scene, I never intended to let them have some fun at this point. Too early for my taste. You see, I've this theory: To receive the sweet fruit of passion you have to suffer first. Then it tastes even better. I swear this theory works. At least on Farfie and Brad. #evil smirk#

**Andartha**: Greetings! #hugs# Don't know yet whether I should post the story on my blog, I'm still a little shy about it. Well, Schu and Ran are slowly but surely changing into an old couple. All they do is nag nag nag and bitch bitch bitch. But on the other hand, they can still surprise each other so it isn't entirely hopeless. Anyway, I think it's high time for them to finally get to the juicy parts #cracks knuckles#. I hope you will like the next chapter, at least you'll find out who's going to be the uke. Oh, and Brad and Farfie have finally found a room, though, there wasn't even a kiss today, let alone a lemon. Sorry. #hides#

**Gunning** **Angel**: Oh, Farfie and Brad are the PERFECT couple, believe me! Both are adorable and so witty and funny!... #blinks# I think I've a temperature. Well, Ran and Schu aren't doing any better in the couple-department. Or Nagi and Omi. Come to think of it, it's kinda funny but Yohji and Ken are the only one with a functional relationship. Time to reward the others with some lemon, don't you think? Oh, I love my assassins, that I do. #sighs#

**izedlatte**: Better late than never, ne? #hugs# You don't have to avoid your guest room. Just step in and think about Ran lying on the bed, handcuffed, helpless, at your mercy, with huge begging... eyes… er… Just avoid your guest room from now on, okay? #sweat drop#

Okay, minna-san, that's it. Till next time!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.


	19. Chapter 19

Long time no see. I've used the time to correct various grammar- and spelling mistakes of the previous chapters. Or let's say I tried to. I still have meagre knowledge of the English language. Anyway, I was horrified about the amount of what I found, and I want to thank my dear English readers for reading on. Kudos to you! You all have nerves of steel.

Well, here's the final chapter. Enjoy, minna-san!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Disclaimer: To whom it may concern Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me. It's the property of Kyoko Tsuchiya and Project Weiss (if my sources are correct). And I don't make money out of writing this story.

Warnings: NO BETA. German's my first language and this won't change as long as I live. Basta.

"blah blah" … _thoughts_… /_telepathy_/

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Black Kitten's Dream

This is SO not happening!

Part 19

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Liebling?"

"What?"

"... Nothing."

Frowning at the sullen voice, Ran turned his head to observe Schuldig who was lying beside him, and, after a stunned moment, widened his eyes in incredulity.

"You're pouting!"

"... 'm not."

"Your lower lip's sticking out, Schu."

A short, almost tense moment, and then Schuldig turned with a barely audible huff until Ran was faced with his back. Fascinated, Ran stared at the bare shoulders. Oh gods, it was true. Schuldig was actually pouting!

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"You've slapped me." Holding a hand to one of his abused cheeks, Omi stared aghast at Nagi.

Nagi was a little confused about Omi's flabbergasted reaction to his well-meant deed, and so he reminded his lover with a small frown of a crucial detail. "You've slapped me too, Omi."

"But... That was just once! You slapped me twice!"

"Only to make sure that you'll come out of your shock!" Nagi shot back, irritated about the fuss Omi was making about a theory the young Weiss member himself had born only a few minutes ago; Nagi's own still burning cheek was a silent evidence for it. And despite the fact that Nagi's voice was still thin and more of the peeping kind, his already frayed nerves let the tone of it raise a few levels and so it sounded unexpectedly loud through the corridor until it trailed off again to leave them in silence.

In suspiciously silent silence.

Wide-eyed and stiff they stood waiting, listening carefully for any noises or unnecessary comments of their team members that would, without a doubt, follow their dispute like a donkey a carrot.

Nothing came.

They looked at each other in disbelief; mouthing silent words full of doubt, almost unwilling to believe of miracles that would spare them more cruelty, more mockery.

But nothing came.

And after some more silent minutes they finally realized that such miracles aren't some fairy tales elders tell their little ones to give them false hope while sitting by a hardly warming, tiny fire to ease the cold of the winter because they have no roof over their head and nothing to eat since the mean, cruel, bad but handsome sorcerer had turned their lovely but terribly naive princess into a fat, warty, rather gross looking toad. No, such miracles actually exist.

And they began to shout words of joy - silently of course, they didn't want to challenge their luck - and they stepped up to embrace, to hug each other and to swing soundlessly to the imaginary music of a waltz to celebrate their happiness and bliss. They were ecstatic. Euphoric! Downright over the moon!

Until Omi stepped on Nagi's little toe.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Almost apathetic, Ran listened to the funny noises coming through the closed door. It sounded as if some imp was hopping on one leg, wailing and cursing about a... little toe? Well, it actually brought some, albeit short-living amusement into his currently idiotic life regarding the idiotic situation he was in thanks to some idiotic broken cuffs and an idiotic boyfriend who believes that a pouting however-formerly-evil assassin was a cute one.

Okay, actually, it was cute.

But just not in the current situation!

"Talk to me, Schu."

"..."

"You can't stay silent for the rest of your life, you know?"

"..."

"Come on, Schu. Why are you in a bad mood anyway? I'm the one who's shackled to the bed."

"And whose fault is it?"

Astonished by the content of Schuldig's quite grumpily made reply, Ran blinked a few times in incredulity before he answered him very slowly.

"Yours?"

Schuldig didn't turn around, but he snapped back, angrily. "Oh, that's so typical. Why is it always _my_ fault, huh? Your sister bought the cuffs, as far as I can remember. Cheap cuffs, by the way, or they wouldn't be broken. And to think that I'm pouting is ridiculous. I do not pout. Ever. Keep that in mind, Ran."

"Your arms are folded across your chest, Schu. Even now and you're lying on your side. A sign that you're in a defensive--"

"It's comfortable, don't interpret more into it. And to look down while having a conversation does not necessarily mean that one is lying, you wanna-be psychologist."

"Oh, and how should I know? I'm talking to your back instead your face right now."

A low mumble and the shoulders tensed further, showing him that Schuldig had tightened his - of course solely for comfort - folded arms. Turning his eyes heavenwards, Ran silently prayed for patience.

"Please, turn around."

"Don't wanna."

"That's just childish, Schu."

A short shrug and Schuldig continued his non-existing pouting.

Ran had no intention to play along with the German's absurd mood swings, the situation was ridiculous enough already. He would force Schuldig to face him and they would talk about whatever was irking the Schwarz member. And so he made short process and took the initiative.

He shifted forward to get a better angle and wrapped his right leg around Schuldig's thigh from behind. Tensing his muscles, he pulled the body towards himself. And Schuldig moved, millimetre for millimetre, but only his lower part because the German had the nerve to play dead.

Gritting his teeth about the stupid reaction of his lover, Ran took all he had and pulled like crazy. And he made it. Schuldig actually moved a few inches... only to roll back into his former position when Ran relaxed his muscles again.

The urge to strangle the German was immense.

But Ran managed to restrain himself.

How, he had no idea.

But he did.

Somehow.

Or not.

"Schuldig, I swear, if you don't stop this at once I'll... AHHHHH! OH FUCK! AHHHHH!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

One moment, Schuldig was grinning gleefully at his lover's feeble attempts to make him turn around. He knew his behaviour was totally childish, really, but it was so much fun. However, the next moment, his eyes widened in shock at the cries of pain Ran was making. He turned around as fast as he could, reached out to his distressed lover frantically, and stopped short.

Violet eyes looked at him in amusement and lips greeted him with a pleased smile.

"Gotcha."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

The golden eye was mocking, taunting. Thin lips a cruel smirk. The scarred face was nothing but a parody of a saint who was showing way too many sharp and pointy teeth as the slender but lethal body bent downwards to take the helpless victim into a deadly embrace.

"Wait... Farfarello... Wait... I said WAAAAAIIIIT!"

--_CRACK_--

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"... I said _wait_."

Crawford's unmistakably accusing words left his trembling lips as he stared unblinking up at the ceiling. He was in shock. He wasn't sure if Farfarello had set his displaced vertebral body, or if he had just broken the spine. According to the short but acute pain and the terrible sound of bones grating against each other, there was no mistake that it couldn't be anything else than a broken spine. Therefore, Crawford remained motionlessly on his back on the floor with a flat breath and too scared to move an inch.

"Wow. Didn't know that it's so damn funny to see you flat on your back, helpless, scared shitless."

_Sadistic little bastard. _Crawford threw him a killing glance while forcing out the next words carefully through his gritted teeth in order to not interrupt his flat breathing.

"I'm... not... scared... shit... less."

"Ho?" Farfarello raised one eyebrow mockingly, grinning down at him from his crouching position in sheer delight. "I'm impressed, really. Could have fooled me, you know."

Maybe he could try to move an inch, just one, to see if his spine was still intact. And then he could strangle that Irish sadist. _Okay, here we go._

"Say," Farfarello drawled after a few seconds of silent watching, eying him with mock curiosity. "Do you really believe to move one finger makes any difference? Or have you suddenly gone mute and this is your funny way to communicate with me?"

_Sarcastic little... asshole. _The irritation about Farfarello's open amusement let Crawford clench his hands into tight fists. Oh, good, his upper body was still working.

"Yay. That's the spirit, old man," Farfarello commented dryly. "And now try to wiggle your toes."

Arms shot up, took hold of the shirt and pulled the younger man down.

"Enough," Crawford hissed into the face, nose to nose, ignoring the hunting knife against his neck. "Do not mock me any further. Do not taunt me. Do not _underestimate_ me."

"Or what?" Farfarello asked, still amused, with an excited glimmer in his eye. "You'll hold that position until I'm being forced to squint? Eeh, now I'm really scared."

It was futile, Crawford realized. He had started a game with a rapid wildcat, and now had to deal with its dangerous playfulness. It was as simple as that.

The hunting knife Berserker had drawn and placed against his neck was not a joke. Farfarello was dangerous, a born killer. He was faster, deadlier, had brains. Had all human emotions, and maybe even some more, but never had and never will experience the sensation called fear. And that put him above everybody else. And Crawford knew that the combination of all that was Farfarello wasn't something one should play with without accepting all inevitable consequences.

Well, Crawford had started the game. And Berserker was in the mood to play.

"Don't challenge me, Jei." Crawford spoke softly, a last, almost comical attempt to hold up his authority, and he got an equally soft reply back.

"Ah, but I do, Brad, I do."

And then it was silent in the room, their breaths the only sound. Staring into the golden eye, Crawford could feel the warm touch of the Irishman's breath on his face, on his lips, and the razor-sharp blade of the hunting knife softly pressed against his neck. It was a sensation that quickened his heartbeat, because he knew that he was one of only a few human beings, perhaps even the only one who was nose to nose with Berserker without having the cruel certainty that he was about to lose his life within the next seconds.

But Crawford didn't fool himself. He was realist. He knew how dangerous Farfarello was, how unpredictable, regardless of their friendship. Crawford absolutely knew the danger he was in, and fuck, it was so damn arousing.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Farfarello was thrilled. Crawford, just like the older man had said so himself a few seconds ago, wasn't someone one should underestimate. Crawford wouldn't have reached the position he was in, leader of an assassin group of powerful talents and one of the highest ranking psychics around the world if he wasn't smart, cool, calculating. Farfarello wouldn't have accepted him as his leader otherwise. And now, this powerful man was lying underneath him with a hunting knife against his neck.

It was somewhat funny that Crawford apparently still didn't know that Berserker respected him to some extent, that he was already part of the family called Schwarz Farfarello had chosen years ago as his own. A family Farfarello wouldn't hurt deliberately. The current situation was nothing more than entertainment, a harmless little game. Maybe he had overdone it with the knife, but it was interesting to see how far Crawford would go to defend his rank.

Right now, Crawford was studying him, just as Farfarello would have expected from him. Analyze the situation, consider all possibilities, and act after the one which was going to bring the best success. A code for survival, quite simple in its structure. Every living creature on this planet had it in them, be it rudimentary or on its highest level as in Crawford's case. Because Crawford, gifted with intelligence and precognition, made it into a fascinating, perfect weapon.

And that made it so damn exciting for Farfarello to provoke him, to challenge him. To see where Crawford's limits were, how far Farfarello could go, and what would happen if he steps over it.

Suddenly, the hands holding his shirt let go and reached up for a new position. When fingers laced with white hair and Crawford began to draw him down to close the last distance between them, Farfarello knew what decision the older man had made.

He wasn't disappointed about it, no, not at all. It wasn't as if he was giving up, as if he was declaring defeat in their little game. If anything it was a truce, because deep down Farfarello already knew that they were equal. He was just trading one climax for another, nothing to complain about.

When their lips met, the hunting knife retreated, leaving not a single cut on Crawford's neck. It was a fervid kiss, wild, a continuation of the passion they had shared in the kitchen. Eyes were shining in lust when Crawford broke their kiss to push him slightly away, their lips still in contact through their heavy breathing. With the hands firmly pressed against the sides of the younger man's head, Crawford spoke again, huskily, with arousal coloured voice.

"By the way, you're bottom."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Ran?"

"Hm?"

"Do you know the story about the shepherd-boy and the wolf? You know... Aaah! The wolf's coming! Ha Ha! Pulled your leg! Aaah! The wolf's coming! Ha Ha! Pulled your leg! Aaah! The wolf's comi--"

"Schu, I really love your passionate and not to forget extraordinarily animated storytelling, but could you please get to the point?"

"Of course, my impatient little dimwit. It's gnaw, crunch, swallow."

"The shepherd ate cornflakes?"

"..."

Speechless, Schuldig turned around into his former position to stare at the opposite wall across the room in utter incredulity. He refused to believe that his lover could be that addle-brained. Or uncultured. Or dumb. Or... Wait, wasn't the Heidi cartoon a Japanese product? Schuldig turned around again.

"Okay. Same story, other protagonists. Heidi's plucking flowers. Suddenly, Peter comes running to Ulm-Uncle shouting AHHHH! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

"Oh, Schu, I just love it when you try to put some culture into my poor, illiterate, uneducated, empty Japanese head. Your enthusiasm and never-ending patience is adorable. Thank you so much, oh great German man."

"... Okay, let's say your sarcasm might be reasonable. In this case. However, to twist my nipple is not an adequate response to my honest attempt to make you understand that to cry out in pain just for fun is NOT FUNNY!"

"No?"

"NO!"

"Wasn't it arousing?"

"_Pardon_?"

"I thought nipple-playing is a turn-on."

"… Good grief, I'm in love with a loony."

"Thrilling, ne?" Ran grinned back before his features turned serious again. "Look, I know it was a dirty trick to trigger your protective instinct and I won't repeat it. However, you cannot deny that it worked. And now, tell me why you were pouting."

"I wasn't--"

"Whatever. Just spill it. It may look as if I've all the time in the world because I'm shackled to a bed, but I can assure you I've no intention to stay in this situation forever. Thus, make it quick."

"Could it be that you're a little bit annoyed?"

"Do I look like it?"

"..."

"I'm waiting, Schu."

"Um, it's silly, really. And I'm sorry for my behaviour. Really, really sorry. Let's forget it, okay?"

Ran looked calmly back; his eyes were searching Schuldig's as if he could find the truth in them. He won't find it in them. Schuldig was the Mastermind, a player, an illusionist.

"Honestly, Ran, it's futile, because _I'm_ the mind reader in our relationship."

"I see."

"What...?"

"I know what's wrong with you."

Snort. "Oh, please, _never_."

"You were pouting because I didn't react to your amorous advances."

Schuldig stared back, flabbergasted. And then he turned around to stare at the opposite wall, again, while presenting Ran his terribly interesting bare back. Maybe, just maybe, if he denied it long enough, Ran would give up.

"Schu, I hope you're not going to deny it. That would be downright ridiculous."

Oookay, change of tactic. Maybe, just maybe, if he _ignored_ him long enough, Ran would give up.

"Schu."

_Ignore him._

"Okay, I take it back. I've all the time in the world."

_Just ignore him._

"Oh my, so much time and nothing to do. Oops, I think I'm getting horny."

_Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore._

"Must have been the nipple-playing."

_La-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa._

And then, a soft, shy whisper from behind, only centimetres away from his right ear. "Are you horny too, Schu?"

With the warm breath playfully washing over his right ear and with a little help of the last bit of his self-esteem, Schuldig suppress an unmanly whimper... to make a girly one.

Metaphorically speaking, Schuldig died on the spot.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

They circled each other like two wild cats, slowly, predatorily, with narrowed eyes and bared teeth.

"Coward."

"Sissy."

"Wuss!"

"Whimp!"

"CHICKEN!"

"SCAREDY-CAT!"

"GODDAMNIT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DOESN'T FEEL PAIN!"

"I REFUSE TO PLAY THE BITCH!"

"_Pardon_? But _I_ should? If you believe I would play the bottom for one of my subordinates, you're SO mistaken!"

"HA! So you would spread your legs if it were someone else? I'm SHOCKED!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! My home got destroyed and my orders get constantly ignored! I'm the goddamn leader! I've the fucking RIGHT to be the top!"

There was a knock, the door opened, and Siberian stuck in his head.

"Ah, excuse me for interrupting. I've overheard your little dispute and I just want to say that it doesn't make any difference if you're uke or seme. If you love each other, that is. And... It isn't really manly to fight over something so silly like a position. I mean, who cares who's on top or bottom. The main thing is you've a really nice time with each other, and believe me, to be uke is really, REALLY great. Um... that's all. Bye."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ken closed the door and turned with a satisfied smile to his lover who was staring at him in incredulity.

"Ken, baby, I don't know if you're just plain crazy or if the life of an assassin has made you so reckless to the point where you don't think twice before you barge in like that while two of the most dangerous men in the world are fighting. Either way, it's stunning, really, and I love you. However, there's one thing that puzzles me the most. Where the fuck do _you_ want to know how _ukes_ are feeling? You're ALWAYS the seme!"

"Shush!" Ken grabbed Yohji by his arm and hauled him down the corridor, away from the closed door and out of earshot. Walking side by side to the living room, he turned his attention back to Yohji to regard him with a stern look.

"You almost screwed it up, Yohji. There's no need for them to know about my super-seme-status."

"But isn't that lying?" Yohji lifted a brow, astonished about his otherwise truth-loving boyfriend.

"No! ... Maybe. Oh, the heck with it! Look, Yohji, we both know that they're living examples of ultra-seme. And I mean ULTRA-SEME. They would have fought forever! Okay, they're smart, so they would have figured it out on their own that one of them _has_ to be uke, eventually, but then one of them would be also _dead_. I've just pushed them a little into the right direction. It was a good deed. They'll thank me afterwards, you'll see."

Utterly amazed and quite speechless, Yohji followed him to the living-room and watched, still in a daze, as Ken opened the door to step in. He wasn't sure if he should first fret about the consequences of Ken's little stunt - meddling with Schwarzs' love-life just couldn't be healthy - or if he should rather start to get worried about the carefree, the-world-is-especially-pink-today-flower-power little world of him.

Yohji let out a small, resigned sigh. Too many problems and neither of them would be solved easily. Shaking his head, he stepped into the doorway only to collide with Ken when said young man whirled around without any warning to step out again.

Ken's face was white, eyes wide, horrified. His mouth half-open in unspeakable terror.

He was clearly in panic.

And Yohji, after furrowing his brows in puzzlement, opened his mouth to question his terrified lover when a saccharin-sweet voice interrupted him and at the same time let Ken freeze on his stampede like way out of the living-room.

"Oh, by all means, why don't you come in, hm? Balinese. Siberian. RIGHT. NOW."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Oh-so-slowly, Farfarello tore his eye from the closed door to look back at Crawford who stood with a blank look on his face. Their bafflement about Hidaka's speech lasted only for a few seconds before Crawford snapped out of his daze by adjusting his perfectly sitting classes, and Farfarello shook his head with a smirk on his lips.

"Idiot."

"Moron."

"Toddler."

"... Rugrat."

"… Fraidy-cat."

"Weenie!"

"Pussy!"

"Pansy!"

"Fag!"

"IRISH FRUITCAKE!"

Crawford never knew what hit him.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran cleared his throat to end the embarrassing silence between them.

"Schu, did you just whimper like a--"

"No."

"... Okay!" Ran chirped cheerfully, sending a grin at his lover's stiff back. It was hard to ignore that it was finally his time again to turn the tables, to have a little fun at Schuldig's expense. However, his desire for peace was stronger, and so the grin turned into a smile as he waited for Schuldig to calm down and to forget the latest crack in the German's manly pride. Patiently, Ran watched as his posture slowly relaxed, and when a faint noise announced that Schuldig was picking on the sheet, he knew that everything was alright again.

They lay silently. Minutes went by, peaceful. The picking turned into soft stroking to straighten out again the slightly wrinkled-up sheet.

"You weren't really horny, were you?"

"No," Ran admitted, not really surprised by the content of the softly spoken question. He had been teasing Schuldig with it to get a reaction out of him, another dirty trick he had pulled on the German within a couple of minutes. Ran could understand him, even felt sympathy for him. And he made a decision. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, made without a second thought, and he delivered it playfully and somewhat teasingly.

"But who says this can't be changed, hm?"

The stroking stopped abruptly.

"Really?"

Ran almost chuckled at the disbelieving but at the same time hopeful voice of his lover. "Really."

"You're not pulling my leg?"

"No."

"You're serious?"

"Hai."

"Really serious?"

"Hai, hai."

Schuldig turned so fast that Ran hardly managed to push his head back in time to avoid getting hit. The German was grinning in delight; clearly overjoyed by the sudden turn of events. Suddenly, Schuldig's eye-lids dropped down to a half-lidded leer. He reached out to Ran's face, fingers ready to brush over his cheek, and his voice changed into a perfect bed-room one as he started to speak sensually, almost purring the words.

"Hey there, kitten."

Arching an eyebrow, Ran regarded him with a flat look. "Kitten? You've got to be kidding. Do I look like a kitten to you? What am I? Some domestic pussy-cat?"

Hand hovering over Ran's cheek, Schuldig blinked slowly back. "What...? I... What...?"

"I really hope you won't give me a flea collar in case I decide to leave the house."

"What...?"

"Or cut my nails so that I can't ruin your couch."

"... Ran?"

"Or even castrate me. I wouldn't put it past you, Schwarz and all."

"... _Dr. Jeckyll_?!"

Ran couldn't hold back anymore at Schuldig's hilarious shriek. He snorted with laughter while Schuldig was staring at him wide-eyed, and he laughed until tears were running down his cheeks. Regretting that he couldn't wipe them off, he finally calmed down again and even tried to wave his cuffed hands in reassurance.

"Sorry, sorry, just a little joke."

Schuldig, having already withdrawn his hand as if Ran had suddenly got a very nasty contagious disease, threw him a long, strange look.

"A joke."

"I swear."

"You do."

"Yes."

The long, strange look became serious. "I want your permission to scan your brain."

"Why?" Ran furrowed his brows, more baffled by Schuldig's grim look than about his demand.

"Schizophrenia is more popular than you'd think."

"It was a joke, Schu."

"Denial is a symptom of it."

"IT WAS A JOKE!"

"See. There's he again. Dr. Jeckyll."

"What...? Look, Schu, I'm sorry I pulled your leg even though I've promised you--"

"And now you're Mr. Hyde."

"What the hell...?"

"Jeckyll."

"What...?"

"Hyde."

"SCHU!"

"Jeckyll."

"STOP IT!"

"Hyde... Oops, that would be Jeckyll again. My mistake."

Ran stared open-mouthed at Schuldig. Who was smirking. Smugly. And then he burst out laughing. "I don't believe it! You've got me there!"

"Yeah." Schuldig's smirk vanished and he regarded him with a mock-glare. "You certainly know how to kill the mood, Ran."

"I'm sorry."

"Again?"

Smiling softly at Schuldig's teasingly made question, Ran shifted forward with a whispered promise on his lips. A promise which let Schuldig widen his eyes, and Ran sealed and shared it with a tender kiss.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig closed his eyes and melted into the kiss. It was gentle and warm, a display of their feelings, their affection for each other. He could kiss like this forever. The soft contact of their lips and the little touches of their tongues were incredible. It brought a feeling of euphoria; the sensation to experience something solely they were sharing was wonderful and increased his heartbeat.

Ran shifted forward, closed the distance between their bodies, and Schuldig moaned at the pleasant discovery he made. Ran was aroused, undeniably so, and Schuldig reacted instinctively to the new sensation. Eagerly, he pressed his groin forward and wrapped a leg around Ran's thigh to hold the physical contact, mindful of the fact that his lover's own movements were limited due to the cuffs.

Hands started to explore the skin beneath them when Schuldig shoved the shirt up, exposing the smooth, flat belly and the chest with those perfect nipples. He let a thump run over one of them, played with it first teasingly with light touches, then got more demanding. Ran moaned into his mouth and started to shiver as he rubbed the nipple, pulled at it. At one particularly demanding twist of the erected nipple the younger man threw back his head, panting.

"Gods, Schu, please, the jeans."

It was amazing, Ran not only willing but submissive, too. Allowing Schuldig to touch him freely, giving him the control to set the pace. Bound by cuffs, helpless, at his mercy. Reduced to pleading and begging.

It's a wet dream come true.

A strong wave of lust hit Schuldig, and he reclaimed those lips possessively the moment his hands shot down to open the zipper, to pull down the material from Ran's slender hips. It was messy for a few seconds. Hectic movements took over that ended first when they were both free of every unneeded cloth. The undressing had changed their positions; Ran was now lying on his back with Schuldig on top of him.

Schuldig bent down to place kisses on exposed skin. His hands were now roaming freely over the body underneath him and they drew new moans and pants from Ran's lips. The shirt, the last remaining material on Ran's body, got in the way, hindered Schuldig in his exploring and he reached up to get rid of it.

"Don't destroy my shirt."

… Oh well, so much to being submissive and begging. A change from dominant to completely submissive would have been too surreal anyway.

And therefore, Schuldig shrugged lightly, "Okay.", and yielded to Ran's wish. So, instead of ripping the shirt in half like a testosterone driven barbarian as he had intended to - Darn! It would have been sooo much fun! - he simply reached up and carefully shoved it over his lover's head, up to the cuffs and out of the way.

Satisfied to have the entire body for himself, Schuldig bent down again to fasten his mouth on one of those beautiful nipples when Ran's voice stilled his movements again.

"Get the lube first. It's in the drawer."

Schuldig stared unblinking at the nipple in front of him, before he slowly lifted his head to peer through his bangs up at his lover.

"I know it's too much to ask for your surrender as my will-less sex-slave, and believe me, I'm not that megalomaniac to even hope for a harmless little _master_ from you. I'm entirely satisfied with you being shackled to a bed, even with pink fluffy cuffs. But for the sake of my petty fantasies, can't we at least keep up the appearances? You know, not ordering me around and such?"

A bark of laughter escaped Ran's throat at his last words, and it was clear that he would have covered his mouth to stifle it if he were able to, but he wasn't, and so he pressed his lips together while his eyes were openly laughing down at Schuldig.

"I'm sorry." Ran's lips twisted into a grin. "I wasn't aware you want to play Master and Servant."

"Hellooo?" Schuldig's look turned incredulous. "Cuffs, Ran? What did you think this would trigger in me?"

"Just get the lube, Schu." Ran gave him a low chuckle, still amused.

Pulling a face, Schuldig got up and crawled over to get the lube. His return was accompanied by muttering about unromantic fellows and about miracles regarding virgins who have lubes in their drawers. He sat down on the bed again with his back to Ran, with a deep sigh, and with his eyes focused on his lap.

Ran watched him for a moment, puzzled. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Schuldig shrugged, still staring down into his lap. "I'm just trying to convince my little buddy here that he doesn't need to hide from you."

"… Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"I'm sorry, Schu. I'll try to be… less dominant."

"He says he doesn't believe you anymore."

"… You're not really talking to your dick, are you?"

Propped up on his arms, Schuldig leaned back to look challengingly over his shoulder down at him. "He says he's scared."

"He says he's… Well," Ran cleared his throat. "Tell your buddy that's not necessary because I… belong to his master."

"Tease."

"Schu… I'm still aroused."

Schuldig's eyes shot to Ran's groin. He turned without hesitation and crawled over to resume his former position. Ran's member laid swollen, not so hard as before but still erected, and Schuldig began to nuzzle it happily, humming in pleasure at the velvet feeling of it. He caressed it with his cheek like a cat, then with his nose, teasingly, before he licked it tentatively. The moment he heard his lover sigh in approval he intensified his attention. The licks got longer with more pressure until he reached the head where he let his tongue swirl around it a few times, teasing the slit in the middle of it.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Ran moaned, the muscles of his thighs were flexing uncontrolled, and his flesh grew hard again. It was pure bliss what Schuldig was doing to him. The tongue, the lips, the hands running over his inner thighs with light touches to his balls. It was the caress of a lover who wanted to make love to him, not some fast and rough sex, and the attention he got from Schuldig brought an additional fluttering sensation in his abdomen.

His muscles went stiff and he took a deep breath at the sudden sensation of stretched lips around his member, at the incredible heat of the mouth and the tongue that were playing with him. And then Schuldig was sucking, moving up and down his hard flesh, drawing long moans out of him. Ran lifted his head, driven by the sudden urge to visualize the sensation, and what he saw took his breath away. Schuldig's eyes were closed in pure bliss, his lips firmly wrapped about the erection, taking him deep into his mouth. The young German was enjoying it, loving it, and when he started to make noises that sounded surprisingly like a purr, Ran closed his eyes and laid his head back, giving himself to the new sensation of vibrations.

The desire to reach down, to wind his fingers into his lover's long hair was strong, and Ran let loose a deep moan of protest, frustrated at the impossibility. And suddenly, he started to realize the situation. Bound by cuffs, he was being forced to be the passive part. To let Schuldig do what he want, how he want, submissively.

Ran gasped, the meaning of his position was suddenly incredibly erotic. To open up to another man, to take what was given. To trust. So different from what he had heard, read, now that he was experiencing it on his own. It opened up a new world for him, and he let himself fall, surrendered, took what was given, trusting.

His hips jerked sharply as Schuldig took him further into his mouth, swallowing him whole down his throat. So tight, so incredibly tight and hot. Teeth were grazing over his sensitive flesh, letting his toes curl into the sheet in ecstasy. His gasping got deeper, louder; his arms were strained under the unconscious movements he was making. Fire spread through his groin in hot waves, and when Schuldig went up again to suck on the head forcefully while nibbling on the sides of his length and at the same time massaged his balls with strong fingers, Ran exploded.

Muscles constricted and liquid fire shot through his member. His body reared up and he screamed, white light blazing behind his closed eyes. For a moment he couldn't breathe, couldn't hear, and when he came out of it again there was harsh wheezing and his heart was hammering in his chest almost painfully. He was dazed, stunned by the experience. Blinking slowly, he tried to focus on his surroundings, to gather himself.

Schuldig came into his focus and a hand cupped his cheek, fingers stroking lightly over his lower lip.

"So beautiful," were the whispered words. "So damn beautiful."

Lips closed over his own and hands started to stroke him gently. Ran tasted himself on those lips, on the tongue travelling into his mouth, and he wanted to embrace his lover, wanted to make it perfect with sharing the tender touch.

Schuldig hushed him softly, stopping his jerking movements effectively with well placed hands. Holding Ran's arms immobile, he gazed down at him with lust filled eyes, and there was something hidden in their depths that brought a new shiver through Ran's body. Schuldig was still enjoying the dominance, it wasn't over yet.

Ran was caught by those eyes, it was thrilling. The hands, showing him with slight pressure to hold still, trailed down his arms to his chest, rubbed over his sensitive nipples, pinched them hard. And then Schuldig was twisting them, experimentally, still holding the eye contact, and Ran answered him with a deep groan.

He gripped the chain of the cuffs, ready to restrain himself. And he opened up again to the sensation radiating from his nipples, to the burning waves shooting down to his groin. His member reacted instantly, stiffened to the almost tormenting play of his hard, erected nipples. Ran gasped with each new twist, and when it changed into pulling, his back arched from the bed and his knuckles became white from holding the chain.

Suddenly, Schuldig was over him again. Arms caught his legs, pulled them up to his chest, and lube covered fingers drove into him roughly, painfully.

Ran gripped the chain harder, unwilling to put the pain into words, to speak out loud. He knew Schuldig was highly aroused, driven by lust. He could endure it, it was nothing compared to the feeling of being wanted, of being desired. But suddenly, the sharp movements stilled and an apology was uttered with harsh breathing. Before Ran had a chance to respond, the fingers started their dance again, this time stretching him carefully. They were searching, probing, and they found what they were looking for when rays of hot lust shot up his spine.

And a new torment started with the rubbing of his prostate. Each hit, each stroke of the gland deep inside him let his hips jerk in an erotic dance. His member became painfully hard, first drops of white liquid appeared on its tip. Ran threw back his head and deep moans broke from his chest. It was maddening to be stimulated in such a way, not being able to escape. His breath got faster and he started to tremble; sweat was covering his body.

Every fibre of his body was burning when the fingers finally drew back again and hands settled on his legs to press them further to his body, to his chest. The hands vanished again, leaving an unspoken order to hold them in this position, and a new weight pressed up against his bottom.

Schuldig entered him.

And it was nothing like Ran had imaged it would be.

The alien sensation of being stretched, penetrated, and the sudden burning pain took his breath away. He felt himself tighten up, a natural reaction of his body to the intrusion, and he had to fight against it, to force himself to relax. He focused on it with bated breath, but the pain was still there, didn't lessen, and the first taste of panic rose in him. And then, Schuldig's voice broke through, comforting.

"I know it hurts. Just try to breathe slowly. Concentrate on relaxing."

And Ran wanted to snap his neck for this stupid comment, wanted to drill his finger nails into Schuldig's skin to show him by sharing some of the pain that it doesn't just hurt but _hurt_, goddamnit. His lips pulled back until he was showing teeth, the only thing he could do at the moment to show his displeasure about unwanted, idiotic remarks and instructions. And then, out of the blue, he remembered the shower and his own instructions he had given Schuldig, and felt ashamed.

"Gods, I'm such a wuss."

"No, you aren't," Schuldig's voice was soft, knowing. His face was flushed, and those licks he made to moisten his lips in an unconscious act showed Ran that he was restraining himself, that he was patiently waiting for him to adjust though he wanted nothing more than to start the dance of lovers.

It was this display of patience that let Ran relax at last, and his senses started to feel the change within his body, the fullness, the heat. And with the realization that Schuldig was indeed deep inside him, that they were forming a connection, Ran opened the dance by letting down his legs to fold them around his lover's waist.

Schuldig recognized the invitation for what it was and started to move. The movements were slow, again searching, and Ran knew at once that the angle was perfect the moment hard flesh hit his prostate, rubbed over it, and pressed against it. His gasp signalled Schuldig that he had found it. The pace increased, and with each new thrust a rhythm was born.

The feeling of the hot flesh sliding in and out of him and the constant stimulation of his prostate drew deep groans out of Ran. His member, soft from the earlier experience of pain, grew hard again, and he started to pant. Their breaths became faster, nearly matched the rhythm of their hips, and teeth left imprints on lower lips. Their gasping was quickly filling the room, got louder. Ran tightened his legs around the waist to pull Schuldig closer to himself, deeper into his body. He answered his lover's thrust with equal force, wanted to share with Schuldig those mind blowing sensations running through his body and at the same time asked for more of it. Deeper, harder, faster.

There was no pain anymore, only passion and pleasure. And Ran let go, opened his mind and body. He rode those waves of pleasure mindlessly. It was like flying and falling at the same time, and for the first time in his life there was no place for rational thinking, only feeling. Raw and pure and suddenly, there was a hand on his already pulsing member, and with firm movements it started to rub his length in the same rhythm as the thrusts.

And Ran's groans and pants became shouts of mindless lust. His hips began to jerk wildly, his body tight around the flesh thrusting in and out of him. Liquid fire shot up and he climaxed, hard.

And for a heartbeat time stood still.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig's arms were trembling in effort to hold himself up as he stared gasping down at his lover, dazed by his own powerful orgasm. Gods, it had been incredible. The sight of Ran, flushed, throwing his head from side to side, moaning, screaming. The bucking of his hips, the tightness of his body and the flexing of the muscles deep inside, everything had been incredible.

His arms gave away and he fell down on Ran, careful to not crush him beneath his body. Pressing his face into the sweat covered neck, Schuldig tried to catch his own breath while listening to his lover's harsh breathing. He could feel Ran's pulse beneath the heated skin and the racing heartbeat through the chest. They calmed down, relaxed, and Schuldig almost purred in satisfaction at the slow rise and fall of Ran's chest and at the fingers gently stroking through his damp hair.

Blinking a few times in incredulity, Schuldig lifted his head to throw a bewildered look at his lover. Ran, leisurely continuing his affectionate petting of the long hair, answered him with an amused smile.

"I don't remember the exact moment, but suddenly the cuffs were open."

"_Both_ of them?"

"Yes."

"... Damn, I'm good!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Forgotten was the brutal impact caused by Farfarello who had jumped him with the grace of a furious lion, golden eye glowing in anger. The younger man had knocked him over, had overthrown him with ease and had ended their dispute by taking over the position of the top in one liquid motion. Crawford had reacted immediately, had seized the head to pull him down and instinctively Farfarello went along with it. Still furious, still snarling. Still the dangerous killer.

It had been an eruption on both sides and it was far from being gentle. Born out of irritation, of anger, accompanied by the natural drive to make the other one submit, the kiss started out of rage had taken its time to turn into passion. Their teeth had clashed painfully against each other and hair wound tightly around fingers that had tried to hold the other one still for the forceful kiss.

Somewhere down the road, the fury had changed into lust. Bodies pressed against each other, their groins grinded vigorously to increase the friction, to let already swollen flesh get harder, hotter. They didn't interrupt the kiss when they started to tear on their clothes to get rid of them, to release the skin beneath them. They were feverish, their movements wild. Hands, calloused and rough, roamed over freed skin, tightened hard enough to painfully squeeze the muscles under their grip and to bruise the texture of the skin through their claiming.

"Fuck," Crawford tore his lips away, panting, holding the younger man's head in a steel grip. "You wanna fuck? Make up your mind."

It wasn't a demand, it was an ultimatum. Surrender or leave. Crawford gave him a choice, wasn't he nice?

"Scared of a little pain, Brad?" A taunting, rewarded with a angry hiss.

"How would _you_ know, Berserker?"

Farfarello bared his teeth. In one liquid motion he sat up and reached down to get rid of the glasses. The noise of them clashing against some furniture was a perfect background sound for the violent atmosphere. Straddling the older man, Farfarello grinned down with a wolfish smile.

"You think you can control me by just being the top, Brad? Ah, you poor, misguided lamb. Let me show you _my_ reality."

And in one motion, Farfarello impaled himself.

Without any lube.

The shock was immense.

"Oh... my... God..."

Crawford lay moaning on the floor, staring blindly up at the ceiling. Regarding his normally a hundred per cent accurate calculation he should be moaning in pleasure by now, not in acute pain. But he doesn't. What the hell went wrong?

"God?" Farfarello's bored voice broke through his agony, a routine counter, nothing more.

"Not now, please," Crawford begged while blinking tears from his eyes. "I think you fractured my dick and skinned it at the same time. You broke it. Are you happy now?"

"Poor you," Farfarello regarded him dryly without any pity. "Well then, if it's broken it's useless. Let's cut it off. I highly doubt you'd have been man enough to satisfy me anyway."

Crawford's eyes narrowed. He knew it was a trick, a calculated provocation. To insult and to challenge in order to get what he wants was Farfarello's speciality. It was nothing new, nothing surprising. However, it worked, as always. It brought back the sweet aggression from moments before, and Crawford bared his teeth, showing that he was gladly accepting the challenge.

He took Farfarello by surprise. Rolling to the side, he twisted his body to reverse their position, and with firm hands flipped him into a kneeling position. He didn't give the younger man any time to react. His hands shot down. One took hold of a wrist, bending the arm back behind the back in a threatening angle, while the other one took the neck into a tight grip from behind, holding the body effectively down.

Crawford stared down at the back, at the submissive position he had forced onto Berserker. The thrill of what he was about to do let raw lust emerge in his groin until he was hard again. It was the promise of wild, unrestrained sex that brought hot liquid to moisten the tip of his flesh, and it jumped in excitement, eager to carry out its duty.

"You're right. Let's fuck," Crawford hissed. His hand was a firm weight on the neck to keep their position while he let go of the arm to position himself. And he entered without hesitation. He broke through the ring and moaned at the tightness of it, pushed in until he was fully embedded in the body beneath him.

With a deep growl he pulled back to push in again, hard, relentlessly. Quickly, the thrusts became a wild motion as he pushed in and out. The hot channel surrounding his member was squeezing him in a delicious manner. His growls became feral, and the urge to drive as hard as possible into the younger man felt natural and oh so right.

Farfarello was breathing heavily by now, his arms were stretched to balance himself and to absorb the impact Crawford was creating with each new thrust. White skin was glistering in sweat, muscles tensed. His own answering snarls to Crawford's growls displayed that he was still challenging him, still refusing his submissive part. It only increased Crawford's lust.

The hand holding the neck shot up to get hold of the white hair and he yanked Berserker up and back against his chest. His groin connected with the firm butt; the new position pushed his member even deeper into the body. Crawford pulled Farfarello's head back against his shoulder, forcing the younger man to bare his throat to him. This symbol of complete submission was highly arousing, and Crawford went on with the dominant thrusts, grunting and growling, until the pressure was too much and he climaxed.

The orgasm was so powerful that it reduced his world to his tightly drawn up balls and to the fire shooting through his jerking manhood. His body tensed for a moment before he gave a few more thrust until he was spent. He came down again with his own harsh breathing in his ears, dazed, exhausted, and with wildly beating heart.

Panting, Crawford stared at the sweat-covered shoulder in front of him. He had fucked Berserker, had been in control the whole time. It was a victory, a conquest, a sweet triumph. He had put the Irishman into his place and had shown him the difference between their ranks. And this was good, this was very good.

However, Crawford was aware of the consequences this will bring. He had forced Berserker to submit in a very intimate way, and he knew that he had to look out for any signs of an attack coming from the younger man who, without a doubt, would seek bloody revenge. Farfarello was still a dangerous beast in human form. Perhaps now he was even more dangerous and unpredictable than before. Any miscalculation regarding Berserker's reaction could be fatal.

Prepared for the worst, Crawford let go of the hair and watched him carefully with tensed muscles.

Freed of the tight hold on his hair, Farfarello slowly straightened up, breaking the contact between them. There was a silent moment where nobody moved, and Crawford's guts clenched in foreboding. Farfarello was too calm. He didn't speak, didn't react as usual. And this was bad, this was very bad.

And then Farfarello moved. The young Irishman flopped down on the bed and rolled over until he was laying flat on his back, where he looked up at him with a smug grin on his face, a mocking glimmer in his golden eye, and an unmistakeable white liquid on his belly.

"Say, Brad, from now on, do I have to provoke you every time I want a passable fuck?"

"... Oh, _shut up_."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

In the meantime, Omi not only had managed that Nagi finally accepted his sincere apology for the hurt little toe, he had also managed to turn out various very suspicious noises and screams coming from different directions. Well, to make a long story short, they both played deaf and kissed and everything was good again.

A few minutes later, one floor upstairs, there was a short quarrel between two groups of sweaty men about the right to use the hot running water and soap first.

Farfarello won, by the way.

After the refreshing cleaning, Crawford stepped out of the bathroom again, Farfarello right behind him. Confronted with scowls from the waiting men, the leader of Schwarz answered them with a arrogant smirk.

"Next, the losers."

Ran stuck out his tongue at the retreating forms, and finally able to take the much needed shower, entered the bathroom with a bitching Schuldig on his coat-tails.

At the same time, Omi and Nagi were walking hand in hand like Hansel and Gretel into the living room, blissfully ignorant of the witch who was waiting for them to fall into her trap.

Crawford and Farfarello followed their path equally blissfully ignorant. Alarming, really, considering that one of them was a clairvoyant.

And the witch was cackling.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Refreshed and out of the bathroom again, Ran came to a new conclusion.

Never in his life would he have thought that the 'funny walk' really was a funny walk and not some nonsense hetero-oriented people joke about gay ones. It hurt. Not in the I-am-dying-here way, but it burnt, terribly so. And as a reaction to the not so pleasant feeling his butt cheeks clenched and tightened alternately every few seconds. It was an instinctive attempt of his body to allay the burning. It didn't work, which wasn't a surprise per se, but the combination of it with the natural instinct to hold his legs apart in order to not put more friction to the already sore place made the famous walk perfect. Too perfect, in Ran's mind.

_Kami-sama, I'm waddling like a duck! _Ran suppressed the urge to rub his butt while he threw a puzzled look at Schuldig. If his memory wasn't playing tricks on him he could swear that Schuldig hadn't had these problems in the forest after his deflowering. In fact, the German had walked fleet-footed through the woods and his smile had been especially bright. Yes, Ran remembered quite clearly the picture of the thoroughly pleased and happy man he had received every time he had turned around to Schuldig.

_... Wait a moment_. Ran's eyes narrowed in suspicion. There was something completely wrong with this picture. Schuldig had hopped around like a baby deer after he had lost his virginity while Ran himself was suffering? There was something fishy going on, Ran was sure, and to solve the mystery he started to consider all possibilities.

Firstly, there was the possibility that he had been more careful with Schuldig's deflowering than Schuldig with him. No, he knew first handed that Schuldig had been gentle and watchful, concerned about any discomfort. He'd been the tender lover Ran had been wishing for.

Secondly, he had been tighter than Schuldig. Well, remembering the tightness of Schuldig's body and the faint, pain-coloured moans the German had made while being entered in the middle of the woods without any lube, Ran knew that this option was nearly impossible. There was no mistake that Schuldig had suffered just as well.

Thirdly, screw strawberry-flavour lube because contrary to public opinion body fluids were actually better. Nice thought, and it would be even cheaper, but again a big, fat no.

Fourthly, Schuldig had--

Ran jerked to a halt and his eyes widened in realization. Devil and hell, Schuldig had lied! All of it had been an act! The fleet-footed walk! The broad grin! The overly cheerful--!

"SEX! It had been mind-blowing, by the way. You were great, Liebling. Fantastic! I loved it. I love _you_. But above all, I love your tact best. You're so tactful, it's wonderful. I mean, what's more erotic than a tactful, caring gentleman who isn't _petty-minded_? Hm? What did you say? Oh, yes, you're so right. I don't have to speak out loud what's obvious. We're in complete agreement, after all. And yes, I love you, too."

Rooted to the spot and with his jaw hanging low, Ran watched speechlessly as Schuldig turned the corner without having turned around once during his speech. He didn't know if he felt cheated by the fact that Schuldig had read his mind against their agreement, or that the German had put him into a position where he couldn't grill him about it anymore without being seen as heartless and cruel. Oh, that sneaky bastard!

"Did I already mention today that I love you, Liebling?"

Ran couldn't help but snort in amusement at the voice floating around the corner. He started to walk again, following his lover with a short shake of his head. Again, Schuldig had stolen his thunder. It was stunning how easy he managed this task. Normally, Ran wasn't appeased that easily.

"Believe me, Liebling, it's hard work. I swear my brain feels like pudding."

Rolling his eyes, Ran stepped beside a grinning Schuldig and reached for the doorknob. He was about to push it down to open the door to the living-room when an on hysteria bordering voice let him freeze in his motion.

"_Nooo! Don't come in, Aya! It's a trap! She's like a spider, I tell you! A SPIDERRR!"_

"_For the last time, Siberian, his name is RAN."_

"_Ran, Aya, who the hell cares, you hair-splitting, pedantic Schwarz leader! It's a trap, for God's sake! That's what's important!"_

"_I swear, Siberian, if one of my subordinates were that addlebrained, I'd--"_

"_Oh, EXCUSE ME for warning one of MY FRIENDS!"_

"_I'm sitting right beside you. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT!"_

"_AHHH! RIGHT INTO MY EAR! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"_

Slowly, Ran let go of the doorknob, took a few cautious steps backwards, and turned to Schuldig. After a few silent seconds he addressed him with a helpless, little gesture and a half-said request.

"Could you...?"

"Whoa, wait a sec!" Schuldig held up his hands, eyes wide in amazement. "Just for the record, you want me to scan one of your precious friends' brains?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Even though he's acting totally normal? I mean as normal as Hidaka can be."

"Just do it already!"

"Okay. Can you confirm this in paper? Just as a precaution. Not that I don't trust you, but I want to be prepared when you find your morals again somewhere in the near future and decide to turn this against me."

"Oh, Kami-sama, just forget it!"

Ran whirled around and threw open the door, ready to question Ken and Crawford about their silly conversation. He stepped in and froze. A strange sensation caught him and let the fine hair of his neck raise as if he was a cat reacting to danger. The trigger for such a reaction of his normally well-trained body and mind could be either the sight of the occupants in the room – more precisely two of them - or Schuldig who was standing right behind him, looking over his shoulder to peer into the room while the orange hair created a tickle on the side of Ran's neck.

"What's wrong, Liebling?"

"..."

It wasn't that he didn't want to answer Schuldig. Or that he couldn't. Though, actually, this could be an option, frozen as he was due to the shock. However, it wasn't really necessary to bribe his vocal cords or his brain to resume work. It was the help of an overly-sweet voice that brought Schuldig his desired answer.

"Mastermind. Ran. Why don't you both sit down and join our little, happy group?"

Staring at the get-together in the living-room, Schuldig spoke out loud what everyone was thinking.

"Shit."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

It was vexing, toilsome, tedious and maddening, and Birman was about to explode when finally - after some more unnecessary shuffling and shifting - everyone was sitting more or less comfortably in the living-room. Ken had a seat between Crawford to his right and Yohji to his left side. They had occupied the smaller couch, leaving Omi and Nagi to share the remaining larger sofa with Birman and Aya-chan. Being the last of the arriving persons, Schuldig and Ran had been forced to take an armchair together while Farfarello was lazily lolling in the other one, one leg hanging over the armrest with his head propped up on his hand. The enthusiasm of the attendees about the gathering was practically non-existing.

Throwing one last critical look into the round, Birman patted Aya-chan's shoulder in reassurance and turned with a saccharin look to Ken. If Ken were a diabetic he would have dropped dead on the spot.

"Ken, darling, do you want to start our little session with an explanation about what you meant by 'She's a spider', hmm?"

Ken sat stiff, the embodiment of a metal rode. First, it looked as if he was too scared to utter a single word, throwing helpless glances at his comrades who, by the way, were suddenly occupied with various things like fingernails, invisible dust particles on shirts and trousers, or highly interesting, barely noticeable, teeny-weeny imaginary cracks on the wall.

One didn't need to be a genius to realize that he wouldn't get any help from his so-called friends. Even Yohji, that traitor, refused to respond to his silent pleading. It even looked as if Yohji had unnoticed slipped a few inches away from him to draw a line, to erect an invisible wall between them.

Ken took a deep breath. He didn't need any help. He was an assassin, a fearless one, for crying out loud. He would master this difficult situation alone, and Yohji would pay later for it. And so Ken took another breath to calm his racing heart and pulled himself together.

Meekly, he shook his head in negation.

"No?" Birman asked in mock-disappointment while Ken repeated his action, this time he shook his head faster, frantically. Almost hysterically.

"What a shame." Pure sarcasm was dripping down her lips, and her piercing gaze let the young assassin shrink in his seat. Satisfied that Ken was suffering at least a little bit for his impertinence, Birman turned back to the remaining attendees. And instantly narrowed her eyes in annoyance. Oh, she could overlook Berserker's smirk or Mastermind's stupid grin, both immensely amused about Ken's misery. But the sight of the leader of Schwarz inspecting his fingernails with a bored look was certainly too much.

"I'm sorry if I bore you to death, Crawford," she hissed in his direction, getting an indifferent look in reply.

"I don't need your sorrow, Birman. What I need is an explanation why we're gathered like sheep."

The killing glance Birman shot him let everything whither within a radius of thirty centimetres. Thankfully, everyone was outside of it. Except one person, but this person, namely Aya-chan, was just too busy shooting wide-eyed looks from one person to the other, thus refused unconsciously to whither right away.

"Well," Birman snarled, eyes narrowed to two pinheads. "Let me explain why I found it necessary to require this meeting. You see, warm-hearted as I am, I decided to come back to give both groups support, a little help, some advices for your new living arrangement. Ha, fool that I am! However, what do you think I found in the middle of the living-room?"

"A broom to fly away?"

The world stood still.

Birman's ear-splitting "WHAT?!" came at the same time as Ran not so subtly elbowed his lover with a hissed "Schu!" to get a mock-hurt pout from the German. "What? She asked, didn't she?"

Sure that she wouldn't be able to see anything anymore if she narrowed her eyes any further, Birman relaxed her facial features. It wasn't an easy task, surrounded by such imbeciles. She virtually had to force her muscles into relaxation. More or less satisfied with the outcome, she crossed her legs and leaned back into her seat, sneering.

"Well, if Laurel and Hardy are ready for us, we can finally go back to the current problem."

Schuldig froze and Ran looked scandalized. _Gods, that feels so good!_ Birman cheered silently and tossed in a smug smirk for good measure. _Take that, you wimps!_

"What's the Drag-queen mumbling about, Liebling?"

Her right hand flexed once. It was an unconscious gesture, showing that her brain was screaming at her to strangle Mastermind. Or Berserker, whose wide grin and amused snorts were already dancing foxtrot on her nerves.

"You have nothing to say, Birman."

Crawford. Oh how she'd missed his unneeded, meaningless, through and through snotty and stupid remarks!

"Kritiker's lackey is mocking you." The words were for Crawford, the sneer for her.

"Don't read her mind, Schu!"

"Why not?" Schuldig shrugged nonchalantly at Ran's rebuke. "You even gave me permission to scan Hidaka's."

"What?! Mastermind read my mind?!" Shock and horror were clear on Ken's face as he stared at his comrade with wounded eyes. "How could you, Aya!"

"God, he's driving me crazy!" Crawford was visibly at the end of his tether, the daggers of death he was shooting at Ken were proof for it. "It's Ran, you dumb moron. If you can't remember one simple name then just call him by his code name!"

Instantly, green eyes narrowed and a hand hovered threateningly over a certain watch. "Don't call my lover moron, Schwarz."

"Or what, _Weiss_?" Crawford snarled back, glasses flashing for a moment. "I get clean teeth thanks to your dental floss watch?"

"Stop it, all of you!" Ken's shout surprised them into silence. "Why can't we just get along? Look at Omi and Nagi! They're younger than us but so much more willing to find peace and love in... each... other..." Ken trailed off at the looks the boys were giving him. As if he had lost his mind. "Ano, why are you staring at me like that?"

"You just have to bring us into this mess. We were thoroughly satisfied with just watching, thank you very much." Omi's eyes were accusing while Nagi was eying him curiously, "Didn't know Siberian's a preacher man."

Birman's snort stopped any further arguments. "What nonsense are you spouting, Ken? Do you really believe Schwarz and Weiss can live together in love and peace? Get real."

"I beg to differ." Schuldig's peeved disagreement caused Birman to drawl a sarcastic reply.

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah," Schuldig aped mockingly, "I admit there're times when there's not so much peace between Ran and I. But they aren't real fights, more trifles. Therefore, the love between us is proof even you cannot deny."

"Oh, please," the young woman waved her hand dismissively, "We all know that you're just killing time."

"Huh?"

"You're just fooling around, fucking around. Christ, do I have to spell it out for you? You meet a sworn enemy on a mission, jump each other bones out of the blue in such a ridiculously short time, and you call that love? I call it a one-night stand, if anything. Some horny screwing to get rid of spare hormones."

"Look, you bitch-- No, Ran!"

Schuldig jump up in time to wrap his arms around his lover's chest from behind. Rendered immobile, Ran stood red-faced, both hands clenched into tight fists.

"I dare you repeat that just once, Birman. JUST ONCE!"

"Chill, Liebling," Schuldig spoke soothingly, trying to calm his fuming lover without letting loose of his firm hold on him. "Just ignore her."

"No! She's dragging our love in the mud, Schu! Do you really think so lowly of me, Birman? Do you really think I would give away my virginity to anyone? JUST FOR FUN?"

Eyes blazing in fury, Ran made such an impression on the young woman that though she stubbornly tilted up her chin, she also made an unconscious motion back into her seat. However, she wasn't intimidated enough to not give response to it.

"It's a matter of common knowledge that men are thinking with their dick."

"WHAT?!"

"Chill!"

"What a load of crap."

"Nagi-koi! Don't use bad language! It doesn't suit you!"

"Gomen ne, Omi-kun."

Crawford, unimpressed by the heated discussion or the love-filled looks the two youngest of their groups were currently throwing at each other as if they were in a competition of who's looking more in love - it was disgusting, really – well, Crawford calmly rose to speak.

"To put the male part of the human race into a stereotype category is ignorant and just plain stupid. I've expected more from you, Birman."

"You don't say," the young woman replied flatly, throwing an icy glare at the Schwarz leader. "So you weren't screwing Berserker like an animal in heat just minutes ago? Oh, pardon me... for knowing otherwise! I heard you! We all heard you!"

The adjusting of the glasses was being made reflexively. The face, in spite of the heavy blush, looked frozen. The voice was as rigid as the posture. "I'd prefer that you don't invade my private sphere."

"Ha!" Triumph let Birman's eyes shine brightly. "So you're conceding that I'm right!"

Before Crawford had a chance to defend the rest of his dignity, Schuldig beat him from his place behind Ran, chin propped up on the younger man's shoulder. "You see, Birman, just because ol' Crawford over there has problems with libido-control, a pity, really, could be his--"

"Shut the fuck up." Crawford's glare was pure venom. "I'm not in the mood for any of your idiocy."

"...prostate, you know," Schuldig continued smoothly. His lips were twisted into a smirk, and though he never let his eyes from Birman, the young woman knew that this time the words were not meant for her. Completely unimpressed by Crawford's snarled command, Schuldig went on. "Or some other age-related problems like the fear to die a virgin."

"Don't you dare ignore me, Schuldig. I'm fucking serious."

"Perhaps he's even got detritions in his right wrist. Monotonous masturbation's a bitch."

"Schuldig!"

"Still, that doesn't mean we're all dirty, lecherous, drooling, uncontrolled old lechers."

"As your leader, I hereby order you--!"

"Holy shit, it's true! You can actually screw someone's brain out! Nice work, Farfie." Schuldig gave the Irishman two thumps up.

"SCHULDIG!"

"BRAD!" the German shouted mockingly and equally loud back, before he dropped his charade with a killing glance at Crawford. "Newsflash, Brad. You can shove your orders up your ass. I won't follow them anymore. You sent me on a goddamn fake mission with the knowledge that Ran and I will fall in love. You didn't warn me. You didn't give me time to prepare. You had the power to prevent all those embarrassing situations I had to endure with just a little hint, asshole."

"Don't be irrational. We both know the moment I'd have told you about your upcoming relationship with Abyssinian you'd have first died of laughter and then called me an irrational, senile old man. Correct me if I'm wrong, but at that time, I believe Frigid Ice Princess was your pet name for Abyssinian."

Ran turned his head until he was looking directly into the face of Schuldig who was playing deer-caught-in-the-headlights. Calmly, he repeated this utterly fascinating and through and through new discovery.

"Frigid Ice Princess?"

"... That's not true, Liebling."

"Or was it Asexual Ice Block?" Crawford mused, tapping his lower lip with an exaggeratedly pensive look on his face. "So sorry, it seems I can't remember clearly. Must be my age."

One fine red brow rose constantly. "Asexual?"

"Not true!"

"Oh, I almost forgot that Schuldig also said that--"

"Birman could be right."

Ken's softly spoken words, as if he himself was utterly surprised and flabbergasted by the meaning, by the impact of his conclusion, brought an abrupt silence. The sudden lack of noises drew Ken's attention and when he abandoned the spot on the floor he had been looking at absorbed in though for the last few minutes, he was instantly confronted with thoroughly incredulous looks from the male attendees. Hastily, he held up his hands, a gesture to defend himself.

"It's just a thought. I mean, Yohji and I do screw like bunnies. We just have to look at each other and we do it. Up to three times a day. Not that I'm complaining, far from it, but three, sometimes four times a day is more than female lovers would do. Think about it, there's a meaning behind 'Not now, I've got migraine'. So, maybe we _really_ do think with our dicks."

Funnily enough the silence continued.

Confused, Ken blinked into the round. When his eyes fell on Birman, who, despite the fact that he had actually backed her up, was also staring at him in incredulity, he knew that it was time to get nervous. The realization that he should stick to soundless thinking came too late, as always, and the awareness that he wouldn't be able to defend himself against seven assassins and one furious woman brought a strong shiver down his spine. Well, the good thing was he didn't need to wait long for the storm of protest.

"Baby, do you realize you've just called both of us brainless sex maniacs?"

"_Four times_ a day? That's impossible."

"Oh, that's nothing, Nagi-koi, I can tell you. The whole time while Ran was on his mission they did it _everywhere_. Nothing was safe. Not even the toilet!"

"I take it all back, Liebling. I love that boy. He's funny."

"... Ken's a dork, that's what he is."

"Did you just say that we women are frigid, boring, lackadaisically creatures who are lying their way out of sex, Hidaka?"

It was Ken's turn to look like a deer caught in the headlights. Or like a frightened little bunny cornered in a corner by a wolf. By a very huge and very hungry looking Birman-wolf. In any case, his defence came rather meekly.

"I didn't make it up. I read it somewhere."

"Where?" Birman shot back. "In some corny page for men only? That's so typical! Men are all full of prejudice! A headache is a headache, you insensitive moron!"

"Let's say Hidaka's point of view is as much cliché as yours, Birman," Crawford spoke calmly. The hint of rationality was being trampled in an instant by pure sarcasm.

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry, Mister Know-it-all, or should I call you smart-ass? I don't know if you've noticed, but Ken just confirmed my thesis!"

"I so wish I hadn't." Ken's sour mumble remained ignored. Birman and Crawford regarded each other like two gamecocks while the others were watching them in anticipation of who would win the fight.

"It's foolish to judge the entire male population solely on the performance of two unrestrained individuals, Birman."

"Oh, so sorry. I didn't know Berserker and you had boring 08/15 sex. I wasn't aware that you're such a bore."

"Are you making fun of my masculinity, Birman?"

"Why? Did you keep on your socks?"

"..."

"HA! YOU DID!"

"Yes," Crawford growled back. "Indeed, I did. And do you know why? I didn't take them off and folded them because passion and lust generally don't give you time to think about something as trivial like socks! You don't think! You just fuck!"

"So you admit that you were thinking with your dick!"

"Yes! I proudly admit that we had wild, uncontrolled sex! It was purely instinct driven! It was hot! It was great! We were feral! We were growling and snarling while we fucked each other raw!"

"PERVERT!"

"FRIGID!"

"SEX MONSTER!"

"Well, in my humble opinion, I'd say it's ordinary jealousy. Birman's the only one in this room over twenty without a sex-partner. She needs to get laid, badly. But how should I know? After all, I'm just a little crazy psychopath. My, isn't my knife especially shiny today?"

Farfarello's endlessly flat and bored voice was as effective as a bucket full of ice water. One by one, the befuddled looks he got for his insight changed their direction to the object of his little speech. To the person whose face was glaring red in embarrassment.

"That's... a lie... you... evil, _evil_ man." Birman's weakly stammered protest brought disbelieving snorts and one silent giggle.

"And what, pray tell, are you laughing about?" Farfarello drawled tauntingly, tilting his head lazily to his new target. "Could it be that you think it's hilarious that your brother still thinks that you're a virgin?"

"WHAT?!"

Almost everyone winced at Ran's sharp yell. The young man was clearly aghast as he stared open-mouthed at his sister who gazed back at him from her seat at Birman's side. Aya's former amusement about the childish bickering of the grown-ups was all forgotten, and she glanced nervously back at him while her brain was working overtime to find a fitting reply. And suddenly she got one. And it was a good one.

Self-assured, Aya pointed at Birman. "She doesn't get laid and she's an adult."

Strangely enough, Aya's ingenious diversionary tactic to draw the attention back to Birman was being completely ignored by Ran who was glaring down at her.

"Repeat that because I cannot believe it."

Or not. Aya blinked once and nodded, positively surprised by her brother's command. "Okay. She doesn't get laid and--"

"Not that!" Ran interrupted her sternly. "What did Berserker mean by you're not a virgin anymore?"

"Oh, that one." Aya pursed her lips, thought for a moment, frowned, and then regarded her brother with a curious look on her face. "Why's Farfarello-kun being called Berserker, Onii-san?"

"Yes, Ran-chan, tell us. Why am I being called Berserker?" Farfarello smirked from his seat across the room, entirely satisfied with the whole situation.

"... Don't call me Ran-chan, Bers--... Farf--... Irish… man."

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

_/Liebling?/_

_/What?!/_

_/Don't snap at me. I can help. I could erase Aya's memory./_

_/No./_

_/Just the important parts, not everything. She doesn't really need to know about you being an assassin, or does she?/_

_/... Still.../_

_/She's already asking about our codenames, and sooner or late she will learn about your line of work. She'll find out that you're a contract killer, a slayer. A cold-blooded murderer and an evil slaughterer./_

_/Hey!/_

_/It will scare her to death, Ran. No, not only scare her, but scar her, too. For the rest of her life. If not longer. She will be unhinged. An emotional wreck./ _

_/Schu.../_

_/But I can prevent it, Liebling. Imagine no angst, no doubts. A future filled with love and peace./_

_/You sound as if you want to sell an insurance./_

_/... See it as a one-time investment into the future./_

_/But--/_

_/No buts. It's your only chance to live a happy, blissful life./_

_/Schu--/_

_/As brother and sister./ _

_/Schu--!/_

_/Side by side./_

_/SCHU!/_

_/Hand in Hand./_

_/SHUT UP ALREADY! I CANNOT THINK!/_

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

"Guys, can you hear that cricket, too?"

"Ken, baby, please, not now."

"I know it was terribly silent for the last couple of seconds, Siberian, and though I'm itching to respond with pure sarcasm to that completely unnecessary and plainly dumb commentary of yours I try not to, the emphasis lies on try, because I'm aware that such a simple-minded dork like you is undeniably prone to give his fancy full scope when the situation's too stressful. Or too boring as in this case. Hence the imaginary cricket."

Somewhere far, far away, the still lonely Nairobi cricket objected vehemently. 1)

"Anyway," Crawford went on. "I have to admit that it was also terribly funny to watch Schuldig and Fujimiya making faces at each other. Especially the part where Fujimiya stomped his foot while Schuldig was looking like a slimy insurance salesman. And no, Fujimiya, I'm not a telepath. You can minimize your eye size to normal. Well, it seems both of you aren't capable to hold a secret conversation as you're supposed to do, namely a secret. This was the second time already, hence, oh how I love that word, from now on if anyone should ask me about someone called Mastermind I'll deny everything. You're disinherited, Schuldig. No son of mine makes such poor performances."

"Ha ha, Brad. Ha ha."

Crawford, demonstratively ignoring Schuldig's retort, threw a patient look at Ken and began to speak very slowly as if he was faced with an imbecile. "No, Hidaka, Schuldig isn't really my son. That was cynicism. Sorry, my bad. You see, cynicism isn't really real per se. It's more like an image, a symbol. And per se is Latin for--"

"Why does everyone act as if I'm an idiot?" A deep blush spread over Ken's cheeks and he folded his arms, glaring. "I'm not dumb!"

When the silence got too awkward, Ken turned with a hurt look to his lover who instantly threw an arm around his shoulder to draw him into a comforting embrace.

"Of course you're not dumb, baby. We all know Schwarz's nothing but a bunch of lying bastards."

"Oi! Don't call me a liar, Kudou! Ran, say something! Defend your lover!"

"I'm an assassin."

Ran had spoken calmly with a steady voice, his eyes fixed on his sister. He had chosen to tell her the truth, had spoken from the bottom of his heart with the knowledge that this could destroy the connection to the last living family member. He had chosen to take this risk instead of living a life full of lies. And so he blocked out the incredulous looks and mumbled commentaries about the questionable state of his sanity, or in Schuldig's case the panic filled look. But for the sake of it he couldn't ignore his sister's nonchalant shrug and her carefree voice.

"Shit happens."

The incredulous looks shot to Aya. Ran was by no means the only one who was baffled by her answer, and he shook his head with a disbelieving frown. "Pardon?"

His flabbergasted reaction let Aya giggle, and suddenly she was all laughter and mirth. "Sorry, Ran-niisan, it was just too perfect to let it pass."

Ran was having a hard time to accept that his sister had been joking about his confession, but Schuldig, considerate lover that he is, helped him to come out of this small shock with Schadenfreude coloured voice.

"Joking during a serious situation. Well, Liebling, if there was any doubt about your blood relationship, now you've got proof that you both are truly related. Like brother like sister, as the saying goes. Congratulations. Let's throw some confetti."

"Shut up, Schu," Ran shot back, equally irritated about his lover's misplaced amusement and his sister's lack of seriousness. Frowning, he regarded her with a disapproving look. "It's not the time for joking, Aya-chan. I was being serious."

Suddenly, Aya's merry expression became sad. "Onii-san, you already tried this assassin nonsense once and--"

"And it's true," Ran cut her off. "The flower shop is nothing but a disguise, a hideout. After you fell into the coma, I became a professional killer. It was revenge for our parents, for you. I killed people, Aya-chan. I still do. They deserve it, every single on of them. They're bad people, evil. I... We kill them for the collective good. Yohji, Ken, Omi, and I are Balinese, Siberian, Bombay, and Abyssinian. We're assassins of a secret organization called Kritiker. We're Weiss. And they, Oracle, Berserker, Prodigy, and Mastermind are the other side, the dark side. They're Schwarz. The bad ones, by the way. And they're gifted with psychic talents. Crawford's a clairvoyant, Naoe's telekinetic, Schuldig's a telepath, and Farfarello's a... berserker. I lied to you, Aya-chan, the whole time, and I'm sorry about it. I regret it. However, now you know the truth."

Aya had listened with big eyes, and it was obvious that she was very impressed by it.

"Wow, I don't know what to say, Onii-san. It's... intriguing. The whole story is so _complex_."

"... Come again?"

"No, really, it's fascinating and has so many details! Telepaths, seers. The good and the bad. It's full of interesting characters. And those codenames! Seriously, you should be a professional story teller, not a flower seller."

"…"

"That story's so good you could make a manga of it."

"Aya-chan--"

"Or even an anime!"

"Listen, Aya-chan--"

"It would go like this!" Aya continued excited, unimpressed by her brother's attempts to catch her attention, and she let her voice drop to a more-or-less masculine voice. "Weiss, you're the good ones. Go, destroy those … wicked beasts of the night."

Aya's cheerful snigger died away at the long looks the others were trading, mainly between Yohji, Ken, and Omi. Even Birman looked uneasy. The first one to break the silence was Schuldig.

"Did they really say something that corny?"

"No," Yohji answered him with a small, amused smile. "It was 'Deny those beasts their tomorrow'."

"You're joking."

"Nope."

"Christ, that's fucking hilarious."

"Don't swear in my sister's presence, Schu," Ran reprimanded him automatically, staring at his sister with an unreadable look.

Aya, getting the feeling that she unintentionally had overstepped a line, regarded him unhappily.

"I'm sorry, Onii-san. I didn't make fun out of you this time. I meant what I said. The story's really great, but… I don't want my brother lying to me. It makes me sad, because it shows me that you have no trust in me. Why can't you just tell me the truth? Is it really that bad? Am I such a terrible sister that you can't tell me your problems? Your desires? Your preferences?"

Aya's eyes were pleading silently, desperately, and Ran relaxed, nodding.

"You're right, Aya-chan. The whole assassin story's fake. I apologize."

_/Wait, Liebling! Don't be too rash! With a little persistence--!/_

_/No. It's better this way, Schu. You were right. She doesn't really need to know about our profession. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I should have known that she would never accept it as the truth./_

_/… Er… That's nice and all but actually--/_

"I know you're not an assassin, Ran-niisan." Aya beamed at her brother with wonderfully understanding eyes. "Schuldig-san has already told me that you're a Drag queen dancing for money, and guess what! I don't mind at all!"

The shock was so big that even the lonely cricket in the desert of Nairobi stopped its chirping, thus, the silence in the room was akin to the silence of vacuum. However, nothing lasts forever, and so a shrill shriek tore from one brother's throat.

"WHAT?!"

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Schuldig entered the kitchen, bitching and cursing under his breath. "Fuck, I thought I'm dead meat. Stupid girl just had to open her mouth."

"Abyssinian spit you out already?" Farfarello grinned from his place by the kitchen counter, holding a mug with freshly brewed coffee. "And he even let you live, who would have known."

"I'm innocent! It's not my fault that her imagination ran amok. Took me some time to explain the whole mess to Ran. He chewed me out for an hour! And can someone explain to me why she believes that her brother is an exotic Drag queen dancer but refuses to consider the _fact_ that he's nothing but an ordinary assassin? Give me that mug. I need some drug to cool down."

"Oh, I believe you're as innocent as a guilty-one can be. Look on the bright side, Schu. The others were roaring in laughter, the tension vanished, everyone is happy again. Peace and love all around. And if you care for your hand you'll take your own mug."

"Bite me."

"I believe that's Abyssinian's department." Farfarello smirked back. He sipped his coffee and watch Schuldig filling his own mug, bad mood still visible on the German's face. When Farfarello spoke again it was with a casual voice, almost bored, as if it was only to fill the silence between them.

"How was he?"

Instantly, a huge grin spread over Schuldig's face and the victory sign confirmed Farfarello's guess. "That good, hm?"

"Oh, Ran was great!" Schuldig turned to him in excitement. "Erotic, passionate. And those sexy little moans he makes! And he's a real screamer, not some shy virgin. Christ, you should have seen him in those handcuffs!"

"Are you finished with gossiping behind my back about our sex-life or should I come back later again?"

Wide-eyed, Schuldig whirled around to stare at Ran in utter shock. "Liebling… We… weren't... really… not… at all."

Farfarello snorted at the stammering and at the realization that Schuldig already has been turned into a henpecked husband. Smirking, he put the mug down, pushed away from the counter, and crossed the kitchen. Reaching the young Weiss leader, Farfarello stopped in front of him to consider him thoughtfully.

"It wasn't gossiping behind your back. I just wanted to know if Schuldig was good. You know, as passionate and wild as a skilled lover can be. He's fun, isn't he? Consider a three-some sometimes, Red."

Closing Ran's slack jaw with the tip of his forefinger, Farfarello winked with a leer and strolled out of the kitchen. First, there was silence, and then…

"Don't believe him, Liebling! It's not true! He's lying!"

Growl. "Schuldig."

"He's Schwarz's JOKER!"

"And where the hell does Schwarz's joker know that you're _skilled_?"

"It was an assumption!"

"He _guessed_ that you're _passionate_? _Wild_? SKILLED?!

"An ASSUUUUUMPTIOOOOON!"

"SCHULDIIIIIG!"

"FAAAAARFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

Leisurely, Farfarello turned the corner, stretching himself like a big cat after a kingly feast.

Oh, yes, life was fucking great.

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

Later that night...

"Good night, Birman-san."

"Good night, Aya-kun."

_-Hug-_

"Good night, Omi-kun."

"Good night, Nagi-chan."

_-Smooch-_

"Good night, Yohji-love."

"Good night, Ken-baby."

_-French kiss-_

"Good night, my bitch."

"Dream on, bottom-boy."

_-Feral kiss-_

"... Good night, Liebling."

"Grrrrr."

And somewhere far, far away, the Nairobi cricket finally found a mate.

OWARI

.-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-.

1) I hope everyone's still remembering the lonely cricket in the desert of Nairobi and its desperate mating dance. I think it was in chapter 3 or 4.

**annakas: **As the saying goes: Hope dies last, because... Ran finally got deflowered! #throws confetti# And Yohji and Ken will remain sex maniacs forever, no doubt about it. About Farfie's and Brad's alpha male attitude... Thank god they have Ken to show them the right way to live peaceful seme and uke lives #meaningful look#. Thank you for all your reviews!

**Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiva: **Well, it certainly looks as if Ran-chan finally felt the power of Schu. Even the cuffs conked out. And what do we learn about it? Never buy cheap handcuffs! Prefer pricy... #cough#... I mean best quality ones! Not that I'm a salesman for handcuffs, BUT if you do want some really, REALLY great cuffs... #gets all slimy and holds out binding sales contract about 1000 insanely overpriced 08/15 plastic handcuffs#... Er, just ignore my evil twin #sweat drop#. Thanks for all your reviews!

**KT: **I would never abandon a story if the readers are still interested in it! I'm just a slow updater, sorry. Well, what naive ones are capable of was being wonderfully demonstrated by our beloved Ken. Barging in into Farfie's and Brad's seme/uke fight like he did was just so... so... totally... Ken-like. Helpless Crawford and crazy Farf? Yup, how right you were! #grins# Many thanks for your reviews!

**Psycho Senshi 2.0: **I think I've broken a new record regarding my slow updates. Sorry! I hope you still remember the storyline and it wasn't too confusing for you to read the final chapter. #hides in shame, comes out again and gives hug# Thank you for your reviews!

**RuByMoOn17:** Hopefully Ran and Schu were as funny as in the previous chapters and I didn't disappoint you. Sorry for the terribly long wait and thanks for all those reviews!

**Spawn of Hell: **Nah, I'm not crazy. I'm... I'm... Er... Say, wasn't this chapter terribly funny? And sooo witty! (I do know that I'm babbling just to distract you from my questionable state of mind.) And look at the length of the chapter! Incredible, isn't it? And all those hilarious grammar- and spelling mistakes!... #blinks#... Oh, look! It's time for my rainbow coloured pills! Thank you for all the great reviews! #hugs and gives one of her precious funny pills as a souvenir#

**izedlatte: **Farf's and Brad's relationship of certain doom? What fitting description #grins#. Anyway, it looks as if it's going to be a very long, very chaotic, but also very entertaining relationship. I don't know if I should pity those two or all the other - more or less innocent - victims around them. Well, due to the fact that this was the final chapter we have to use our imagination, ne? Thanks for your many reviews!

**Udyiay: **A _hyena_? Good Lord, your laughs can't be that bad, now can they? #winks# Thanks for the many reviews! Oh, and your wish was my command. You see, there's no chance I would have finished the story without Schu getting on the top. Sorry about the long wait (you can put the whip away). I hope the chapter was to your liking. Thank you for your reviews!

**Nariel: **3 computers for 800 people? You poor thing! Well, I don't know what to say to your review, except: Wow! My eyes went bigger and bigger with each new sentence. So much praise and you even recommended the story. Thank you so much! I hope you've found something amusing in this chapter, too. If not, shame on me! Sorry for the long wait. Thanks again for the review and hopefully it was worth waiting for this chapter. Grüsse von Wien nach Leipzig und danke für Deinen Kommentar!

**artemis347:** Noooo! Nagi and Omi should _not_ copy their team members! They should stay pure, and innocent, and... What boring thought #shudders#. But have no fear, artemis347. Even though I won't write about it (the story's finally finished), we ALL know that sooner or later they will match the others. It's the dreadful curse of growing up. #winks# Thank you for your review!

**Gunning** **Angel:** Was there enough interaction between Farfie and Brad for you this time? I know there wasn't any kink in this chapter, too - pink fluffy cuffs don't really count for me - but hopefully the dynamics between Farfie and Brad was a nice addition. And Schu finally popped Ran's cherry. They took their sweet time for it. Well, it took one day for Ran and Schu but three years for the readers. What did Einstein say again? It's all relative, isn't it? #winks# Thanks for all those great reviews!

**Kyra2:** #LOL# Yeah, they shriek a lot. And they call themselves men. Tsk, what a disgrace. #grins# Thanks for staying and thanks for all your reviews!

**GaBo0:** I drew your attention even though you're a Yohji/Aya skipper? Wow. Or in other words, I do hope you read the whole story and didn't stop at some point because it was getting too boring for you. If that's the case, my answer to your review would be rather pointless now because you won't read it anymore... Well, I'm optimist, so thanks for the review!

**Lazy-Hime: **Oh gods, I'm so sorry that I didn't update faster. #hides in shame# It's somewhat sad that you can't write down your thoughts because your Dad and sister are always behind your back. However, sooner or later you'll have your own computer and then you can type lots of stories. It's fun! And time consuming. Well, just give it a try and see for yourself. I hope you liked the final chapter and many thanks for your review!

Well, that's it. I want to thank everyone who had the patience to stay with me until the end of the story, and I want to thank for all those great reviews I've received during this time. You're the best! #hugs#

Maybe we'll see each other again. There's a good chance that I'll write a Naruto story involving Iruka and Kakashi. It's in my mind and it wants to get out. So, until next time, minna-san!


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